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The two women sat facing each other, both searching for the shadow of the beloved man in the other’s eyes—one seeking his past, the other longing for his present.
Gao Yuan’s wild laughter echoed between the first and second floors, like a loud stage play. He had never been one to raise his voice; speaking softly and deliberately was a basic trait of a cultured person with status. But this laughter seemed to be bolstering his own courage: “Your little puppy is outside. Why don’t we invite him in and hear what he thinks after hearing you say that?”
The lights flickered appropriately, becoming part of the audience along with the murals on the wall and the tableware on the table. Zheng Zeyan walked in, his leather shoes clicking on the floor, each sound striking Ou Jinghe’s heart. He held Ou Jinghe’s cold hand—perhaps knowing her hands were cold made him feel more grounded—and looked down at Gao Yuan with the air of a victor. Gao Yuan’s face held his usual wealthy man’s gaze: “Cherish it. Once she really gets the Bihu house, she’ll replace you.”
“So what? I never made her any promises either. We’re just a pair of fleeting lovers who can’t stand the test, hiding a pile of dirty secrets behind us, each attracted to the other’s looks and money.” He tightened his grip a little: “Even if we break up at any time, it’s none of your business.”
“Ha!” Gao Yuan clapped his hands. “Ou Jinghe, not bad, you raised a good dog.”
The veins on Zheng Zeyan’s hand were already showing. Ou Jinghe turned her hand over and squeezed his tightly: “Gao Yuan, it’s almost time. You should go. After the settlement agreement is revised, Bihu Tiandi will be mine, and I’ll close the dessert shop before the New Year.”
Gao Yuan slowly clapped, his eyes fixed on Zheng Zeyan as he backed out step by step. That victorious smile made Zheng Zeyan’s stomach churn. Only after Gao Yuan disappeared into the courtyard did Ou Jinghe laugh behind him: “Why do you always appear when I want to win? Thanks to you, I lose every time.”
“Because we’ve already lost all face in front of each other,” Zheng Zeyan said without thinking, the words like a breath that escaped his chest on its own.
“Fleeting lovers who can’t stand the test... is that true?”
Looking at Zheng Zeyan’s silent back, Ou Jinghe felt a faint fear. The panic of almost falling from a great height gripped her. She reached out and hugged Zheng Zeyan tightly from behind: “I’m begging you, please don’t ever leave me. You know I never say these kinds of things.”
“Jinghe, are you willing... to come home with me?”
As she followed Zheng Zeyan to Nanjing, Ou Jinghe had a strange feeling. After a sleepless night and a three or four-hour drive, she was still as excited as if she had drunk a large cup of strong coffee. Zheng Zeyan told her that his mother was originally from Shanghai but had moved to Nanjing ten years ago because she studied and taught at Nanjing University and couldn’t bear to leave the university’s small theater. His father had always been doing business abroad. Although they had a good relationship, they were both fiercely independent. So, throughout his childhood, he seemed to have never felt the warmth of family and the meticulous care of parents. Intense, saturated love seemed to exist only in the Day and Night chat box with Ou Jinghe.
His mother lived in an elevator apartment near Nanjing University. It was Ou Jinghe’s first time in downtown Nanjing. There were tall, sturdy trees everywhere. More green than buildings met her eyes. Without looking at the Chinese road signs, she felt like she was walking through lush manor grounds. Zheng Zeyan led her through small paths on campus, watching girls in leggings and plaid skirts walk past holding books, and boys riding balance bikes whizzing past her ears. She couldn’t help but ask Zheng Zeyan, “Did you study here before?”
“Of course not, I was in the suburbs, crammed into a dormitory with a bunch of sweaty boys, not even an air conditioner. Yu Zhimei’s ex-boyfriend was my roommate. I even secretly threw away the gifts he gave Yu Zhimei and replaced them with my own.”
“Despicable.”
“Still nervous?”
“Of course.”
As the elevator reached the eighteenth floor, Ou Jinghe vaguely felt like this was a game of fate. Gao Yuan’s mother would definitely not choose numbers like 13 and 18; feng shui would kill her. But the unknown woman behind the door seemed not at all worried about these things. Ou Jinghe’s heart pounded, feeling like she finally had white pieces to counter fate, step by step breaking the deadlock in her heart. A simply dressed woman opened the door. She wore a dark blue satin shirt and jeans, looking to be in her early fifties. Her hairline was slightly receding, revealing a full forehead, and her eyes were bottomless, intelligent enough to see through everyone’s secrets.
The room was warm and dry. The air conditioner seemed to have been on for a long time. The considerate woman said from behind that she was afraid the girl would be cold—she called her girl. Ou Jinghe stood awkwardly in place for a moment, her mind filled with the moldy walls of the alley, the cluttered mess, and the smell of decay she smelled when walking down the narrow stairs. Flies seemed to be flying in front of her eyes. She shook her head suddenly. The woman in front of her sat on the piano stool, gently sizing her up. She recognized the sheet music on the piano behind her, it was at a level above grade ten. The paintings on the wall were framed, and the colors hadn’t faded, they were works from within the year. The room’s furnishings were naturally arranged; this was a room that belonged solely to her.
The two women sat facing each other, both searching for the shadow of the beloved man in the other’s eyes—one seeking his past, the other longing for his present.
“Did you study in Japan?”
“Yes.”
“The literature department at Kyoto University is very good. Did you do any work in that field later? I also know a few drama professors.”
“Mom, let’s talk about something else.” Zheng Zeyan leaned back on the sofa, not crossing his legs or slouching, completely different from how he was in Jiading—in front of his mother, he had good upbringing.
“Then... how old are you this year?”
“I’m thirty-six.”
“How... did you two meet?”
“...”
“It’s not easy to fall in love with my son.” Her smile was gentle and slow, accompanied by the gloomy weather, like a silhouette walking out of a stage play.
But Ou Jinghe suddenly felt a churning in her stomach. She excused herself, saying she felt unwell, and rushed downstairs into a convenience store. Trembling, she took a bottle of water and tried to cut in line to pay. Her phone’s QR code wouldn’t show up for a long time. The people around her and the store clerk were very impatient. She was so anxious she wanted to swear: “Damn it, what’s going on? Come on, come out!”
Zheng Zeyan silently took out his QR code beside her. Hearing the “beep,” he grabbed Ou Jinghe and dragged her out of the convenience store. Ou Jinghe was pulled into a restaurant, sitting down and shaking all over as she drank water. Even the salad that was brought to the table only made her hear the sound of the fork dancing on the plate, the noise driving her crazy: “God, why did you bring me here? This is humiliation. Did you hear what your mom asked me? How old I am, thirty-six; where we met, on a dating app; why we fell in love, because of sex; what we plan to do next, I’m not divorced yet, I’m a woman who hasn’t divorced and only dares to divorce after dragging someone else’s son into it... You must have brought me here to get revenge. The hell with coming to a place like this, the atmosphere is so gloomy, I really believed your lies...”
After she said everything, Zheng Zeyan slowly asked, “Are you done?”
“How can you be so calm? That’s your mother! I’ve never been good at this in my entire life... I really can’t get married again...”
Pinning the cigarette between Ou Jinghe’s lips, Zheng Zeyan smiled: “You’re the first woman I’ve brought back to meet her. She was so happy, she didn’t know what to ask when she saw you, so she just asked some questions that all parents ask. But these questions aren’t a big deal in her eyes. You forgot she’s a woman who has performed ‘The Vagina Monologues’.”
“Damn it.”
“Why are you still swearing? Have you said enough dirty words? Do you have to let the fact that you grew up in an alley affect you for the rest of your life?”
“How do you know I’m jealous?”
“I’m nervous in front of her too. She’s an excellent and beautiful woman, no one wouldn’t be jealous. But she’s my mother, and you’re the person I love, two different things.” Ou Jinghe’s lips trembled for a few seconds. She subconsciously wanted to reach for the cigarette again, but Zheng Zeyan held her hand down and easily broke the cigarette with his fingers, releasing the scent of mint and tobacco: “Do yourself a favor, you bitch, do you even want to have children?”
On Christmas Eve, Ou Jinghe invited everyone to have a party at the Miaolin dessert shop. She asked the chef to make all the early dishes from the dessert shop’s menu and personally selected a carload of wine, which she and Zheng Zeyan pushed over. Next, a lot of things in the dessert shop needed to be dismantled. Before selling it, she needed to dismiss the chefs and bartenders. Two waiters had already been introduced to the bar next door. Before the party, Ou Jinghe moved the last batch of delivered wine to Jian Zhaowen’s house—the dessert shop was about to close, her small room couldn’t fit it all, and Jian Zhaowen’s place would probably be a good gathering spot in the future. The wine bottles and the wooden crates clinked on the stone pavement. People walked around them, and when they stopped at the intersection to rest, looking at the glass of the advertisement board, their shadows suddenly felt a bit like a matching pair. Ou Jinghe reached out to brush Zheng Zeyan’s bangs and suddenly asked, “Are you scared? If I leave with nothing, you’ll have to support me.”
“Just kidding, it’s not like I can’t afford to support you.”
“Who wants you to support me? Based on my failed marriage experience, being ‘supported’ is equivalent to being put on a high shelf—I want to go through thick and thin with you.”
“Do you have some obsession with ups and downs?”
“As if you’re any different.”
Zheng Zeyan carried the boxes up the steps. Ou Jinghe wanted to carry the wine cart to the third floor when suddenly a hand appeared behind her—it was Jian Zhaowen. Jian Zhaowen held two large bags of puffed snacks: “I bought some childish snacks that won’t look good on the table, can you help me share them?” With that, he took the cart from Sister He’s hand.
Moving into this old house was her wisest decision.
The ordered pastries were delivered. Lei Zheng and Xiaoxi’s voices outside the courtyard directly penetrated to the third floor. Seeing Xiaoxi’s lipstick and wig and Lei Zheng’s cowboy hat, Yu Zhimei laughed out loud: “Dressed to the nines? Our neighbors are all wearing slippers.”
“Ask Lei Zheng if he’s willing to go out casually. Every outfit is bought, matched, and then hung in the closet. It’s so annoying.” Xiaoxi skipped upstairs: “Wow, this dessert shop is so retro!” Two slender legs were exposed beneath her black T-shirt, her knees straight from frequent dancing. Lei Zheng followed behind: “I heard the whole building you and Jian Zhaowen live in are acquaintances?”
“Not the first floor, old people live there. From the second floor up, it’s all the same landlord. The landlord is also there, we have a good relationship.”
Xiaoxi, halfway up, turned back: “Really! That’s just like our partitioned apartment back then. I really miss that time. Although we were poor and it was hard, eating instant noodles with a grilled sausage was happiness. If this first floor is rented out, I’ll come for you guys.”
Lei Zheng was sprayed with champagne by Sister He the moment he entered the door. Xiaoxi and Yu Zhimei’s expressions changed drastically. Lei Zheng, who was obsessed with cleanliness, might very well lose his temper on the spot if he drank too much. Jian Zhaowen slowly handed over a Marni shopping bag: “A shirt for you.”
Lei Zheng’s expression was strange: “No need.”
“I’m apologizing to you.”
Lei Zheng deliberately choked on his words: “Apologizing for what?”
Jian Zhaowen walked inside without looking back: “Sister He, I’m hungry, is there anything to eat?”
The dessert shop had a few scented candles burning, creating an unusually romantic atmosphere. Sister He didn’t mention the dessert shop, only acting as the hostess, chatting and dancing with friends throughout the three floors. Jian Zhaowen’s Devialet finally had a purpose, he specially brought soft music by Joanna Wang and Faye Wong. The sound quality seemed too clear, and Sister He was first intoxicated by the melody, laughing and saying that the dessert shop was still missing Shi Rui.
As soon as she finished speaking, Shi Rui arrived at the courtyard gate. She seemed to have gained some weight and was dressed very deliberately. The rings on her fingers and the necklace around her neck were all studded with diamonds, as if afraid of being looked down upon. Ou Jinghe hissed softly, then smiled to welcome Shi Rui as she entered: “Long time no see.”
“Thank you for inviting me back. This dessert shop hasn’t been seen for a long time, it seems much smaller than I remember.”
“Shi Rui, you’ve got quite the attitude! Getting married to someone from out of town really boosted your status!” Sister He seemed already drunk: “No one is allowed to pretend today. Everyone will drink obediently, after all, this is my last time hosting.”
There were other old customers of Sister He in the room. Young people and elderly couples sat in the courtyard. Ou Jinghe wore a long red velvet dress. The fabric was thick, and the hem was wide. It was gorgeous and soft under the light. Her footsteps echoed as she went up and down the stairs. She listened to the rhythm of the sound as she moved through the rooms. The hem of her dress couldn’t keep up with her speed, swaying behind her a moment later, as if her enchanting curves were alive.
She was still the dazzling woman who outshone everyone, tonight was her swan song.
A waiter called her to greet guests in the courtyard. An old couple hadn’t been there for a long time and chatted casually about their recent situation. Only then did she realize it was their wedding anniversary. The old gentleman had taken his wife for Western food and then specially came over to see the proprietress one last time and have another bowl of a strange dessert. Ou Jinghe knew that Western restaurant. The original store was in Sri Lanka, Shanghai was the second branch. Located in a quiet corner of the park, a Western-style building by the lake specialized in crab and was quite expensive, requiring a three-week waiting list for reservations, just for proposals and anniversaries. A proper anniversary wouldn’t choose her dessert shop with its unrefined dishes; this was just a place to pass the time—weren’t all those who had been to the third floor also just passing their time?
When the old gentleman went to the restroom, the old lady took out a brooch from her bag and handed it to Ou Jinghe: “This is for you.”
“Why are you suddenly giving me something?”
“I’ve lived my life properly until now, raised two sons who are now abroad. This brooch is useless to keep, my hair has all turned white. I’m happy chatting with you here.”
“I didn’t do anything.” Ou Jinghe’s heart fluttered.
“In my eyes, you’ve done me a great favor. My old man has pretended to be romantic all his life, he’s terribly boring. Shanghai people’s romance is a mold of romance, following trends. The people themselves aren’t necessarily that interesting.” The old lady smiled and turned her ring: “It’s still better than no romance at all. I can only say that when you can’t be satisfied, you have to know when to stop.”
“I’d like to ask you a question... What’s it like raising children with your husband until old age?” Ou Jinghe smiled awkwardly: “It’s a bit embarrassing to say, but my man and I... want to have a child.”
“No feeling, just busy. Just want to get through it quickly.”
Ou Jinghe was amused: “Now... have you gotten through it?”
“Of course. The day of menopause is like being released from prison. Children aren’t by your side, sex drive doesn’t bother you, and noise has nothing to do with you.” The old lady looked at the old gentleman walking out of the restroom and hurriedly said the last sentence: “When you get old, you’re all wrinkled like a rag, women are like that, and men are like that too. Then you realize men and women are equal.”
Several people suddenly looked at her, giving her the illusion of being the proprietress of Miaolin Dessert Shop. Her voice trembled slightly for a moment: “Friends, I’m hosting a gathering for everyone. Miaolin Dessert Shop will close before the Spring Festival, and this building is going to be sold. The wine has just been delivered, please help yourselves. The mango instant noodles, spicy glutinous rice balls, and black glutinous rice sweet tempura in this room were once my signature dishes and are the last desserts made by my chef. During the years I ran the dessert shop, I once thought I was awake, pretending to be a happy couple with a husband who didn’t love me, living independently in a so-called wealthy life, as long as I was strong enough. Later, I realized that this self-deceptive wakefulness was absurd, another kind of daydream, and all I got in return was loneliness. Tonight I still have you all, and I’m content. I once lived in a luxurious house but was all alone. Now, at least at this moment, I am rich. Money can’t solve everything in this world, but I’m grateful that I had a little bit of money that allowed me to meet you all at Miaolin—I’m no longer alone.”
People held their wine glasses, somewhat moved for a moment, wanting to applaud but feeling slightly awkward. Little Ma was the first to break the awkwardness, promptly shifting the focus to Lei Zheng: “What’s that big brother doing outside in the courtyard?”
Xiaoxi rolled her eyes: “Ignore him, he’s voting for a girl group.”
“Huh?”
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