CS - 38

After Shen Shanshan looked up at the lightbulbs, the brightness made her feel even dizzier. “Do you know why I like him?”

Lin Zhe Xia asked, “Why?”

Shen Shanshan: “When I was in middle school, I came here with my dad after my parents divorced. They didn’t tell me about it, but I knew anyway. On the first day of school, it rained, and I slipped and fell, getting my new uniform skirt dirty.”

“Even though I knew they were divorced, I never cried. But that day, because of that fall, I suddenly couldn’t hold back. Like an idiot, I stood at the school gate and cried loudly.”

Pausing briefly, Shen Shanshan continued: “That day, Chi Yao handed me a piece of clothing.”

“It’s strange, right? Later, I found out he’s not a very nice person, yet that day, he gave me a piece of clothing.”

Not strange at all.

Lin Zhe Xia thought to herself.

This is the kind of person Chi Yao is. Though he usually rejects anyone who tries to get close, if something like this happens, he wouldn’t just ignore it.

As she spoke, Shen Shanshan started feeling sad again: “I must have had too much to drink.”

Her voice lowered: “Otherwise, why do I feel both happy and sad when I think of him?”

Lin Zhe Xia couldn’t describe her current feelings.

She had always known Chi Yao was famous, and many people wanted his contact information.

But because of his behavior, most girls would eventually change their attitude: Handsome as he might be, no one wants to get close to such a dog.

This was her first time encountering a girl who had secretly liked Chi Yao for years.

And this girl—she looked so gentle.

She was academically excellent, even squeezing into the physics competition just because she knew he’d participate.

And she quietly stayed by his side, helping him win first place together.

…

All these factors combined made Lin Zhe Xia realize the weight of Shen Shanshan’s “like” for Chi Yao.

It wasn’t a casual comment on a forum saying, “He’s so handsome,” nor was it someone sneaking up to ask, “Can we be friends?” It was different from those furtive glances too.

It was a kind of affection that could move someone deeply.

Lin Zhe Xia poured her a glass of water: “Why don’t you drink some warm water?”

Shen Shanshan accepted it: “Thank you.”

After taking the glass, she asked hesitantly: “Maybe this question is a bit abrupt, but do you know... what kind of girl Chi Yao likes?”

Lin Zhe Xia: “…”

Lin Zhe Xia thought for a long time.

There was nothing in her memory related to this question, but once, during an argument with Chi Yao, she vaguely remembered mentioning it.

She couldn’t recall why they were arguing anymore.

She only remembered jumping up and down in front of Chi Yao: “If I ever find a boyfriend, I’ll look for someone with a tan, muscles, and a gentle personality. Someone better than you in every way!”

At that time, Chi Yao snorted, seemingly mocking her daydreaming.

Angrier after being laughed at, Lin Zhe Xia asked: “What do you mean? Are you implying I’ll never find a boyfriend?”

…

Finally, Lin Zhe Xia told Shen Shanshan: “I’m not sure about this either.”

Shen Shanshan: “Has he never been in a relationship?”

Lin Zhe Xia shook her head.

Shen Shanshan: “Never liked a girl?”

Lin Zhe Xia shook her head again.

Shen Shanshan continued: “Then… perhaps… does he like boys?”

Lin Zhe Xia was momentarily speechless: “… I doubt he hides it that deep.”

Shen Shanshan fell silent.

After a while, she seemed to gather great courage and said: “Let me tell you another secret.”

“I might transfer schools. My dad’s job has changed, and I’ll follow him to another city to take the college entrance exam. So this physics competition will probably be our last intersection.”

Lin Zhe Xia now understood the meaning behind the phrase “both happy and sad.”

Holding her glass of water, Shen Shanshan added: “Therefore, I plan to confess to him tomorrow.”

At that moment, the private room door opened—

Xu Ting walked in, grinning as he draped his arm around Chi Yao’s shoulder.

The young man seemed to carry a hint of the chill from the northern night air. In one hand, he held a convenience store plastic bag, and with the other, he lifted it to brush off Xu Ting’s arm draped over his shoulder without hesitation.

Xu Ting: “I just asked you to come out with me for a bit, can you smile a little? People might think I dragged you out to fight.”

Chi Yao still maintained his usual demeanor: “Just say if you want to get beaten.”

Xu Ting: “… I didn’t mean it that way.”

After a while, Chi Yao sat down beside her again.

Lin Zhe Xia was struck by the word “confession,” so much so that she didn’t even notice Chi Yao returning.

Until a hand reached out from under the table, catching her attention.

In the slender fingers of the youth was a lollipop.

“Just a filler item,” Chi Yao said, “a freebie.”

Lin Zhe Xia took it and saw that the lollipop was wrapped in pale yellow, lemon-flavored.

Lin Zhe Xia: “Thank you for handing over your filler item to me.”

Chi Yao: “You’re welcome.”

After Xu Ting and Chi Yao returned, Old Liu settled the bill, and the group walked back to the hotel along the sea.

Lin Zhe Xia worried that Shen Shanshan might trip while walking, so she stayed close to her for a while. However, she soon realized that aside from walking a bit slower, Shen Shanshan showed no other symptoms.

Lin Zhe Xia walked at the back of the group, slowly unwrapping the candy Chi Yao had given her earlier.

The sea breeze blew against her face.

Lin Zhe Xia bit into the candy.

Though it was candy, she didn’t taste any sweetness; instead, she felt only the sourness turning bitter.

“Alright, everyone back to their rooms. We’ve had a long day; get some rest early,” Old Liu announced before dismissing them. “No need to wake up early tomorrow. We’re heading back tonight. Since we’re already in Haicheng, take some time to explore during the day and enjoy the ocean view before leaving.”

Xu Ting, still overly excited, clapped and exclaimed: “Great!”

After clapping, Xu Ting noticed Lin Zhe Xia sucking on a lollipop: “Lin Shao, what’s wrong? You seem unhappy.”

Lin Zhe Xia sucked on the candy, her mood inexplicably low. After a while, she said: “I don’t know, maybe I’m just too tired.”

After speaking, she first escorted Shen Shanshan back to her room, then pulled out her room key from her bag.

Walking silently with her head down, she reached her room door and was about to use her card to open it when the door beeped, and a hand reached out from behind her. The hand pressed on the door handle and closed the door again.

“Hold on.”

Chi Yao’s voice sounded from behind her.

“?”

“Turn around,” the voice instructed again.

Lin Zhe Xia slowly turned around.

The candy in her mouth had melted, leaving only a thin white stick, which quivered as she spoke: “Why did you close my door?”

Chi Yao bent slightly, reaching out to feel her forehead.

Then he glanced at her knee, which had fully scabbed over.

“Normal temperature,” Chi Yao withdrew his hand, “Go in.”

Lin Zhe Xia realized that because she had mentioned being tired, Chi Yao was worried she might catch a cold after being exposed to the sea breeze for so long and wearing too little.

“I’m strong,” Lin Zhe Xia emphasized, holding the thin stick, “I’m not like someone who used to end up in the hospital after a slight breeze.”

Chi Yao lost the patience he had shown when checking her temperature.

He directly reached for the room key in her hand and swiped it to open the door: “Three seconds. Disappear from my sight.”

“…”

Back in her room, Lin Zhe Xia took a shower and then called Lin He.

“Chi Yao won first place, congratulate him for me,” Lin He said on the phone. “Learn from him. Don’t be so careless all the time, with your mind never on studying.”

Lin Zhe Xia: “If you want to praise him, don’t drag me down in the process.”

After chatting for a bit, Lin He changed the subject: “Your Uncle Wei and I are on the vast grasslands. The scenery here is beautiful. Did you see the photos I sent you? Next time I’ll bring you here to explore…”

Lin Zhe Xia listened, responding with several “Mm-hm”s.

After hanging up, she found herself unable to sleep, lying in bed.

The shy yet courageous words spoken by the girl still lingered in her ears:

—I plan to confess to him tomorrow.

Before Shen Shanshan told her this, Lin Zhe Xia had never considered the possibility of Chi Yao being with someone else someday.

She isolated that sentence and repeated it in her mind:

Chi Yao.

One day.

Will be with someone else.

This realization was like a nameless monster that had never entered her world, striking her heart fiercely.

She had spent so much time with Chi Yao.

And throughout this long period, there had never been anyone else.

This was the first time she felt that there might be someone else between them.

But why did it make her feel so sad?

Why did it hurt so much?

A suffocating, heavy sadness overwhelmed her.

Lin Zhe Xia slept poorly that night. When Chi Yao called her the next day to ask if she wanted to see the ocean in the afternoon, she responded groggily.

“Who else is going?” She reacted slowly, then remembered to ask, “If Old Liu is going, I won’t join. I’m a bit scared of him.”

Chi Yao: “What are you afraid of?”

Lin Zhe Xia: “Because he’s the discipline director, and as a student from Class Seven, I feel pressured. You people from Class One wouldn’t understand.”

“…”

Chi Yao listed a series of names.

At the end, Lin Zhe Xia heard him say the surname “Shen,” paused briefly, then smoothly pronounced the full name: “Shen Shanshan.”

Lin Zhe Xia couldn’t help but ask: “Are you close with her?”

Chi Yao: “?”

Lin Zhe Xia: “… Oh, I heard you were classmates in middle school, so I casually asked.”

After speaking, she became a bit afraid of hearing the answer.

After all, they had participated in the competition together, so naturally, they would be somewhat familiar with each other.

“Forget it, you don’t need to answer me,” Lin Zhe Xia hastily said, “I need to get up, I’ll hang up first.”

Old Liu didn’t come to the beach.

Only a few students from No. 2 High School took a car from the hotel to see the ocean.

Today, Shen Shanshan wore a white dress, her long hair flowing freely. Compared to when she wore her school uniform yesterday, she looked much more eye-catching. The dress suited her well, making her appear even gentler.

Standing beside Chi Yao, she mustered the courage to say something to him.

Chi Yao replied to her.

The two of them standing together looked quite harmonious.

Lin Zhe Xia had always been told by Lin He that she didn’t act like a girl.

Indeed, she had spent many years among boys, and in front of this gentle girl in a white dress, she felt somewhat restrained.

She glanced at her own unisex Taobao T-shirt and comfortable pants.

Suddenly, Xu Ting nudged her from behind: “Why has Lin Shao stopped walking?”

Lin Zhe Xia blurted out: “Mind your own business.”

Xu Ting was taken aback: “What’s with the short temper today?”

Lin Zhe Xia quickly adjusted: “I just wanted to slow down and enjoy the sea breeze. I think in this fast-paced life, people walk too fast, which isn’t good.”

“Walking and you’ve got so many insights.”

“People should be good at reflecting.”

Xu Ting: “You’re right, we should experience life more. Not like those two.”

When Xu Ting said “those two,” he pointed at Chi Yao and Shen Shanshan ahead: “They’ve come to the seaside, yet they’re still talking about yesterday’s physics problems.”

Lin Zhe Xia whispered: “… So they’re discussing physics problems.”

Xu Ting didn’t hear clearly: “What?”

“I said,” Lin Zhe Xia raised her voice, “they’re indeed more studious than you.”

“Give me a break, that’s self-torture.”

Xu Ting’s philosophy had always been learning through fun: “I won’t continue studying physics after the competition ends. When it’s time to relax, one should relax.”

“By the way,” Xu Ting changed the topic, “when we get to the beach, let’s stay a bit further away from them.”

Lin Zhe Xia: “?”

Xu Ting: “I’m not entirely sure, but Shen Shanshan said she has something to say to Chi Yao privately. Anyway, she asked me this way.”

“Could it be a confession?” Xu Ting guessed, “Shen Shanshan seems to like Chi Yao a lot, and she needs to say something privately. Hmph, besides confessing, what else would require privacy—”

Lin Zhe Xia knew Shen Shanshan planned to confess to Chi Yao today.

But she hadn’t expected it to happen by the sea or at this moment.

She thought it would be somewhere quieter and more secluded.

Her mind was in turmoil, and she ignored Xu Ting, who treated her as someone to gossip with, talking nonstop: “Come to think of it, I feel they’re quite a match. They both love physics, and having common interests is important.”

“Chi Yao doesn’t have many opposite-sex friends around him, just you. But you’re more like a buddy, not really the opposite sex. Anyway, Shen Shanshan is one of the rare exceptions, at least they’re in the same competition team—hey, Lin Shao, why are you suddenly walking so fast, wait for me!”

Lin Zhe Xia: “You’re annoying, affecting my stroll.”

She didn’t want to listen to Xu Ting.

If she had poison at hand, she might have chosen to silence him without hesitation.

She walked to the seaside, found a quiet spot to sit alone, and her mind was still chaotic.

She wondered aimlessly: Has Shen Shanshan confessed yet?

Will the confession… succeed?

Shen Shanshan moved her last night.

Will she move Chi Yao during the confession too?

Time ticked by second by second.

Xu Ting searched for her for a while and just sat beside her when he saw Lin Zhe Xia suddenly stand up and ask: “Where’s Chi Yao?”

Xu Ting was startled and pointed across: “He should be with Shen Shanshan over there… I guess.”

The “I guess” had barely left his lips when Lin Zhe Xia ran off.

This stretch of beach was long and divided into several sections. It was also a mini holiday, so the seaside was crowded with tourists.

The blazing sun shone on the shimmering sea, refracting an excessively dazzling light.

Lin Zhe Xia pushed through the bustling crowd, struggling to run toward the opposite shore.

She knew she was impulsive.

She didn’t even know what she was doing.

She knew she shouldn’t disturb Chi Yao and Shen Shanshan under any circumstances.

But at this moment, even the most oblivious and inexperienced person had to admit the truth of a hidden, long-denied thought in her heart.

There were still many tourists blocking her path.

Anxious and flustered, she kept searching for Chi Yao in the crowd.

In this instant, it felt as if the entire world had been muted.

The sound of the sea breeze, the noise of the crowd, the vendors’ shouts—all were far away from her.

Only the voice from deep within grew clearer:

She didn’t want Chi Yao to be with anyone else.

Lin Zhe Xia pushed through the densest part of the crowd and arrived at a secluded, deserted corner.

When she found Chi Yao here, Shen Shanshan was no longer by his side.

In the secluded seaside corner, only the boy in the black windbreaker remained, sitting alone by the beach. Uncomfortable with crowds, he sat with his legs drawn up, his back exuding a sense of aloofness. The wind stirred the seawater, splashing against the rocks with a “splash” sound. In the distance, the tide that had just receded was about to rise again.

Chi Yao heard her footsteps, tilted his head slightly, and asked: “What’s wrong with you?”

Lin Zhe Xia stopped, panting heavily, looking disheveled.

Chi Yao still spoke in his familiar tone: “Are your legs fully healed? Running a marathon by the sea now?”

“…”

Lin Zhe Xia didn’t answer his question but instead asked: “Are you sitting here alone?”

Chi Yao casually replied: “There was someone here just now.”

“So… where is she?”

“I found her noisy and told her to go watch the sea elsewhere.”

Lin Zhe Xia knew Chi Yao wouldn’t tell her about Shen Shanshan’s confession. After all, a girl mustering the courage to confess wasn’t something to discuss casually with others.

But she immediately realized—Chi Yao hadn’t agreed.

Bent over, standing less than five meters away from Chi Yao, her heart pounded so hard she could barely breathe.

She finally realized that she had known the answer to the question she had asked Chen Lin days ago.

It wasn’t as Chen Lin had said—not because of growing up, not because she realized Chi Yao was a boy.

It was because of liking.

Because of familiarity, this liking had been overlooked for so long, quietly developing without her awareness.

Her racing heartbeat during the auditorium speech wasn’t due to nervousness; her red ears when wearing a scarf weren’t because of hot breath; her abnormal behavior on sports day wasn’t because of the stifling weather.

Lin Zhe Xia believed there were countless moments like these.

Countless moments she had overlooked.

She had never understood before.

This is what liking feels like.

The world spun around her at this moment.

For a fleeting second, it seemed to rewind to the incense-filled temple days ago, beneath the century-old tree, back to the unintentional comment someone had made:

—If you like someone, you’ll definitely realize it.

Her attraction to Chi Yao hadn’t been loud or obvious. It was more like seawater accumulating drop by drop over the years, until the tide rose high enough to nearly drown her unnoticed.