SELA - 50

A sinister voice was close, whispering right next to my ear. A chill ran down my spine.

The man was the one who had sent Sa-hee back to this place two years ago. The very being she had met at Ji-hyuk’s funeral, and again in the taxi here. Though his appearance was ordinary, the unique and mysterious aura he exuded made it impossible not to recognize him instantly.

“How are you here? No, more than that, you look much...”

“Thin? That’s because I’m pretending to be a patient right now.”

‘Pretending’ to be a patient? Does that mean he’s not really a patient? As if he had read Sa-hee’s thoughts, he lifted the corners of his lips and smiled.

“It seems I look very unfamiliar to you. In that case.”

“No way.”

Sa-hee couldn’t close her mouth at what was happening before her eyes. In the blink of an eye, his strangely emaciated body had filled out. The sunken areas under his eyes had lifted, and the darkish hue had returned to a rosy tint. Moreover, the age spots on his skin had completely disappeared. The man looked as if he had traveled back decades in time, all by himself.

Sa-hee looked around, unable to believe what she was seeing. Despite the many people sitting on benches or walking around, no one seemed surprised by the man’s transformation. Only she was. Sa-hee felt sweat forming on her palms.

“I sent you back two years, this is nothing, right?”

Despite the oddly mocking tone, Sa-hee couldn’t react. She had been sensing it before, but now she was certain.

He wasn’t human.

“What exactly are you?”

“Think whatever you want. It’s up to you to decide.”

‘Up to me to decide.’ Her hand trembled slightly. Sa-hee looked at the man, who was resting his arms on the back of the bench and looking up at the sky, and thought. He couldn’t be a bad being.

When she was at her lowest and most painful, crying and searching for a god, he had appeared and granted her wish to meet Ji-hyuk again. The man who had saved her from the very bottom couldn’t possibly be an evil being.

“I feel sorry.”

“For what, suddenly?”

At Sa-hee’s apology, the man narrowed one eye and looked at her.

“You gave me a chance, but I’m about to mess it up again.”

He had allowed her to meet Ji-hyuk again, but she had ended up hurting him again.

“A chance? Me?”

The man chuckled, as if he didn’t understand what she was talking about.

“I know you’re my guardian angel. I know it’s shameless, but... if it’s okay, could you grant me one more favor?”

“You’re a greedy young lady. Not that it’s bad.”

The man rummaged through his pockets and pulled out a cigarette. His movements as he took out a cigarette were flawless.

“Oh, I don’t have a light.”

“Will you grant it?”

“Ah, yeah, sure. What is it? Let me hear it first.”

As soon as she tried to speak, her lips felt parched. Sa-hee moistened her dry lips, clenched her sweaty hands, and opened her mouth. The man’s eyes, facing her, gleamed brightly.

“Please let Ji-hyuk be with someone else.”

“What?”

“Please let him meet someone else.”

The man, with an unlit cigarette between his lips, stared intently at Sa-hee. Then he burst out laughing.

“Is that really your wish?”

“Yes. Will you grant it?”

“Well, I only move when I’m amused... I’ll consider it. But as you’ve experienced, I can only influence the beginning of a situation. The choices after that are up to them, you know that, right?”

“Yes. I know that very well.”

That’s how she had ended up in this mess again.

Her heart kept lingering, so she needed another way. Ji-hyuk looking elsewhere, not at her. Ji-hyuk meeting someone else, not her.

It would hurt, but she wouldn’t live in constant fear of another tragedy, burdened with guilt. More than anything, she would gain the assurance of not losing him. That was enough. That had to be enough.

“Excuse me... huh?”

When Sa-hee, lost in thought, turned to ask the man a question, he was already gone. Only the IV pole remained by the bench.

Sa-hee stood up and looked around, but he was nowhere to be seen. He disappeared without a sound, just as suddenly as he had appeared.

Sa-hee’s legs gave way, and she sank onto the bench. A deep sigh escaped her lips. Everything she saw, heard, and experienced felt like a dream. Would it have been better if it had all been a dream?

She wished she could go back to the day before her birthday. Then she wouldn’t have let Ji-hyuk go anywhere and would have kept him by her side. She wouldn’t have done anything for her birthday and would have run away from fate.

But it was already irreversible. Sa-hee knew that all too well.

Sa-hee, pressing her throbbing head with her hand, looked down at the ground. The shadows of tree leaves fluttered over her shoes. Sa-hee stared silently at the endlessly dancing shadows for a long time.

________________________________________

The building had collapsed. The surrounding roads were paralyzed, and people were scattered. Ji-hyuk got out of the car and rushed into the scene without hesitation.

He wandered for a long time. The collapsed debris blocked the entrances, leaving nowhere to go.

As he was pushed around by the crowd, searching the surroundings, the paramedics, who had managed to recover a body, came out with a stretcher. Ji-hyuk and the others swarmed like ants.

Is it a woman? A man? An adult? A child? Is it my daughter? What if it’s my father? Please show me. Please let me see.

Amid the pouring questions, Ji-hyuk finally stepped forward. He reached out his hand from the front, hoping and praying that it wasn’t her, that it was someone else.

Just as his hand was about to touch the white cloth.

“Are you sure you want to see?”

Someone grabbed Ji-hyuk’s wrist tightly.

Silence. A sense of stillness. He struggled to lift his eyelids, which felt glued shut, and his vision flickered for a long time. Then, the image that finally came into focus was, ah, Sa-hee.

She was looking at him with her usual unwavering eyes. Ji-hyuk liked that, and he smiled, forgetting the situation.

“Are you... okay?”

His hoarse, cracked voice didn’t sound like his own. Sa-hee, who had been watching and listening calmly, simply nodded. Then she took a deep breath.

“Ji-hyuk, are you okay?”

“As you can see. I’m fine.”

“...”

“Is this consideration for a patient? You’re unusually quiet.”

This time, Sa-hee, who had moistened her dry lips, quietly observed Ji-hyuk. Ji-hyuk’s eyebrows twitched. He had a bad feeling.

“What is it?”

“...”

“Tell me. You have something to say.”

“No. I’ll tell you when you’re discharged...”

“Should I run out right now?”

At Ji-hyuk’s movement, as if he was really going to get up, Sa-hee stood up. Then she approached, properly tucked the blanket back in, and pressed down on his shoulder. It was a sign to calm down.

Sa-hee, who had taken a step back, sat back in the chair for the guardian. After looking at the floor for a moment, she lifted her eyes and met Ji-hyuk’s gaze.

“We... should break up.”

Ji-hyuk tilted his head, frowning as if he had misheard. “What?”

“Say that again.”

“Let’s break up.”

“If this is a joke, it’s a bad one.”

“It’s not a joke.”

Ji-hyuk scoffed and finally sat up.

“Is that all you have to say as soon as I open my eyes?”

“I’m sorry.”

“Why are you doing this suddenly?”

“It’s not sudden. I’ve been thinking about it all along, and I’m just saying it now.”

“Sa-hee.”

“...”

“Stop making me look like a fool and tell me straight. Why are you doing this suddenly?”

Ji-hyuk’s voice, already hoarse from the medication and sleep, sounded even heavier.

“It’s overwhelming.”

“What is?”

“Everything you have. You yourself. It’s all too big and heavy for me. It scares me. I can’t handle it.”

“Is that all?”

Ji-hyuk ran his hand through his hair and laughed in disbelief. He didn’t seem to understand her words at all. Sa-hee looked at him anxiously.

“Come here. I want to hug you.”

Ji-hyuk’s face, devoid of laughter, was heavy with drowsiness. It was probably due to the medication. Sa-hee didn’t take the hand Ji-hyuk offered.

“I don’t want to.”

“Yoon Sa-hee.”

“Let’s break up. We’re breaking up. I’ve made up my mind.”

“Don’t be ridiculous.”

“Don’t be childish...”

At Sa-hee’s words, Ji-hyuk’s eyes flashed sharply.

“Childish? You want to see me be childish? Do you remember our contract? Article 2: Even if one party insists on breaking the contract during the period, the relationship will not be terminated if the other party does not agree. The period isn’t over yet, and I haven’t agreed. So this relationship is still valid.”

“Ji-hyuk, I’ve already made up my mind.”

“Don’t worry. My heart is still the same.”

“I’m sorry.”

“I don’t need your apology.”

“I’m sorry, really. I’m only this much.”

After spitting out the words, Sa-hee ran out of the room without looking back. Ji-hyuk pulled out the IV needles that were stuck in his arm and got up, chasing after her. But in the hallway, there were only other patients and guardians passing by. There was no sign of the familiar Sa-hee.

“Ha...”

His chest tightened.

No matter how much he breathed, it didn’t seem to reach deep inside his body, and he kept feeling suffocated.

Blood dripped from the spot where he had pulled out the IV needles, falling onto the floor.