WWBU - Extra 10

“I... I...”

Stammering, Hyun-soo’s voice finally crawled out from her lips, but that was it. Like meaningless noise, Hyun-soo’s words held no meaning.

Hyun-soo had never once considered this situation. That is, that he would be the one to let go of her first.

Why? How did this happen? Does he not love me anymore? Has he no more use for me? No, maybe he’s just completely tired of me now.

Numerous questions, each carrying a question mark, poured out, making it impossible for her to collect her thoughts. But in the end, the biggest question that remained was this.

Why on earth was she feeling this way?

The truths of the past and the pain that had continued until recently. Hyun-soo had vaguely thought that she would want to escape from it all. She had even been certain of it. But now that the opportunity had come, she found it difficult to accept.

Hyun-soo realized how two-faced she was. And in an instant, she felt lonely. Even though Guk was still by her side, even though he was crying because of her, she already felt left alone.

Fifteen years or so after the fire, Hyun-soo had once again become completely lost.

The next morning, Guk was not beside Hyun-soo when she woke up.

Having left like that, he didn’t contact her in any way afterward. Of course, he didn’t return home either.

Hyun-soo realized that the power of decision truly rested with her. But her heart had already become lost. Even though she held the scabbard, she couldn’t easily make any decision.

Weeks passed, and still Guk and Hyun-soo were in a state of separation that wasn’t quite a separation, a living apart that wasn’t quite living apart, drawing parallel lines.

Around that time, Hyun-soo was exhausted by the path of her heart, which changed every hour of every day. Yesterday, she had believed in his love, but today, she was confused, wondering if his consideration might be pushing her away.

Belief was more fragile than she had thought. Even a slight change in questioning or doubt could quickly alter its form. Hyun-soo realized this and unknowingly kept replaying Guk’s image in her mind. She couldn’t forget the look in his eyes and his expression when he told her to leave.

Only Hyun-soo and her son lived in the house. Like a child who was very attached to his father, Wan kept fussing and looking for his dad. Hyun-soo couldn’t do anything in the face of her child’s longing. She could only comfort him, promising a later time.

Was this life really the right thing to do? Maybe she was taking Wan’s father away from him. With each passing thought, Hyun-soo’s heart grew endlessly heavier.

“He still has a bit of bronchitis. Please make sure he takes his medicine after eating. There’s also medicine to take before bed, so don’t forget to give him that too.”

“Yes. Don’t worry.”

The housekeeper, who had received the bag from Hyun-soo, smiled brightly. Despite her advanced age, she had a kind nature and a pleasant demeanor. She was the only one among the Chairman’s people that Hyun-soo had completely opened her heart to.

“You’ll come to pick him up tomorrow, right?”

“Yes. I’ll call you before I come.”

Today was the day she periodically sent Wan to his grandparents’ house. Thanks to that, Hyun-soo had been busy since early morning packing and taking the child out.

“Yes. Wan-ah! You have to say goodbye to Mommy.”

At the housekeeper’s call, Wan came and hugged Hyun-soo. Perhaps because he had been running around everywhere as soon as they arrived at his grandparents’ house, she could feel warmth and lively energy from the child’s body.

“Listen to Grandpa well. You have to listen to Housekeeper Lee too. Mommy will come tomorrow, so don’t worry. Okay?”

Wan, still in Hyun-soo’s arms, nodded at her words. Hyun-soo chuckled softly at the wriggling movement of the child in her arms.

“See you tomorrow.”

Having said goodbye, Hyun-soo waved at Wan once more and left the house. A smile appeared on her face at the sight of Wan’s back as he excitedly ran off, not even noticing her goodbye.

“Shall we get going?”

Hyun-soo, who had sat in the driver’s seat for the first time in a while, started the engine. Lately, she had felt suffocated and her head had been dizzy, so she intended to take a short day trip this time. She had left Wan in trustworthy hands, so she didn’t have any major worries. All she had to do was confidently leave.

“But where should I go......”

But the problem was her destination. No matter how much she had thought about it since the day before, no suitable travel destination came to mind.

Hyun-soo, who had been sitting for a while with the engine running, finally started the car after much thought. The sleekly designed car glided out of the residential area.

She had set off, but still didn’t have a specific destination in mind. She couldn’t just waste time on the streets, so she had decided to just go.

“I’ll reach somewhere.”

Still, she wasn’t too worried. She remembered a friend telling her that she had once gone wherever her feet took her, and it had turned out to be a great trip.

Hyun-soo tried to clear her head and drove aimlessly. Following her heart, following her body, just like that.

And the place she finally reached was.

<Welcome to Damyeong City!>

It was her hometown, Damyeong.

Why here of all places? Hyun-soo looked at the word ‘Damyeong’ on the sign and found it hard to believe that she had come here herself. She had clearly driven without thinking as soon as the traffic lights turned green, so why?

Was it because this was where all her relationships had begun?

That thought crossed her mind, but there was no definite answer. Just, somehow, Hyun-soo was now in Damyeong.

The first place Hyun-soo arrived at was the neighborhood where her old house used to be. She came here naturally, as if she were possessed.

“It’s completely different......”

However, contrary to her expectations, the neighborhood scenery had completely changed. The entrance was still similar, but a famous franchise cafe building stood on the site of her old house.

Feeling strangely melancholic for no reason, Hyun-soo quietly looked at the building before turning her steps. Even after getting into the car, she stared at the cafe building for several minutes. But she couldn’t shake off this stuffy and heavy feeling.

Hyun-soo’s gaze lingered for a moment on her reflection in the rearview mirror, but she soon started the engine and turned the car around. As she drove out of the neighborhood again, she saw three or four students laughing and walking up the road.

“......”

In that instant, Hyun-soo took a deep breath at the memory that surfaced in her mind.

‘Let’s go home.’

It was a voice. Guk’s voice, who had spoken to her first on their way home from school.

‘From now on, after school, go straight home with me.’

His face, as he asked to walk home together saying it was his mother’s request, was unreadable. Because of that, it was true that their walks to and from school together weren’t easy from the beginning. But after that... she remembered being busy chasing after his still vivid back every day.

“I thought I was going to die in the summer.”

A small smile appeared on Hyun-soo’s lips, without her realizing it, as she recalled the memory that felt like a march under the scorching sun. It wasn’t a bad scene, a memory she didn’t feel the need to erase.

The young faces of Guk and herself from the past flashed through her heart, and Hyun-soo, who had stopped smiling, left the neighborhood without any more lingering feelings.

Hyun-soo moved around Damyeong City as her feet led her. She went around the schools she had attended and even went to the front of the tteokbokki (spicy rice cake) place she had frequented. Unfortunately, the tteokbokki place was closed, but the peeling paint on the walls was covered with graffiti written by children back then. She wondered if there might be a sentence she herself had written among them.

Hyun-soo, who had been reading the graffiti with strained eyes, stopped and set off for another place. The graffiti she had written seemed to have disappeared, covered by other scribbles, but it had already fulfilled its value by making her reminisce about those days.

Hoo. Hyun-soo let out a long breath that felt like a sigh rising up. She felt strangely as if her heart was soft and mushy, yet heavy like waterlogged cotton.

Before returning to Seoul, Hyun-soo stopped by one last place. It was none other than the Hanul Memorial Park in the mountains. After driving for a long time along a road with lush forests on either side, the building appeared, still neat and clean.

It rained that day.

As she remembered the day Guk and Han had visited together in the past, she also recalled the sky of that day, pouring down rain as black as ink. The rain had poured down as if there was a hole in the sky, so much so that they couldn’t even return to Seoul in the end. Because of that, she couldn’t forget the night they had spent at their villa. How could she? That was the first night Guk and she had spent together.

The parking lot, with a few cars sparsely parked, was deserted. Hyun-soo slowly parked right in front of the building and entered the memorial hall.

Having come several times, the interior scenery was quite familiar. Hyun-soo, heading to the left from the corridors on both sides, soon reached the place where her mother’s remains were enshrined.

“Mom.”

Was it because she hadn’t called her name in so long? Her mouth felt strangely dry. She didn’t feel any emotion.

If her emotions had run dry, it must have been because she had lived too exhaustingly. “Mom,” Hyun-soo called out once more and stared blankly at the urn for a moment.

In front of the urn was a family photo, and next to it were small flowers and miniature props. Even in the photo, her parents had Hyun-seo in the middle and Hyun-soo standing blankly beside them.

“It was always like that.”

Hyun-soo, looking at the photo, just chuckled. Anyone who saw this photo would be able to recognize their biased love and her unrequited love for her parents. It was a photo that clearly showed the obviousness of their relationship.

“Why did you hate me so much, Mom?”

Then, at a thought that suddenly crossed her mind, Hyun-soo murmured.

“I’m your child too. I was in your womb for ten months too. Were you disappointed after giving birth to me?”

Hyun-soo’s expression as she said that was indifferent. She wasn’t questioning her dead mother. She simply wanted to resolve a lifelong curiosity.

“You know, Mom, coming all the way here, I thought I missed you in my own way. But... I guess that’s not it.”

Hyun-soo took a breath, put her hands in her pockets, and continued speaking.

“Looking at you like this, right in front of me, I don’t feel anything.”

She was sincere. Even looking at her mother’s urn and the family photo right in front of her, no particular emotion welled up.

“It’s not that I hate you, Mom. It’s just that I don’t love you.”

And finally, Hyun-soo confessed her seemingly understood feelings in front of her mother.