Chapter 41: Out of Control

When Su Ling and Qin Xiao returned to L City, it was raining.

The drizzle cloaked the city in a misty haze.

Qin Xiao held an umbrella, his gaze fixed on the girl beneath it. Most of his body was soaked, but she was well protected by him.

Su Ling hadn’t cried, nor had she spoken to him.

When they arrived at Unit 637 of Jinse Community as instructed by Ni Haoyan, he came out to open the door for them. The young man’s face was pale; he glanced at Su Ling and lightly pursed his lips: “Come in.”

As Su Ling stepped inside, Qin Xiao calmly said, “I’ll be waiting outside.”

She didn’t stop walking, and whether she heard him or not, the door closed before him. Before Ni Haoyan shut the door, he cast a cold glance at Qin Xiao.

He certainly remembered this man—the one who had carried Su Ling away from Yun Shang Xingkong and injured his hand that day.

Ni Haoyan had looked into him after returning home that day. Qin Xiao was quite a significant figure with plenty of information available. With a cold face, Ni Haoyan closed the door. Qin Xiao narrowed his eyes slightly, a dangerous glint in them, but remained silent, leaning against the door to wait.

It was already 8 PM, and Jinse Community wasn’t particularly pleasant. The windows on the staircase let in drafts, and cold winds whistled through.

Qin Xiao, dressed in a suit and shirt, leaned against the icy wall.

With his tough build, he felt no discomfort. However, his mood was heavy, his expression sullen, and he had a vague sense of foreboding.

He closed his eyes. The surroundings were vast and quiet, except for the wind howling and raindrops hitting the trees. Inside the house, it was silent; he couldn’t sense what she was doing, and Qin Xiao could barely contain his anxious mood.

Instinctively, he reached into his pocket for a cigarette, only to find it empty—there was just his phone. He realized he hadn’t smoked in a long time.

It seemed like the last time he smoked was outside her school when she squatted in front of him and wrapped up the cigarette butt. Since then, he hadn’t smoked again.

He waited outside for two hours.

The sky had turned inky black, and Qin Xiao began to suspect that Su Ling had forgotten about him.

Frustrated, he wanted to kick the damn door down, but despite the coldness in his eyes, he ultimately restrained himself and called Zuo Yin.

Zuo Yin was at home watching a football match. His supported team had finally scored a goal, and before he could even shout, he received Qin Xiao’s call. For a moment, all he wanted to do was curse: “Damn.”

But being a doctor, he still answered professionally.

Qin Xiao was concise: “Su Ling’s grandmother passed away.”

Zuo Yin: “…” He paused for a moment, then said, “Then she must be very sad. Tell her I’m sorry for her loss.”

Qin Xiao half-closed his eyes. Honestly, he didn’t feel much. When his father died, he had spent the night gaming. After receiving Aunt Ding’s call notifying him, he had napped for an hour at the internet café with his legs crossed before leisurely heading home to deal with those restless people.

Zuo Yin somewhat insincerely thought that this was also an opportunity for Qin Xiao: “Remember to comfort her gently. If you want her to fall in love with you, staying with her during this time is good. You need to tolerate any temper. And did you reveal anything before?”

Qin Xiao indifferently replied: “But I have a bad feeling.”

Zuo Yin felt a jolt in his heart. Qin Xiao’s bad feelings weren’t just premonitions. Although somewhat twisted emotionally, this man was highly sensitive and perceptive in other matters.

Swallowing hard, Zuo Yin asked: “What did you do?”

“Two months ago, I spoke with her grandmother and gave her money because I wanted Su Ling.”

Damn it, my Lord Qin! What kind of guts do you have!

However, that was right after Su Ling had drunk those two glasses of alcohol and said some things that made Qin Xiao utterly desperate. Investigating everything about Su Ling, he naturally knew the situation of her family.

Su Ling lived under someone else’s roof, raised by her grandmother.

Though difficult to cure, her grandmother’s illness was not impossible to manage with enough money keeping her alive. And the person Su Ling cared about in this world was probably just this one.

He wanted her and didn’t mind using any means.

After Qin Xiao sent the money, the old woman rejected it.

Of course, he wasn’t so blatant as to say directly, “I’ve set my sights on your granddaughter.” He merely said he was Su Ling’s friend and wanted to help her family.

Her grandmother listened silently and finally responded with an aged voice: “Thank you for your kindness, but please stay away from Ling Ling.”

He sneered and didn’t take it to heart.

But now, he always felt this matter was a hidden bomb.

Just when he started to feel her smiling genuinely in front of him, this happened.

It was hard to have a little hope, yet it was always facing the danger of being snuffed out.

He was restless and unwilling to accept it.

Zuo Yin was about to collapse too. He was just an innocent doctor, not a master of family ethics and emotions.

The two men were silent for a while. Zuo Yin: “Then good luck to you. Pray that Su Ling doesn’t know about this or won’t misunderstand if she finds out later.”

Qin Xiao coldly said: “Useless.” Then he hung up.

“…”

Qin Xiao took a deep breath, the cold air entering his lungs, bringing a tearing pain.

After a while, the door opened.

He instinctively straightened up and turned to see her.

Her eyes were red, her lashes wet, her eyes as clean as the sky after the rain.

The wind outside was strong, and in a blink, her bangs were blown messy, her hair flying wildly on both cheeks.

He took a couple of steps, blocking the wind, and looked down at her.

Su Ling’s voice was hoarse: “Let’s go.”

The knife in his lungs instantly turned into gentle light. He curved his lips, struggling hard not to laugh out loud. Heaven knows how scared he was that she would look at him with disgust and tell him to get lost.

“Alright.” Afraid she might be cold, Qin Xiao took off his suit jacket and draped it over her.

She refused: “No need, I’m not cold.”

But Qin Xiao was domineering, forcefully wrapping the jacket around her, leaving him in just a white shirt.

At that chilly late November night, the temperature outside was only four or five degrees Celsius.

She felt the slight chill in his jacket; he had been standing outside for more than two hours.

She lifted her eyelashes to look at him: “Aren’t you cold?”

His eyes were filled with gentle smiles: “Not cold.”

They couldn’t stand at the Ni family’s doorstep forever. Su Ling walked out and closed the door behind her.

Qin Xiao caught a final glimpse of the scene inside the house. Everyone looked dejected, watching Su Ling leave. A fleeting coldness flashed across his eyes.

He still held the umbrella for her, firmly sheltering her beneath it.

The streetlights on both sides were dim, and from afar, car horns occasionally sounded. The drizzling rain took on a faint yellow hue.

Dressed thinly, he was soon soaked again, vaguely revealing the man’s solid physique.

Her pale small hands tightly clutched a letter.

Su Ling stopped in her tracks.

“What’s wrong?” Qin Xiao brushed the hair beside her cheek behind her ear. She looked at him, her pupils a pure black.

Then she raised her hand, letting him see the letter she had been holding.

Qin Xiao’s heart skipped a beat, but his expression didn’t change. He smiled and asked: “Hmm? What is it?”

Her voice was rough: “Grandma’s will.”

Qin Xiao’s previously warmed heart was instantly smashed to the bottom.

Su Ling tilted her head to look at him: “Qin Xiao, don’t you have something to say to me?”

The smile in his eyes disappeared, and he could no longer pretend.

Without any defense, he looked down at her: “I love you.”

By then, the rain had intensified. Like a persistent madman, he tightly shielded her with the umbrella. Rainwater streamed down the man’s cheeks, over his brow bone, chin, and finally dripped onto the ground, mixing with other raindrops.

His black hair was soaked, his dark eyes heavy.

There was only her in his eyes.

Su Ling’s lashes trembled slightly: “You know this isn’t what I want to hear.”

He sneered: “Then what do you want to hear? Want to hear about the despicable methods I devised behind your back to get you? Or do you want to know how far I can go for you?”

With three parts sarcasm in his brows and eyes, he continued: “Would it work if I knelt before you? Would you love me if I kneeled? Not for too long.” He took her hand; his hand was cold like ice, yet her small hand was soft and warm.

He placed it over his heart: “Not too much, just one percent of it would do.”

For a moment, her gaze became vacant.

Qin Xiao chuckled coldly: “Even if I’m willing, I suppose you wouldn’t be happy, and you’d still find it disgusting?” In his heart, there was a beast with sharp fangs, now standing in the courtroom where she held dominion.

One thought could grant him life, another could sentence him to death.

Qin Xiao no longer suppressed himself, voicing his thoughts to her: “Or I could help you kill those people in the house who want to exploit you, kill them all.” He chuckled lowly, “When I’m sentenced to death, will you pity me a bit, give me another glance? Damn it, I’m sick of seeing your back.”

Three parts disbelief colored her eyes.

She had always known Qin Xiao was obsessive, but never imagined it would reach such an extent.

Although his tone was sarcastic, Su Ling knew he wasn’t joking with her.

Instinctively, she retreated a step, frightened by such intense emotion.

The man’s hand steadily held the umbrella. He clicked his tongue: “So you’re scared now? Didn’t you ask me to speak? Is this enough, or is there more…?”

“Stop,” she softly said, gritting her teeth, “I don’t want to hear anymore.”

Qin Xiao didn’t feel relieved speaking his mind. He was just making a last-ditch effort. Since she didn’t love him, and this life seemed hopeless anyway.

At least let her know what kind of freak he was, make her avoid him. Otherwise, when she hurt him too much, he would also despair, go crazy.

Su Ling clenched the letter tightly. Qin Xiao casually glanced at it and smiled: “What does it say about me?”

Su Ling’s mind was in turmoil.

Her grandmother’s death saddened her deeply, even though her grandmother had once confused and disappointed her. But her grandmother had raised her single-handedly. No one could be so cold-hearted as to truly abandon their last remaining relative.

She was too lonely.

In twenty years of life, she had always been walking alone.

Yet her grandmother left a will for everyone, except for her. All the others contained just one sentence—Ling Ling is a good child. My last wish is that you treat her well. Even if you can’t treat her well, please let her live her own life.

Did that last remaining relative love her or hate her?

Her grandmother had never wronged anyone in her life. She was generous and didn’t fuss over money or gains and losses. She raised her uncle, who shared no blood relation, and never made things difficult for her aunt-in-law.

Even Ni Jianan, although not deeply affectionate towards her grandmother, still respected her.

Thus, her grandmother’s death brought peace to this night.

Her aunt-in-law’s eyes were also red. Finally, she pulled Su Ling aside and turned her head: “Sorry, you should go. We’ll call you when mom is buried.”

Though greedy for a moment, she had done something wrong but didn’t want to drive Su Ling to the brink. In fact, she regretted it as soon as the news came out. This young girl had been obedient when she was little, washing dishes and clothes diligently despite her short stature.

Tian Shuhua didn’t like her and saw her as a burden, but deep down, she knew Su Ling was a good child.

After committing that act, Tian Shuhua couldn’t sleep through the night, waking up with unease whenever she did fall asleep.

They weren’t meant to be family, but there was no need to become enemies either.

This time, when Su Ling left, even Ni Jianan quietly watched without making a fuss or uttering harsh words.

Her grandmother’s death brought everything to a calm resolution.

A bottle of sleeping pills lay by the bedside, with a letter to Su Ling underneath.

That letter was extremely long, recalling her learning to walk as a child to the joy of running home after getting into university. Su Ling was the most innocent, purest, and silliest.

—But you are not alone; you will always be someone’s precious treasure.

Her grandmother said she was too tired, having done some bad things in this life. Illness always made living uncomfortable, and she hoped Su Ling would understand. Seeing Su Ling act was fulfilling enough for her life.

The older she got, the more forgetful and nostalgic she became. She said she had dragged Su Ling down for half her life. If one day Su Ling remembered her, she hoped she wouldn’t hold grudges.

She had waited so long for that day when Su Ling fulfilled Yu Qiao’s wish, allowing her to rest peacefully.

Su Ling read and cried, sobbing uncontrollably.

Nevertheless, she finally saw her grandmother one last time, mending the regret from her previous life. Perhaps life’s twists and turns made living the easiest and most enjoyable when not calculating gains and losses.

While grieving, Su Ling also let go of some things in her heart.

She couldn’t make decisions for her grandmother. If living was more painful than dying, she didn’t have the right to force her to stay.

At the end of the letter…

Her grandmother mentioned Qin Xiao…

Su Ling gripped the letter so tightly her fingers turned white. Meanwhile, in the rainy night, they stood in the rain. His eyes were slightly red, with dangerously sharp edges at the corners.

She couldn’t bear such an intense gaze,

Too terrifying, as if the next moment, he wished to bite her, devouring her flesh and blood.

Su Ling thought for a moment, then bravely moved a little closer, tiptoed, and covered his eyes with her hands.

All the fierce, cold madness was concealed by her.

His world went dark, but his body stiffened, afraid to move.

This was the first time Su Ling had voluntarily touched him.

... Although she didn’t know why, damn it, his heartbeat was almost out of control.

Su Ling bit her lip, her voice still a little hoarse: “Don’t look at me like that, I’m scared.”

His body trembled.

He didn’t know what that instant feeling was, but her saying she was scared... he instinctively wanted to apologize and console her. Qin Xiao had lived twenty-eight years, nearly thirty, and had mostly been emotionally detached. Fortunately, he had never been afraid of anything, nor regretted anything.

But he regretted the words he had just spoken.

Even though these confessions to Zuo Yin amounted to nothing, they still made him feel uneasy and terrified upon reflection.

He knew himself well enough to realize he wasn’t normal. At least he needed to put on a facade in front of her.

This was the strategy discussed with Zuo Yin, but the moment before had been sheer despair. He feared she would sentence him to death.

Qin Xiao didn’t know what was written in the letter, but without thinking, it was obviously something unfavorable to him.

Given Su Ling’s respect for her grandmother, he believed it was essentially his death sentence.

Though calming down, he carefully analyzed his actions. Apart from sending money, he hadn’t done anything else, so there was no reason to be so fearful.

But his sharp intuition told him that the letter was not that simple.

Qin Xiao’s whole body was cold; the only warmth he felt was from the small hand covering his eyes.

He curved his lips: “Just jokes, weren’t you scared?”

“…” Su Ling wasn’t stupid. Whose joke would make the corners of their eyes and eyebrows radiate madness?

He tried to cover it up, and she was also afraid of his earlier appearance, so she didn’t continue.

He didn’t touch her hand, relishing this feeling.

Physical contact, her initiative—whether out of fear or something else—he was afraid she would retreat further.

As long as she moved forward, approached him, even if she held a dagger with its tip pressed against his heart, he could remain calm and content.

He bared his heart to her; she could cut it a thousand or ten thousand times, as long as she didn’t discard it.

Su Ling’s hands went stiff. Given their height difference, she was uncomfortable, and her hands quickly grew cold outside.

However, the man slightly lowered his head, like a stone that couldn’t feel warmth or coldness.

She tremblingly withdrew her hand.

Surprisingly, he was smiling.

The terrifying aura dissipated, and she actually felt a bit lost.

He was so easy to please. It seemed that whatever she did, as long as she didn’t push him away, he would be satisfied.

It had always been like this in her past life, today included.

She still remembered the first time she kissed him voluntarily. The next day, he filled the villa with roses and carried her through the garden. The sun shone everywhere.

“Do you like it, Su Ling? I’ve never done so much to please a woman before. Are you moved?”

She murmured softly on his back, expressing her original wish: “Then let me go home.”

The man laughed loudly: “Dream on.”

That year, he planted flowers without knowing the tricks, injuring his hands. At that time, her grandmother was still alive, she was still young and pure, still hoping for love.

Now, on this rainy night, she lowered her head, looking at the letter in her hand.

Her grandmother said, never like him, never fall in love with him.

Su Ling closed her eyes. She didn’t believe the few words on paper; she only trusted herself.