TIL - 29

This is a private conversation between Cheng Cuo and Su He.

Su He liked this tea house.

Cheng Cuo’s taste was actually quite good, perhaps related to his upbringing. His elders were all prominent figures in society, and under their influence, he was quite presentable himself.

Cheng Cuo saw that he quite liked the environment and felt relieved: “Actually, tomorrow would be fine too, but since we’ve met today, why don’t we chat today and leave tomorrow for tomorrow?”

Su He placed his phone on the table: “I need to be back before twelve.”

Cheng Cuo glanced at his watch. Eleven o’clock, an hour was enough: “Mm.”

Su He held his cup: “I don’t actually believe medicine can cure me, but I’ll take all the medicine you prescribe.”

Cheng Cuo smiled: “I also have a patient who doesn’t like taking medicine but figured out a way to overcome their illness, and it’s quite effective. While not advisable, I have to say, for many illnesses, taking medicine isn’t the only path.”

Su He looked up: “But it seems patients admitted to mental hospitals have to take medicine every day. Sometimes I wonder, are they really sick?”

Cheng Cuo had also thought about this question: had those people figured things out or not? In fact, being mad might not be a bad choice for life; one could escape many hardships and live forever in their own world.

He had met many rational people, like Wen Huo, who was destined to become a physicist. They found it hard to understand psychology and psychiatry.

Cheng Cuo used to debate with them, but after working in this field for a long time, he came to understand them. It’s like what John Schuler wrote in one of his books: many psychologists themselves believe psychology is chaotic and unclear.

He couldn’t remember the exact words, but that was the meaning. Psychology is even harder to fathom than human nature. Human nature is complex, and psychology is absurd.

Su He added: “You’re a clinical psychologist or a psychiatrist, why don’t you choose to work in academia or a hospital? I believe your value shouldn’t be confined to this one studio.”

Cheng Cuo smiled: “I just want to help people.”

A very simple sentence, and Su He had no further questions.

Cheng Cuo had also used electroshock therapy on patients, given sedatives, administered anesthetics. He had also been indifferent to their auditory hallucinations, their illusory dreams, their multiple personalities, their various facades...

When he was a strictly defined clinician, he himself would feel that he just needed to control their madness, prescribe them medicine, and his task would be complete.

Then suddenly one day, a normal person appeared in the mental hospital where he worked, but they couldn’t distinguish him, and eventually drove him mad...

He finally realized that all the things he had learned were useless.

The reasons that drove them mad, the voices they heard, the images they saw, their bizarre behaviors—these were what he needed to pay attention to. These were the subjective factors. Not just thinking about how to suppress someone when they showed signs of madness.

Even Cheng Cuo, as a psychologist, didn’t deny one thing: no one wants to listen to people with mental or psychological problems, and no one is willing to believe that much of what they say in their “madness” is actually true.

For example, when people hear the words “depression,” most react with thoughts of being overly sensitive, pretending, seeking attention, avoiding responsibility, etc...

Only when the person commits suicide do these people briefly mourn, as if regretting a life, but in reality, they are merely trying to alleviate their own guilt. They need to use this self-感动 (moving themselves) method to erase the sin of having ridiculed the deceased while they were alive.

Cheng Cuo said: “Whether they are patients or normal people, I hope they don’t face cold glances and ridicule. But making a person not be sarcastic towards others is too difficult. People in this world are actually very fragile. Think about it: a knife can pierce the lungs, it can take a life. How strong can a creature be? Why can’t we be more tolerant of each other? Is it because one is not doing well oneself, and therefore doesn’t want others to do well either?”

This was the first time Su He had heard a psychologist make such a subjective statement. He thought professionals like them were very objective.

Cheng Cuo seemed to understand his reaction and said: “When you approach others with a kind heart, you naturally hope they can reciprocate with the same kindness, but they just can’t. Not only will they not be kind, they’ll be two-faced, sarcastic, presenting one face to you and another behind your back. When you know this, it’s immense pain. Trust being betrayed actually causes much greater harm than never being trusted.”

Su He was momentarily lost in thought.

He didn’t know how to describe Cheng Cuo, but he had indeed misjudged him; he was actually a very insightful and sincere person.

“Many people develop mental problems because too much of this kind of harm has accumulated. So now, when treating patients, I require their families to provide an environment free from such harm,” Cheng Cuo said.

Su He knew that behavioral and verbal harm were fatal. Although his paranoia wasn’t caused by them, he agreed with Cheng Cuo’s words.

Cheng Cuo stopped discussing this with him: “Your illness is real, but your purpose in seeking treatment from me is not genuine.”

Su He raised an eyebrow.

Cheng Cuo didn’t want to expose him, but Wen Huo was his friend, and he didn’t want her to become the target of manipulation, nor did he want to be the one fueling it.

Seeing that he couldn’t hide it any longer, Su He stopped concealing: “Yes, I came to you because you know Wen Huo.”

Cheng Cuo placed his hands on the table: “Why?”

Su He was more curious about how he figured it out: “How did you know?”

Cheng Cuo said: “I’m a psychologist. You were too targeted towards Chen Cheng at the gathering. That’s not how one reacts to someone they just met.”

“Why don’t you think I was jealous? Even the most careless person should be able to tell if someone they like is too close to someone else. I could tell at a glance that his relationship with Wen Huo was unusual. Couldn’t I speak sharply?”

“You can’t get the better of him. He hasn’t competed with you yet only because his attention is on Wen Huo. When he’s alone, nothing about you will be a secret.”

“Are you saying he’ll hire someone to investigate me?”

Cheng Cuo didn’t know, but Chen Cheng was too petty; he was meticulous and no one could take advantage of him. He didn’t know Su He’s level yet, but it certainly wouldn’t be higher than Chen Cheng’s. Chen Cheng was the most meticulous person he had ever met; no one could outwit him.

He was genuinely considering Su He: “My advice is not to seek trouble for yourself. Your condition is unstable, so it’s better to be well-behaved.”

“Are you saying this because Chen Cheng is your cousin?”

Cheng Cuo picked up his teacup: “It’s because you are my patient.”

Su He was momentarily stunned, then dropped his guard and confided in Cheng Cuo about his purpose in coming to China.

It turned out he had known Wen Huo since childhood. Back then, Wen Huo had just moved to Canada with her mother and couldn’t speak English well. He and his younger brother taught her, and the three of them were like siblings. Later, due to some unforeseen circumstances, Wen Huo returned to China. He coincidentally learned about her recent situation, that she had developed insomnia after returning home, which greatly sapped her energy and spirit. He happened to have an opportunity to come to China, so he tried to help her using their past.

He heard that insomnia might be due to a lingering concern. He thought she must have a lingering concern, as too much had happened before she left Canada, and she was unhappy. He wanted to help her resolve her emotional knot, and once it was untied, she should get better.

Cheng Cuo saw right through him; he could see all of Su He’s intentions clearly: “Wen Huo, you don’t need to worry about her. She’s a very independent person. She doesn’t need anyone’s help, whether it’s you or Chen Cheng. She doesn’t think highly of either of you. She’s rational to your astonishment. I’ve never seen a woman with her level of rationality, so the situation you’re worried about won’t happen at all. Smart people won’t let themselves suffer even a tiny bit of grievance.”

Su He smiled faintly, not speaking.

Cheng Cuo said: “Since you’ve come to me for treatment, I will help you. As for other matters, forget about them. I respect and care for my patients, but I will always stand by my cousin and my friend.”

Su He refilled his tea: “I will also always stand by Wen Huo.”

Through his demeanor, Cheng Cuo was willing to believe this: “Then I’m relieved. I will do my best to help you with your paranoia.”