#39: A New Year’s Mess

Huang Yuanbao had done something big the night before and was so excited that, adhering to the principle of sharing gossip with friends, she immediately called Jiang Beibei as soon as she woke up.

She dialed sixteen times in total—Jiang Beibei didn’t answer a single call.

Refusing to give up, Huang Yuanbao grabbed Song Lang’s phone and dialed Jiang Beibei’s number.

The contact name on the screen read: Little Sister.

After flashing for a long while, the call still went unanswered. Huang Yuanbao shook Song Lang awake. ‘Big Guy! Jiang Beibei isn’t answering her phone! She hasn’t picked up any of my calls! Wake up, quick—are you sure she’s okay?’

Song Lang rolled over, smacked his lips a few times, and wiped away the drool from the corner of his mouth. ‘If the phone didn’t ring, it’s fine. Yao-ge said that Jiang Beibei lacks a sense of security and doesn’t like answering calls. If she’s at home, she probably put her phone on silent mode. What’s worrying you? Use my phone to send a group message and ask around.’

Song Lang reached out to grab his phone from the cabinet. Huang Yuanbao said, ‘Your phone’s with me.’

‘Oh, make sure you don’t send it to the wrong group. Not the Athena group or the Family Ties group—it’s a six-person group. Double-check before you send it.’

‘…You’re in so many groups?’

‘Well, we five brothers need a group, right? And then there’s another group with the parents in our building. Plus another one just for us and Beibei. That’s already three. We haven’t even counted the relatives yet, or my parents’ car buddies and hiking friends, and the dog-lovers group for people who own Siberian Huskies—that’s a few more…’

Huang Yuanbao found the group and held the phone in front of his face. ‘Is this it?’

‘Yes. Go ahead and send it. Tag everyone and ask where Beibei is. While you’re at it, add yourself to the group.’

‘Isn’t this inappropriate?’ Huang Yuanbao hesitated. ‘Big Brother, this is your siblings’ group—I’m an outsider.’

Song Lang stared blankly at the ceiling for a while before replying, ‘True, it’s still a bit early…’

He rolled over, propped himself up on one elbow, and asked Huang Yuanbao, ‘But how was my performance? Wasn’t I amazing?’

Huang Yuanbao burst into laughter. ‘Fantastic! You didn’t disgrace Damiao’s reputation!’

‘Editor Huang, do me a favor,’ Song Lang said. ‘When you’re recording the show, ask the crew if there’s any way they can make my eyes look bigger on TV.’

‘HAHAHAHAHA! Even if I slept with you a hundred times, I couldn’t pull that off!’

A reply came through in the group chat—but strangely, it wasn’t sent to the six-person group. Instead, it appeared in the private five-person group for the five brothers.

‘Oh, someone replied. It’s Qin Yuan.’

‘What did he say?’

‘A voice message.’

‘Play it.’

Huang Yuanbao tapped on the voice message.

Song Lang’s yawn froze mid-way—he was stunned.

Qin Yuan’s voice crackled through: ‘Where are you?! Get back here quick! Yao-ge’s not a good guy—he slept with Beibei last night and got caught red-handed by two grandmas! Auntie Xiaoxiao’s here too, and she brought some overseas bumpkin to set Beibei up with. Damn it, now things are completely messed up! Early in the morning, I could hear her yelling about catching adulterers all the way from the bedroom!’

The room fell silent. Huang Yuanbao covered her mouth, her expression deep and serious.

Huang Yuanbao had originally wanted to tell Jiang Beibei about how she’d spent the New Year successfully hooking up with Song Lang. But before she could share her news, Jiang Beibei’s situation had come crashing down first.

After a long silence, Song Lang finally spoke—but what he said was completely unexpected: ‘What a coincidence? Was there some cosmic alignment of planets last night that made all of us so hot-blooded?’

Meanwhile, over in East Mountain, Tang Xizhou’s house was also lively.

His parents had brought over elders from the older generation, along with photos of several potential matchmaking candidates, earnestly urging Tang Xizhou to agree to go on blind dates today.

With the elders present, Tang Xizhou couldn’t afford to lose face. He sat on the couch, chain-smoking cigarette after cigarette.

Perhaps out of consideration for appearances, Tang Xizhou’s mother hadn’t mentioned to the elders that her son’s refusal to marry stemmed from his sexual orientation. Instead, she repeated the story Jiang Beibei had fabricated.

As a result, the elder delivered the following commentary: ‘Men shouldn’t be overly sentimental. Is that girl really as beautiful as a flower? Look at so-and-so—when his wife passed away, he mourned deeply for a month, then remarried shortly after. Men are all like that—you’re not some young widow, are you going to stay loyal to someone forever…?’

Tang Xizhou chuckled. ‘Third Grandma, listen to what you’re saying. You’re not a man—how would you know what men are like? I just don’t get it. Why does everyone have to get married? If I were to marry now, I’d only be ruining some girl’s life. Are girls born from rocks just so I can ruin them?’

‘You ungrateful child…’ The elder sighed. ‘Feelings develop over time. If you don’t marry, won’t you end up without heirs? In the past, that meant cutting off the family line, no descendants, no continuation of the family legacy!’

‘Bullshit,’ Tang Xizhou muttered under his breath. ‘There are over seven billion people in the world. If I die, it won’t make a difference. If I don’t marry, will the country collapse or something?’

Tang Xizhou’s mother snapped, ‘Enough nonsense! You’re going on blind dates today, whether you’re a cat or a dog! This year, you’ll marry and have kids. Once the kid is born, you can go wherever you want and mess around! If you won’t raise the child, I will!’

Tang Xizhou smirked. ‘I can’t father children, and I’m not going anywhere. I’ve got issues—anyone else who wants to go can go.’

Tang Xizhou’s mother lunged forward to hit him. ‘You ungrateful brat!’

Tang Xizhou laughed. ‘Mom, save your strength. Can you even touch me?’

‘You’re unfilial! Nowadays, filial piety is the top priority. Look at you! I’ll report you to the President! After all these years raising you, this is how you repay me? You’re making our entire family sick with anger! If I’d known this would happen, I wouldn’t have given birth to you! I’ll—I’ll have another child! I don’t recognize you as my son anymore!’

Tang Xizhou almost burst out laughing but quickly suppressed it. His mother was truly furious, spouting nonsense left and right.

‘I won’t go, not even if I die. I won’t lie, not even if I die. I won’t marry, not even if I die.’ Tang Xizhou declared. ‘That’s it—scold me all you want.’

Tang Xizhou’s father barked, ‘Enough! Stop embarrassing us! If you’re not going, then stay at home and reflect! Don’t go gallivanting around for the next couple of days!’

His phone buzzed twice—a notification of two new messages in the group chat. Tang Xizhou stubbed out his cigarette and opened the voice message.

Qin Yuan’s voice rang out: ‘Where are you?! Get back here quick! Yao-ge’s not a good guy—he slept with Beibei last night and got caught red-handed…’

The words were sharp, clear, and utterly shocking—so much so that even his angry parents were stunned into silence.

Tang Xizhou immediately turned off the screen, stopping Qin Yuan’s voice mid-sentence. He reopened the message, converting it into text, and skimmed through it quickly.

Unable to resist, Tang Xizhou’s mother asked, ‘Who? Chu Yao? With Jiang Beibei?’

Given the shocking content, it was only natural—and reasonable—for Tang Xizhou to return and check the situation. Conveniently, this aligned perfectly with his intentions. Putting on his coat, he said cheerfully, ‘I’m heading back to take a look.’

Tang Xizhou’s mother glared. ‘What business is it of yours to go check?’

‘What do you think?’ Tang Xizhou slipped on his shoes, grabbed his keys, and grinned. ‘They’re my younger siblings. How can I not go back and handle the situation after they’ve pulled something like this?’

Opening the door, Tang Xizhou caught sight of Yan Qingming smoking by the storage room in the hallway. Without a word, he quickly shut the door and walked past Yan Qingming silently, giving him a light pat on the shoulder and a discreet hand signal.

Yan Qingming followed silently. Once they were outside the neighborhood, Tang Xizhou finally asked, ‘How long have you been eavesdropping outside my door?’

‘Since after breakfast,’ Yan Qingming replied, tossing his cigarette butt aside. He rubbed his hands together and exhaled a puff of warm air. ‘I heard your mom yelling at you.’

‘I really upset her this time,’ Tang Xizhou admitted. ‘At her age, if her emotions get too worked up, something might happen. She’s prone to getting angry, too.’

‘She didn’t lock you up? How’d you manage to get out?’

‘Thanks to Yao-ge and the little brat,’ Tang Xizhou smirked. ‘Haven’t checked the group chat yet, have you?’

‘No,’ Yan Qingming replied, opening the group chat. Like Tang Xizhou, he listened to just a few seconds of the voice message before hurriedly shutting it off and switching to the text version instead.

‘I thought Yao-ge had more self-control. What on earth is going on?’

Tang Xizhou grinned. ‘Yeah, even my mom was shocked.’

The two hadn’t driven over—it was the New Year, after all, and taxis were hard to come by. In the end, they walked to the bus stop, waited for over half an hour, then spent another hour on the bus before finally arriving home.

As soon as they got back, the two rushed upstairs to Jiang Beibei’s apartment to check on the situation. To their surprise, they found Jiang Beibei sitting on the couch with Huang Yuanbao, eating sunflower seeds and watching TV. Chu Yao and Song Lang were peeling apples, while Qin Yuan, dressed in thermal underwear, was lounging on the sofa, petting the cat.

Tang Xizhou raised an eyebrow. ‘…It’s over? I thought everyone was here, and the scene was supposed to be chaotic. Did everything get resolved without waiting for me to take charge?’

‘Big Brother and Second Brother took too long,’ Jiang Beibei said. ‘It ended half an hour ago.’

‘This calls for some detailed questioning—how exactly did it end?’

‘Auntie Xiaoxiao got bitten by the cat and went to the hospital for a rabies shot, then headed off to visit a gravesite. She probably won’t be coming back,’ Jiang Beibei explained. ‘Once she left, there was no one yelling anymore, so the commotion just… ended.’

‘Isn’t Yao-ge supposed to work today? Is he skipping?’ Tang Xizhou teased, draping an arm around Chu Yao’s shoulder and giving him a light pat. ‘Looks like I need to reprimand you. You’re not even trying to focus on your job anymore. How many times have you taken leave this Gregorian year? Let’s count.’

Chu Yao calmly replied, ‘I’m working the night shift—I’ll head in later this afternoon.’

Tang Xizhou grabbed an apple and gestured toward Jiang Beibei. ‘Come on, girl, stand up and walk a few steps for us.’

Huang Yuanbao nearly swallowed a sunflower seed shell.

Jiang Beibei rolled her eyes and muttered under her breath, ‘Not only can I walk, but I can also jump!’

‘Hey now! That won’t do—someone clearly didn’t put in enough effort!’

Yan Qingming was about to tell Tang Xizhou to watch his words when, to his horror, Grandma Jiang walked out of the kitchen carrying a tray of fruit.

Yan Qingming quickly greeted her, ‘Grandma, you’re home?’

Who knew whether or not Grandma had overheard their earlier conversation.

No wonder everyone was sitting quietly like obedient chickens.

Tang Xizhou awkwardly cleared his throat and turned to face the window, silently cursing himself for his lack of tact.

‘How about we all go out for lunch together?’ Tang Xizhou suggested in an attempt to ease the tension. ‘We can bring Grandma along.’

Grandma Jiang shook her head. ‘No, I’ll eat at home for lunch.’ With that, she returned to the kitchen and closed the door behind her.

Only then did Tang Xizhou breathe a sigh of relief. In a low voice, he muttered, ‘Why didn’t anyone remind me that Grandma was still here?’

Qin Yuan, stroking the cat like a pampered noblewoman, lazily remarked, ‘Too lazy to bother with you.’

Tang Xizhou pressed on, ‘Not to point fingers, but Third Brother, why do you look like someone caught in the act of adultery?’

Jiang Beibei and Chu Yao were fully dressed, but Qin Yuan, in his thermal underwear, looked like he’d been dragged straight out of bed.

Qin Yuan sighed. ‘I heard some commotion early this morning and thought something was wrong, so I jumped out of bed and ran downstairs… I was planning to go back to sleep anyway, and I didn’t feel like changing clothes.’

‘So, how bad was it today?’ Tang Xizhou asked Chu Yao.

Chu Yao shrugged. ‘Maybe the blind date candidate had it worse. She arrived, didn’t even get a chance to say a word, and realized I’d already beaten her to the punch.’

‘You really have no shame, do you?’ Tang Xizhou teased.

Jiang Beibei coughed lightly and timidly raised her hand. ‘Actually, Second Brother, nothing really happened. We just happened to walk out of the same room… If anyone’s to blame, it’s Auntie Xiaoxiao for being too nosy. My door was closed, but she insisted on opening it. Who’s at fault for scaring her? Look, she ended up going to the hospital.’

‘So, how exactly did she get bitten by the cat?’

‘She sat on the cat’s tail,’ Jiang Beibei shrugged. ‘I told you, nothing happened. And even if something had happened, what business is it of hers? She’s not my parent… But no, she insisted that Yao-ge explain everything to her and wanted to sit down for a long talk. That’s when the cat bit her. Whose fault is that, huh?’

Qin Yuan deadpanned, ‘The cat’s.’

‘And our Third Brother…’ Jiang Beibei continued, glancing at Qin Yuan. ‘He’s a little slow on the uptake too. He heard some noise, came running downstairs in his underwear, and started shouting my name. Let me recreate the scene for you.’

Song Lang chuckled—he and Huang Yuanbao had already heard Jiang Beibei’s recreation of the scene once when they first arrived.

Chu Yao smiled silently as Jiang Beibei stood by the door, mimicking Qin Yuan’s panicked tone: ‘What’s going on?! Beibei?! Are you okay?! Ah! Holy crap! Chu Yao! You bastard, are you trying to die?!’

‘That’s exactly how it went,’ Jiang Beibei spread her hands helplessly. ‘And with that outfit of his, the way he looked at Yao-ge was even more accusatory than Auntie Xiaoxiao’s. It scared her so much that she thought I was two-timing and sleeping with every eligible bachelor in the building!’

From the kitchen, Grandma Jiang called out Jiang Beibei’s name in a stern tone. Jiang Beibei sighed and obediently shuffled into the kitchen to receive her lecture.

Grandma Jiang closed the door tightly and scolded her. ‘Stop talking nonsense. Can a young lady speak like that?’

In the living room, Tang Xizhou whispered to the others, ‘So… what exactly are we waiting for now?’

‘My parents,’ Chu Yao replied. ‘They’ll be home soon.’

Tang Xizhou smirked. ‘Let me guess—are we waiting for your parents to come home and discipline you, or…?’

Chu Yao smiled mischievously. ‘Engagement.’

Tang Xizhou exclaimed, ‘I knew it! I guessed it right away!!’

Qin Yuan dramatically threw the cat aside and let out a long, exaggerated sigh. ‘I missed my chance… I regret it so much…’

Meanwhile, Yan Qingming focused on a different topic entirely. Turning to Huang Yuanbao, he asked, ‘Editor Huang, who did you come with?’

‘Oh, I just dropped by for a visit,’ Huang Yuanbao replied casually.

Tang Xizhou, ever in sync with Yan Qingming (after all, they’d shared a bed), chimed in knowingly, ‘Editor Huang, who did you come with?’

‘Me?’ Huang Yuanbao tossed the sunflower seed shells aside, brushed the crumbs off her hands, and strode confidently to Song Lang’s side. Hooking her arm through his, she patted him and announced proudly, ‘Everyone, starting from today—no, yesterday—Song ‘Big Guy’ and I have decided to officially date. From now on, please give us your blessings and guidance. And if we’re still together when we’re filming the show, feel free to ask for favors and bask in our glow.’

Jiang Beibei had just been released from the kitchen and cracked open a can of soda. She had barely taken a sip when Huang Yuanbao’s announcement hit her ears, nearly dissolving her teeth in the fizzy drink.

She barely managed to swallow, wiped her mouth, and shouted in a mix of envy and jealousy, ‘So you really slept with my Fourth Brother last night?!’ Her voice boomed, laced with resentment.

Grandma Jiang called her name again, summoning her back to the kitchen for another lecture.

Huang Yuanbao blinked in surprise. ‘Huh? So you didn’t actually sleep with him last night?’

Everyone collectively turned their gaze toward Chu Yao.

Chu Yao set down the fruit knife, sat up straight, and delivered his response in a formal, clear tone, as if making a report: ‘This might be the single biggest regret of my life.’