Chapter 98: Missing You

Shang Zhitao’s hand was still gripping his wrist, her palm damp. After hearing Luan Nian’s words, she fell silent for a few seconds before letting go.

She felt humiliated.

Shang Zhitao couldn’t understand why it always seemed impossible for them to get close. The atmosphere had been so good just moments ago; she had felt warm inside, wanting to embrace him and talk endlessly. But with one sentence, he destroyed everything.

Luan Nian grabbed a tissue to wipe his hands, then got out of the car and walked far away, stopping at the edge of the grass. He unscrewed the cap of the water bottle and washed his hands. Shang Zhitao watched him, suddenly feeling that this adventure wasn’t all that great.

Luan Nian had never doubted Shang Zhitao’s love for him, but he resented her wavering. He had never been a perfect man, and in this relationship, he harbored an intense possessiveness.

He sat back in the car, and an eerie silence filled the space, so quiet that both could hear each other’s heartbeats.

Shang Zhitao didn’t want to argue. She sat there for a few minutes, trying to dispel the sadness welling up inside her. Then, clearing her throat, she said to him, “Shall we go?”

Luan Nian grunted, his gaze fixed on the window.

Shang Zhitao accelerated, the car speeding along the highway. She didn’t say another word. They arrived only fifteen minutes later than the other car. When parking, Luan Nian remarked, “The northwest is really good for honing driving skills.”

“Not bad,” Shang Zhitao replied curtly, quickly getting out of the car to escape the suffocating tension between them.

They chose a local specialty restaurant, and all the colleagues stationed locally came, about eight or nine people in total. As the project manager, Shang Zhitao was their temporary leader.

Everyone gathered around the table, and Luan Nian looked at them, barely able to recall names.

Shang Zhitao thought this was a rare opportunity and suggested, “Luke and Yilia don’t come here often. Why don’t we introduce ourselves? Tell us a bit about your background and past projects?” It was her way of giving everyone a chance.

Known for her affability, Shang Zhitao had already built good rapport with everyone during her time here: “Shelly, would you like to start?”

Most of the colleagues stationed in the northwest were locals—open and straightforward. The female colleagues were feisty, while the male colleagues were hearty. Luan Nian could see they all respected Shang Zhitao.

Luan Nian listened attentively as everyone spoke, occasionally asking a few questions about business difficulties they’d encountered or whether company benefits were being implemented locally. These were issues everyone cared about, so they found Luke trustworthy.

After everyone introduced themselves, Shang Zhitao said to Luan Nian, “The local government leaders don’t particularly like calling everyone by their English names.”

“Alright, I’ve memorized the Chinese names. My memory is pretty good, Zhitao.” He called her Zhitao naturally and asked, “Is this okay, Flora?”

“Yes, Luke.”

Both remained calm, as if they had forgotten what happened in the car. In fact, Luan Nian hadn’t said much in the car. One sentence from him could ruin the entire atmosphere. But Shang Zhitao was used to it.

She never seemed to have such opportunities. She dressed beautifully, sitting with Luan Nian in a Western restaurant, laughing and talking while he gazed at her intently. No matter the setting, she never experienced such moments. Whenever she was with him, it was always chaotic.

After the dinner ended, Shang Zhitao took Luan Nian and Song Ying to the local office. Shang Zhitao had a small independent office, not large, but with good sunlight. She bought a few potted plants to avoid monotony. The wooden furniture was clean and tidy.

Song Ying looked around and complimented, “Flora’s office truly embodies minimalism.”

“Thank you. The budget is limited, so it has to be simple.”

After settling them into their seats, Shang Zhitao took out her laptop to review tomorrow’s meeting agenda. Government officials were particular about the rhythm and process of meetings, rarely disrupting them. Each meeting was formal, which was explained specifically for Yilia, who had no experience dealing with the government.

Shang Zhitao didn’t avoid teaching Yilia just because she was more talented. She hoped Yilia could quickly grasp the situation, not become an obstacle to the project, and grow rapidly.

Yilia listened intently and even asked questions: “What about timing our input? Should we express ourselves proactively?”

“The timing depends on the situation. But tomorrow, I want to listen more to the client’s perspective first. During the project initiation phase, I want to ensure the direction is correct. If the direction is wrong, everything falls apart.” Shang Zhitao explained her strategy.

Yilia nodded, “Okay. My main purpose tomorrow is to learn. I also want to understand the client’s true needs.”

“Alright, thank you, Yilia.” Shang Zhitao then began introducing the backgrounds, preferences, and habits of the government leaders attending tomorrow’s meeting, mainly for Luan Nian’s benefit. Luan Nian hardly spoke, quietly listening to Shang Zhitao.

It was on this day that Luan Nian discovered Shang Zhitao’s strengths in management. She was open-minded, willing to share, and didn’t deliberately guard against others. She actively sought opinions and suggestions, pursued cooperation, and had a strong sense of purpose. Her affable nature made her easy to connect with the team, and her humility allowed her to better understand her subordinates’ inner thoughts. Despite being in the northwest for only a short time, the project team deeply trusted her—a feat not easily achieved. Some team members had long dealt with the local government and were over a decade older than her, yet they willingly listened to her.

Shang Zhitao might become an excellent manager.

On the way to the hotel, Song Ying said to Luan Nian, “We didn’t interact much at the company, but after spending nearly a day today, I find Flora very impressive.”

“What makes her impressive?”

“Her ability to assess people, manage, and handle interpersonal relationships comprehensively. It makes me feel comfortable.” Eighty percent of Song Ying’s praise was sincere, while twenty percent stemmed from her caution in a new environment. You never knew who had what kind of background, so Song Ying treaded carefully.

Song Ying wasn’t as confident as everyone perceived. She enjoyed competition but feared failure, craved recognition from authority, and liked being liked by everyone. Everyone had weaknesses.

When getting out of the car, Luan Nian asked Shelly, “Would it be convenient to leave the car? I want to take a walk tonight.”

“Sure.”

The county town was small. Not wanting to cause trouble for Shang Zhitao, Luan Nian set out at around ten o’clock in the evening, heading to her home in the county. This time, Sun Yuanzhu shouldn’t be there.

When Shang Zhitao opened the door, she was slightly surprised, standing in the doorway, just looking at him.

“What? Is someone here? Am I not welcome?” Luan Nian’s hands were in his pockets. He hadn’t done anything, but he still exuded arrogance.

Shang Zhitao stepped aside to let him in and closed the door behind him. Luan Nian stood at the entrance as Shang Zhitao placed a brand-new pair of slippers in front of him: “I bought the texture you like.”

“Mm, thank you.”

Shang Zhitao’s home in the northwest didn’t seem small in videos, but being there made it apparent. Luan Nian was tall, and sitting on the sofa, he seemed to occupy a lot of space.

Shang Zhitao boiled water in the kitchen, poking her head out to ask him, “I only have goji berries here. Would you like some goji berry tea?”

“Plain water.”

Shang Zhitao wrinkled her nose: “Goji berry tea tastes really good.”

“I don’t like the taste of goji berries.”

“Oh.” Shang Zhitao sipped her goji berry tea and poured hot water for Luan Nian using another cup. After taking a sip, he set the cup aside. Seeing him silently looking at his phone without speaking, she asked, “Are you unhappy?”

“Can you tell?”

“…Yeah.” Shang Zhitao sought reconciliation. She thought his claim of not missing her in the car was false. Luan Nian was stubborn when it came to words. Once again, Shang Zhitao’s innate ability to defuse negative emotions kicked in, and she smiled as she asked, “Why is that?”

“It’s probably because my girlfriend lives in such a small place. What if I transfer you back? Let someone else come.” Luan Nian disliked Shang Zhitao being here.

“Why?”

“What’s so good about the northwest? You’re unfamiliar with life here.”

“I’m not going back.” Shang Zhitao directly refused him, showing unusual firmness and persistence in front of Luan Nian.

Shang Zhitao thought that everyone should have their own place and value. She didn’t have outstanding talent, but she had cultivated project management skills. She wanted to work on this project because it could prove her abilities.

Shang Zhitao knew that in this harsh society, some gaps between people might never be bridged. But she was willing to become her own landscape and shine her own light. She didn’t compare Luan Nian to anyone else’s boyfriend, nor did she compare herself to anyone else. Where in this world was there a perfect lover? Everything required long-term cultivation.

Despite the adventurous journey, she embraced it with enthusiasm. Even though she knew the end of this journey might not be a perfect happily-ever-after, she would have no regrets when she looked back on it in the future.

She sat across from Luan Nian, showing unprecedented determination. Or perhaps she had always been this determined; she just hadn’t realized it herself.

“I don’t know why you always want me to go back. I want to know if you’re asking me as my boyfriend or as my boss?”

“If it’s as my boyfriend, I want to tell you that I won’t go back. I hope you respect my choice. I love this project, and I love it here.”

“If it’s as my boss, I will go back. But I don’t know when I’ll get another opportunity like this again. Maybe I’ll remain mediocre forever. You’ve seen it— I no longer have the advantage of youth, and the newcomers…” Shang Zhitao paused: “The newcomers are getting better and better.”

“My golden years are almost over, Luan Nian. After thirty, after forty, maybe I’ll live better, but we must admit that when I was younger, the price I paid was smaller.”

“This is my best chance to change my current situation, and I don’t want to give it up.”

Shang Zhitao had almost never opened up so sincerely to Luan Nian before. In the past, she was unwilling to reveal her thoughts because she knew Luan Nian could hardly empathize with her. He might understand the frustration of a genius, but he couldn’t comprehend her struggles.

Luan Nian remained silent. The hot water in the cup gradually cooled down, taking time. He asked Shang Zhitao, “What are you afraid of?”

“You said so much. Tell me what you’re afraid of?”

“I’m not afraid of anything.”

Luan Nian suddenly smiled: “Shang Zhitao, even though you won’t admit it, you’re feeling inferior. You’re seeking a less competitive track and hoping to succeed through it. If this isn’t inferiority, then what is? Confident people go to crowded tracks and firmly believe they won’t lose.”

“Every road needs someone to walk it, doesn’t it?”

“Yes, but some roads are simply roads that people disdain walking.” Luan Nian looked at Shang Zhitao, fully aware of her stubbornness: “You have your own definition of success and life practice. I won’t interfere with your choices. If you like it here, then stay here. I won’t force you to go back. After all, I’m not idle every day either. We are two independent individuals, each entitled to choose the life we want.” Luan Nian stood up: “Did I talk too much today? Actually, what I wanted to say could be summarized in three words: ‘Do as you wish.’ Do as you wish, Shang Zhitao.”

Luan Nian thought that Shang Zhitao’s insistence on staying in the northwest was indeed because, as she said, this project allowed her to see her own value. But what made her feel secure in the northwest was the presence of someone who gave her that sense of security.

Luan Nian saw people and things with great clarity. He had long noticed Shang Zhitao’s wavering. But he didn’t bother arguing with her—it was meaningless.

He stood up and started walking out when Shang Zhitao grabbed his hand and said, “Luan Nian, don’t be like this. Can you let me finish speaking?” Shang Zhitao wanted to talk to Luan Nian about her problems, about her fears. Her eyes turned slightly red with urgency.

“What do you want to say? About how you hugged and cried with another man downstairs late at night?” Luan Nian looked at Shang Zhitao: “You’re really something. I opened my home to you, and yet you spend late nights alone with other men. You’re quite amusing, you know? On one hand, you say you want to love me, but on the other, you keep seeking others. Do you think you’re charming enough to juggle multiple men?”

“What do you mean?” Shang Zhitao asked him: “What do you mean by hugging and crying?”

Luan Nian tightly pursed his lips and stopped talking, only looking at Shang Zhitao indifferently, with a tinge of disgust in his eyes that even he didn’t notice.

Shang Zhitao didn’t want to expose Sun Yuanzhu’s scars to Luan Nian. She hadn’t asked him about the photos Grace sent her of Luan Nian and Song Ying, nor about what Lumi told her regarding Song Ying. Because she believed that despite being in a relationship, they should still maintain their personal independence.

She took out her phone, pulled up the photo of him dining with Song Ying, and softly asked him, “Luan Nian, have I ever asked you why you eat with another woman? No. Have I ever asked you why there are rumors about you two at the company? No. Do you know why I haven’t asked you? Because I trust you. Because I believe that even though we’re in a relationship, we should maintain independent social circles and comfort zones. Isn’t that what you taught me before?! Why now, when I comfort a friend, do you put such a big label on me! Are we supposed to avoid interacting with any member of the opposite sex just because we’re together?”

Luan Nian looked at the photo, then at Shang Zhitao: “It’s good that you didn’t ask. Do you know what the answer would have been if you did?”

“You can tell me the answer now.”

“The truth might hurt. The answer is that I admire her, enjoy working with her, and even having dinner together after work doesn’t feel like a waste of time to me.”

Shang Zhitao remained quiet for a long time. This answer was something she already knew. She understood Luan Nian too well. Over the past five years, she had constantly observed him, trying to read his heart and emotions.

“I know. Your admiration for her is blatant. That’s just who you are. I’ve never been jealous, truly. I also ask you to rationally view my relationship with Sun Yuanzhu. At many difficult junctures in life, most of the time, the people helping me were him, Sun Yu, and Lumi. I hope you understand that no matter how much I love you, I won’t abandon my friends for you. Nor will I ask you to stop working with Song Ying.”

“This exchange condition is well-proposed. I hope you remember to adhere to it.” Luan Nian turned and walked out the door.

Shang Zhitao didn’t try to stop him. They had only spoken the truth, but the truth was often the hardest to accept. It made her feel incredibly foolish.

But she still accompanied Luan Nian downstairs and earnestly reminded him, “The meeting starts at 8:30 tomorrow morning. Government officials start work early.”

“Alright.”

Shang Zhitao held his wrist and softly said to him, “Luan Nian, I know you’re angry. So am I. But I also know we both need to calm down. Neither of us has done anything wrong. Drive carefully, and let me know when you reach the hotel, okay?”

Luan Nian walked straight downstairs without looking back. Driving back to the hotel, he saw Song Ying standing in the hotel lobby: “What’s wrong, Yilia?”

“I’m looking at the map hanging here in the hotel.” Song Ying studied the map: “Look at these winding ravines. What do they remind you of?”

“They look like dragon spines.” Before Luan Nian could answer, she continued, “Standing on this dragon spine, what kind of article can we write? What exactly is the cultural tourism essence the client wants? I think I have an answer.”

“I look forward to your answer tomorrow. Good luck.”

Luan Nian returned to the room and saw Shang Zhitao’s profile picture sitting quietly. She hadn’t said anything. This wasn’t the reunion he had hoped for. In three days, he had come to this place twice, accumulating nearly ten thousand kilometers. They should have talked about other things—what delicious food was here, what beautiful scenery, or just staying together quietly in her small apartment. Instead, what did they talk about? They discussed openly interacting with members of the opposite sex, maintaining transparency, and trusting each other.

This was fucking ridiculous!

“Luan Nian, how do you know Sun Yuanzhu cried? Did you come?” It was almost two o’clock in the morning when Shang Zhitao messaged him.

Luan Nian didn’t reply. He saw Shang Zhitao typing for a long time before sending a few words: “I want to know why you came.”

“I want to know why you cried that day.”

“Sun Yuanzhu seems to be sick. His family member passed away, and his emotions are off. He can’t even eat. I’m very sad. He’s a very close friend of mine, Luan Nian. I don’t want you to misunderstand him or us.”

“Mm. I understand.”

“So you came that day, right? Why did you come?”

“Because I suddenly missed you very much.”