#181: Holding a Candle (1)

When Qi Ying woke up, the sky had already turned completely dark. A candle was lit in the room.

He had a headache and his consciousness was somewhat hazy. As he opened his eyes, he saw a woman lying by his bedside – one whom he was most familiar with, his little girl.

He had dreamed of her again.

Ever since their parting years ago, he often dreamt of her. Sometimes he would dream of real past events, other times they were merely illusory fantasies; it was hard to say.

In his current dream, she was crying.

She was sobbing by his bedside, seemingly sitting on the floor, and he didn’t know how long she had been like that. Her beautiful eyes were swollen from crying. When she saw him open his eyes, her sobs became even more sorrowful.

What? So even in my dreams, do I make you this sad?

Qi Ying sighed, reaching out with some effort to gently wipe away her tears and said, “Don’t cry.”

Dreams could both torment and console people. Though waking up might leave an emptiness and loneliness, before waking, there was a rare chance to speak some truths.

He missed her greatly and loved her deeply.

As always, he cherished her the most. Even the act of wiping her tears was done with utmost care, and his tone when speaking to her remained gentle and cautious.

But she continued to cry, extending her delicate hands to grasp the hand he used to wipe her tears, holding it tightly as she looked at him and said, “...How could you do this?”

Her words carried an accusatory tone, and Qi Ying was momentarily unsure of what she referred to. In his heart, he felt guilty for so many things toward her. For instance, ten years ago, he had cruelly let her kneel in the snow outside Fenghe Garden’s gate. He also made her cry during her coming-of-age ceremony and later failed to keep his promise to take her away. Instead, he personally sent her off to be married far away.

Indeed, he had hurt her too much.

Under the candlelight, his gaze upon her was filled with indelible tenderness and guilt as he replied, “Yes, it’s all my fault.”

She cried even harder, as if she couldn’t bear his apologies and admissions of guilt. Tears fell furiously, drop by drop onto the back of his hand, first scorching hot, then chilling cold.

The sensation was too real, making him vaguely sense something amiss. Then he realized that the person before him was slightly different from his usual dreams: her hairstyle was unfamiliar to him, the kind only married women would wear. In his previous dreams, she was still a young girl.

He came to his senses, finally realizing that he wasn’t dreaming now. The person before him was indeed her, and she had come to see him.

Hadn’t she already left? Why was she now crying by his bedside?

For the moment, Qi Ying didn’t dwell on these questions. Instead, he suddenly realized that the way he had interacted with her earlier was highly inappropriate. Once his rationality returned, his gaze towards her instantly grew cold, and he pulled his hand away from her tight grip.

He sat up, looking down at Shen Xiling with furrowed brows. “Why are you still here?” he asked.

There he went again, turning cold once more.

The tenderness and affection he displayed just moments ago seemed like an illusion, vanishing in an instant. But Shen Xiling no longer cared about these things. She struggled to stand, gripping the edge of the bed, but her legs had gone numb from sitting for so long. Just as she managed to get up, she collapsed back down. Instinctively, he reached out to steady her, as if fearing she might get hurt, but quickly withdrew his hand afterward, his expression as indifferent as if someone else had helped her.

Shen Xiling paid no heed to these details. Sitting by his bedside, she confronted him: “Why did you touch that thing?”

Qi Ying’s brows furrowed, his gaze wavering slightly, yet he remained silent.

Shen Xiling could no longer tolerate his silence. Her emotions were nearing a breakdown. At this moment, she grabbed his arm tightly, sobbing loudly as she demanded, “Tell me! Why did you touch it!”

The reason Qi Ying had gotten involved with the Five-Stone Powder had many origins.

Five years ago, after Shen Xiling was married off to a distant land, the political situation in the Liang Dynasty became increasingly unfavorable for Qi Ying.

At that time, the war between the North and South had temporarily ceased. Although the Wei army had retreated, all the fruits of the Liang Dynasty’s northern expedition had been destroyed, and everything had to start anew.

The new emperor, Xiao Ziteng, faced a dilemma: whether to reinstate Qi Ying or throw him into prison to face further punishment.

This was not an easy decision. The new emperor himself was somewhat conflicted. The current situation indeed required Qi Ying to defend against external threats, but he harbored deep resentment towards aristocratic families. Having finally brought the Qi family down from their pedestal, how could he willingly give Qi Ying another chance to rise again? Like wildfire that never fully extinguishes, only to reignite with the spring breeze, he feared leaving behind potential trouble for himself.

Qi Ying, of course, was well aware of the emperor’s thoughts and concerns. Thus, before the emperor made his decision, Qi Ying had entered the palace to request an audience.

Upon arriving at the imperial study, he had to wait outside because the Empress Dowager and the Grand General were still inside speaking with His Majesty. They shared blood ties; the Grand General was the emperor’s maternal uncle, naturally much closer than others.

Han Shouye was a military official, originally of a more rugged temperament. With the recent defeat of the Qi family, the Han clan’s status had become increasingly important, on the verge of becoming the new premier family in Jiangzuo. Although Han Shouye was not the head of the Han family, he was the highest-ranking and most powerful figure within the clan, wielding control over the deployment of 300,000 troops, truly possessing formidable influence.

He was basking in his success, naturally complacent. From inside the imperial study, his loud laughter rang out, even louder than the voices of the emperor and the Empress Dowager. Outside the door, Qi Ying listened silently, his lowered eyelids concealing the deep thoughts in his eyes.

Later, the door to the imperial study opened, and the new emperor personally escorted the Empress Dowager back to her palace. Han Shouye lingered for a moment, looking up and down at Qi Ying, who had been waiting outside for a long time, sneering, “Why is Lord Qi here? If you’ve come, why didn’t you send someone in to announce your arrival? Why are you standing out here waiting for so long?”

Qi Ying performed the proper etiquette towards him, replying, “The General was conversing with the Empress Dowager and His Majesty. It would be inappropriate for an outsider to disturb.”

This term “outsider” pleased Han Shouye greatly. He laughed heartily, seemingly very content, and said, “If you hadn’t mentioned it, I’d have forgotten. Indeed, the Qi family has no familial ties with the imperial household, so they really are outsiders.”

He was quite self-satisfied, walking around Qi Ying twice, then mockingly patted his shoulder, lowering his voice and smirking as he said, “You can’t be blamed for this—it’s because your father didn’t have a daughter. However, wasn’t Zi Yu determined to marry you? Who told you to be so arrogant and greedy for power and wealth that you rejected her? If you had agreed to marry her back then, how could you have ended up as an outsider now?”

These words actually made a lot of sense.

At present, both the Han and Fu families had matrimonial ties with the imperial household, leaving only the Qi family excluded. If their family could produce a concubine, perhaps the current situation would be somewhat different. And if Qi Ying had married Xiao Ziyu back then, perhaps the Qi family wouldn’t have reached such dire straits.

But he hadn’t made that choice.

Firstly, for the sake of the nation, and secondly... he already had another beloved woman, and he didn’t want to betray her.

Even though she had married someone else.

Even though there was no future between them.

Speaking of which, that Sixth Prince was indeed a lovesick fool. Of noble princess birth, she had harbored affection for Qi Ying for many years, remaining steadfast even after the Qi family fell into ruin. She persistently begged her elder brother, the emperor, to let her marry Qi Ying, causing Xiao Ziteng considerable headaches. But he never consented—for obvious reasons. He wanted Qi Ying dead; how could he allow his own sister, born of the same mother, to marry a dead man?

At this moment, Qi Ying remained silent, while Han Shouye grew even more jubilant, dispelling years of resentment from being controlled by the Ministry of Military Affairs, the Qi family, and Qi Ying himself.

Qi Jingchen, aren’t you so great?

In your heart, you’ve never truly respected anyone, have you?

But look at yourself now—you’re like an ant, unable to even decide your own life or death.

Han Shouye left amidst roaring laughter, his laughter echoing even far away, drawing curious glances from passing palace attendants.

Afterward, the emperor returned from escorting the Empress Dowager and finally summoned Qi Ying into the imperial study.

In truth, at that juncture, no matter what Qi Ying said or did, he couldn’t sway the monarch. Only the reality of the situation could change Xiao Ziteng’s mind. All Qi Ying could do was understand his thoughts and guide accordingly.

He knelt at the feet of the emperor, not discussing state affairs but instead requesting leave for a period of time.

At that moment, Xiao Ziteng sat on the imperial throne, raising an eyebrow, “Requesting leave? For what reason?”

Qi Ying bowed his head, kneeling, and replied, “Recently, my father has been ill, and my elder brother has been stirring up trouble. There is no one to manage the household. I fear my mother will overexert herself, so I must request leave from Your Majesty.”

Upon hearing this, Xiao Ziteng’s expression changed slightly.

He indeed knew that the Qi family had fallen into chaos recently. After the major case, both Qi Zhang and Qi Yun were dismissed. Besides them, several other members of the Qi family’s collateral branches were implicated, showing signs of the Qi family’s decline.

Qi Zhang had lived a smooth life, but unexpectedly faced such a calamity in his later years, nearly destroying the family under his tenure. Naturally, this took a toll on him, reportedly suffering a stroke, now barely able to get out of bed. Qi Yun, although not gravely ill, had developed thoughts of renouncing worldly ties and entering the Buddhist monastic life due to these events. Every day, he insisted on getting ordained, visiting the three famous temples—Ji Ming, Ding Shan, and Qi Xia—and even some obscure small temples, all without success since the abbots were instructed by the Qi family not to accept him, barely managing to stop him.

With so many chaotic matters at hand, Qi Ying indeed had to step back and handle them.

And Xiao Ziteng knew that people like Qi Ying always spoke with profound implications, revealing only two or three parts of their true intentions, deeply concealing the rest.

—He actually wanted to tell Xiao Ziteng that the Qi family had fallen so far that they no longer deserved the title of “aristocratic family.”

Thus, they were no longer enemies.

Xiao Ziteng understood his implication, and then heard him say, “I am incompetent. Fortunately, we have Grand General Han Shouye and Right Chancellor Fu Bi to rely on. Even if one person is absent from court, it shouldn’t cause any significant issues. I hope Your Majesty grants me leave.”

This statement carried even deeper meaning—what was he subtly implying by mentioning Right Chancellor Fu Bi and Grand General Han Shouye at this moment?

He was informing the new emperor: the Qi family has fallen, but the Han and Fu families still hold significant power. Now, they are the real threats to the imperial household.

Xiao Ziteng sighed inwardly, then couldn’t help but reflect: Qi Jingchen is truly the person in this world who best understands how to manipulate people’s hearts.

Indeed, after the fall of the Qi family, Xiao Ziteng had new hidden worries—the Han family.

They were his maternal relatives, once his greatest support and ally before he ascended the throne. But now that he had become the ruler of Liang, his maternal relatives had become external threats. Everything was undergoing subtle changes silently.

Changing times bring changing circumstances—this is the most normal thing in the world.

Author’s Note: Here’s a brief introduction about the Five-Stone Powder ~ The following information isn’t original but sourced from research: During the Wei, Jin, Northern and Southern Dynasties, consuming elixirs was popular. People liked to take the Five-Stone Powder in pursuit of immortality. The earliest advocate of taking the Five-Stone Powder was He Yan, a famous metaphysician of the Wei and Jin periods. Afterward, it spread among the upper class and eventually became widespread throughout society. The Five-Stone Powder consisted of calcite, sulfur, white quartz, amethyst, and red ochre. These were all warm and dry mineral medicines. After consumption, the body would heat up, and the person would become mentally agitated. Those who took the Five-Stone Powder had to eat cold food to dissipate the heat, so it was also called the Cold Food Powder. Due to the extremely potent nature of the Five-Stone Powder, merely eating “cold food” to dissipate its effects was far from enough. Additional measures included cold baths, walking, wearing loose clothing, etc., to help dissipate the drug’s effects. Such actions were called “dispersing” or “walking it off.” However, one exception was that the wine consumed had to be “warm.”

However, taking the Five-Stone Powder not only failed to achieve longevity but instead caused many people to go mad, suffer from heat, and even led to numerous deaths. Poets like Han Yu, Du Mu, and Cui Hao all died from consuming the powder, and several Tang dynasty emperors met their end this way. The severe damage caused by consuming the powder was undoubtedly alarming. Consuming the powder mainly induced two types of diseases: one was surgical conditions like carbuncles and abscesses, and the other affected the central nervous system, leading to mental disorders, insanity, and madness. Those who took the powder with the aim of enhancing virility and indulging in sexual pleasures often died from excessive indulgence, exhausting themselves to death. This situation raised people’s awareness, and the trend of consuming the powder gradually declined after flourishing for over 300 years.