Chapter 14: Like and Love

The wind was strong on the rooftop, so Tang Xizhou brought her to the lounge room and even poured her a cup of goji tea from his thermos.

“Tell me, what happened?”

Jiang Beibei, tears still streaking her face, couldn’t help but laugh. “Second Brother, are you interrogating a criminal?”

“Occupational hazard. Can’t help it,” Tang Xizhou said, lighting a cigarette and teasing her. “Look at you, crying one second and laughing the next like a little lunatic.”

“Second Brother, are you trying to comfort me or roast me?”

“Who said anything about comforting you? I’m just asking what happened.”

Jiang Beibei calmed her emotions, pursed her lips, and held back her tears. “Second Brother, Third Brother said he wants to pursue me…”

“Why are you crying if he’s chasing you? Scared stiff? Look at you, tearing up again.”

“…I don’t know. I just feel scared.”

“Jiang Beibei.”

She timidly raised her hand. “...Here.”

“Why are you afraid of Qin Yuan?”

“…Do you want the truth, Second Brother?”

Jiang Beibei rubbed her fingers together. After a long pause, she said in a low voice, “Actually, if you weren’t with Big Brother, I’d be scared of you too.”

Tang Xizhou practically jolted upright and flicked her forehead.

“Ow! I know I was wrong, Second Brother!”

He sat back down, squinted, took a puff of his cigarette, and said, “I think I get it now.”

“Huh?”

Tang Xizhou said, “You’re not afraid of brothers—you’re afraid of men.”

“Uh…” Jiang Beibei wrinkled her nose. She felt like nodding would be admitting something bad, but not nodding would also be dodging.

“When you were little and didn’t understand feelings between men and women, you saw us just as older brothers. But now that you’ve grown up, you see us as men. And you’re scared of men who might have ulterior motives, right?”

“…Second Brother, the way you put it makes me sound like I have paranoia or something.”

“Alright then, are you afraid of Fourth Brother?”

“No.”

“Why not?”

“Hmm… Fourth Brother has always been Fourth Brother, hasn’t really changed.”

“Okay. Then are you afraid of Big Brother?”

“No… but that’s because there’s a generation gap between me and him.”

“So, before you knew I had a partner, you were afraid of me too?”

“Yeah, ‘cause you’re not serious either, Second Brother.”

Tang Xizhou almost bit his tongue. “What? Not serious?”

Jiang Beibei nodded firmly. “Yeah! Just like Third Brother. You always want to tease me when you see me. Patting my head, knocking on it…”

Tang Xizhou put out his cigarette and said, “Now I really get it. Beibei, you can’t tell the difference between different kinds of affection. You’re afraid that we, as your older brothers, are being affectionate with hidden intentions—as men. That freaks you out, right?”

Jiang Beibei thought for a while, then nodded. “Kind of.”

Tang Xizhou tried putting himself in Jiang Beibei’s shoes. If he were a girl, and there were five adult men around him—men who all wore the label of “older brother” but weren’t related by blood—how could he tell which affection was truly brotherly, and which was romantic?

He began to understand her unease. When she said she was afraid of Qin Yuan, what she was really afraid of might be that murky emotional boundary.

Tang Xizhou looked up and sighed. “...Kids growing up is such a headache.”

“Are you afraid of Chu Yao?”

Jiang Beibei lowered her gaze. After a long moment, she said, “Second Brother, Yao-ge is the one who’s always respected boundaries the most. He’s always treated me like a real younger sister.”

Never crossing the line. Never making her uncomfortable.

That’s why she wasn’t sure if her feelings were wishful thinking. That’s why she didn’t dare to cross the line. Didn’t dare to act impulsively. Could only secretly hope.

“I see,” Tang Xizhou murmured.

Yan Qingming, because of his age, was already an adult when Beibei was in primary school, so in her eyes, he was always just the big brother—distant and easy to place. Song Lang was straightforward and wore his emotions on his sleeve, so she didn’t feel threatened by him either.

But for the other three—himself, Qin Yuan, and Chu Yao—he and Qin Yuan often teased her, gave her piggyback rides, shoulder hugs, things like that. It was just habit. But as she grew into a teenager, and they became full-grown men, that intimacy likely became threatening.

A man labeled “older brother” felt safe. But a man, in itself, felt dangerous.

Having grown up without a father figure, Jiang Beibei lacked a sense of security and was highly sensitive. As she became more self-aware, these so-called older brothers began to feel more like potential threats.

And to top it off, none of them were married—single adult men. That made it even worse.

No wonder…

Tang Xizhou mentally followed the timeline. Ever since Beibei came back from university, especially over the past two years, whenever he got close to her, she would instinctively retreat. Her expression would turn unnatural. Only recently had she begun to warm up again—probably because she knew he was in a stable relationship and thus moved him back into her “safe zone.”

Now he really understood—not just her feelings and struggles, but also the reason why she and Chu Yao had never crossed that line.

Chu Yao must’ve sensed her unease long ago. That’s why he did everything so well. Always staying on the safe side of the boundary. Caring for her with just the right distance.

Tang Xizhou sighed deeply, brows tightly furrowed, studying Jiang Beibei again and again. Finally, he said, “This is really a tough one.”

“Right?” Jiang Beibei sighed. “So when Third Brother said he wanted to pursue me, I was just—”

“No, I mean you and Yao’er.”

“Huh?” Jiang Beibei blushed instantly. “Why bring up Yao-ge all of a sudden?”

Her heart was thudding like a drum.

“Girl, can you tell the difference between sibling affection and romantic love?”

“…Pfft.” Jiang Beibei quickly covered her mouth. “Sorry, Second Brother. It’s just… hearing you say something like that with your serious face—it’s too funny.”

“I’m being serious!” Tang Xizhou slammed the table. “Tell me, do you know the difference between liking someone and loving someone?”

“…Aren’t they basically the same?” Jiang Beibei replied. “In Chinese, we’re usually too shy to say ‘love,’ so we just use ‘like’ instead. Like, when someone wants to say ‘I love you,’ they usually just end up saying ‘I like you.’”

“Heh. Childish talk—they’re definitely not the same.” Tang Xizhou scooted his chair closer and said, “One is about taking, the other is about giving. How can they be the same?”

“…Eh? Which one is about taking?”

Chapter 14: Like and Love

The wind on the rooftop was strong, so Tang Xizhou led her to the break room and even poured her a cup of goji tea from his thermos.

“Alright, tell me—what happened?”

Jiang Beibei still had tears on her face but couldn’t help smiling. “Second Brother, are you interrogating a suspect?”

“Occupational hazard, can’t help it.” Tang Xizhou lit a cigarette and teased her. “Look at you—low laugh threshold, shallow tear ducts. Crying and laughing like a little lunatic.”

Jiang Beibei said, “Second Brother, are you comforting me or roasting me?”

“When did I say I was comforting you? I’m just asking what happened.”

Jiang Beibei tried to calm herself, biting her lips and holding back tears. “Second Brother, Third Brother said he wants to pursue me…”

“You’re crying because he wants to pursue you? Did that scare you? Look, you’re about to cry again, aren’t you?”

“…I don’t know, I just feel scared.”

“Jiang Beibei.”

Jiang Beibei weakly raised her hand. “...Here.”

“Why are you scared of Qin Yuan?”

“…Do you want the truth?”

Jiang Beibei rubbed her fingers. After a long pause, she said softly, “Actually, if you weren’t with Big Brother, I’d be scared of you too.”

Tang Xizhou sat up with a jolt and flicked her forehead.

Jiang Beibei held her head and begged for mercy. “Second Brother, I was wrong!”

Tang Xizhou sat back down, squinted, exhaled a puff of smoke, and said, “I think I get it now.”

“Huh?”

“You’re not afraid of brothers. You’re afraid of men.”

“…Uh.” Jiang Beibei scrunched her nose, realizing that nodding or not nodding would both seem wrong.

“When you were little, you didn’t understand love between men and women—you saw us as brothers. But now that you’ve grown up, you see us as men, and you’re afraid we might have ulterior motives, right?”

Jiang Beibei: “...Second Brother, how am I supposed to respond to that? You make it sound like I’ve got paranoia or something.”

“Let me ask you this—are you afraid of Fourth?”

“No.”

“Why not?”

“Um… because Fourth Brother has always been the same.”

“Okay. Then are you afraid of Big Brother?”

“No… but that’s because there’s a generational gap.”

“So, before you knew I had a partner, you were scared of me too?”

“Uh-huh, because you’re not exactly proper either, Second Brother.”

Tang Xizhou nearly bit his tongue. “Excuse me? I’m not proper?”

Jiang Beibei nodded firmly. “Yeah. You and Third Brother are the same—always teasing me, patting my head or shoulders whenever we see each other…”

Tang Xizhou stubbed out his cigarette. “I get it now. For real this time. Beibei, you can’t tell the difference between different kinds of affection. So when we brothers treat you kindly, you worry that we might have romantic intentions, and it confuses you, right?”

Jiang Beibei thought for a long time, then nodded. “Kind of.”

Tang Xizhou tried to put himself in her shoes. If he were a woman, surrounded by five adult men who were called “brothers” but not blood-related, then as each of these single men got close to him… Could he clearly distinguish between brotherly affection and romantic attention?

He understood now why she felt uneasy. She said she was scared of Qin Yuan—probably because she couldn’t tell what kind of feelings he had toward her.

Tang Xizhou sighed. “...Kids grow up and give you so much to worry about.”

“Are you afraid of Chu Yao?” he asked.

Jiang Beibei looked down. After a long while, she said, “Second Brother, Yao-ge has always been the one who respects boundaries the most. He’s always just been like a big brother.”

He never crossed the line, never made her feel uncomfortable.

So, she didn’t know if she was overthinking. She didn’t dare cross the line, didn’t dare be bold. She could only think quietly, hope quietly.

“I see,” Tang Xizhou said again.

Yan Qingming was older, so by the time Beibei was in elementary school, he was already an adult. In her mind, he had always been the “Big Brother” figure, distant and easy to categorize. Song Lang was straightforward and wore his emotions on his sleeve, making him easy to read and not threatening.

But for the remaining three—Tang Xizhou and Qin Yuan both liked teasing her, playing with her, lifting her up, patting her shoulders… that kind of physical closeness had become their habit since she was young.

It was fine when she was a child. Brothers were just brothers. But as she entered adolescence and Tang Xizhou and Qin Yuan became mature men in the workforce, that kind of closeness became a red flag.

To her, a man labeled “brother” was safe—but a “man” was dangerous. Having grown up without a father figure, Jiang Beibei lacked a sense of security. She became sensitive. After maturing, the once-safe brothers turned into potential threats.

Not to mention, all of them were still single—adult men, unmarried. Even more dangerous.

No wonder…

Tang Xizhou thought back. Since Beibei started college and especially in the past two years, she would instinctively back away whenever he got too close. Her expression would become unnatural. Only recently had she started to warm up again—probably because she knew he had a stable relationship now and grouped him with Big Brother into the “safe zone.”

Now Tang Xizhou truly understood—not only Beibei’s thoughts and situation, but also why her relationship with Chu Yao had never crossed that line.

Chu Yao… maybe he sensed her inner fear long ago. That’s why he had always been careful, keeping a polite distance while still being kind.

Tang Xizhou frowned deeply, troubled, and stared at Jiang Beibei. Finally, he said, “This is tricky.”

“Right?” Jiang Beibei sighed. “So when Third Brother said he wanted to pursue me, I was so scared…”

“No, I meant you and Yao-er.”

“Huh?” Jiang Beibei blushed instantly. “Why are you bringing up Yao-ge all of a sudden?”

Her heart thudded loudly.

“Kid, can you tell the difference between the love of family and romantic love?”

“…Pfft.” Jiang Beibei quickly covered her mouth. “Sorry, Second Brother—it’s just that hearing you say something like that with your serious face makes me want to laugh.”

“I’m being serious!” Tang Xizhou slammed the table. “Tell me, can you tell the difference between like and love?”

“…Aren’t they basically the same?” Jiang Beibei said. “Chinese people don’t usually say ‘love.’ We say ‘like’ instead. For example, instead of saying ‘I love you,’ we end up saying ‘I like you.’”

“Heh, kiddo, they’re not the same.” Tang Xizhou scooted his chair closer. “One is about taking, the other is about giving. Totally different.”

“...Huh? Which one is about taking?”

“Like,” Tang Xizhou said. “Think about it. When you say you like something, you’re taking something from it. You like a certain quality it has—it makes you happy. It brings you joy. It’s he who makes you happy. So, your liking is rooted in what you’re getting. Simple example: that little idol you were fangirling over the other day—you can list all the reasons you like him. Good-looking, sure. But if a strong wind blew one day and turned his face into a bun, and you suddenly found out he’s actually a bun demon—would you still like him? If you say yes, then you’re just clinging to the feeling of joy he used to bring you.”

Jiang Beibei stared wide-eyed and clapped her hands.

“Love is different. Love is about giving. You care about how he feels, not how you feel—even if he doesn’t respond. If it’s cold, you worry whether he’s warm enough. Let’s say you fell in love with his face. Then one day a strong wind turns it into a bun—your first thought is, does it hurt? Is he okay? Not, ‘Do I still like him?’ Love, simply put, means forgetting yourself. Your eyes and heart are full of him. If something happens to him, your first reaction is worry.”

Jiang Beibei was stunned.

“Beibei, tell me—can you sort the people around you into categories of love and like?”

Jiang Beibei thought deeply for a long time, then said, “Wait, that can’t be right… That means, I definitely love you guys. Like, when have I ever not worried about whether you’re cold or not? Whenever it snows and one of you comes home late, I freak out. When Fourth Brother got injured back then, my heart hurt.”

Tang Xizhou slammed the table again. “Of course you love us! If you didn’t, you’d be heartless. Might as well rip your heart out and feed it to Song the cat!”

Jiang Beibei laughed uncontrollably.

Tang Xizhou sat down again and sighed. “But girl, can you tell the difference between the love of family and the love of romance?”

Jiang Beibei thought hard—and realized that was her problem.

So, she asked softly, “Second Brother… how did you tell the difference?”

She wanted to do what Tang Xizhou and Yan Qingming had done.

They’d also started out as childhood friends and eventually became lovers. She wanted that too—but she couldn’t tell the difference.

“Why even bother telling the difference?” Tang Xizhou raised a brow, all nonchalant. “Just one look is enough. It’s a mutual feeling—you can’t fake it.”

“Ehh?”

“Beibei, let me ask you something. Is there someone in your heart, where your love for them feels like romantic love?”

Jiang Beibei bit her finger, then slowly nodded. “Yeah. I think I figured it out.”

“Hmm? How?”

“...Promise not to scold me.”

“Say it. I’ve seen it all—nothing you say can shock me.”

“Sharing a blanket, sleeping on the same bed,” Jiang Beibei said. “That’s romantic love.”

She pointed at Tang Xizhou. “I worry about you every day—but I don’t want to share a bed or blanket with you. If I did, I’d feel gross and want to bang my head into the wall and yell at that horrible thought to go away. That’s familial love.”

Tang Xizhou didn’t know what kind of face to make.

“Second Brother, have I graduated?”

“You’ve grown up,” Tang Xizhou said. “Thank goodness I didn’t mess you up. Now, a quick survey. Be honest.”

“Okay.”

“Qin Yuan.”

Jiang Beibei paused, then replied, “Makes my skin crawl!”

“Chu Yao!”

“…Hehe.” Jiang Beibei smiled wide.

“Got it,” said Tang Xizhou.

“But… Second Brother,” Jiang Beibei asked again, “how do I know what he feels for me?”

“You mean Yao-er?” Tang Xizhou chuckled. “How should I know what kind of love he feels? But I’ll say this—at the level you feel for him now, even if he loved you to madness, you wouldn’t notice.”

Jiang Beibei blinked, making a confused question mark gesture.

Tang Xizhou: “You don’t even dare look him in the eye. Even if he had the words ‘I love you’ written across his face, I bet you still wouldn’t see them.”

Of course, some people just buried things too deep. Always hovering at the edge, too afraid to scare her—never daring to show their hand.

“Captain Tang, call from the director.”

“Coming.” Tang Xizhou quickly rubbed his face and waved her off. “Go home. And as for Qin Yuan—don’t be afraid of him. He overcalculates everything like it’s his job. That’s why he’s so uptight and awkward with you—can’t even be natural. But still, he’s not a bad guy. He means well. Try to face him calmly, things will feel easier.”

Jiang Beibei returned to the “Meow Cafe.” Qin Yuan was still there.

She walked over, gloomy and hesitant, trying to act tough, and said to him, “Third Brother, let’s pretend what happened this afternoon didn’t happen. Why don’t you think about it again? I feel like you were maybe, kind of, a little bit impulsive. I mean, I was too.”

Qin Yuan slowly shook his head.

“Beibei, I was too impatient—but it wasn’t a moment of impulse.”

“You were still in school, and I was busy building my career—I didn’t think about it. But now you’re working, an adult… One day I realized, you might start dating someone, might get married… and the moment I started caring about that, you changed in my eyes.”

“Beibei, I know you can’t accept it all at once. But I think you deserve to know how my feelings for you have changed.”

“Yes, I’m being selfish—I’ve always been selfish... But love is selfish, isn’t it?”

Jiang Beibei looked straight at him. “Third Brother, I don’t have feelings for you.”

“That’s because… you call me Third Brother. Not Qin Yuan.”

Qin Yuan said to her, with an almost pleading tone: “Beibei, just try. Give me a chance. Give Qin Yuan a chance.”