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Psst! We're moving!
When Hyun-soo turned around, he was driving, his eyes fixed on the front.
How could she say no? Sadly, Wan looked even more like Yoon Guk than he did her. He looked so much like him that even if she put him out on the street, someone would probably bring him to Guk, saying, “Here’s your son.” So how could she tell him to not care? But.
“We have our own issues.”
“Don’t say ‘we.’ It’s not me.”
“......”
“It’s a blade you’re holding onto all by yourself. If you let go, you’ll be comfortable. Why don’t you understand that?”
How could he? How could everything be so easy for him?
Hyun-soo wanted to argue back but bit her lip and held herself back. This topic would only lead to more fighting.
“What should we eat for dinner?”
At the question asked so casually, as if he knew or didn’t know her feelings, Hyun-soo cast her gaze out the window. The rapidly passing scenery was no different from her own chaotic feelings.
“I don’t know.”
With that barely uttered reply, silence fell in the car.
She had thought he would drop Hyun-soo and Wan off and then leave. But Guk got out of the car and went into the house with them. Seeing him standing in her plain, unassuming home that didn’t suit him at all, Hyun-soo’s insides boiled and then burned.
“I don’t know either.”
It was half resignation. He was the type to arbitrarily bring their child all the way to her workplace, so she didn’t think he would leave easily even if she said a few words.
Sighing, Hyun-soo walked past Guk, who was holding Wan.
“Aren’t you leaving?”
“Nope.”
“What?”
“I said I’m not leaving.”
It was after they had dinner together, unable to turn him away, and even shared fruit for dessert. It had been a long time since they had spent time together. But Guk didn’t budge. He didn’t seem to have any intention of leaving at all.
For quite a long time, as the sun set outside the window and darkness spread like ink across the sky, Wan remained in Guk’s arms. Hyun-soo, who had been quietly watching the two of them play, composed herself and spoke again.
“You’re busy. Go quickly.”
“I’ll be here for three days. Don’t worry.”
“I’m not worried, wait. Three days? Did you say three days?”
“Yeah. Why? Is something wrong?”
Guk, who had let Wan lean on his shoulder, looked up with an indifferent expression. Hyun-soo was so taken aback that her face hardened.
“You go home right now. Right now.”
“This is my home, where else would I keep going?”
“Why is this your home?”
“Where my wife and child are is my home, isn’t it?”
Wow, what was he relying on to be so brazen?
“Then should I leave? Is that what you want?”
An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, but for brazenness, she decided to push through relentlessly. When she threatened to run away from home, Guk’s eyes changed instantly. With a sharp gaze and a fierce look in his eyes, Guk stared at Hyun-soo.
“Do you think I’d let you?”
“What can you do if I leave?”
“I’ll never let you leave, no matter what. I’ll chase you to the ends of the earth, even if I die.”
It was getting more and more... Hyun-soo took a long breath, trying to calm down, and put her hands on her hips, turning around. Just then, a paper bag placed next to the shoe rack caught her eye.
“What’s that?”
Wan burst into a fit of giggles, clearly enjoying something. Guk stroked Wan’s cheek with his finger and answered without looking.
“Yoon Han sent it. A gift for Wan.”
Yoon Han... he said. The small flame of defiance that had been burning brightly due to her confrontation with Guk flickered and went out. Recalling the person from the past, the shocks she had momentarily forgotten, left a bitter taste in her mouth.
When Hyun-soo didn’t say anything, Guk looked up at her. As expected, Hyun-soo’s complexion was dark.
“You can throw it away, it doesn’t matter.”
“......”
“Do whatever your heart tells you.”
Hyun-soo, who had dropped her hands from her hips, slowly approached the paper bag. Looking inside, she saw baby shoes and a onesie.
“......”
After touching them silently for a moment, Hyun-soo put the items back in their place.
“I’m going to the bathroom.”
What was she thinking? Saying it calmly, she went into the bathroom and disappeared. Thanks to that, only Guk and Wan, who was in his arms, remained in the living room.
“Let’s give Mommy some time.”
As if understanding the words spoken while looking at him, Wan smiled brightly. Guk quietly gazed at that smile. He couldn’t help but find it truly lovely.
A complex light was contained in Guk’s gaze as he looked at Wan’s small hand gripping his finger.
Even though she had expected him to drag her along by force, Yoon Guk didn’t demand anything from the two of them as the seasons changed. Rather, he was the one who was busy coming and going every other day.
It was around the time when the street scenery had changed to people wearing long clothes and light outerwear.
“It looks like you should go to a big hospital.”
“Is it a serious... dangerous illness?”
“Surgery will be necessary. The sooner the better.”
Hyun-soo, who had visited the hospital, was devastated by the unexpected news. Recently, Wan’s condition hadn’t been the same as before, so she had come to the hospital for a simple check-up.
“But generally, normal life is possible after the surgery, so don’t worry too much.”
“Ah......”
“There aren’t hospital facilities around here that can perform that surgery, so I’m recommending it.”
“If you say there aren’t any around here, does that mean you’re recommending a different region altogether?”
“To be precise, Seoul would be best.”
Hyun-soo’s face, which had hardened at the word Seoul, became even paler. She had barely left that place, and now she had to go back again...
“I believe the most famous surgeon in this field is at Seoul Median Hospital. I think it would be best for you to go there.”
The doctor finished speaking and pulled out a few tissues, handing them to Hyun-soo. It was because Hyun-soo had suddenly burst into tears.
“I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay.”
Hurriedly wiping away her tears, Hyun-soo crumpled the wet tissue. Wan in her arms made a babbling sound and tugged at Hyun-soo’s clothes. As if telling her not to cry and to look at him, Hyun-soo looked down at the baby with reddened eyes. Then, there was a face smiling brightly like the sun. Tears welled up again.
“It’ll be okay, right? It’ll be okay...”
As if saying this would make it come true, Hyun-soo murmured to herself, tears falling. It was the promise she needed more than anyone else in the world.
It was an evening like any other. Dining with Guk had become quite familiar now.
“Hey...”
“Yeah.”
Guk, who had been sitting straight and eating neatly, looked at Hyun-soo.
“Tell me. I’m listening.”
“......”
But for Hyun-soo, the words wouldn’t come easily. Our child, the child I gave birth to, is sick. They say he might need surgery, and somehow I feel like it’s my fault. No, it is my fault. It’s because I couldn’t give birth to him healthy. Right?
Hyun-soo couldn’t bring herself to continue speaking properly and just looked down at her rice bowl. Guk put down the chopsticks he was holding and silently waited for her. Until she brought out the words she wanted to say to him herself.
“I went to the hospital during the day.”
“Where does it hurt? Where?”
“Not me.”
“Then... Wan?”
Hyun-soo slowly nodded. With eyes that had barely lifted, she met Guk’s gaze.
“What’s wrong with Wan?”
“Have you heard of Tetralogy of Fallot? They also call it TOF or Fallot’s tetralogy.”
Guk shook his head. That was understandable. It was a disease she had also learned about for the first time through this.
Hyun-soo searched for the disease name on her phone and handed it to Guk.
“It says here it’s a congenital heart defect caused by four problems.”
“......”
“Overriding aorta, right ventricular hypertrophy, and what was the other thing...”
Hyun-soo felt a familiar stinging in her nose and turned her gaze away. Guk stared intently at the phone screen Hyun-soo had given him. He seemed to want to know exactly what the disease called Tetralogy of Fallot was.
“So, he needs surgery.”
“It seems so.”
Guk put down the phone and took a sip of water. His expression remained calm without any change.
“They say that after surgery, he can generally lead a normal life. That’s what the doctor said.”
“That’s a relief.”
“Yeah.”
Silence fell over the dining table for a moment. Their gazes were directed elsewhere. Then Guk suddenly spoke up.
“I’m saying this just in case.”
“......”
“It’s not your fault.”
Hyun-soo, who had been staring blankly at something else, turned to look at Guk. He was once again looking only at Hyun-soo, as if nothing had happened. With that same steady and unwavering gaze.
“Do you think I don’t know you? You must have blamed yourself, but don’t.”
It was true. He knew her too well. Hyun-soo was the type to blame herself first thing upon hearing about the illness.
Hyun-soo felt as if her inwardly fearful and scared heart had been warmly embraced, and tears welled up in her eyes.
“Anyway. That’s it. I’m telling you because you need to know.”
Hyun-soo, who had tried hard to swallow her tears, continued with an awkward smile. Don’t let him bear any burden or responsibility. That was one of the countless resolutions Hyun-soo had made in her mind on the way home.
Guk, who had been quietly looking at Hyun-soo, played with his water glass in his hands.
“Kim Hyun-soo.”
“Yeah.”
“The reason I haven’t told you to come back to Seoul with Wan until now is because I didn’t think Seoul was any better than here.”
“......”
“The people, the natural environment, even your mental and emotional state were far better here.”
“......”
“But now it’s necessary. So, I’ll say it.”
Guk stopped the hand that had been fidgeting with the water glass and said,
“Let’s go back, to Seoul.”
Let’s go back, to Seoul. The words seemed to echo in her ears. Hyun-soo couldn’t say anything. Her abyss stirred, and her stomach churned.
“I know how you feel about that place. Bad memories must have piled up like layers of grime. And I’m sure I occupy a significant portion of those.”
“......”
“Forgive me.”
What? Hyun-soo lifted her head, which had been bowed, and looked at him. Guk’s gaze wavered noticeably.
“This is all I know how to be, but please accept me.”
The hand placed on his thigh under the table trembled. The tears that had been welling up from before had reached a dangerous level.
“From the moment I first saw you, there hasn’t been a moment when you weren’t you to me.”
“......”
“I felt sorry for you being tied to me, so I tried to replace you with someone else, but I couldn’t. There wasn’t a single second when anyone could replace you.”
“What do you... what do you want me to do?”
“You just have to accept it. I’ll do all the crazy things.”
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