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“Does it have to be on Christmas Eve?” Zang Yao looked at Luan Nian. “Do you know this might ruin all my Christmases for the rest of my life?”
“What did you mean when you said that in the beginning, neither of us wanted to be friends? I don’t remember expressing any special feelings for you,” Luan Nian suddenly recalled Zhang Xin’s words. She had said, “You’re so cold-blooded, you’re not human.”
Zang Yao nodded. “That was my misunderstanding.” She was a little sad. She had always thought Luan Nian treated her differently. No matter where she moved, he would always visit her. Luan Nian was one of her few old friends who knew all her stories.
“If I’ve hurt you, I’m sorry.”
Zang Yao shook her head with a smile. “No, you’re Luan Nian. Luan Nian never admits he’s wrong. Besides, it’s not your fault.”
“I’m sorry.”
Zang Yao shrugged. “Cheer up~ I still have to move back. I’m really planning to live in Beijing for a while, and then... I want to go to Yinchuan.”
“Did I ruin all your Christmases for the rest of your life?” Luan Nian asked her.
“Not that bad.” Zang Yao smiled at him, but her heart was incredibly sad. Luan Nian was her last little bit of hope for men. She had always known that she really loved him, but she was just too afraid.
Shang Zhitao experienced torment.
She was still young and didn’t know how to hide her feelings for someone, nor did she know how to hide her longing. She stared at her phone all day, hoping for a few words from Luan Nian. She somewhat pathetically hoped that he might occasionally think of her, his “bed partner,” in between his happy holiday activities.
Even just asking if her work was going well, like before. But Luan Nian didn’t.
It wasn’t until Christmas evening that she remembered Luan Nian asking her to take care of his fish. That red arowana, Shang Zhitao had secretly named it “Little Red Flag” the first two times she went over.
“But I don’t have a key.” She sent a message to Luan Nian.
“In the Christmas decoration tied to the tree in the garden.”
“Okay.”
Shang Zhitao put on her down jacket and went out, walking through the Christmas evening. The world was so lively, making her heart even more vibrant, wanting to join in the excitement. But Yao Bei was on a business trip, Sun Yu had a Christmas social event, and Lumi was definitely in a nightclub. She didn’t know who to hang out with.
When she arrived at Luan Nian’s house, she found that his courtyard gate wasn’t locked. Luan Nian was really confident in the security of his neighborhood. She pushed the gate open and went in, seeing a red ball tied to the tree in his courtyard. Luan Nian had perfunctorily decorated his tree.
Shang Zhitao took off the red ball, took out the key from inside, opened the door, and went in. She turned on the lights and saw Little Red swimming in the huge fish tank. Shang Zhitao didn’t know how to take care of fish. She couldn’t even take care of herself, how could she take care of fish?
“Luke, may I ask how I should take care of your fish?”
Luan Nian’s call came quickly. Shang Zhitao hurriedly answered, hearing Luan Nian say, “Help me change the filter wool in the fish tank. The filter wool is in the storage cabinet in the kitchen. Then check the water temperature and feed it some fish food.”
“Oh.”
Shang Zhitao ran to the kitchen to find the filter wool, put the phone aside, and busied herself. Luan Nian didn’t rush her. When she took out the filter wool, he taught her how to change it, how to check the water temperature, and how to feed the fish food. Shang Zhitao fussed for a long time and finally finished taking care of Little Red. “It’s all done. Then I’ll leave. Should I hang the key back on the tree?”
...
“Take the key with you. Just give it to me when I get back. Also, there’s a shopping bag on the sofa, it’s a gift for you. Merry Christmas.” Luan Nian hung up the phone.
Shang Zhitao was stunned. She also had a Christmas gift?
The square shopping bag was on the sofa. Shang Zhitao recognized the logo. It was another expensive bag, her Christmas gift.
Shang Zhitao was a little dazed. This was the second bag Luan Nian had given her in a short period. She felt her reward for sleeping with Luan Nian was too generous. Receiving a Christmas gift should have been pleasant, but it wasn’t. She would have preferred Luan Nian to give her an apple or a flower, like Sun Yuanzhu, which would have been better than a bag.
“Luke sent me another bag, said it’s a Christmas gift,” she messaged Sun Yu.
Sun Yu saw it and replied, “Keep it.”
Sun Yu was very realistic. Sexual partners weren’t forever, but money could solve big problems. It wasn’t robbery or theft, so what was wrong with taking a bag from a man?
“Keep it, then come over here to hang out.”
“Okay.”
Shang Zhitao’s little fantasies about love were still nagging at her. She expected more from Luan Nian, but then she felt she was overthinking it. She was just over twenty, her thoughts weren’t mature, she wavered back and forth, and then she felt love wasn’t important, just going back and forth like this.
“Thank you for your Christmas gift, it’s too expensive. I didn’t prepare a gift for you.”
“I don’t need one.”
“Merry Christmas.”
“Merry Christmas.”
Shang Zhitao suddenly thought, did the girl in Hokkaido with Luan Nian know about her existence? Did she know that the man she liked in Beijing had a regular sexual partner? Would she care if she knew? Or was she like her, knowing full well but unable to mind? Shang Zhitao felt she was too useless, thinking wildly all the way home. In the end, her morality prevailed.
“That day you said that if either of us had a new partner, we could propose to end the relationship.”
Luan Nian was drinking with a group of friends. Seeing Shang Zhitao’s message, he frowned. “What? Found a new love?”
“...I haven’t.”
“Then what do you mean? Be direct.” Luan Nian hated wasting time on hidden words and didn’t want to guess other people’s thoughts.
“What I mean is, if you have someone else, please be sure to tell me. I don’t want to be morally condemned.” Shang Zhitao took a long breath after typing this sentence, but her heart sank after seeing Luan Nian’s reply.
He said: “Do fuck buddies need to be morally bound?”
“You can get diseases.”
“Use protection.” Luan Nian argued with Shang Zhitao. He didn’t like discussing this inexplicable topic with Shang Zhitao. Shang Zhitao was clearly accusing him of being promiscuous.
“So do you have other partners?” Today was Christmas, but Shang Zhitao was having a terrible time. Luan Nian had ruined her holiday. He wasn’t even by her side, yet his attitude easily swayed her. Her few remaining bits of stubbornness resurfaced, making her want to make things clear with Luan Nian. Even fuck buddies should be exclusive. She didn’t accept promiscuity. Had she become this humble?
“Yes, so what?” Luan Nian put down his wine cup and said to everyone, “You guys eat first, I have something to do.” He found a quiet place to lean against and focused on chatting with Shang Zhitao. But it didn’t take long for Shang Zhitao to show her determination and courage.
“Then I want to end our relationship.”
“Okay.”
Luan Nian replied crisply, then put his phone in his pocket and went back inside to drink. Luan Nian’s mood suddenly turned very bad. He sat drinking sake with his friends, but he was very annoyed. For him, Shang Zhitao was just a bed partner. He could have her or not, he didn’t need to force it. Moreover, he knew very well that Shang Zhitao liked him. He knew how to handle it, it wasn’t difficult. But he was just angry.
Shang Zhitao saw that “Okay” and completely understood Luan Nian’s attitude towards her. In his heart, she was insignificant, just his boring pastime, her presence or absence didn’t matter.
She felt a little like crying, but no tears came out. She took the bag home and put it with the last one, neither of them unpacked, brand new. She didn’t even know what the bag looked like, just piled them there. Her dislike for luxury goods was confirmed from that time on. Luxury goods made her feel sad, they represented the distance between her and Luan Nian.
She rarely put on makeup, but she did that day to attend Sun Yu’s event. Christmas was really lively. Single people gathered together for eight-minute dates. When Shang Zhitao arrived, Sun Yu had already finished explaining the rules, and everyone was preparing to introduce themselves.
Sun Yu leaned close to her ear and whispered, “See the man in the blue shirt? He’s back from Silicon Valley, does testing, has published a few books, has a house and a car.”
“I’m just here to make up the numbers for you,” Shang Zhitao said to Sun Yu.
“No.” Sun Yu shook her head. “Shang Zhitao, you’re here to find your other half.”
“Okay.” Shang Zhitao didn’t feel any pressure anymore. She had ended her relationship with Luan Nian, and she was completely single now. “Is it him? Who else has good conditions?”
“The one in the gray sweater is also okay.”
“Okay. Then I’ll go.”
Shang Zhitao had never participated in such an event before. This experience was quite novel. Strangers faced each other, had an eight-minute conversation, and then moved on to the next. She sat upright, seriously answering the questions from the man opposite her. The questions were strange and varied. One man with glasses asked Shang Zhitao if she accepted being childfree. Shang Zhitao didn’t even know what “childfree” was, and casually replied, “Accept, accept.”
Another man with a two-eight hairstyle asked her, “What’s your understanding of a soulmate?”
“Huh?” Shang Zhitao didn’t understand, her face clearly showing “I don’t know.” The man pursed his lips in disappointment.
Finally, it was the Silicon Valley elite. Shang Zhitao sat opposite him and smiled obediently, “Hello.”
The elite didn’t even raise his head. “Introduce yourself: name, age, hometown, alma mater, current occupation, and financial situation.”
Just like a job interview. But Shang Zhitao still answered seriously, to support Sun Yu. Her attitude was extremely dignified, and the man finally looked at her directly. “What’s your number?”
“What?”
“What’s your number? We’ll vote later, and I’ll vote for you. I’m number six.”
“Oh, oh, oh, I’m number five.”
Shang Zhitao carefully noted the man’s number and indeed wrote down number six when voting. Number six was the undisputed king of charm, while Shang Zhitao only had one vote.
Sun Yu said, “We will introduce the mutually voted friends to each other after it ends.”
The event ended, and Shang Zhitao asked Sun Yu, “Give me the Silicon Valley elite’s phone number. We agreed to vote for each other.”
Sun Yu laughed so hard she couldn’t straighten up. “Only a big idiot like you would believe someone who says they’ll vote for you! He voted for the woman with the exposed shoulders.”
“Damn it. So insincere.” Shang Zhitao also laughed, helping Sun Yu pack up while asking, “Then did that woman with the exposed shoulders vote for him?”
“That woman with the exposed shoulders voted for a girl.”
“What?” Shang Zhitao’s eyes widened. “Huh?”
“Don’t understand, do you?” Sun Yu pinched her face. “You, do you even know that society is far more complicated than you imagine?”
“It’s quite complicated.” Shang Zhitao was a little convinced. The two of them were exhausted after cleaning up and collapsed there. After a long time, they helped each other stand up. “Let’s go, best friend, Merry Christmas.”
Merry Christmas.
Shang Zhitao looked at the snow on the street and said inexplicably.
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