#123: Advancing

Shang Zhitao’s hands, typing at the computer, froze in place. She looked up at Luan Nian.

“I don’t understand,” she said. “How do we take care of him together?”

Luan Nian looked at her for a long time and said, “Let’s talk after Luke finishes his IV and we get home, okay?”

“Okay.”

Shang Zhitao was a little flustered.

She hadn’t felt like this in a long time—unable to concentrate on anything, her thoughts thrown into chaos by just a few words from Luan Nian.

Neither of them spoke again. After the IV, Luke didn’t want to walk by himself and whimpered to be carried. Luan Nian picked him up and carried him home. Along the way, many people stared, and some made unpleasant comments:

“You don’t even take care of your parents this attentively, do you?”

“What’s it to you? Are you sick?” Luan Nian didn’t tolerate that kind of nonsense and fired right back, “Mind your own business.”

Shang Zhitao understood Luan Nian. He had always been like this—never willing to suffer even the slightest grievance. She also thought those comments were awful, but sometimes she’d just pretend not to hear them. She’d never thought about confronting the neighbors who spread malicious gossip about her. That was just the difference between people.

Once they got home, Luan Nian put Luke down. Luke, having just finished his IV, was sluggish and lay there without moving. Shang Zhitao tried to get him to drink water, but he couldn’t. She became anxious, and tears fell again.

The girl who used to never cry in front of Luan Nian no longer held back.

Luan Nian had regretted countless times not hugging her when she broke down in front of him. He would never allow that to happen again.

He held her by the shoulders and pulled her into his arms.

It wasn’t her leaning against him, with distance between their bodies—it was a real embrace.

Luke stood up, seemingly wanting to make some noise. Luan Nian, with his hand behind Shang Zhitao, pointed his index finger downward in a small gesture: lie down.

Luke had been trained by Luan Nian long enough to understand this command. He lay back down and quietly watched them.

Luan Nian was satisfied, focusing again on holding Shang Zhitao. The scent of her hair made him lose focus. He couldn’t walk away without doing something.

He placed a hand on her head, fingers running through her hair, gently lifting her face. Her tears hadn’t dried yet. Their breaths mingled as Luan Nian lowered his gaze to look at her, his eyes sticky and tender, making her heart race.

He leaned in and lightly brushed her lips, pulling back when he sensed resistance, then leaning in again. Again and again—until finally, he didn’t pull back. He pressed into her lips, coaxing her mouth open with his tongue.

Luan Nian would always be Luan Nian.

He could pretend to be a gentleman, resist the urge to touch her, but in his mind, he had already “punished” Shang Zhitao countless times over the years. To ask him now to take things slowly was wishful thinking.

Once his tongue entered the battlefield, his dominance surged out from under the guise of civility. He explored every part of her mouth, breath growing heavier. He suddenly pulled her tightly into his arms. Shang Zhitao was pressed against something hard and snapped out of it. She pushed him away, but Luan Nian refused to let go. She bit his lip hard, using all her strength to finally break free.

In the dim room, they locked horns. There was fire in Luan Nian’s eyes—it could burn Shang Zhitao to ashes. She held her lips and glared at him. “Is this what you meant by talking?”

“Yes!”

“What kind of ‘talking’ is this?!”

“This is exactly how I talk—so what?!”

“…That was harassment, not a conversation!”

“Is this your first day knowing me?”

“If this is how you plan to talk, then I won’t talk with you!”

“Whatever!”

Luan Nian put on his coat and headed for the door. But just as his hand touched the doorknob, he turned around, unwilling to leave. Slowly, he shrugged off his coat and threw it onto the couch, walking step by step toward Shang Zhitao.

Shang Zhitao grew afraid. She had never seen Luan Nian like this before. She backed up two steps before being pinned against the bookshelf wall. She let out a small gasp, only to be silenced again by his kiss. Luan Nian was desperate to kiss her. To hell with taking it slow—they weren’t in their twenties anymore. What was there to wait for?

He picked her up forcefully, pressing his body against hers, sealing her lips in another fierce kiss. His hips moved hard against her. Shang Zhitao whimpered, unable to escape. She hated him in that moment and bit his lip hard, tasting blood. Luan Nian calmed down, pulled back slightly, and looked at her with fire in his eyes, gritting his teeth as he said:

“If I didn’t want forever with you, I swear I’d sleep with you right now just to vent my rage!!”

They both knew exactly what he meant. That unintentional whimper from Shang Zhitao’s lips had been her body surrendering—even if her heart still resisted.

Luan Nian kissed her again, then gently set her down. He licked the corner of his lip, then wiped it with his thumb, looking every bit like a scoundrel.

Shang Zhitao was stunned by that line about “forever.” She didn’t speak for a long while. She slipped away from between him and the bookshelf, stood beside Luke, and pointed at the door.

“You’re staying in a hotel.”

“I’m not going!”

“This is my house!”

“Luke’s not better yet. I’m not leaving.”

At the mention of Luke, Shang Zhitao calmed down. If something happened to Luke in the middle of the night, she’d be terrified. No matter how strong she seemed outside or how fast she made decisions, at home, facing Luke, she turned into someone soft.

“Then go sleep in the guest room!” she snapped.

“I haven’t even had dinner yet, and this is how you treat a guest?” Luan Nian retorted. He took off his sweater, revealing a white T-shirt underneath, and walked into the kitchen.

Shang Zhitao mocked him in her mind—he even layered his outfits, trying to keep up with the trends of younger people. She didn’t dare say it aloud, afraid he’d turn into a beast again. She couldn’t control him. She sat down beside Luke with her laptop and started working. Every now and then she looked up at him—he still had those broad shoulders, a narrow waist, and a well-shaped backside. Just by looking at his back, she could tell he wasn’t someone to mess with.

And that line—”If I didn’t want forever with you…”—came to mind again. She thought he really didn’t know how to say nice things properly.

Shang Zhitao stroked Luke’s head and whispered to him, “Your dad’s not a human being. He’s got a foul mouth. Should we poison him so he can’t talk anymore?”

Luke clearly disagreed. He stood up and barked in protest, scaring Shang Zhitao. “Why are you barking!”

“He’s sick and barked once, what’s the big deal? Why are you yelling at him?” Luan Nian came out of the kitchen and said to her, “Be gentle with Luke.”

…

After saying that, Luan Nian returned to the kitchen. There was still some food he had bought earlier. He braised a fish, made some red-braised pork ribs, and planned to stir-fry two more dishes. Just as the vegetables hit the pan with a loud sizzle, Shang Zhitao heard the door and looked up—Old Shang and Auntie Zhai walked in, carrying bags.

Luan Nian poked his head out of the kitchen when he heard the sound. He locked eyes with Old Shang and Auntie Zhai. The room fell quiet.

Shang Zhitao quickly explained, “Luke’s sick. He came to take care of him.”

“Hello, Uncle, Auntie,” Luan Nian greeted them politely, standing tall and calm. He wasn’t afraid of anyone giving him attitude. There were only a few people in this world who could make him feel that way—and Shang Zhitao’s parents were among them.

“Why are you here, Dad, Mom?”

“The shop was quiet today,” Auntie Zhai said, then added, “We’re not allowed to visit?”

“Of course you are.”

Old Shang walked into the kitchen with his hands behind his back. Seeing the steaming dishes, he noticed Luan Nian even cooked with care—flavor, aroma, presentation—he was picky even when it came to food.

“It’s about to burn,” Old Shang said, pointing at the stir-fry. Then he strolled out and winked at Auntie Zhai, smiling sneakily.

Since they were already there, they might as well eat together.

Dinner was a bit awkward. Luan Nian hadn’t won Shang Zhitao over yet, so he couldn’t claim to be her boyfriend—just Luke’s co-caretaker. So they all talked about Luke during the meal.

Luan Nian realized then where Shang Zhitao got her good manners—her parents were truly well-mannered. Even when Auntie Zhai found out his identity, she didn’t treat him rudely, just offered him a plate of peanuts, not a single hurtful word.

The three of them sitting together looked like a real family. Auntie Zhai sat upright in her chair, Old Shang was a bit more relaxed but still formal.

Old Shang asked Luan Nian, “Drink a little?”

“Sure.”

“No drinking!” Shang Zhitao snapped. “You’re not even my boyfriend—what are you drinking for?” Among the four humans and one dog, Shang Zhitao could only control herself. No one else listened to her—not even Luke, who barked back at her.

Old Shang deliberately got Luan Nian to drink, testing his tolerance. Luan Nian knew this and went along. After one meal, they downed a whole bottle of baijiu—Luan Nian had about 70%, Old Shang 30%. Luan Nian started to slur slightly, but his thoughts were still clear and calm—no signs of aggression.

Old Shang and Auntie Zhai prepared to leave and asked, “Which hotel are you staying at?”

“The one nearby.”

“Let’s walk together.”

“Sure.”

Luan Nian got dressed and wobbled slightly as he walked out with them. At the door, he turned and said to Shang Zhitao, “It’s cold. Don’t come out to see me off.”

Old Shang and Auntie Zhai watched Luan Nian enter the hotel and left, reassured. Ten minutes later, a slightly flushed man walked out of that hotel—no longer staggering—and headed straight back to Shang Zhitao’s home. Old Shang had underestimated him. That bit of alcohol was nothing for Luan Nian, whose tolerance had been forged over years. He could drink half a bottle of baijiu even during military meetings.

He went upstairs, entered the password, and walked in. Shang Zhitao had just changed into her pajamas and looked up in shock when she heard the door. He looked smug and took out his suitcase, opened it, grabbed his pajamas, and walked into the guest room to change.

Hearing her footsteps behind him, he grinned, took off his sweater and T-shirt in one go, revealing a stunning physique.

Shang Zhitao had just reached the doorway and blushed furiously at the sight. She caught Luan Nian’s teasing gaze. “Want me to take off one more thing?” he said, hand on his waistband, slowly pulling it out and tossing it to the floor.

Shang Zhitao was about to lose her mind. Without thinking, she blurted in his tone: “You’re sick!” Then turned and left.

This was their first time living under the same roof since reuniting. Luan Nian in the guest room, Shang Zhitao in the master bedroom. Deep into the night, neither of them could sleep, both listening for sounds from the other side.

Luan Nian’s heart pounded loudly in his chest. He laughed at himself. “You’re not twenty anymore! What are you panicking for?”

But how could he not panic? The woman he longed for day and night was just across the hall. He couldn’t sleep. So he got up to get some water, then went to find Shang Zhitao. Her door wasn’t locked. After all these years, she still trusted him.

Luan Nian pushed the door open. A small nightlight glowed in the living room—just one light.

Shang Zhitao lay still on the bed, not daring to move.

Luan Nian looked at her timid little form in the dim light and couldn’t help but laugh softly. Then he paused and said:

“Shang Zhitao, I know you’re not asleep. I just want to say a few words. You don’t need to respond.”

“After you left, I thought a lot about everything. I realized how much pain you were in during those years we were together. I know when you started with me, it wasn’t to be someone’s bed partner—it was because you loved me.”

“I know I was despicable—taking advantage of your love to act recklessly. But what I want to say is, I first fell for you the moment I opened the café door and saw you sitting there. You were so proper—like someone out of another era.”

“I’m just a messed-up guy, a bad guy, someone who caused you years of suffering. But I want you to know—I was sincere back then. I know you could feel it.”

“When I said I wanted to take care of Luke together, I meant it. But what I really want is to take care of you and Luke. There’s still a long way to go in life, and I’m not in a rush. I’ll take my time.”

Shang Zhitao’s eyes grew hot, her nose slightly stuffy. She lay there without moving, taking in everything he said. There had been countless times in her twenties when she wondered if she was simply unworthy of love. But now she knew the thing she was most proud of was maintaining her independence, no matter what she went through. Later, during the freezing blizzards in Bingcheng, she had recalled so many memories of being with Luan Nian—she knew he had loved her, in his way.

“I’m sorry. For everything back then.”

Luan Nian said this, then turned and quietly closed the door behind him.