Chapter 46: Dead End

Shang Zhitao felt that she couldn’t move forward or backward. Luan Nian had blocked all her paths, leaving her feeling helpless. After leaving the hospital, she sat curled up on the sofa in Luan Nian’s living room, with a glass of hot water he had boiled for her by her side. Luan Nian forced her to drink the water; every time he glanced at her, she took a sip.

She heard Luan Nian talking to his mother on the phone: “What should one eat for mild pneumonia caused by mycoplasma infection, accompanied by symptoms of coughing and high fever?”

The person on the other end spoke for a long time, then Luan Nian replied:

“Not me, I’m asking for a friend.”

“I see. Bye.”

Luan Nian hung up and went to grab his coat, saying to Shang Zhitao: “Call Alex and take five days of sick leave.”

“I still have work.”

“If you die from this fever, you won’t need to worry about work anymore.”

“Then I’ll go home and rest.”

Luan Nian paused upon hearing this, looking at Shang Zhitao. He asked bluntly: “What’s bothering you?”

Shang Zhitao pursed her lips and didn’t speak. Luan Nian looked at her: “Organize your thoughts and tell me when I return.”

Shang Zhitao really started organizing her thoughts. She was running a fever, so her brain wasn’t functioning well, but she still managed to distill the key points: First, what happened between us was an accident; second, our relationship goes against morality; third, we’ve already ended things—I was the one who proposed it. Therefore, we shouldn’t do anything that might seem ambiguous.

As she thought about these things, she fell asleep.

People with fevers tend to sleep a lot. Luan Nian’s sofa was comfortable, the thin blanket covering her was warm, and the place was quiet without the sound of electric drills from renovations. Everything was just right, perfect for sleep.

When Luan Nian returned with bags in hand, he saw her deeply asleep on the sofa, her face flushed red, forehead beaded with sweat, and soft wheezing sounds coming from her nose as the virus raged inside her body.

He took off his coat and headed to the kitchen.

He had just gone out to buy a lot of things, all from the list sent by his mother, Dr. Liang. Dr. Liang even wished his friend a speedy recovery, advising him to recover fully because if pneumonia isn’t handled properly, it could lead to recurring issues later on.

If Dr. Liang knew that his friend was sleeping in his house right now, who knows what she would think?

Luan Nian prepared a meal for Shang Zhitao, referring to notes on his phone about what Dr. Liang said to eat and what to avoid. He didn’t delve into why he felt a bit anxious and worried about Shang Zhitao being sick, merely feeling sorry for her being alone in Beijing.

It was sympathy at play. That’s how he summarized it.

Since when did you start having sympathy? He asked himself while cooking.

The food was ready, but Shang Zhitao was still asleep. Luan Nian sat on the sofa flipping through magazines, while a slow-cooked rock sugar pear soup simmered in the pot in the kitchen. Luan Nian had countless magazines at home; during his free time, he flipped through them to see what was trending. Occasionally, he reached out to check her forehead temperature, which had improved slightly compared to earlier.

Shang Zhitao woke up in the dim light and saw Luan Nian sitting under a small lamp. His facial features were still sharp, a cold and distant figure. She felt a pang of sadness; no one had told her what to do when falling in love with someone like him. Silently watching him, she waited for the right moment to say the rehearsed speech she had prepared.

Hearing some movement, Luan Nian turned his head to look at her: “Awake?”

“Mm.”

“Let’s eat.”

Shang Zhitao was a bit surprised; the words she had been about to say vanished. She coughed a few times and followed Luan Nian to the dining table.

“Thank you for your trouble.”

“You should change the way you address me.”

“What?”

“Aren’t you tired of calling me ‘you’ all the time?”

“Oh.”

Luan Nian had made a few vegetable dishes and a slow-cooked beef stew. Shang Zhitao was somewhat overwhelmed by such attentive care, and the rehearsed speech she had prepared before bed was completely forgotten. She ate quietly, occasionally glancing at Luan Nian, realizing he was still the same cold person, unlike the joyful man who laughed so freely in Hokkaido. After the meal, she thought she should leave, but Luan Nian brought over a small bowl of rock sugar pear soup.

Shang Zhitao’s heart suddenly ached sharply.

Being so kind to a casual acquaintance, she could suddenly imagine how good he must have been to Zang Yao — something beyond her imagination.

She lowered her head and drank the pear soup, then stood up to get dressed, saying: “Thank you for taking care of me. I feel much better now and won’t disturb you further.”

Luan Nian frowned but didn’t say much: “I’ll send you home.”

“That’s troublesome for you.”

Shang Zhitao didn’t want to say those things anymore. She felt that staying firm was more effective than any words. She got into Luan Nian’s car, searched for her keys in her bag just before arriving, but realized they were missing. How could she have lost them? They were supposed to be safely tucked away in her bag. So, she called Sun Yu. Hearing her hoarse voice, Sun Yu asked if she was worse. She said she was much better. “I lost my keys. When will you be back?”

“I’m on my way to Tangshan right now. There’s a matchmaking event tomorrow, and I need to oversee it.”

“That’s fine. I’ll ask Zhang Lei.”

After hanging up, she remembered Sun Yuanzhu was in the northwest, and Zhang Lei had gone to Chengdu. Holding her phone, Shang Zhitao didn’t know what to do.

Luan Nian turned the car around and headed back toward his home.

“Or you can drop me off at the intersection. There are hotels nearby.” Not going back to Luan Nian’s place was her last act of stubbornness.

“Would you rather die in a hotel?” Luan Nian’s words were especially harsh when he was angry, though he rarely got upset. The few times he had been mad in the past six months were all related to Shang Zhitao.

Stung by his words, Shang Zhitao became genuinely angry. She stared out the window silently, her breathing heavy due to her cold and anger, her chest rising and falling.

Luan Nian was adept at pushing people’s buttons. At this moment, he recited a phone number and said: “Is this yours? If you stay in a hotel, I’ll inform your family about your condition and clarify that any accidents or complications aren’t the company’s fault.”

Shang Zhitao’s anger immediately subsided. Luan Nian struck where it hurt, directly hitting her weak spot. She didn’t want her parents to know she was sick, fearing they’d worry, especially since she always told them over the phone: “I’m doing great. My colleagues like me, my boss values me, and my income is sufficient for me to splurge. At this rate, I’ll be able to buy a house in Beijing before I’m thirty.”

If Luan Nian called her parents, he would surely say she was performing poorly, teetering on the edge of getting fired, and that her income was only slightly above average at the company, making it impossible for her to buy a house before thirty. He would also say: “Your daughter seems to have questionable private conduct.”

With his sharp tongue, he would definitely say those things.

“I just don’t want to bother you.”

Luan Nian gave her a faint glance and said indifferently: “Rest assured. Our relationship has ended, but we’ve slept together a few times. Consider this after-sales service. Once you’re better, we’ll be completely done.” Then he mimicked Shang Zhitao’s tone: “I’ll never tell anyone about us.”

… Shang Zhitao couldn’t argue with him and could only nod: “Then thank you.”

“You’re welcome. It’s the least I could do.”

After this exhausting trip, they ended up back at Luan Nian’s place. The security guard at the complex watched their car leave and return and couldn’t help but greet them: “Mr. Luan, back so soon?”

Then he smiled at Shang Zhitao. The guard always felt that Shang Zhitao didn’t look like someone involved in shady professions, and Luan Nian didn’t appear to be the type to solicit prostitutes, but she also didn’t seem like his girlfriend. Their relationship was truly strange.

The guard wasn’t the only one curious.

Shang Zhitao was curious too.

What kind of person was Luan Nian? Such a tough person, yet he cooked her a patient’s meal; surrounded by so many women, he dared to bring her home; others would rather stay far from pneumonia patients, but he took care of her.

“Can you lend me a T-shirt? I don’t have pajamas, and I need to take out my contact lenses…”

Luan Nian walked into the guest room, opened the wardrobe, revealing two sets of loungewear, then went to the bathroom, pulled open the drawer, and found a contact lens case and solution, along with women’s skincare products.

Shang Zhitao didn’t understand why these items were there. Luan Nian shrugged: “You can share with other women.” Half-jokingly, he even pulled out different colored sticky notes: “Stick labels on them so others won’t accidentally use the wrong ones.”

Even Shang Zhitao, slow as she was, could tell Luan Nian was teasing her. These things were clearly prepared for her because she had once asked: “Pajamas, towels, contact lens solution…”

How had Luan Nian responded then? “Can’t you pack these yourself?”

So this was the kind of person he was. Someone who seemed indifferent to everything but actually listened to everything you said.

Thus, he tacitly allowed her to leave things at his place. Was it because she was his only bed partner in this city?

Lost in thought, Shang Zhitao went to shower and put on the pajamas Luan Nian had prepared for her. The pajamas were comfortable, but not wearing underwear made her feel a bit uneasy. Luan Nian knocked on the door to deliver medicine. She hid under the covers, peeking out only with her head, watching him place the medicine on the bedside table, refusing to come out.

Luan Nian chuckled at her stubbornness: “Haven’t I seen it before?”

“?”

“What are you afraid of?”

… “It’s inappropriate for a man and woman to be alone like this,” Shang Zhitao said seriously.

“Hmm.” Luan Nian turned to leave, stopping at the door to say: “Didn’t seem inappropriate when we were intimate?”

He closed the door and left.

Under Luan Nian’s coercion and persuasion, Shang Zhitao stayed at his place for an entire week until her follow-up visit, when the doctor confirmed the inflammation had subsided and allowed her to leave. Shang Zhitao followed Luan Nian out of the hospital, returning to his place to pack her things—just those two outfits, stuffed into her backpack. Before leaving, she went to the bathroom and saw the prominently placed contact lens solution, causing her heart to ache again. She still couldn’t figure out why Luan Nian had prepared these things for her, including the Christmas gift sitting on the couch, all of which gave her the illusion that Luan Nian might actually like her a little.

Suddenly, a wave of委屈 (grievance) welled up in her heart.

She stood there for a while before pushing the door open and walking out, seeing Luan Nian waiting for her at the entrance. She walked straight up to him, looked him in the eyes, and asked earnestly: “Why are your words so venomous?”

“Are you venomous to everyone, or just to me?”

Luan Nian didn’t understand why she was asking these questions, his brows slightly furrowing.

Whoever takes this seriously next is a damn fool! Shang Zhitao thought to herself, reaching out to grab Luan Nian’s collar, pulling him forcefully towards her, and biting his lips.

Neither of them mentioned Shang Zhitao’s previous declaration of ending their relationship. Now that she had just recovered, Luan Nian was gentler and more patient than before. Shang Zhitao was in a frenzy, but he pinned her hands above her head, refusing to give her what she wanted.

Luan Nian held a grudge. Now that he was agitated, why had she been so nonchalant when she said she wanted to end things? He deliberately withheld what she desired, essentially punishing her. When she became frantic, her eyes red, he pressed his lips close to hers and asked: “No more ending things?”

Shang Zhitao felt like she was losing her mind, shaking her head lightly. Her lips brushed against his as she tentatively offered her tongue.

They couldn’t deceive themselves, nor each other. No matter how venomous their words, their bodies were the most honest. Their bodies liked each other more than anyone else they had ever been with. Eventually, they both lost control. Luan Nian bit her earlobe fiercely and asked: “Are you still going to cause trouble?”

Shang Zhitao shook her head, tears forming in her eyes. Luan Nian suddenly felt a pang of pity, softened, and pulled her into his embrace.

Finally, Luan Nian admitted to himself that the drink he had after Shang Zhitao said she wanted to end their relationship tasted bitter, and deep down, he felt a tinge of regret.

He truly liked her body.