SELA - 65

“What’s this?”

“Take a look.”

Sa-hee handed the notebook to Ji-hyuk. Ji-hyuk, who had been quietly looking down, took it and opened it on the table. A notebook that had been opened often, the worn pages naturally fell open first.

“......You, how did you...”

“Is this the person?”

“How do you know this person? Did you meet him too?”

At Ji-hyuk’s slightly raised voice, Sa-hee nodded. Ji-hyuk laughed in disbelief and turned away.

On the open pages were several drawings and scribbles. They were things Sa-hee had jotted down little by little whenever she couldn’t sleep, had occasional dreams, or when related thoughts came to mind. The most prominent large drawing was a composite sketch of an unidentified man.

The man in the drawing, with a long face and hollow cheeks, had dark, sunken areas under his almond-shaped eyes. His hair was neither long nor short, just shaggy, and his lips were so thin that it was almost questionable whether to even call them lips. In general, from the impression of an ordinary man, the only feature that stood out was his remarkably sharp nose.

“And this too.”

At Sa-hee’s voice, Ji-hyuk turned back again. On the next page that had been turned, there was another drawing. The scribble, along with the words ‘The man’s hand,’ depicted a slender hand like a dry twig.

“......This is...”

“That’s right. The pattern.”

Both of their gazes rested on the back of the hand in the drawing. More specifically, on the blotch-like pattern on the back of the hand. Just like in the drawing, there was a blotch-like pattern on the back of the man’s hand in reality. So, just by looking at this, there could be no disagreement that the two had seen the same person.

“I told you not to touch it, yet you still...!”

Ji-hyuk, who was about to continue with harsh words, barely closed his mouth. That didn’t mean his anger subsided. He had made a deal with him, so that should have been the end of it. What right did he have to reach out to Sa-hee?

Ji-hyuk, who had been suppressing his anger with his hands on the table, slowly stood up. His expression was calm and composed, his gaze sharp – he was back to his usual self.

“What did that bastard do to you?”

Sa-hee couldn’t tell what that ‘what’ referred to. She was lost in thought for a moment, then sat down weakly on the chair. At Sa-hee’s quietly raised gaze, Ji-hyuk also sat down across from her.

“It’s my turn now.”

“What are you talking about?”

“You asked what that man did to me.”

“Yeah.”

“He granted my wish.”

Sa-hee was smiling as she said that. But her voice was thin and trembling, as if she would burst into tears if anyone touched her.

“Ji-hyuk-ssi.”

“I’m listening. Talk to me.”

“You died.”

Ji-hyuk stared at Sa-hee without any change in expression.

“What did you say?”

“You, no. You had died too.”

In an instant, tears filled Sa-hee’s eyes. With tears about to spill over, Sa-hee was smiling. Ji-hyuk’s poker face began to crack little by little.

“So, I came to find you too.”

With a confession that sounded like a whisper, Sa-hee’s tears streamed down her face.

________________________________________

“Say it again.”

“You, no. You had died too.”

Ji-hyuk tightly clasped Sa-hee’s hands. His furrowed brow showed his complicated feelings.

“Are you saying I died like you did?”

“Yes.”

“Why, how?”

“There was a car accident in the early morning of my birthday. A drunk driver crashed into your car while you were waiting at a traffic light. You were immediately taken to the hospital, but...”

“Okay, it’s alright. Stop.”

Ji-hyuk stopped Sa-hee’s words, caressing the back of her hand as she seemed to be struggling. Sa-hee, who had covered her eyes with one hand, sobbed, her shoulders shaking. Just thinking about that day still enveloped her soul in such great sorrow.

“You were even on the phone with me. The terrible sound of the accident when it happened is still so vivid...”

Sa-hee couldn’t hold back any longer and burst into tears. Ji-hyuk, who had been quietly watching her, stood up, approached Sa-hee, and hugged her warmly. The desperation in Sa-hee’s gesture as she wrapped her arms around his waist was palpable.

“Sa-hee-yah. Look at me. Stop crying.”

Ji-hyuk, kneeling down, caressed Sa-hee’s cheek and made her look at him. Her face, completely soaked with tears, looked pitiful. How many days had she spent suffering alone like this? Thinking about the countless days he hadn’t been there to comfort her, a crushing pain washed over him.

“I’m here now, by your side.”

“Yeah.”

“I promise I will never leave you again.”

“......”

“Believe me, Sa-hee-yah.”

At his earnest voice, almost a whisper, Sa-hee hugged Ji-hyuk. Sa-hee had initiated the hug, but in the end, it was she who was tightly held in Ji-hyuk’s broad embrace.

The two closed their eyes and felt each other’s warmth. They wanted to fully feel that they were alive and breathing together, that they were right here by each other’s side.

“So you met that man back then too.”

Sa-hee nodded in his embrace.

“Wait a second.”

Ji-hyuk, who had been comforting Sa-hee by patting her back, suddenly pulled away. Sa-hee, unable to understand, looked up at him blankly with a wet face.

“That bastard doesn’t send people back to the past willingly. He drives people crazy and then returns them as if doing a favor. Do you know what I mean?”

“......”

“He only grants wishes if you destroy yourself.”

At Ji-hyuk’s words, which sounded somewhat angry, Sa-hee lowered her gaze. It was a part she knew well. She too had gone through that process to return here, to the past.

“The fact that you’re here means you did too, right?”

“......”

“You tried to die too?”

“......”

“Because of me?”

“......”

“For such a reason...!”

Such a reason? Sa-hee, who had been looking down, lifted her gaze sharply and pushed Ji-hyuk’s chest.

“Such a reason? Do you think you were just ‘such’ to me?”

“You know what I mean, Yoon Sa-hee.”

“Then what about you? Why did you do it? Why did you try to die just because of me!”

“Because I couldn’t live anymore!”

Ji-hyuk, who had shouted, took a deep breath. He turned away, looking troubled, and ran his fingers through his hair agitatedly.

“Don’t turn around, look at me, quickly.”

At Sa-hee’s trembling voice, Ji-hyuk sighed and immediately turned back around.

“It’s the same for me.”

“......”

“I didn’t want to live. I did it because I couldn’t live.”

“......”

“Does it sound too childish, like I’m just being petulant? But you know, it’s the truth. I didn’t want to live. I couldn’t bear it without you, so what did you expect me to do...!”

Ji-hyuk, who had suddenly strode closer, grabbed Sa-hee’s cheeks and kissed her. Unlike Sa-hee, who couldn’t even close her eyes in surprise, Ji-hyuk tilted his head and delved deeply into the kiss.

“I’m sorry.”

Ji-hyuk, having pulled his lips away, whispered with his forehead pressed against Sa-hee’s.

“For what?”

“Actually, I’m angry at myself. For leaving you behind and dying like that.”

“......”

“That will never happen again. I promise. So...”

“......”

“Will you love me just one more time?”

It was a confession. A sincere confession delivered with unwavering, earnest eyes. Sa-hee felt her heart pounding as if her whole body was vibrating.

She knew very well that there was no place left to turn back to or retreat. Sa-hee thought that if her heart had a shape, this is what it would be, and it was time to express in words that she wanted to give this heart to him.

Ji-hyuk was still looking at her without the slightest waver. Sa-hee placed her hand on his and slowly opened her lips. She saw Ji-hyuk’s gaze move to her small, delicate lips.

“Anytime.”

Ji-hyuk embraced her with an overwhelming feeling of happiness as she smiled like the sun and answered.

Affection pulsed through their touching hearts.

________________________________________

The rain that had been pouring down all along had stopped. Only the raindrops that had gathered here and there were falling heavily. The sun shone again from behind the receding dark clouds, and before they knew it, the sky was red with the sunset.

“I had a bad headache that day, so I canceled our date. If I had gone out... I would have been caught in the building collapse.”

The two were lying side by side on the bed, looking at each other. Ji-hyuk, who had been quietly listening to her story, brushed Sa-hee’s hair back.

“So, life and death were decided by a momentary choice.”

Sa-hee’s heart ached at the sight of Ji-hyuk’s eyes, which looked somehow empty as he said that.

Sa-hee also reached out and brushed Ji-hyuk’s hair back, then traced his handsome eyebrows with her thumb.

“......What on earth is the identity of that man?”

“He’s a benevolent bastard. Thinking about how I almost lost you because I lost my memories...”

She saw the muscles in his clenched jaw twitch.

“Still, he doesn’t seem like a completely bad being. He did grant our wishes.”

“He didn’t just grant them for free. He took my memories and gave you the pain of knowing alone in exchange for giving you back your memories.”

“......”

“Just think of it simply. That man just made a deal.”

Is that so? Sa-hee slowly closed and opened her eyes, tracing the taut shoulder line of the T-shirt Ji-hyuk was wearing with her finger. It felt like a warm sensation lingered on her fingertip.

“You know.”

“Yeah.”

“Is it okay for us to be together?”