FBS - 13

My hands trembled so violently that I couldn't even hold onto my mother. Not a single breath escaped her lips, embodying the 'terminally ill' figure my stepfather had described. Tears streamed down my face as I grasped her hand. It was I who held on, yet it was I who was startled by the action.

'When did this happen...?’

My mother's hands, once so soft and smooth, were now as dry and brittle as tinder. And they were deathly pale. It was no wonder my heart ached even more. I had clearly witnessed her looking wan before. But at that time, fearing our secret relationship with my stepfather would be discovered, I hadn't dared to ask and had let it pass.

Though my mother's illness was said to have started long ago, I felt as if it was all my fault, my mistake. I had been so busy hiding and concealing my love that I had been oblivious to my mother's suffering, and I felt like a fool.

“Rosen.”

I sobbed and sobbed until my stepfather, who had followed me, came to my side and put his arm around my shoulder. Tears flowed endlessly as if needles were piercing my tear ducts. Wiping my tear-streaked face with my hands, I gasped for breath.

“How much... how much time does she have left?”

“...The doctor says she probably won't last more than a year.”

Less than a year left to live...

Her precarious state was heartbreaking enough, but the fact that even these moments of seeing her were numbered plunged me into despair. I felt as though I had cried an endless stream of tears, yet my head still felt full of water. Perhaps that was why my vision suddenly swam.

“...Rosen? Rosen!”

A wave of weakness washed over me, and I helplessly leaned into his arms and lost consciousness.

When I opened my eyes again, half a day had passed.

Barque was the first thing I saw, as if he had been keeping watch by my bedside while I was unconscious. He stroked my cheek and asked if anything hurt. It seemed I had just fainted from a sudden rush of tears causing temporary anemia, as my condition was fine after waking up.

Only then did Barque wear a relieved expression.

“Siliam is awake.”

He kissed my forehead as he spoke. My hand, which was clutching the blanket, instinctively tightened.

“Would you like to see her?”

After a moment of hesitation, I nodded. Together, we headed to the bedroom where my mother was. When I opened the door, I felt a momentary dizziness. Just before I fainted, my mother had been lying as still as death, pale and lifeless, but now she was leaning against the headboard, looking out the window.

Barque, sensing the situation, slipped out and closed the door behind him.

“Mother.”

I approached cautiously and called out to her. Her shoulder, which seemed frail even in its stillness, twitched. Surprise filled her eyes as they slowly turned towards me. Anxious, I quickly moved closer to the bed.

“Rosen. Is it really you?”

My mother cupped my cheeks with a gaze that still trembled with affection.

“Where have you been all this time? The day you disappeared, I was so...”

According to my stepfather, my mother had collapsed on the morning my disappearance was discovered and had been bedridden ever since. The illness she had been secretly suffering from had worsened due to the sudden shock.

Thinking back, my mother often spent more time alone than necessary.

She was like that even when we stayed at Beaufort Manor, and it continued after her marriage to Barque. No close friends ever visited, nor did she host tea parties or social gatherings, yet she was frequently out of sight.

All that time was a testament to her solitary battle against her illness. Seeing as even my grandfather hadn't known, she must have desperately tried to hide the truth.

The situation had improved considerably after we came to this mansion, all thanks to Barque's support, which allowed her to receive treatment in the most comfortable conditions. Thanks to him, my mother's remaining days had become slightly longer than expected, but even that had been rendered useless by my running away.

“Why... why didn't you tell me? Why didn't you say a word to me...?”

“It seems Barque has told you everything.”

“I'm sorry. Because of me. Because of my foolish actions...”

The more I spoke, the more my words sounded like excuses, and my head naturally drooped.

The fact that I was a despicable hypocrite struck me deeply. I thought, 'I love my mother, she is my world,’ yet in the end, I had only cared about myself. That's why I hadn't even noticed my mother's illness and had done such a foolish thing.

“It was because of this. You're blaming yourself like this.”

“Hngh...”

“Rosen. My illness is by no means your fault.”

“But...”

“As Barque has probably told you, I didn't want you to live an unhappy life because of me. But from the moment I took you away from that man... my situation only brought you hardship and suffering. That always weighed on my mind.”

My mother's fingers were thin and frail, evidence of her weight loss due to her illness, but the warmth they held was distinct.

“You are so precious to me. That's why I wanted you to live seeing and hearing only happy things. I couldn't envision such a future with that man...”

“...Are you talking about Father?”

It wasn't difficult to infer that 'that man' mentioned here referred to my biological father.

As I suspected, my mother smiled faintly. It was a confirmation.

“I don't love Barque, but I am content with this marriage because I love you. More than anything, it has kept you safe. So, you don't have to think that I was forced into this marriage because of you. This was entirely my judgment, my choice.”

My mother's hand gently wiped my cheek as if telling me to stop crying. Yet, tears continued to well up endlessly. I was a sinner who could never be forgiven no matter how much I begged, and my mother's hand, which stole away my clear tears, felt like the hand of a deity warmly embracing even such a sinner.

Perhaps it was because of this that I felt compelled to confess even the sins I hadn't yet brought to light.

“Mother, I...”

Since my mother had spoken to me so openly, I, too, wanted to unravel all the secrets I held.

But sometimes, what the heart desires and reality differ. When I actually tried to confess, I couldn't bring myself to speak. About the secret affair that had taken place here, about how I had come to love the man she had married and was even carrying his child.

I hesitated, my lips moving for a long time without uttering a sound.

“Rosen.”

Gasping for breath, I lifted my head to see my mother wearing a gentle smile, as if she knew everything.

“You don't have to talk about it if it's hard.”

“...”

“As I said before, I only wish for your happiness, my dear. No matter what, I want you to pursue only your happiness. You deserve to. Until now... you've been so worried about others.”

Every word that reached me was filled with affection. Those words felt like the answer to the maze I had been wandering through.

The harsh words and cruel treatment I had received throughout my life had accumulated within me, leaving a heavy lump in my heart. Sometimes, if I felt resentment, it was not towards my mother but towards myself. I blamed myself for not being good enough, for being inadequate and lacking, which was why I heard such things.

Therefore, at times, even my birth felt like an absurd event. I often wondered if I was someone who should never have been born.

Each time, it was my mother's comfort that soothed me. And even at this moment, her whisper, which scattered all the pent-up resentment, crumbled my heart.

In the end, I hugged her and burst into endless tears. As I did, I realized that her body was even more emaciated than what I had seen.

That day, my mother told me about my father for the first time. A gardener who had worked as a servant in the Marquis's estate, my biological father.

When my mother was a maiden, she said that whenever she looked out at the garden, my father was always there in the scenery. She couldn't take her eyes off him as he walked among the lush greenery, tending to the trees and caressing the leaves.

The look in my mother's eyes as she described those memories was filled with fresh affection. The story she told me was as peaceful and radiant as a fairy tale from a faraway land.

I had vaguely assumed that my mother hated and resented my father. This was because she had never once brought up the topic of my father, which I had expected to hear about at least once in my life.

But like showing a precious treasure she had kept hidden, her memories of my father were tender and valuable. My mother loved him so much that I couldn't help but suspect she had kept those memories locked away, fearing they would wear out if she looked at them too often.

For about a month, I spent an inseparable and profound time with my mother.

In a position where I could see her when I opened my eyes and hold her in my sight before closing them, I forged our last memories together. Barque, too, did not intrude on that time.

And from a month later, the atmosphere in the mansion shifted entirely.

As if she had fulfilled her duty and neatly wrapped up her time with me, my mother began to hover at death's door, her tension seemingly released. At the same time, the tiny life growing within my womb began to make its presence distinctly known.

While my mother fought fiercely against her illness, I too spent difficult days battling morning sickness and various pregnancy symptoms. Perhaps because I was naturally slender, my belly didn't show much. But the symptoms were undeniably those of pregnancy, so I stayed confined to my bedroom for a while, barely moving.

Facing my mother's impending death, my nerves became as sharp as a well-honed blade. The stress that assailed me moment by moment was incomparable to the time I had spent with Ergel, away from my stepfather's clutches.

From the moment my mother teetered on the brink of life and death, Barque shared my bedroom, watching over me with meticulous care. If I woke up in the middle of the night and suddenly wept for no reason, he was quick to soothe me. If I complained of any pain, he would immediately call the doctor to check for any abnormalities.

He was incredibly devoted to me, making it hard to believe he had been the one who had tormented me all along. Perhaps he had always wanted to be like this, but my avoidance and rejection had left him with no choice.

From the moment I conceived, I often discussed Barque and the baby.

It was because of the issue of the baby's registration.

There was no doubt that this baby was of my and Barque's bloodline. I vowed that when this baby was born, I would shower it with unconditional love, just as my mother had always done for me.

However, that was a slightly separate issue from the registration.

The reason was the relationship between Barque and me – that of stepfather and stepdaughter. The legally established family relationship presented an ambiguous dilemma. Of course, he and I were unrelated by blood, but we couldn't completely disregard public opinion.

If rumors spread that a baby was born between my stepfather and me less than a year after his marriage to my mother... the thought alone was horrifying.

<My goodness. So he got involved with his wife's daughter while having a wife?>

<No matter how unpredictable relationships between men and women can be, how could a stepfather and stepdaughter...? >

<Does Countess Estellan know about this scandalous affair?>

Their irritating murmurs already seemed to echo in my ears. As someone who had suffered the pain of being labeled a bastard, I couldn't help but hesitate.

And aside from myself, I was also worried about my mother.

Regardless of the circumstances, I didn't want my mother to be dragged into the scandal every time our deeply immoral relationship was discussed. She had endured a lifetime of harsh scrutiny. She had committed no sin in that process. She, too, had simply been unable to hide her love, just like me.

When she finally returned to the earth, I hoped she would be free from all the burdens of this world and find peace.

While I couldn't readily decide on the issue of the baby's registration, my mother finally passed away. It was a month before my due date. Around that time, my thoughts had begun to lean towards registering the baby under my mother and stepfather's family registry.

Therefore, my mother's official funeral had to be postponed to coincide with my childbirth, to publicly declare my baby as her bloodline. Instead, an unofficial funeral was held within the Estellan County. Although the official funeral was postponed, it was only right to see my mother off on her final journey.

“......”

Dressed in a black dress, I sat on the bed and looked out the window.

A drizzle fell endlessly. It was the weather that mirrored my heart. Just moments ago, standing beside Barque, as his stepdaughter sending off her mother, I too had shed a torrent of tears like the sky. Perhaps that was why my head throbbed even now as I sat still.

The image of my mother lying in her coffin with a serene expression, devoid of any lingering regrets, replayed in my mind. Her complexion after death looked peaceful rather than pale. As I reflected on that tearful farewell, I lowered my hand and stroked my belly.

Before I knew it, my belly had grown into a gentle curve that even my voluminous dress couldn't conceal. I carefully touched above my navel, and a faint but definite flutter of movement stirred within. But what I was trying to feel with my fingertips now wasn't the fetal movement.

It had been exactly a month since a restless feeling had begun to rise from the depths of my lower abdomen.

At first, I couldn't quite grasp what it was.

I wondered if it was just the queasiness of morning sickness. But it wasn't. It wasn't a physical symptom; it was a vibration rising from deep within me. The moment I watched my mother's final moments, I realized what that unsettling sensation indicated.

“Rosen.”

Suddenly, a presence cutting through the darkness knelt before me. The man who had embraced me until the end, the husband of my mother who had finally crossed into twilight. And the man I loved...

He gently stroked my shoulder as if to comfort me, then slowly tilted his head. Just before our lips were about to meet, I twisted my chin and avoided the kiss.

We hadn't been intimate since our passionate reunion, to prevent any possible danger. He cherished both me and the baby growing inside me.

Since we shared the same bedroom and the same bed, there wasn't a complete lack of physical contact. Kisses were frequent, and sometimes, unable to resist his desire, he would lie me down and pleasure himself above me.

However, from the moment that unsettling feeling took root in my heart, I had refused his touch. I avoided his approaching lips, looked away from his gaze, and shunned his touch. Barque had long since noticed this, but he had never once pointed it out. He seemed to understand my troubled state of mind and was watching over me from a distance.

But today seemed different. His handsome brow furrowed tightly.

“How many days has it been?”

“......”

“Why are you so upset? What did I do wrong?”

It felt like that time.

The time I had run away after realizing I was pregnant, and then encountered him when he came to catch me. When the cloth covering my eyes was removed and I finally faced my stepfather, who evoked both love and hatred in me simultaneously.

Overwhelming yet sorrowful. As if cold and heat were rising together within me. That sensation that was difficult to explain even by combining all the words I knew.

Barque's eyebrows twitched roughly as he looked at my silent face. He, who had been so eager to please me, seemed to have reached his limit with my constant rejection, and his fierce nature was about to resurface. But seeing my eyes already red and wet with tears, his expression quickly turned bewildered, as if he had forgotten he was about to become harsh.

“I don't regret falling in love with you.”

I tried hard to swallow my sobs, slowly bringing out the threads of emotion that had been roughly tearing through my heart.

“But, when our baby was conceived, it was so hard for me.”

“......”

“Of course, I'm happy. It's a blessing, and I know it's a precious being that came to me. But, but... it wasn't what I wanted.”

Yes, this being was his desire rather than my longing. A desire that had forced its way into my womb, filling it with cloudy semen while I resisted, finally bearing fruit.

Barque stared at me without shifting his gaze even once. He looked intensely rigid, as if he were anxious not to miss even the slightest trace of what I was revealing by blinking. Just by looking at his fingertips, which he couldn't easily relax, I could guess how tense he was.

“Just because I love you, it doesn't mean you can treat me however you want...”

The identity of my confused feelings was precisely the remnants of unresolved hatred.

Touching me against my will when I was rejecting him out of consideration for my mother, making me helplessly succumb to pleasure, and ultimately making me bear a child.

The love I held could by no means be a pardon that justified my stepfather's forceful actions. And so, the scar in my heart remained.

Barque inhaled sharply, as if he had realized what I was pointing out. A shadow of dismay fell over his features. A moment of silence passed. He flinched as if he had received an unexpected blow, then took a deep breath.

“At that time, I was too hasty. I admit it. I wasn't sure if you would choose me even after Siliam died, so I was incredibly impatient.”

“......”

“More than anything, I desperately needed a way to prevent Duke Beaufort from taking you away from me...”

I stared blankly at his crumbling expression. My resolutely firm gaze seemed to fuel his anxiety, and he, who was rarely flustered, was busily making awkward excuses.

Yes, excuses.

They were all just superficial justifications, empty inside.

“Is that all?”

After listening silently, I slowly opened my lips, causing him to falter. Even in the moment his pupils darted around, I saw the many emotions tangled in his gaze. I watched it all quietly.

Finally, he ran a frustrated hand through his neatly styled hair, letting it fall into disarray, and let out a low sigh.

“......I'm sorry.”

Piercing through that sigh, words that seemed quite out of place for his usually aloof and overbearing demeanor seeped out.

“I know. This kind of apology won't excuse what I did. Duke Beaufort, and the means to keep you by my side, they're all just hollow pretenses.”

“......”

“I wanted you. So badly that I resorted to such a vile and reprehensible method.”

“......”

“As you know, I'm a much more vile and filthy creature who's only ever crawled through the dregs. There were so many times in my miserable life when I had to give up on things I wanted because of circumstances and my station. But you... I didn't want you to give up like that, and it felt like you wouldn't be able to, so I kept getting impatient.”

'I only wish for your happiness.’ My mother's words to me boldly exposed my resentment. To live like this, completely transforming what happened between us into something peaceful, felt like it would erase all the unpleasantness and humiliation I had experienced in the past.

That at least, wouldn't have been the happiness my mother wished for me.

Only by untangling the emotions knotted like a ball of yarn could my mother's wish, and my feelings for this man, become a little more whole. That's why I had revealed such inner thoughts to him.

“Shall I apologize until your heart is appeased?”

He had already lowered both knees to the floor. Whether it was intentional or not, from afar, it would certainly look like he was kneeling before me.

“How?”

“I'll have to beg and beg again. Until you feel like forgiving me.”

“Do you think you can? Someone who touched me so selfishly, just because he wanted to?”

“......Rosen.”

He sighed, his face darkly still. A look of genuine reluctance didn't suit him. His reaction to my every word was close to being at a loss. That somehow felt exhilarating.

Still, the fact that those words seeped into my heart meant that even if love couldn't be a complete absolution, it could at least be a mitigating factor.

Actually, every day had been surprising and wondrous for me lately. It was because of his anxiousness to take care of me during my pregnancy. He became more and more particular day by day, to the point where I wondered, 'Does he even take care of such trivial things?’ And that particularity sometimes softened even the resentment that flared up like fire.

Even if I had sleepless nights over insignificant things or nagged him so much that he couldn't attend to his official duties, he never once showed any signs of being annoyed or bothered. Rather, he constantly sent maids to check on my condition and gave detailed instructions.

In fact, that was the natural attitude of a biological father who had caused a life to be conceived within my womb. But my bruised and suppressed pride, and the things that had happened between us, seemed to give it a deeper resonance.

“......”

I stroked his sharp jawline, then pressed my lips firmly against his and pulled away. It was a level of skinship that was almost embarrassing to call a kiss. On his pupils, which slowly closed and then opened, a delirium-like spark flickered.

I abruptly blocked his lips as he leaned in somewhat hastily.

“If you're sorry to me.”

“......”

“Please be patient, for a while.”

“......Are you planning to kill me by holding back?”

“If you don't touch me until I allow it, I'll believe you're sincere.”

I couldn't help but laugh at the sight of his face darkening as if he had truly witnessed hell at those words.

I should probably watch him a little longer. My hatred wasn't so shallow that it would dissipate with just a single 'I'm sorry.’

Still, perhaps because I had finally spoken my mind, the restless feeling that had lingered within me seemed to be calming down somewhat. As I reflected on his attitude, which was clearly different from before, treating and caring for me as an individual, I had no doubt that the moment when this faint resentment would disappear and be replaced entirely by affection would come.

________________________________________

It was like a bolt from the blue.

The unexpected confrontation with my grandfather was exactly that for me. My stomach had tightened the night before, preventing me from sleeping. So, I had tossed and turned, groaning, and finally fallen asleep late in the morning, which meant I didn't wake up until noon.

I hadn't even washed yet when Barque suddenly summoned me to the drawing-room. After quickly washing and leaving the bedroom, I couldn't help but flinch at the booming voice that greeted me as soon as I opened the drawing-room door.

“How could you do this without any consultation with me!”

A metallic voice that seemed to scrape and burst from within. Only one person around me could produce such a grating sound.

“It was Siliam's wish.”

Inside, Barque and my grandfather were facing each other. My grandfather's face was flushed with anger, his fury reaching his head. I could easily guess the reason. He must have heard about my mother's passing, which hadn't been officially announced yet.

As if sensing my presence, my grandfather's piercing gaze turned to me.

“Ah, you've come at a good time. I was just about to...”

My grandfather, who had been roughly pounding his chest as if it would burst, flinched when he saw my belly, which was roundly swollen and couldn't be hidden even by my dress. He wore a bewildered expression, as if he were looking at the most bizarre and sinister thing in the world.

“Rosen, come here.”

Instead of my grandfather, Barque reached out his hand to me. I cautiously approached him, carefully observing the situation. My grandfather's fleetingly hardened gaze was fixed on me, no, on my belly.

“What is this... you, that belly...”

The situation before him seemed like a dream to my grandfather, his face even looked somewhat dazed as if he couldn't grasp the reality.

Having suddenly encountered my grandfather like an unexpected calamity after just waking up, my feelings were the same. I had been constantly afraid anyway. Under my grandfather's sharp demeanor and the authority that supported his nature, my childbirth would be something that couldn't be hidden no matter how much I tried.

More than anything, I was even more frightened because I had never dreamed of reuniting with him so soon. As the biggest wall and villain in my heart, my heart pounded madly.

Soon, my grandfather slammed his cane on the floor and stood up abruptly, yelling at me.

“What in the world is that belly of yours, don't tell me you're pregnant!”

“It's my baby.”

Barque said, holding my trembling hand amidst the thunderous shout. My grandfather, who had been about to tear me to shreds with just his voice, instantly turned into a stone statue at those short words. He remained frozen for a long time, unable to even move his eyes, before finally letting out a hollow, incredulous laugh.

My grandfather clutched his forehead and looked back and forth between me and Barque.

“......You crazy, crazy fools.”

“......”

“You dirty things! Couldn't you find anyone else to cling to but each other!”

In his eyes, which resembled my mother's in color, a violent energy close to tyranny swirled. The nightmare I had experienced at the Marquis's estate flashed in my mind, and I instinctively flinched.

“I won't acknowledge this. As of today, you will immediately get a divorce, and we will take custody of Siliam's body from our family, so hand it over. And Rosen, you, you...”

My grandfather looked at my belly, which was well past the stable period of pregnancy, and couldn't bring himself to finish his sentence. His attitude was terrifying, as if he wanted to tear apart the poor thing nestled inside me right away.

It was then that Barque, who had been silently watching my grandfather's rage, scoffed.

“I have no intention of divorcing.”

“What?”

“Siliam and I have a separate contract, even notarized.”

“......”

“A contract that stipulates that even if she dies, a divorce can absolutely not take place.”

The color drained from my grandfather's face. He seemed a little flustered, but still unable to back down, he stubbornly insisted.

“Ha, so you did use your head a bit. Do you really think I'll just stand by and watch this situation unfold with my eyes wide open!”

“I advise you not to waste your energy. Divorce will be absolutely impossible. And if you intend to divorce Siliam and me by any means...”

Barque tightly gripped my hand that his large palm was covering.

“I will remarry Rosen by any means necessary.”

“Wh-what...”

“Now that she's carrying my child, what could be so difficult? My noble father-in-law knows better than I, a lowly person, how quickly rumors spread in this world.”

Only now did I realize why Barque had so boldly mentioned remarrying me.

Just moments ago, my grandfather's complexion had been on the paler side, but now it had turned ashen. As greedy as he was, he was someone who staked his life on appearances. That was why he had been so afraid of my mother remaining an unwed mother and why he had regarded me with such displeasure.

There was no way he could tolerate being caught up in unsavory rumors because of his own flesh and blood.

And those rumors weren't something that could be simply described as 'unsavory.’ It was a scandal so outlandish that it would be hard to believe even if a third-rate weekly magazine covered it. So, there was no guarantee that those around us wouldn't be harmed by our scandalous affair.

The way he deliberately used the title 'father-in-law' was polite, but the underlying tone was closer to a warning. My grandfather was now on the verge of clutching the back of his neck.

“You, you arrogant wretch. This is why I'm sick to death of commoners who don't know their place! How in the world did a despicable fellow like you end up in that position...!”

“It was you, Father-in-law, who granted me this status. Please don't forget that.”

“Don't you know your place, daring to... Just because His Majesty coddles you, do you think everything will go your way...!”

“Of course not. I'm simply seeking a way to be with the person I love in my own way.”

“You, you...!”

“Don't even think about taking Rosen away from me.”

Barque's demeanor changed in an instant.

He, who had been treating my grandfather with at least a semblance of courtesy, suddenly exuded an overwhelming pressure that was hard to bear. Whether it was just my imagination or not, my grandfather visibly flinched as well.

“If you just don't take Rosen away from me, I have no intention of bothering you, Father-in-law.”

“Doesn't the heavens, doesn't the heavens frighten you...?”

“Why should the heavens frighten me? When we're not even truly related by blood.”

His soft chuckle was clearly close to a sneer.

The power my grandfather held was so solid that no one could easily break it, but at this moment, he couldn't overcome the cards Barque held.

There were too many issues that would become his weaknesses in the future if he tried to force things. In addition to the contract he had drawn up and notarized with my mother, there was also the threat to spread scandalous rumors throughout the empire if he forcibly tried to divorce them.

My grandfather continued to huff and puff for a long while before storming out in a fit of anger. The gaze that reached me as he moved his feet was closer to loathing than contempt. But strangely, it struck me as a sign that he no longer wanted to be involved, which made me feel rather relieved.

“Did you sleep well? Is your stomach okay?”

As I was looking in the direction my grandfather had disappeared, I suddenly felt a hand stroking my waist. I turned to him and nodded. He caressed my cheek and looked intently at me.

“You must have been surprised. You look pale.”

“Ah, I never dreamed Grandfather would come...”

I tightly grasped his hand like a lifeline, my unease not completely gone.

“What if Grandfather really does force a divorce?”

“I told you, it's close to impossible.”

“How can you be so sure...?”

“Because the notary is His Majesty the Emperor.”

My eyes immediately widened. The person who had just been mentioned was someone I hadn't expected at all. Barque calmly explained, watching my astonished reaction.

“Duke Beaufort made a deal with His Majesty. He handed over a portion of the western gold lands as justification for granting me a title. If I were to get a divorce, he might try to demand that land back as a condition for revoking my title. He's quite greedy. His Majesty is currently pushing forward with a new business venture using that land, so he willingly became the notary to prevent that in advance.”

So, he comforted me, saying there was nothing to worry about.

But despite his reassurance, I continued to feel anxious for several days afterward. It was my grandfather who had been eager to crush my pride my whole life. So, I was afraid that he would appear again at any moment and torment me and drag me away.

Especially after learning through Barque's story that he had planned to marry me off to a cantankerous old noble, my fear doubled. But whether it was just my anxiety or not, the Estellan County was unusually peaceful afterward.

Until the day I finally gave birth.

________________________________________

It was a time I couldn't recall how I endured. It just hurt, hurt, and hurt again. It was a continuous tormenting pain.

When the raw pain of my face being drenched in sweat and my flesh tearing became the most intense, my mother's face spun before my eyes. Mother must have gone through such agony too. As if trying to carry on her will, I repeatedly fought back the urge to give up and pushed with all my might.

Finally, when the baby's healthy cry, “Wah!” rang out, I collapsed, utterly exhausted. Barque, who had been bustling anxiously outside the bedroom throughout the labor, burst inside as soon as the sound echoed. He kissed me all over my face and cared for my sobbing self.

At that moment, a maid brought the baby, wrapped in a white swaddling cloth, close to us. The baby, who had already stopped crying and was blinking with barely opened eyes, was so tiny and lovely. It was embarrassing that I had thought it would be better to die from the pain, as I couldn't take my eyes off the baby.

As I went through each step of motherhood, I came to understand why she had cherished and treasured me so much. The maid carefully placed the baby in my arms. Barque stood beside me, leaning on the headboard, watching the baby with me.

“I'll step out for a moment.”

Then he suddenly gave instructions to the servants. Having quickly finished the aftercare, they hurried out of the birthing room. Barque brushed my sweat-soaked hair back and kissed my forehead.

“......Are you really going to be okay?”

It was a vague question. But after confirming that his gaze was now directed at the baby, I realized what he was asking.

He had said that he would completely follow my opinion regarding the heir. After much deliberation, I had decided to register the baby I had endured labor to birth as his and my mother's child in the family registry. Barque was referring to reconsidering that thought.

I looked down at the baby in my arms.

The baby, with hair the color of golden sand like mine and eyes exactly like its biological father Barque's, stared up at me with wide, clear eyes. The being I held in my arms felt so unreal that it seemed illusory. But at the same time, I was also keenly aware of the emotion welling up from the deepest part of my heart.

That I wanted to raise this baby with love.

“There will be a slightly bitter moment, won't there? When this baby calls me 'sister' instead of 'mother'...”

“......”

“But, just because of the title, it doesn't mean I won't be this baby's mother. If I can give enough love, I don't want to make our baby go through the same pain I did.”

My decision wasn't just to protect myself. It was my desire and determination to protect both my mother and this baby.

Barque didn't urge me to reconsider any further. He kissed my sweat-dampened temple and whispered words of love. His love spread warmly within me like a sedative.

If the world knew about the three of us like this, they would point fingers and criticize us. But now, I felt unafraid of any stoning. When my mother's love remained in my heart and Barque's love warmly embraced me, I felt a sense of relief that everything would be alright.

I smiled as I let the baby's tiny hand grasp my finger. I would make sure this baby experienced that kind of love too.

________________________________________

My mother's official funeral was held three weeks after I gave birth.

The weather was clear, but the funeral, filled entirely with black, had many large and small events. Among them, two prominent incidents stood out. The first was Ergel's attendance at the funeral as the representative of the Gropon County.

For about a year after returning to Barque's mansion, I had sent him countless letters. But just like there was no sender in the first place, no reply ever came. I was bothered because I couldn't tell if the lack of response was because he hadn't returned to the empire yet or if he was disappointed in me for something.

“Ergel. You!”

So, I was truly surprised when he attended the funeral dressed in black formal attire.

“How have you been, Rosen?”

Ergel greeted me calmly, as if he knew the turmoil that had been burning inside me. Ergel's gaze, which seemed more mature than before, went to my face, then to my belly. It was a reaction that reminded me that he was the only one besides Barque who knew about my pregnancy.

The reason I was concerned about Ergel was because I couldn't figure out how I had ended up in Barque's clutches while at his mansion. If Barque had come to get me, there was a high possibility that he would have encountered Ergel... I was also anxious that this might have become a clue for him to guess my relationship with Barque.

But even this seemed to be my unfounded worry, as Ergel was no different from how he had been before we parted.

“The baby... is it born?”

He held a bouquet of white chrysanthemums and handed it to me, asking quietly enough that others couldn't hear. I nodded and quickly took his arm, leading him to a corner.

“Hey, Ergel. What happened that day? When I woke up, I was with Father.”

Ergel looked at my anxious demeanor and explained calmly with a faint smile.

He hadn't been able to check the letters because he had just returned from a trip in Constanta, and he briefly told me the truth of that day that I hadn't known. That when I was asleep, Barque had come to the secluded mansion on the cliff to take me. He hadn't wanted to send me away, but since he was your family anyway, there was nothing he could do to stop it.

Throughout his explanation, Ergel showed no signs of unease. Because of this, I guessed that Barque had somehow taken me from him in a rather polite manner.

Actually, this was something I could have asked Barque, but he would turn up his nose at even hearing the spelling of Ergel's name ever since he returned.

No, rather than disgust, it would be more accurate to describe it as fierce jealousy. Didn't he become hell-bent on causing a miscarriage when he mistakenly thought the baby in my womb was Ergel's?

“I was surprised. No matter how many letters I sent, there was no reply. And I couldn't even go to see you...”

“Did you miss me?”

“Of course.”

Even after answering that way, I couldn't help but add, due to a strange unease that settled in my heart, “You're my precious friend, Ergel.”

“Friend...”

“Thank you so much for helping me back then, Ergel. If there's anything you ever want, please tell me anytime. I, too, will definitely help you without asking any questions if you ever ask for my help in the future.”

Though it was unlikely that he, a nobleman in a different position than me from the start, would ever ask for my help. Still, I clenched my fist and said it boldly. Ergel stared intently at my face.

“You look well, Rosen.”

“Huh?”

“You seemed to be having a hard time when you were with me, but now it looks like you're better.”

Many things had happened in the year since I parted with Ergel. My turbulent love had finally found its place, and the chaotic life had fully seen the light of the world. Above all, it was only natural that my years of seemingly long-standing hardship and struggle melted away like snow because my love with my mother hadn't gone awry.

Feeling a pang of regret that I couldn't reveal all the inner details, I smiled softly. “Yeah, I'm okay now.”

Ergel cast a probing gaze at me, as if gauging whether my words were sincere.

“It seems so. I'm glad I came to see you today.”

“Thank you for attending. Mother would have been happy too. I'll be sure to tell Father.”

“......No. There's no need. I'd prefer it if only you knew I attended.”

I was puzzled by his words, but Ergel patted my shoulder lightly and then turned away. It was a somewhat bittersweet reunion compared to the tension I had been holding onto so tightly. Since he knew about the baby's existence, I had thought he might probe more deeply about it.

“Rosen.”

As I quietly watched his retreating figure, I turned my head at the sound that suddenly reached my ear. Barque, who had been looking after the mourners, was standing behind me without me realizing when he had come.

“What are you doing?”

“I was just... Ah, no, it's nothing.”

Ergel's words telling me not to tell him came to mind, and I shook my head with a faint smile. Barque stared at my face for a moment, then suddenly pulled me close. Leaving the mourners who were chatting in small groups behind, he led me to a secluded spot behind the building.

“Why...”

He leaned me against the wall, cupped my chin, and gently pressed his lips against mine. Startled, I dropped the bouquet I had been holding tightly in my arms with a thud. For a while, a fierce tug-of-war ensued between me trying to pull away and my stepfather trying to continue the kiss. Of course, it wasn't the terrifying coercion and rejection of the past. Compared to then, it felt like nothing more than playful bickering.

Our lips parted with a soft, cute smacking sound. Wiping the saliva that had already become slick on the back of his hand, I gave him a displeased look that wasn't truly angry.

“What are you suddenly doing...?”

“Well, who told you to smile like that?”

Barque whispered, nibbling at my cheek as if unable to restrain himself. I sighed and pushed against his chest, unable to guess when this man's instincts would kick in.

He readily yielded, showing how things had changed from the past.

However, there were still similarities to the past. I lifted the hem of my skirt and quickly grabbed the hand that was reaching between my thighs. I knew best why he was acting like a starved beast after months of abstinence.

It was because the no-touching ban I had imposed had finally been lifted last night.

Honestly, I hadn't expected him to keep his promise so well. Wasn't he the man who had held my tearfully resisting body and forcefully thrust himself into me? I had expected him to give in to his instincts and reach out first before long...

It had been a long time since before my pregnancy, and even longer now that I had given birth. His unexpected self-restraint felt somewhat admirable, so I had relented a little earlier than I had initially thought.

So, even though we had spent the entire night together, it seemed it still wasn't enough. My body was still creaking and protesting everywhere.

“Barque, please.”

“......Damn it. No? Absolutely not?”

When I finally narrowed my eyes at him, he retreated meekly like a scolded pet.

“It's Mother's funeral. Let's finish it properly first...”

“Finish it and then?”

“......”

“Finish it and then what? What are we going to do?”

I felt like I had just dug my own grave with those few words. He pressed kisses all over my cheeks and neck as if determined to get a promise out of me. The ticklish sensation made me laugh even in the midst of this situation.

“Ahem.”

We both stiffened at the sound of a clearing throat from the side.

My heart tumbled down to my feet in a pathetic heap. Hurriedly waking my dazed mind, I turned my head. With a worry that it might be a mourner, the sight that greeted me was, thankfully, the butler.

“What is it?”

“Master. A person from the Beaufort County has just arrived.”

A crease immediately formed on Barque's smooth brow. He straightened his leaning upper body and slightly tousled his neatly styled hair. I now knew that was an unconscious action he made when suppressing rising anger. I deeply understood his feelings right now, so I also let out a long sigh.

“Show them to the drawing-room. And since the funeral proceedings are all finished, see to the rest.”

“Yes, Master.”

While Barque gave instructions, I picked up the bouquet of chrysanthemums that had fallen at my feet. Thankfully, the petals weren't soiled. Following behind him as he quickly moved, I handed the bouquet to the butler.

“Could you please put these in the bedroom?”

“Yes.”

The butler bowed and spoke. Honestly, I was still a little embarrassed to face him. Because back when my relationship with Barque wasn't properly established, he had seen us entangled naked on the bed. Still, perhaps because I was trying not to be swayed by others' reactions now, I felt better than before.

Reflecting on how my heart used to flutter at even the slightest disapproving glance, it seemed my pride was gradually recovering. There were two reasons: I hadn't met my grandfather, the villain who had crushed my pride, and Barque's complete love filled me completely.

With a light heart, I followed Barque.

And when I entered the drawing-room, the second surprising event of this funeral was unfolding. Beside the drawing-room sofa, a box as tall as me was piled high.

“These are Master Beaufort's instructions to dispose of Lady Siliam's and Lady Rosen's belongings that remained in the mansion.”

I quickly approached the box and examined the contents. Just as the person from the Beaufort County had said, they were all my mother's and my belongings.

“How should I interpret this?”

Barque, who was sitting with his legs crossed and a cigar in his mouth, asked with a sharp gaze. The Duke's representative flinched as if overwhelmed by his force, but quickly returned to a businesslike attitude and recited, “You may interpret it as you see it. The Duke no longer considers the two of you as members of the Beaufort County.”

Those were the words I had so desperately wanted to hear. Grandfather had finally made a decision. Rather than stubbornly dragging me under his control to gain profit, he had decided to discard me as a useless piece. While being expelled from the family might be a tearful event for someone else, it was welcome news that made me want to exclaim in admiration.

At my mother's funeral, the two issues that had been constantly weighing on my mind were resolved. Ergel, and Grandfather. Moreover, both were resolved smoothly, as if the dragging on had been for nothing. Perhaps that's why it felt like this was the last gift my mother had given me.

After the person from the County left, only he and I remained in the drawing-room.

“Come here.”

I approached him as he called me, and he pulled me by the waist to sit on his lap. I stroked his strong and sharp jawline, feeling my heart pound uncontrollably.

“Now, there's no reason for us to part, is there?”

“No.”

Barque nodded, putting down the cigar that was emitting smoke. If we were to part, the most influential person who was most likely to affect that had finally relented. Grandfather had given up on bringing me back into his family registry.

“It feels like we've come a long way.”

I felt something similar. If we were meant to understand each other's hearts like this and end up with only each other by our sides, why had we struggled so much? But on the other hand, I thought that perhaps it was because of the difficult times we had built up that this moment felt even more meaningful.

“It's because we fell in love with each other.”

“......”

“If one of us hadn't had feelings for the other... it would have been impossible.”

If that had been the case.

Our future might not have been so harmonious. I might have been crying, or he might have been furious. It might have been nothing but a path to ruin and destruction. But in the end, here we were, smiling at each other. This was the final stop of our hearts that had been completely stolen by each other, and the future we would paint together.

As if sensing that, Barque smiled gently with his forehead touching mine. I hadn't looked in a mirror, but I could guess that a smile that resembled his was drawn on my lips as well. Soon, when our lips slowly met, I felt a deep resonance within my chest.

This was happiness, I knew without needing to ask.