Chapter 45: As Long as I Live, I Love You

By the time the city lights began to glow, the area where the hotel was located was relatively lively, with shadows of light flickering.

He gazed at her, his dark eyes deep and shimmering faintly with a smile.

Su Ling couldn’t bear this prolonged eye contact and asked him, “What are you doing here?”

Qin Xiao missed her, deeply. It had been almost a month since he last saw her at the airport. As the year-end approached, his company kept him incredibly busy, often finishing work in the early hours of the morning. Exhausted, the warm yellow lights below made him miss her even more.

But he couldn’t just come to see her without a reason; otherwise, he would appear like a stalker.

Qin Xiao noticed the change in Su Ling’s attitude. Previously, she feared and loathed him. However, after accompanying her back to L City following her grandmother’s death, Qin Xiao restrained his inappropriate thoughts and acted genuinely, causing Su Ling to soften towards him.

He didn’t actually celebrate Christmas, but it was the only excuse he could think of to get close to her.

When she asked, he simply smiled and replied, “It’s Christmas. I came to wish you a Merry Christmas.”

Su Ling found his excuse flimsy but didn’t have the habit of exposing others’ lies. She nodded lightly and wished him back, “Merry Christmas.”

Qin Xiao had prepared well before coming: “I brought you a gift, but it’s in my car. Shall we go back and get it now?”

The sky was completely dark, with only dim yellow streetlights illuminating the road. Su Ling didn’t trust Qin Xiao’s character, which was unreliable. She shook her head: “No, thank you.”

She was especially afraid of his gifts, fearing something like an anklet again… The thought alone was terrifying.

Qin Xiao raised an eyebrow: “Alright, then I’ll give it to you tomorrow.”

Just as she relaxed, he chuckled: “We’re acquaintances now, right, Lingling?”

He deliberately kept the relationship within a range she could accept. Su Ling hesitated for a moment and then nodded. As long as he didn’t consider her a lover, that was fine.

He smirked mischievously: “Then you should give me something too. Reciprocity is important. Think about it, if I keep giving you things, aren’t you being stingy?”

Su Ling had given him only two things: a pink plush rabbit worth two yuan and two one-yuan coins.

Totaling four yuan, he still treasured them as if they were precious.

Su Ling softly said, “Can I not take yours?” She didn’t want to exchange gifts. If Qin Xiao didn’t give her anything, she wouldn’t need to give him anything either.

Qin Xiao felt a bit helpless but still smiled: “No, I’ve waited for you all night. Are you so heartless?”

Thinking about his icy hand earlier, Su Ling felt a pang of sympathy. She wanted him to stop coming. However, Qin Xiao certainly wouldn’t listen. She no longer felt suffocated, and aside from the sadness over her grandmother’s passing, her mental pressure had eased.

Su Ling also didn’t want to push the ruthless and selfish Qin Xiao of the past to return with a single sentence.

She carefully said, “But I haven’t prepared anything.” Though not destitute, she truly had no gifts.

“Then can I give it to you tomorrow?”

Knowing she had nothing, his voice softened: “How about now? I have to leave early tomorrow morning; there’s work waiting at the company.”

Su Ling couldn’t deny feeling a bit relieved and happy upon hearing he was leaving.

Other matters were easier to discuss. She softly said, “But I haven’t prepared anything.”

His eyes sparkled with laughter, filled with a strange light. Su Ling somehow understood his gaze.

Qin Xiao was just about to say, “How about a kiss instead?”

But Su Ling quickly turned away and rummaged through her small bag.

Then she took out an apple and handed it to Qin Xiao, looking at him hopefully: “T-then this is for you.” She felt guilty because this apple was from Dong Xu, distributed among the crew. Her face turned red, and her heartbeat quickened.

But she only had this.

Qin Xiao: “...” He stared at the apple for a while, and Su Ling softly added, “They say eating apples on Christmas Eve brings peace and safety.”

Feeling guilty, her eyes were moist, and she avoided his gaze, her ears turning red.

Warmth filled Qin Xiao’s eyes: “Alright.”

Su Ling felt even guiltier. He naturally didn’t know it was from Dong Xu; if he did, it would be disastrous.

Doing something slightly mischievous made her uneasy: “Then I’ll go.”

Just as she touched the door handle, Qin Xiao narrowed his eyes, his tone lazy: “Lingling, you’re treating me so well? Prepared an apple in advance?”

Su Ling: “...”

Qin Xiao understood. He chuckled and teased her: “Who gave it to you, dismissing me so casually?”

Su Ling wanted to cry. She dared not say it was Dong Xu—it was too frightening. Knowing this, she regretted giving it. She avoided his gaze, lowering her head: “Tang Zi gave it.”

He lifted her chin with one hand, his icy fingers touching her warm skin.

“Look at me.”

Su Ling avoided his gaze.

Qin Xiao chuckled softly: “Su Ling, your face is red.”

She remained silent, feeling both shy and annoyed.

Qin Xiao’s tone was lazy: “Tang Zi, huh?”

Su Ling dared not answer him.

He twirled his phone in his hand, containing Tang Zi’s information and number. Su Ling, being an innocent girl, couldn’t lie well. He could easily expose her but refrained from doing so because Su Ling wouldn’t like him controlling everything around her.

If she found out he investigated people close to her, she would dislike him even more.

However, guessing who gave the apple wasn’t difficult.

He lazily said: “Dong Xu gave it, right?”

She looked up at him, her eyes showing awkwardness and pity.

Damn! It really was him.

Qin Xiao wanted to throw it away, feeling a bit angry. But he played it cool, showing no inappropriate emotions.

Su Ling nervously watched him for a while, noticing his lowered eyes and lack of anger, secretly sighing in relief.

She softly said: “I’m sorry, I only had this. If you mind, I’ll make it up to you in a few days.”

Qin Xiao inwardly sneered, withdrawing his hand, his tone calm: “I don’t mind.”

He casually placed the apple aside: “Go back and sleep.”

She nodded and got out of the car.

The window rolled down, revealing his stern profile, watching her retreating figure. Qin Xiao suddenly smiled and asked: “Lingling.”

Her steps paused, and she turned to look at him.

His expression unchanged, he asked her: “Do you really wish me peace?”

She was taken aback, unsure why he suddenly asked such a question. Qin Xiao sneered: “I know myself. Wouldn’t it be better for you if I died?”

Her fingers tightened.

In truth… when she hated him the most, she had wished for his death. At that time, she had no desire to live, hating him to the extreme, wishing he would disappear from the world.

In her two lifetimes, nearly all her strongest emotions were directed at him, even if it was hatred.

But now, as he asked this, she suddenly felt a bit sad.

This life’s Qin Xiao hadn’t done anything wrong.

He had always been helping her. Su Ling’s heart was clear, knowing his good deeds.

She knew he was trying to change.

Finally, she answered him: “No.”

Qin Xiao smiled, his tone gentle: “Lingling.”

Their eyes met, his eyes soft: “I know I’m not good, lacking education and having a bad temper. But I can change all that. If you think I’m inferior to Dong Xu in talent, I have a lifetime to slowly learn. My temper can improve too. If I become a little better, will you like me a little?”

The warm yellow lights adorned her.

She suddenly felt a bit flustered.

Qin Xiao said, “If you don’t want to answer, then don’t. Wishing me dead is fine too. If I live, I’ll love you well.” He smiled, “If I die, it doesn’t matter—it might be a good thing for you.”

One day alive, one day loving you.

So although he viewed life and death indifferently, he still wanted to live well. With her around, the world was bright and sunny.

He loved this bright, sunny world.

Her lashes trembled fiercely, and finally, she fled back to the hotel in panic.

Qin Xiao watched for a long time, his gaze finally landing on the apple. His eyes were obscure; he wasn’t so easy to kill. It was unfortunate that he couldn’t fulfill her wish.

At six o’clock the next morning, Su Ling received a call from Qin Xiao.

“I’m returning to B City. I’m at the hotel corner. I’ll give you your gift. Can you come down for a moment?”

Su Ling didn’t have the habit of sleeping in, so she got up.

“Wait a moment.”

As she went downstairs, the nearby breakfast shops had already opened.

M City was barren, with open terrain. Snow had fallen all night, accumulating thickly on the ground, turning the world into a silver wonderland.

Steam rose from the breakfast shop.

Her breath formed white mist.

Su Ling, who feared the cold, wore snow boots, a white knee-length down jacket, and fleece-lined pants. Just looking at her made one feel warm.

Qin Xiao leaned against the car, holding a bag.

Su Ling instinctively dreaded his gift, timidly glancing at the bag as if coming down was a difficult task.

Qin Xiao noticed and smirked playfully: “Come on.”

She hesitated, glancing at the bag.

Qin Xiao walked over; the bag didn’t contain anything bad—a fluffy white ear cap and a pure black scarf.

His movements were gentle, his eyes smiling as he wrapped the scarf around her.

She looked adorable, wearing anything beautifully.

Su Ling never expected Qin Xiao to give such normal gifts. The scarf carried a faint warmth.

She blinked, first thanking him, then asking, “Why is it black?” Wasn’t Qin Xiao’s aesthetic preference masculine? She remembered he liked buying her pink things.

Qin Xiao calmly countered: “Don’t like black?”

She shook her head: “Both are fine.”

Qin Xiao’s gaze lingered on her scarf.

It probably still carried his body heat and scent, though she wouldn’t know. If she did, she likely wouldn’t accept it.

The black made her face porcelain-white.

He smiled.

He thought Su Ling was white, and he was the ultimate black. He wanted to taint her but feared her knowing.

Yet, just this thought excited him.

Tsk, how disgusting these feelings were. Beginning with love, loyal to desire, yet having to stop due to fear of loss.

Nurturing quietly in places unseen.