Chapter 108: City of Scars

Shang Zhitao finally learned how the results of the review were communicated.

She received an email that read: “Thank you very much for your dedication to your work. We regret to inform you that you were unsuccessful in this promotion. With your abilities, we believe you will pass next time. Don’t lose heart!”

Such ordinary words.

Shang Zhitao didn’t seem surprised. She felt calm, almost serene. Still, she clicked on the link in the email. Inside were the comments and anonymous scores from each judge across more than twenty dimensions, with a comparison of scores for every candidate.

Her scores were generally good, except for two judges who gave her extremely low marks in creativity and performance contribution.

Grace sent her a message: “Taotao, should I congratulate you? I gave you high scores! Tracy also gave you high marks—I just asked her!” Grace attached a screenshot of her scores, which were nearly identical to one of the others.

Shang Zhitao now knew who one of the low-scoring judges was, even though the scoring was anonymous. He had said countless times:

“Creativity is mostly innate; hard work later in life might not make up for it.”

“Your strengths lie in project management, even team management. Creativity requires inspiration—don’t push yourself too hard.”

“Is it really so difficult to admit you’re worse than someone else?”

Shang Zhitao thought, I spent six years and still couldn’t earn your respect or equal treatment. She never had the courage before because she loved him so deeply back then—loved him enough to keep bowing her head, until even she found herself pitiful and laughable.

That day, Lumi happened to be working overtime and saw that Shang Zhitao hadn’t left yet. She asked, “Did the results come out?”

“Yes.”

“Did you succeed?”

Shang Zhitao shook her head, closed her laptop, and said, “Want to grab a drink?”

“Sure.”

They went to a small bar they used to frequent. Shang Zhitao drank three ounces of baijiu but refused to drink any more, no matter how much Lumi urged her.

“Come on, have a little more?”

“No, I still have something important to do.”

As they left the bar, light snow began to fall.

“Damn it. The snow these days is getting smaller and smaller. Can’t this northern city at least give us a decent-sized snowfall?”

Shang Zhitao giggled. “Next time, come to Ice City with me. I’ll show you the most beautiful snow in the world. The snow there falls thick like goose feathers—it turns everything white in the blink of an eye.”

“Why wait until later? I’ll buy plane tickets right now and go tomorrow!”

“Aren’t you going to ask for leave?”

“What’s the point of asking for leave? I’ve got plenty of money! I can do whatever I want without needing permission!”

“Did you have a fight?”

“No. He doesn’t deserve it. Is some divorced middle-aged man worth arguing with?”

“He’s not that old—he’s only a year younger than Luke.”

As they waited for their ride, they debated how old a man had to be considered “old,” but came to no conclusion. Shang Zhitao got into the car and gave the driver Luan Nian’s address.

The city was bustling, lights flickering outside the windows, people hurrying along the streets, but she had nowhere to belong. As they passed an intersection and saw students laughing and joking after evening study sessions, Shang Zhitao suddenly broke down emotionally.

She cried uncontrollably.

The driver kept glancing back at her and eventually couldn’t help but ask, “Miss, are you alright? What’s wrong? Tell Uncle about it—he’s seen all sorts of things.”

Shang Zhitao couldn’t say anything. It was just a failure in competition—not the first time she’d lost. Such a small thing, yet she couldn’t get over it. She didn’t want to let it go either. Through her tears, she thought, It’s because of all my compromises over the years that I’ve ended up like this.

When she entered Luan Nian’s house, Luke jumped up to greet her. Luan Nian had just taken off his coat and was about to take a sip of water. Turning around, he saw Shang Zhitao crying.

She had never cried in front of him before—never. No matter how upset she was, she always bit her lip and forbade herself from shedding tears. But when she cried, she looked utterly disheveled—her eyes swollen, her nose red. She must have been crying for a long time.

Luan Nian took a step forward. He wanted to hug her, to say, It’s okay—it’s just a normal competition. You’re so outstanding; you’ll definitely make it next time. But instead, he heard her choke out, “Why did you give me such a low score?”

“The scores are anonymous. How do you know it was me who gave you a low score?” It was laughable—Shang Zhitao didn’t even trust him anymore.

“Who else could it be?”

“Are you sure you’re so excellent that everyone would give you high scores in every dimension? Are you certain those relationships you’ve maintained are reliable?”

Shang Zhitao didn’t want to hear Luan Nian’s rationalizations. She shook her head. “I just want to ask—is it you?”

“If I say it wasn’t me, would you believe me?”

“No.”

“Then what’s the point?”

“You’ve always had this prejudice against me! You think I’m incapable! That I lack talent! You’ve never respected me or treated me as an equal! Why did I spend six years with someone like you?”

“What kind of person am I?” Luan Nian retreated to his original position and asked coldly.

“Arrogant! Overbearing! Selfish!”

Luke seemed tense. He sat in front of Shang Zhitao, looking at her and then at Luan Nian, before finally slumping down in defeat.

“Shang Zhitao, I suggest you calm down.”

“I can’t calm down! Why should I calm down?! I’ve worked my ass off in this city for six years, and what do I have to show for it? You’re not me—how dare you tell me to calm down! Why should I calm down?!”

“You’re making me think you can’t handle losing.”

Can’t handle losing. Shang Zhitao was stung by Luan Nian’s condescending tone once again. She couldn’t understand why he always had to act so superior, never speaking to her as an equal. Why did he always criticize her instead of seeing that she needed his comfort?

For six years, she had waited for him to wake up—but he never would. Because he had never placed her on an equal footing.

Shang Zhitao had never cried in front of Luan Nian before, but today, the tears wouldn’t stop. Her hands covered her face, yet the tears still seeped through her fingers. She thought, I’m so sad, Luan Nian. I thought I could handle it, but in the end, I have nothing. This city is so big, and I have nothing. I’ve lost my best friend, I’ve lost a competition I should have won, I’ll never have my own little home before I turn thirty, and I’ll keep drifting.

Luan Nian just stood there, watching her cry.

Later, he would regret this moment countless times. He should have hugged her that day, but he didn’t. Shang Zhitao’s words pierced him because in her eyes, he was arrogant and selfish—and she wasn’t wrong.

After a long, long time, Shang Zhitao finally wiped away her tears and said to Luan Nian: “I want to end our relationship.”

“End what? What relationship?”

“I want to end this dirty, ugly, disgusting relationship between us.”

Shang Zhitao spoke each word clearly, enunciating every syllable.

Dirty, ugly, disgusting.

Something sharp seemed to pierce Luan Nian’s heart—it hurt badly. He had never realized it before. During those days when they barely spoke, he had wondered if something was missing between them, but he never thought it would lead to separation. He believed that after some time, once she wasn’t so upset, everything would be fine.

“Do you really think your romantic relationship is dirty, ugly, and disgusting?” Luan Nian kept his hands in his pockets, took a step back, and looked at her coldly.

“No, we’re not in a romantic relationship. I’ve never thought of you as my boyfriend.” Shang Zhitao realized that even during their time together, she had never felt loved by him. She was neither needed, trusted, nor understood by him—he always insisted on being above her.

“So you were with me just to further your career? And now that you’ve failed in the promotion, you think I’m no longer useful to you? Let me tell you, Shang Zhitao, your failure is entirely your own fault. No one should have to pay for your failures.”

“The reason I failed is because I slept with you for six years, and in the end, you couldn’t even give me a fair evaluation!”

“You said it yourself—it was just sleeping together for six years. It could have been you, or it could have been someone else. The score I gave you today is my fair judgment.”

Shang Zhitao knew she would never look back. Perhaps this was the catalyst she needed—a definitive moment to leave him and never return. In the past, whenever she thought about leaving, an invisible thread would hold her back, unseen in daily life but stopping her every time she tried to take that step. Today, that thread had snapped completely.

“Alright, then let’s end it here,” Shang Zhitao said to Luan Nian.

“Suit yourself.” Luan Nian wrapped himself in his cloak of arrogance, refusing to budge.

Shang Zhitao looked at Luke, who seemed unhappy, lying there motionless. It probably didn’t realize it was about to leave this luxurious home. Turning around, she found the leash and said to Luke, “Stand up.”

Luke looked at Luan Nian, then at her, unmoving as she slipped the harness over its shoulders. After securing it, Shang Zhitao tugged gently, ready to leave, but heard Luan Nian say, “Let me reiterate—I don’t take people back. You’re an adult. If you say it’s over, then it’s over forever.”

“I will never come back.”

Shang Zhitao pulled Luke toward the door, but Luke suddenly seemed to realize something and sat firmly, refusing to follow, letting out a soft whimper.

No matter how hard she tugged, Luke wouldn’t move.

Her tears came rushing back. Crouching down, she said to Luke, “You can only choose one—either come with me, or stay. If you stay, you’ll never see me again.”

Luan Nian turned his back, unaware of how tightly he was clenching his fists, as if something sharp were pricking his heart—not painfully, but repeatedly, causing a dull ache.

“Are you leaving, Luke? Are you staying? Then stay.”

Shang Zhitao let go of the leash, turned around, and walked out of Luan Nian’s house. Outside, the snow had grown heavier. As she reached the door, she heard it open behind her—Luke ran out, stopping in front of her, and placed the leash in her hand.

Shang Zhitao crouched down and hugged him tightly, the snow soaking into his fur. Holding him close, she whispered, “Luke, will you start a new life with me?”

Luke whimpered softly, glancing back toward Luan Nian’s house.

Shang Zhitao didn’t turn around. Wiping away her tears once more, she led Luke out into the snow.

Luan Nian’s neighborhood was quite large, and with the snow falling, they walked slowly. At one point, Shang Zhitao thought she heard footsteps behind her, but when she turned around, there was no one.

At the gate, the familiar security guard greeted her: “Miss Shang, taking the dog for a walk?”

Shang Zhitao nodded. “Yes.”

She left the neighborhood with Luke, the house behind her growing smaller and smaller until it became a lone dot in the snow—blurry and indistinct.