Extra #14: Nian Tao

“Luan Nian, I want to start from my first year in Beijing,” Shang Zhitao said, holding his hand. “Don’t think I’m talking too much, okay? I really need to talk to you today.”

“I came to Beijing when I was 22. I still remember that day—my very first day in Beijing. It was raining, and as I dragged my suitcase out of the train station, I saw crowds of people hurrying by. No one even glanced at me. In my hand, I held a map with directions I had carefully researched beforehand—the route from the train station to my rented apartment. Standing there in an unfamiliar city, in an unfamiliar station, I suddenly felt a deep sense of panic. I didn’t know what awaited me, and though I was scared, I was also excited.

“The thing I’m most grateful for is that I got to live in that little apartment because it was there that I met my friends—Sun Yu, Zhang Lei, and Sun Yuanzhu, whose name I still can’t bring myself to say.”

“That summer, on my very first day at work, I sat on the first floor of Lingmei waiting to complete my onboarding procedures. You walked out of the coffee shop, like some ancient deity. At that moment, I thought, how could such a man exist in this world? But this man, on our very first meeting, advised me to quit my job—and strangely enough, I actually thought he might be right.

“I’ve never been someone with big ambitions in life. But somehow, this jerk ignited a fire in me. Hey, stop pinching my face—it’s true! I really thought you were a jerk back then.

“My colleagues spoke a mix of Chinese and English, and I couldn’t understand most of it. I grew even more panicked, thinking that if I couldn’t keep up with the language, I’d eventually get fired. Thankfully, I had Lumi and Tracy—they always encouraged me. One of my friends found an English teacher for me at their alma mater. That teacher had a very powerful Chinese name: Long Zhentian.

“Long Zhentian taught me so much. Together, we explored every street and alley in Beijing on weekends—not every weekend, since I sometimes had to work overtime. My first business trip was with you, Lumi, and Grace to Guangzhou. For several years after that, coincidentally, I ended up going to Guangzhou around the same time each year, and it became a city I love deeply.

“That year, I thought work was incredibly difficult. I knew nothing, I could do nothing, and everything had to be learned from scratch. And you—you always looked at me with that expression, as if to say, ‘How can you be so stupid?’

“But even so, I fell in love with you. Many girls at Lingmei liked you, including Kitty. One day, while taking a walk downstairs with Lumi, I overheard Kitty talking on the phone. She said, ‘I like my boss.’ I wasn’t ashamed of this kind of affection because liking someone is a wonderful thing.

“My first year was chaotic, and I didn’t have much experience. Many things that seemed earth-shattering back then now seem trivial to me.

“During the New Year holiday that year, I sat in the old house in Bingcheng, watching the lights of thousands of homes outside the window, and suddenly missed you terribly. You made me feel lonely.

“In the blink of an eye, the second year arrived.

“The second year felt a little easier, and I felt a little stronger. A few things happened during those years that made me truly happy. That year was full of firsts.

“I went on my first trip with my friends—to Mount Tai. We started climbing in the middle of the night and reached the summit just before dawn. That day, we were lucky enough to see the sunrise. The sea of clouds was breathtakingly beautiful, and we took countless photos, which I still keep to this day. You know, sometimes I look at those pictures and compare them to who I am now—I can see the marks of time. Back then, we were young. We didn’t need fancy clothes or heavy makeup to look beautiful. I loved that trip so much.

“That same year, I traveled abroad for the first time with my colleagues to Phuket. There, I watched the ocean with you. The sunrise was so beautiful, and I hoped that I could watch countless sunrises and sunsets with you for the rest of my life. My feelings for you back then were as pure as those of someone who had never been in love before. I gave you my whole heart.

“Also that year, my first boss changed jobs and wanted to take me with him. You said he only wanted me because I was cheap and obedient, and that made me sad for a long time. Around that time, I realized that I needed to view myself correctly and take responsibility for every decision I made.

“That year, I encountered a scam real estate agency. I was terrified and even began to doubt the world—how could there be such bad people? My roommates and I went to confront the scammers, naive as we were about the dangers of society. In the end, you had to step in to help. Oh, and Lumi almost smashed their shop for me.

“The happiest thing that year was adopting Luke. Yes, I know you already figured it out. I named him Luke because I loved ‘Luke,’ and ‘Luke’ was my favorite—no one could replace him. Luke was so cute when he was little. Do you remember how he used to run up to you like a little snowball, rubbing against your pants? He even peed in your house, and you despised him so much back then. But I never disliked Luke—I adored him. He always understood what I said and stayed by my side no matter what. Sometimes I would scold him, but he would just wag his tail and grin at me. Luke was the only thing in the world that completely belonged to me, and I loved him so much. When you weren’t around, Luke was my ‘Luke.’ But I also felt sorrow. What made me saddest was that Luke was getting older, and I knew he wouldn’t live much longer. Just thinking about it made me unable to control my tears.”

Shang Zhitao lowered her head and wiped her tears. As she experienced more and more, her heart grew numb to the passage of time. But there were always certain people and moments that could make her cry easily. These people and moments were what remained of the few ‘soft spots’ left in her heart.

Luan Nian handed her a tissue and said, “I took Luke for a checkup, and Dr. Liang examined him too. His internal organs are all healthy—he can live another four or five years without any problems.”

“Don’t comfort me. I know. I check the lifespan of large dogs every day.”

Luan Nian fell silent. Everyone knew he had a “dog son.” It was hard for people to imagine someone like him loving a dog so much, but he truly adored Luke.

After a long while, Shang Zhitao finally stopped crying.

“I didn’t particularly like the third year.”

That year, an especially disgusting person appeared in my life. Even now, just thinking about him makes me feel sick. I saw Kitty enter his room, yet he still messaged me. He harassed other female colleagues too—he was utterly vile. Colleagues in Chengdu would tremble with fear when talking about him. That year, I often had nightmares of his ugly face. My friends taught me how to gather evidence and encouraged me to report him. I did it, and I don’t regret it.

“You know, Luan Nian, I don’t regret it at all. I’m actually very glad that during this year, I discovered that maybe I could be a brave person—a person brave enough to stand up against authority.”

“That day, when you walked into his office and grabbed him by the neck, my heart shattered. It’s strange—I felt sorry for myself, but I also felt sorry for you. I knew your pain was real. Luan Nian, from that moment on, I became certain that you must have an incredibly soft heart. It’s just wrapped in a hard shell that others can’t see, and even you might overlook it sometimes.

“Also, I absolutely loved the cocktail you made for me—’Brave Heart.’ Truly, it was the best cocktail I’ve ever had in my life.”

“In the fourth year, I finally joined the planning department under Grace. Grace was a good person back then, though I underestimated the complexity of human nature at the time. That year felt like my first year again—endless learning. I don’t remember much from that year, except making a call to you from Wutai Mountain. I asked you seriously if you wanted to be with me. We started a normal, simple romance.”

“And you rejected me.”

“I still remember the night view of Victoria Harbor—it was really beautiful.”

“By the fifth year, I went to the northwest. I thought that going there meant I’d hardly see you again. But you came whenever you had time. The county town was small, and we were both afraid of running into acquaintances, so we stayed cooped up in my rented apartment for days at a time. The wind in the northwest was fierce, taxis were cheap, and the people there were kind. I worked on that project, and it went smoothly—exactly as I hoped.”

“Why did you come every week?” Shang Zhitao suddenly asked.

“Because we promised to have adventures together. I keep my word.”

They lay facing each other, having talked for a very long time. Yet Shang Zhitao didn’t feel tired—she still had so much more to say.

“In the fifth year, we went to Tibet together,” said Luan Nian.

“Yes.”

I love Tibet.

The sunlight in Lhasa was perfect, the smiles of the people on the streets were warm, the milk tea was rich and fragrant, and the owner of that photo studio had such excellent photography skills.

I really loved that trip. I even thought that after that journey, we might have a future together forever.

Shang Zhitao bit her lip.

“The sixth year was the most painful for me. If there’s one year in my life that I can’t get over, it’s the sixth year. Failing the promotion wasn’t the worst part—it was just a blow to my pride. The worst part was that the clouds and sunset were so beautiful that day, yet I lost my best friend.”

Luan Nian held her hand tightly.

In the dim light, they fell into a long silence. This silence was like medicine, slowly healing the scars in her heart. At first, the wound was deep, then it scabbed over, the scab fell off, and the scar faded until it was almost invisible. But when touched, it was still different from the surrounding skin. That spot must have endured immense pain.

Shang Zhitao’s tears fell onto Luan Nian’s palm: “That year, I left you.”

“I’m glad I truly left you. Even though I never want to experience that kind of pain again. When I returned, it was winter, and Bingcheng was covered in heavy snow. My heart felt empty, always unable to fill the void. Every night, I’d go out and walk far in the snow, listening to random songs on my headphones. One day, I saw a man in the lobby of a hotel near my house. He wore a black cashmere coat, carried himself with arrogance, and his silhouette was distant. I thought it was you, and I nearly collapsed.”

“It was me,” Luan Nian softly admitted.

“But I didn’t dare to confirm it back then. I was afraid all my efforts would be wasted.”

“I started my own business in the seventh year.”

“Starting a business was incredibly hard. Staying up late, attending social events, dealing with enormous pressure—there was a period when my health suffered. My periods either stopped or lasted for half a month. One day, when I walked into the company, Fu Dong was startled. He said to me, ‘Boss, you looked completely lifeless that day.’“

“My temper became terrible, and I cried secretly sometimes.”

“Thankfully, the business gradually improved, and I finally let go of you, starting a new chapter in my life.”

“The restaurant I opened for my parents served dishes I loved eating since childhood. I liked taking my friends to the old tavern for meals. Back then, I was worried they’d get lost, so I hung lanterns at the entrance. Those lanterns looked so festive in the snow of Bingcheng. When Sun Yu and Lumi saw them for the first time, they said to me, ‘This is truly a snowy earthly paradise.’“

“I love the phrase ‘snowy earthly paradise.’ It makes me feel that all joys and sorrows are part of life itself, and sorrow is like a lantern in the snow—it illuminates the path ahead with a warm red glow.”

“In the tenth year, I met you again.”

“I already know the rest of the story,” Luan Nian brushed the hair away from her cheek. “From then on, I’ve been part of every single day of your life.”

“Thank you for treating me well.”

“And thank you for being willing to love someone like me.”

“This is my decade-plus journey. I’ve shed countless tears, and every tear is a medal life has given me—I don’t regret any of it. Today, when you said to me during the ribbon-cutting ceremony, ‘Shang Zhitao, welcome back to Beijing,’ years of memories flooded my mind. I came to Beijing with dreams, left with a broken heart, and thought I’d never return. Even if I did, I thought I’d only be a passerby in this city, not staying for long. But I came back. I’ll always remember what I looked like on my first day in Beijing—it was messy, but it was the best time of my life.”

“If I could choose again, I’d still take this path—it’s truly beautiful. I just sometimes regret how quickly time flies, how travelers pass by in a hurry, and how we’re always saying goodbye.”

“Luan Nian, are you sleepy? I’m sorry I’ve talked so much today. If you’re tired, let’s sleep.” Shang Zhitao said to him.

“I’m not tired. It’s not dawn yet.” Luan Nian replied. Shang Zhitao rested her head on his arm, Little Nian Tao slept soundly in her crib, and Luke lay curled up by the door. A beam of moonlight filtered in—it was such a peaceful moment.

“Then let me tell you about myself too,” Luan Nian said.

“What about?”

“About the self-cultivation of a bastard.”

“Alright. We can talk until dawn, or even until the next dawn. I think this bastard isn’t always so bad. Underneath the bastard exterior lies an old-fashioned gentleman with timeless tenderness. I’m utterly in love with this bastard, and I’m willing to stay entangled with him for the rest of my life.”

“Then let’s talk a little more!”