SELA - 59

“Why are you suddenly talking about her?”

“She’s the only reason I can think of that would bother you so much, Oppa.”

Ji-hyuk chuckled and slowly opened his mouth.

“Is that the only reason you can think of? Why can’t you consider other reasons? Like, maybe I just don’t like you.”

Ji-young’s eyes wavered violently. She was hurt. She lowered her head, on the verge of tears, clutching her skirt, and barely parted her lips.

“I’m not asking for anything else. Just the engagement.”

“...”

“If you just get engaged, I won’t bother you anymore.”

“What does that even mean to you? It’s just an engagement, not a marriage.”

At his question, Ji-young looked up at Ji-hyuk. By then, she was already crying, tears streaming down her face. At the same time, her smile, lifting the corners of her lips, was pitiful.

“I’m trying to hold onto a ghost. I just want to be happy, even for a moment.”

“...”

“And who knows? Maybe, in that brief moment, your heart will turn to me, even a little.”

“How foolish.”

Ji-hyuk clicked his tongue and left Ji-young crying on the terrace. Left alone, Ji-young buried her face in her hands and sobbed quietly.

On a night with a leaden moon and no clouds, her shadow stood alone, equally lonely.

“It’s a matter between adults. I don’t really care. Though, honestly, I wish my sister’s heart wouldn’t be hurt as much.”

“...”

“Open your heart and look at Ji-young. She has a lot of good qualities.”

“Prescribe me more sleeping pills. I’m having trouble falling asleep.”

“You bad guy.”

Ji-hyuk raised an eyebrow and took a sip of his coffee, nonchalantly. His mind was filled with thoughts of Sa-hee, whom he had seen in the lobby earlier. Did she really spend the night with that kid, Lee Seo-won, who answered the phone?

A choking discomfort rose in his throat, but then he thought it was unlikely Sa-hee would do that. Then, a self-deprecating laugh escaped him. What did “unlikely” even mean? He found his own judgment ridiculous.

He took a long breath and looked out the window. People were heading in different directions under the bright sunlight. They were different from him, who had been living aimlessly since losing Sa-hee.

Did he want to find his direction again?

He couldn’t easily answer that question. However, his desire for Sa-hee to be at the end of that direction remained unchanged. That was all.

________________________________________

In the afternoon sunlight, Ji-hyuk and Sa-hee exchanged work reports in the director’s office. After signing the documents Sa-hee handed him, Ji-hyuk returned them to her.

“Do you have a boyfriend?”

Ji-hyuk, who had closed his fountain pen, leaned back in his chair and looked up at Sa-hee. Caught off guard, Sa-hee paused at the unexpected question. But she quickly regained her composure and met his eyes.

“That’s a very personal question, Director.”

“It’s not an unreasonable question. Just answer me.”

“It’s working hours.”

Ji-hyuk shrugged at Sa-hee’s firm response. There was nothing he could do.

“Alright, then. You can go.”

Sa-hee bowed and left the director’s office. Ji-hyuk tapped his fingers on the table, watching the door she had exited.

Frankly, it bothered him. He had a strong urge to turn everything upside down and find out everything. But he also knew he no longer had the right to do so. That was the problem. He was too aware of their relationship. If they had a vague relationship, he would have pretended it was a mistake and forced his way. But he couldn’t.

Ji-hyuk swiveled his chair and looked out at the city skyline in the distance. He felt no emotion, no thought. He was still lost.

________________________________________

Time passed. Their relationship continued on parallel lines, neither moving further apart nor closer together.

The inevitable date quickly approached, bringing the promised events to their doorstep.

Finally, Sa-hee resigned from the company.

On her last day of work, the staff from the subordinate office, whom she had grown fond of, came out to express their sadness and cheer for her new beginning. There were some tears and some laughter.

Director Shin Ji-hyuk appeared, cutting through the tears and laughter. He unexpectedly smiled calmly and extended his hand. Sa-hee looked at his hand for a moment and then took it. Warmth quickly spread between them.

“Thank you for your hard work.”

“Yes. Thank you for everything, Director.”

That was all the farewell they exchanged. Simple, but deep.

Take care. We should greet each other if we meet. Don’t pretend you don’t know me. We’ll keep in touch, right?

As she walked through the lobby and out the company entrance with a box in her hands, she felt a sense of emptiness. She wasn’t sure if it was a feeling of relief or bitterness. Her mouth tasted bitter. She shook her head, trying to stop her mind from naturally searching for a reason. She didn’t want to think about anything today.

Forcing a smile, Sa-hee walked to the roadside and raised her hand. Soon, a taxi approached and stopped in front of her.

________________________________________

And then came the day of the engagement ceremony.

“How long will you be gone?”

“I don’t know. I’m leaving without a plan.”

“Are you going to come back and set up a shaman shrine or something?”

“Maybe.”

Joo-ri, with teary eyes, held Sa-hee’s cheeks in her hands. Sa-hee, pouting like a fish, patted Joo-ri’s shoulders and back, comforting her.

Today was the day Sa-hee was leaving for her long-planned overseas trip. In reality, it was more like an escape than a trip. She was leaving to escape the burden and hardship of being here.

She was leaving on a trip without a specific destination. She was going to Austria first, but she had no plans for where to go after that. She intended to wander as the wind blew and the water flowed. She didn’t plan to contact her family, friends, or acquaintances often. Joo-ri was worried and upset about that. That was why she was teary-eyed.

“I’ll contact you often.”

“Really? You promise?”

“Okay, I promise.”

Joo-ri fiddled with Sa-hee’s hands and bit her lip. Sa-hee could feel all her worries and affection.

“I have to go, I’m late for my appointment.”

“Okay, go quickly.”

“If you had told me you were leaving today, I wouldn’t have scheduled work.”

“I’m sorry. And I’m fine, so go quickly.”

“I’m not fine.”

“Oh, you’re so sentimental. There’s a taxi coming.”

Sa-hee, who saw a taxi turning into the alley, waved first. The car slowly approached and stopped in front of them.

“Make sure to contact me often.”

“Okay, I will. Take care.”

“You too. Don’t get sick. Call me right away if anything happens. Come back if it gets too hard.”

After a tight hug, the two parted with regret. Sa-hee, who put Joo-ri, who hesitated to get into the taxi, inside, closed the door and saw her off. Joo-ri opened the window and leaned out, waving at Sa-hee.

“I should go too.”

Sa-hee sighed and slowly walked, pulling her suitcase. Her destination was the airport bus stop near her house. The alley was a slight downhill slope, so her steps weren’t heavy.

The events of the past few days felt like a dream. Ji-hyuk’s death in the accident, her wish to return to two years ago, meeting Ji-hyuk again and falling in love, and then parting with him again...

Walking while recalling the panoramic moments, Sa-hee felt her heart ache. These were events that would now only exist in her memories, forever gone from the world.

Feeling a tingling sensation in her nose, Sa-hee cleared her throat and quickened her pace. She didn’t want to get lost in sentimentality anymore.

Arriving at the bus stop, Sa-hee set her suitcase down and sat on a chair. Several people were waiting for the bus. Sa-hee sat among them, pretending to be nonchalant, pretending to be happy about her trip. There was no other reason. She just wanted to.

Sa-hee suddenly looked up at the sky. It was an ordinary, yet strange day.

________________________________________

It looked like it was going to rain. The heavy, gray clouds that filled the sky were a clear indication.

Ji-hyuk, who got into the car to go to the engagement ceremony, looked out the window with an indifferent expression. Due to the gloomy weather, shops with their lights on were already visible, even though it was daytime. The strong wind was violently shaking the roadside trees.

Jin-ha, who had been driving Ji-hyuk since they left, was on pins and needles, trying to read his mood. Although his expression was as indifferent and cold as usual, the atmosphere was incredibly oppressive. Anyone, no matter how oblivious, could tell that Ji-hyuk’s engagement was not something he wanted.

Jin-ha, who glanced at him in the rearview mirror, was startled when he met Ji-hyuk’s eyes.

“Do you have something to say?”

“No, sir.”

“Focus on driving.”

“Yes, sir.”

That was all. Ji-hyuk didn’t say a word or make a sound during the entire drive. Jin-ha was miserable because of it. If he hated the engagement so much, why did he agree to it? He barely stopped himself from asking out loud.

Jin-ha suddenly missed Secretary Yoon. She was the only one he knew who could make Ji-hyuk more relaxed. He was even sad about their breakup. They were really a good match.

Driving with these thoughts, Jin-ha stopped the car as smoothly as possible at a red light. He didn’t want to upset Ji-hyuk.

But was he failing? Ji-hyuk suddenly stared straight ahead.

Contrary to Jin-ha’s worries, Ji-hyuk was staring straight ahead for a different reason.

Déjà vu.

It was the very building and street he always saw in his dreams.