49. The Many Things Hidden Behind a Smiling Face

As he was almost home, Soohyun received a message from Haein.

[I’m going to the hospital.]

The short message didn’t give any reason, so Soohyun got out of the car for now. Going to the hospital after 8 PM – it felt like something had happened.

When he entered the house, the interior was dark.

In the house where Haein wasn’t, all the lights were off. It had been a long time since he had seen his own house with all the lights off, and looking at it suddenly made him feel heavy-hearted.

In the past, going into a dark house was natural, but now, stepping into a house without lights felt very awkward.

Soohyun immediately called Chief Choi.

“Chief Choi. Check on the status of a VIP patient at the hospital.”

-You mean your wife’s younger sibling?

“Yeah. Right now.”

He hung up and walked straight into the house, where he saw the dinner table set.

[The stew just needs a little warming up. I’m sorry.]

He was looking at the yellow sticky note on the table when Chief Choi called back.

“Speak.”

-Director, I’ve been told that your wife’s younger sibling was in very critical condition.

“Really? What about now?”

-The crisis has passed, and they say the condition has stabilized again.

“Alright. Thanks for your trouble.”

Soohyun ended the call and picked up the sticky note in front of him, reading it again. The strokes of the neat letters all trembled at the end.

“Why did she even bother with this in the middle of all that.”

She must have rushed out without thinking after hearing about her sibling.

The thought of her preparing a meal and leaving a note for him with trembling hands in such a situation made him feel strange.

An awkward and unfamiliar emotion welled up inside him, something he couldn’t explain with any other word than “strange.” Soohyun stood there frowning for a long time before calling his driver again.

He felt like he had to go to the hospital and see Haein’s face.

***

As the announcement signaling the end of visiting hours played, Soohyun headed to the VIP room on the top floor of the hospital.

On the very top floor of Taeseong Medical Center were special rooms mainly used by the owner’s family.

Of course, it wasn’t that they had created a separate private space within the hospital, but the room rates were so expensive that the rooms were almost always empty.

Yoon Jungin was currently hospitalized in that room.

As he entered the hospital lobby, the peculiar, stuffy smell of medicine wafted through the air. It wasn’t a pleasant smell.

Soohyun recalled that Haein came to the hospital regularly to visit her younger sibling.

He sighed involuntarily, thinking that she must have passed through this smell every time. He slowly moved his feet, taking in the scenery that Haein must have seen with his own eyes.

It wasn’t as crowded as during the day because it was night, but rather, many seriously ill patients who were hospitalized were out and about.

Most of the people coming and going in the hospital had faces full of worry and sat listlessly.

It was natural since they were either sick or had come to care for or see someone who was sick. There was a unique gloomy atmosphere in the hospital that made people’s spirits sink.

“Ah.”

Soohyun stopped walking for a moment in the middle of the hospital lobby and chewed on his lip as he looked around.

Listlessness, sadness, despair, and fear.

It must have been quite a long time since he had lived surrounded by such things, so how could she still put on a smiling face?

Thinking of Haein made his heart heavy. Remembering the past days when he was anxious to hurt her, guilt pressed down on his chest.

Soohyun glared at the scenery surrounding him before starting to walk again. As he thought that Haein must have been living mixed in with this for quite a long time already, his pace gradually quickened.

Since her sibling had overcome the crisis, he wanted to quickly pull Haein out of this hospital.

[Yoon Jung In]

Soohyun checked the name in front of the hospital room and paused for a moment before trying to go straight inside.

He could see Haein’s back through the slightly open door. She was holding her sibling’s hand and saying something.

“...Jungin-ah. Today, I was so surprised, thinking you were really going to die. When will you get better again...?”

Soohyun pulled back the foot he had slightly stepped inside.

Haein, holding her sibling’s hand, lowered her head and her shoulders trembled slightly. Seeing her shaking shoulders, she was clearly crying, but he couldn’t hear any sound from beyond her back.

Haein was crying. Silently.

Looking at her back made him feel like he was falling into an endless abyss. He felt like something was collapsing inside him.

Soohyun stood still for a moment, then clenched his fist tightly, his bones feeling like they would break.

‘Why are you crying without a sound?’

Yoon Haein, who would smile even after shedding tears in front of him, as if nothing had happened. Her everyday life, which he had passed by thinking she was just smiling, was actually stained with tears in many places.

Why did you try so hard to smile in front of me when you were crying like this without making a sound?

The fact that he was the one who had added tears to that everyday life made him feel extremely disgusted with himself.

“Haa.”

The emotion buried at the end of his long sigh was something unfamiliar that he had never felt before.

To empathize with someone else’s feelings and have his heart waver.

The feeling he felt was so unfamiliar that Soohyun turned sharply and leaned his back against the hospital room door.

He felt like something inside him was broken.

Ever since he had visited the school with her, as if a blocked dam had burst, his emotions surged with everything related to Haein. He couldn’t control himself.

The spring breeze that Haein had breathed into him that day didn’t easily fade away.

Soohyun took a deep breath. He was about to turn around, thinking he shouldn’t have come to the hospital, when he heard Haein’s voice from inside.

“...Jungin-ah, it’s so hard every time this happens.”

Her words were full of sadness and tears at the end. It was no different from the extreme gloom Soohyun had felt while passing through the hospital lobby.

Haein, too, was clearly as sick of this life as anyone else in the hospital.

The hospital hallway late at night was quiet. Soohyun listened to the words coming from inside. Haein’s whispering voice was small but clear.

“But your sister is holding on. We’re family. Family has to protect each other. Right?”

Soohyun’s brow furrowed deeply as he listened.

Family, what the hell is that?

The family that Yoon Haein clung to so dearly, the family that Jung Soohyun loathed so much.

‘I wanted to become your family.’

One night, Haein’s whispered words suddenly came to mind.

If they became family, would she hold the same feelings for him as she did for her sibling now?

‘So what are you going to do about it?’

But as soon as that thought arose, Soohyun shook his head.

He asked himself if he wanted her to stay by his side forever. He questioned if he wanted to see her melt into this quagmire and become corrupted or suffer like him.

As expected, his thought remained unchanged: if he truly cared for her, he had to push her away, even forcibly, and get her out of this place.

‘It would be wrong to ask her to stay here for me.’

He put his hands in his pockets and leaned his back against the hospital corridor wall. He remembered the conversation he had with Haein on the day he came here looking for her.

‘I can’t abandon my family. I’m sorry.’

Yeah, you haven’t changed then or now.

A subtle feeling of disappointment welled up inside him, and Soohyun laughed hollowly. He figured that Jung Soohyun would never be able to fit into the boundary of family that Yoon Haein spoke of.

“Director.”

Lost in thought, he lifted his head and saw a security guard guarding the hospital room standing with a caregiver.

“Madam asked us to step away for a moment... and it happened to be our shift change, so we stepped out for a bit.”

The hesitant individuals looked embarrassed, as if they were worried about being reprimanded for leaving their post.

“It seems like she’s spending time inside, so I’m waiting outside as well.”

Unlike his usual self, Soohyun was lenient, and the caregiver and security guard were filled with surprise.

“How often does my wife come here?”

Soohyun asked the two of them as gently as possible. These two had been working since around the time Haein got married. They must have seen Haein every week.

“I think she comes at least two or three times a week.”

“Two or three times?”

“Yes. She takes such meticulous care... she seems to know more about her sibling’s condition than the medical staff.”

“Please continue to take good care of them.”

“Oh, of course. Please leave it to us, Director. Her parents were here until not long ago. Her family is truly devoted.”

There were cases where many family members neglected the sick when a caregiver was present, but it seemed that wasn’t the case with Haein’s family.

“Go on in.”

Soohyun let the caregiver inside. He wanted to get Haein out of this place before it got any later.

Not long after the caregiver went in, Haein came out. She had already erased the traces of tears, and Haein’s face was as bright as usual.

“What brings you here all of a sudden?”

Haein greeted Soohyun with a surprised look. It was the first time Soohyun had visited the hospital since their marriage.

“Sorry. I should have come at least once.”

“Why come all the way here when you’re busy?”

At Soohyun’s words, Haein smiled faintly, looking grateful. Her weak smile pierced Soohyun’s heart. The image of her back, crying silently, overlapped, making his heart ache. His stomach felt tight.

“When did you get here?”

“Just now. I heard you were in a lot of pain. I came just in case.”

“Thank you.”

To Haein, who had wiped away her tears and pretended not to have cried, Soohyun also lied. He kept his face calm, as if he hadn’t heard a single word she said.

“Shall we go home?”

Haein naturally linked her arm with his. No, until now, he had thought such actions of Haein were natural. He had been indifferent.

But now, he could clearly feel it. Her hand linked in his arm was trembling slightly.

This woman was hiding her tears and trying so hard in everything.

Soohyun took her hand, which he would have brushed off as usual, with his other hand and held it tightly.

“Sunbae?”

Surprised by Soohyun’s unfamiliar behavior, Haein looked up at him. As he met her eyes, the emotions he had been suppressing surged up at once. His throat tightened, and his voice wouldn’t come out easily.

“......Over there.”

Haein’s hand in his felt thin. Soohyun swallowed hard, forcefully pushing down the surging emotions. He squeezed her hand and asked,

“Have you eaten?”

“Food? No. What about you, Sunbae?”

“I haven’t eaten yet either.”

“I did set the dinner table before I left... I’m sorry.”

“No. What are you sorry for?”

“There’s no way anything will be open at this hour...”

Soohyun silently looked down at Haein, who was worrying about her husband’s meal with a nonchalant face.

‘Just a moment ago, she was sitting beside her sick sibling, crying.’

Things he hadn’t even noticed when he didn’t know her now pierced his heart like this once he did.

He felt sorry, thinking that today probably wasn’t the first day like this. Haein’s past days, when she had waited for him day and night without showing any signs, stabbed at Soohyun’s heart.

He slowly moved his feet and said,

“Let’s go. I know a place.”