CS - 64

Lin Zhexia felt like she was floating all the way back to her dorm.

She changed out of her dress and borrowed makeup remover from Lan Xiaoxue, carefully wiping off her foundation in front of the mirror in the washroom. As she moved the cotton pad down her nose toward her lips, her hand paused, and her ears turned red again.

…

Stop thinking about it.

It was just… a kiss.

When she finished washing her face and came out, the dorm lights were already off.

The darkness conveniently concealed all her emotions. When Lan Xiaoxue asked before bed how the date went, Lin Zhexia pretended to be calm: “It was okay.”

Lan Xiaoxue probed further: “Did your boyfriend kiss you?”

“…” Lin Zhexia tried to stay composed. “He did, but I didn’t feel much.”

Lan Xiaoxue: “Good for you. You’ve grown up.”

But the person who claimed not to feel much tossed and turned in bed for a long time before finally falling asleep.

She pulled the blanket up over her nose, unable to stop thinking about it. Finally, she picked up her phone.

Her phone had charged halfway at the mall. She opened Chi Yao’s cat-head avatar and tapped his profile picture.

Chi Yao replied quickly.

Boyfriend: Still not sleeping?

Lin Zhexia didn’t want to admit she couldn’t sleep, so she made up an excuse: “I’m not used to this bed.”

But her boyfriend was quick to call her bluff: You suddenly developed a sensitivity to beds?

Lin Zhexia: What do you mean, suddenly?

Boyfriend: Last time we were chatting, you fell asleep like a log halfway through.

Lin Zhexia: …

Why was he like this?

Couldn’t he let her save a little face?

As they chatted, Lin Zhexia began to feel sleepy. Before drifting off, she sent one last message: It was my first time kissing a guy, so it’s normal to feel a bit nervous at night. And you’re not exactly a pro either.

But just as she was about to fall asleep—

She saw Chi Yao’s reply.

• I’m no rookie.

________________________________________

“You didn’t sleep all night?” the next day, Lan Xiaoxue noticed Lin Zhexia’s tired demeanor. “You look exhausted.”

While brushing her teeth, Lin Zhexia mumbled: “I was thinking about stuff. I couldn’t sleep last night.”

Her mind kept replaying Chi Yao’s words.

He said he wasn’t a rookie.

They were both experiencing their first relationship, yet he wasn’t a novice when it came to kissing girls.

So who had he kissed before? When?

In Beijing?

…

Lan Xiaoxue was sharp: “This shouldn’t happen during the honeymoon phase. At this stage, you two should only be sweet and lovey-dovey. Are you already having troubles?”

Lin Zhexia didn’t deny it.

Lan Xiaoxue: “What’s wrong? Tell me. Maybe you’re overthinking things.”

“I’m not overthinking.”

Chi Yao himself had sent that message.

She had read that line over and over again. There was no mistake.

Lan Xiaoxue assumed their issue was some common couple problem and consoled her: “Ah, relationships are like this. You’ll always run into problems. Before, you two were best friends who could talk about everything. Now, as boyfriend and girlfriend, there will naturally be some conflicts. You’re just not used to this new dynamic yet.”

“But…”

Lin Zhexia hesitated for a long time before finally saying: “But I think he’s a jerk.”

Lan Xiaoxue: “?!”

Coincidentally, Chi Yao’s major had something going on that day.

So the two of them didn’t get a chance to meet from morning until noon.

Lin Zhexia had pretended to fall asleep while chatting with him last night and hadn’t directly replied to his message. As a result, she spent the entire morning feeling distracted.

“Forget about it. Let’s go to the snack street to eat something. Men aren’t worth obsessing over,” Lan Xiaoxue said after class, dragging her and the other roommates toward the snack street. “When you see him tonight, just ask him outright.”

Lin Zhexia temporarily set aside her worries and followed them to the snack street.

The university town’s snack street was hosting an event—a “food festival.” Various vendors had come up with creative ways to attract customers.

Lin Zhexia followed them to buy some snacks. While walking forward with a cup of coconut juice, she unexpectedly bumped into someone.

“Sorry.”

Lin Zhexia took two steps back, first checking if her coconut juice had spilled onto the other person, then looked up—

A girl, long hair, very gentle, wearing a white dress.

She smiled warmly. Her features were similar to those from high school, but she now appeared much more mature. Her ears were pierced, adorned with simple earrings.

Lin Zhexia searched her memory and found her name: “Shen… Shanshan?”

Shen Shanshan smiled: “Lin Zhexia, what a coincidence.”

“Are you studying here?” Lin Zhexia asked.

“Mm,” Shen Shanshan nodded. “I’m at Lian Medical University. What about you?”

“I’m at Lian University.”

After answering, Lin Zhexia thought she might want to know about Chi Yao’s current situation and added: “Chi Yao is also at Lian University.”

Hearing the name of the boy she had once secretly liked in high school, Shen Shanshan paused for a moment.

But Chi Yao had long been far removed from her life.

“It doesn’t matter which school he’s at. I’ve already stopped liking him,” Shen Shanshan smiled again, feeling at peace. “What makes me happier today is actually running into you.”

“… You don’t like him anymore?” Lin Zhexia was surprised.

“Mm, is it strange? I guess it wasn’t really love in the first place. After transferring schools, I suddenly realized I didn’t actually know him at all. It wasn’t him I liked—it was the version of him I imagined.”

However, when talking about Chi Yao, Shen Shanshan still felt nostalgic. But now, instead of pining for someone she liked, she was reminiscing about her high school days: “Still, I’m grateful to him. If it weren’t for him, I wouldn’t have worked so hard in high school.”

Lin Zhexia thought to herself: In that case, Chi Yao, that dog, actually did something good.

During their conversation, Lan Xiaoxue and the others called out to her. Lin Zhexia turned her head and responded.

Shen Shanshan: “Your friends are waiting for you. Go ahead. Next time, come visit me at Lian Medical University. I’ll show you around our campus.”

Lin Zhexia nodded: “You can visit me anytime too.”

Before Lin Zhexia left, Shen Shanshan suddenly remembered something and called out to her: “Oh—right!”

“Let me gossip a little. Is Chi Yao together with the girl he liked in high school?”

Each word made sense on its own.

But put together, it was confusing.

Chi Yao. High school. Liked. Girl.

Lin Zhexia froze: “Ah?”

Shen Shanshan: “Didn’t I confess to him in Haicheng back then? He rejected me that day, but he said something to me.”

Nearly two years had passed, and memories had begun to fade.

Shen Shanshan remembered the sea being very blue that day. The voice of Chi Yao standing before her was strained.

And at this moment, she suddenly recalled what came after the words “Moreover, I.”

The rushed string of words Chi Yao had spoken, almost too fast to hear, leaving her unsure if it was real, was: Moreover, I already have someone I like.

After parting ways with Shen Shanshan, Lin Zhexia walked back to Lan Xiaoxue, her mind still in a daze.

She held her coconut water and bumped into several people along the way.

Lan Xiaoxue waved her hand in front of her several times: “Hey, what’s wrong with you?”

Lin Zhexia snapped out of it: “… Nothing. It’s just too crowded here.”

Lan Xiaoxue didn’t think much of it: “Alright, hold onto me so we don’t get separated.”

…

After finishing their stroll through the snack street, Lin Zhexia returned to the dorm alone.

Her major didn’t have classes in the afternoon.

Back in the dorm, Lin Zhexia worked on her homework and called Lin He and some of her old high school friends.

Lin He reminded her: “Take care of yourself. Although Chi Yao is at the same school, don’t bother him too much. As a college student, the first thing you need to learn is independence.”

Just hearing the name “Chi Yao” made Lin Zhexia’s heart tighten: “Got it.”

She also chatted with Chen Lin and Tang Shuxuan for a while.

The two of them hadn’t stayed in the city but had gone to a neighboring city for school, coincidentally enrolling in the same school and major.

So when Lin Zhexia called, Chen Lin answered, and Tang Shuxuan’s voice immediately chimed in: “Hello, Xiaxia.”

“Hi.”

“We’re so jealous,” Lin Zhexia forced herself to sound cheerful. “You two actually share a dorm.”

Tang Shuxuan chuckled: “Don’t you and Chi Yao go to the same school?”

Again, Chi Yao.

Today, she was troubled by him, but it seemed like she couldn’t escape his name no matter where she went.

Lin Zhexia instinctively blurted out: “Don’t mention him.”

Tang Shuxuan: “What’s wrong? Did you two fight again?”

Lin Zhexia evaded: “Sort of.”

“No worries,” Tang Shuxuan continued. “Friends don’t hold grudges overnight.”

“…”

They chatted about recent events.

Tang Shuxuan hadn’t gotten into the same school as her crush from high school. Reality had its obstacles, and that unrequited love from her school days could only remain a memory. Her mindset was similar to Shen Shanshan’s. When faced with a crossroads, she had let go.

Chen Lin was still clueless about romance, though she was enthusiastic about surfing the internet daily.

Lin Zhexia wanted to tell them, “I’m dating Chi Yao,” but the words stuck in her throat, unable to come out.

After hanging up, she stared at her textbook and belatedly realized: Besides fearing their reaction, there was another reason she had subconsciously avoided telling them.

She had never been able to confirm whether Chi Yao truly liked her.

Chi Yao pursued her, confessed to her, and did many things couples do together. For her, it felt like being hit by a surprise, like a dream coming true.

But she was afraid it was just a “dream.”

That’s why she hesitated when replying to He Yang’s message yesterday.

She kept asking herself: Why would Chi Yao like her?

Before they reunited, they had always been each other’s best friend.

But after meeting again, Chi Yao’s attitude toward her had changed.

There was no denying that she was happy about this change.

But this happiness couldn’t withstand scrutiny.

Why would Chi Yao like her?

Or rather, the question should evolve into: Does Chi Yao really like her?

Lin Zhexia scrolled through their chat history from last night.

—… Aren’t you also a rookie?

—I’m no rookie.

Then, Shen Shanshan’s words echoed in her ears again.

—He had someone he liked in high school. When he rejected me by the sea, he said it himself. Don’t you know? I thought you two were so close that you’d know.

Lin Zhexia wanted to ask him but soon put down her phone, afraid of shattering this beautiful dream. She sighed and thought: He really is a jerk, isn’t he?

In high school, he acted so untouchable.

But behind her back, he had someone he liked.

He said it was his first relationship.

But it turned out he wasn’t a rookie when it came to kissing girls.

…

Lin Zhexia knew she shouldn’t think of him this way because besides being boyfriend and girlfriend, she and Chi Yao were still friends, brothers, and important companions who had been together for years.

She shouldn’t think of him this way.

But becoming Chi Yao’s girlfriend felt so strange.

Before, she thought she was the person who knew him best.

Now, she started to feel like she didn’t understand him anymore.

She couldn’t stop her thoughts from spiraling.

Finally, Lin Zhexia forced herself to put these thoughts aside, focused on finishing her homework, and went back to bed for a nap.

In her dream, she returned to high school with Chi Yao.

Only this time, in her dream, Chi Yao became a “jerk,” surrounded by girls at school.

No longer the untouchable figure he once was, but sitting in Class One, wearing his uniform, lazily lounging in the back row, dating multiple girlfriends at once.

“I’m cutting ties with you,” Lin Zhexia watched her dream self, backpack slung over her shoulder, angrily say to “jerk” Chi Yao. “I don’t have a friend like you!”

Chi Yao’s tone was cold: “What did I do?”

Lin Zhexia struggled to say: “You… You’re too irresponsible with relationships.”

“Beep—”

Her phone rang, interrupting her dream.

She opened her eyes and realized it was already dark outside. She had slept for so long.

It was Chi Yao calling.

She hesitated for a moment before answering.

“Hello.”

On the other end: “What are you doing?”

Lin Zhexia honestly replied: “I just woke up.”

Chi Yao’s voice was the same as in her dream: “Your boyfriend has been dragged out for drinks. Give me half an hour to come pick me up, or I might get picked up by someone else if I drink too much.”

Lin Zhexia climbed out of bed and asked: “Where are you drinking? School’s back street?”

Chi Yao hummed in response on the other end.

“How much did you drink?” she scolded. “Drink less.”

Chi Yao’s voice, now tender and ambiguous, suggested he had already consumed quite a bit. Surprisingly, he complained to her like tattling: “They’re forcing me to drink.”

“If they force you, do you have to drink? I’ve never seen you give in so easily.”

“Ahh,” Chi Yao, holding his phone, felt the alcohol rush. “They made the first one to be taken drink.”

He added, “With the right excuse, I’m easy to coax.”

Before sleeping, Lin Zhexia had been repeatedly pondering whether Chi Yao might not like her. But now, on the phone, she couldn’t help but start thinking that Chi Yao might genuinely like her.

…

She couldn’t handle these contradictory and repetitive feelings. In the end, she hung up, got ready, and went out to pick him up.

The back street was as lively as ever.

It hadn’t been dark for long, and students from nearby universities flooded in, grabbing spots everywhere.

Someone near the central garden was playing an electric box and guitar outdoors.

The guy wore a baseball cap, clearly a student, probably passionate about music.

A small crowd gathered around him, some recording videos with their phones.

He was playing a slow love song.

Following the music, Lin Zhexia weaved through the crowd and spotted Chi Yao’s figure in the corner of an open-air pub.

She had never seen Chi Yao drunk before.

Back in the day, they were constantly monitored by teachers and parents, leaving no opportunity to drink.

While imagining what an intoxicated Chi Yao might look like, she approached and saw that everyone else at the table had left, leaving only him.

The young man wore a black hoodie. Perhaps due to the numerous stares around him, he had pulled up the large attached hood, which hung down, covering half his face. Only his jawline and prominent nose were visible.

Lin Zhexia walked up to him and asked: “Do you still recognize who I am?”

Chi Yao looked up, seeing it was her, and visibly relaxed: “I’m drunk, not amnesiac.”

Lin Zhexia extended her hand to him: “Let’s go. Big Brother will take you home today.”

Chi Yao, more agreeable after drinking, replied: “Oh, thanks, Big Brother.”

After standing up, he pressed his forehead and swayed on the first step.

Lin Zhexia had originally thought he hadn’t drunk much since he was still posing in the corner, but upon seeing him stand, she realized he had indeed been heavily pressured to drink.

“How much did you drink?” she asked.

“No count.”

“Does your dorm make everyone who’s taken drink?”

“Mm.”

“This habit isn’t good. Don’t drink next time.”

“…”

Lin Zhexia pulled him to a quieter spot.

Under the streetlamp, she realized this was the same road where Chi Yao had first held her hand and where she, under the influence of alcohol, had asked him why everyone thought she was his girlfriend.

Returning here, her identity and feelings had changed.

Even though Chi Yao was the one drinking today, perhaps this path, where she had once confided her feelings, gave her a peculiar courage. Walking ahead, she softly said: “Chi Yao, why do you like me?”

“There are so many girls who like you, many of whom are better than me,” Lin Zhexia said, thinking of Shen Shanshan she met at noon. “Why me?”

As she spoke, she noticed Chi Yao’s fingers suddenly tensed.

But she didn’t pay attention, nor did she dare turn around to look at him.

She continued on her own: “Do you really like me, or is it just because we’ve known each other for so long that you might be mistaken—”

Two words came from behind, Chi Yao’s voice still cold, laced with alcohol, interrupting her.

“Mistake? Illusion?”

Lin Zhexia still didn’t turn around. She feared that if she looked back, she wouldn’t be able to continue.

Despite not wanting to say it, she steeled herself for the possibility of shattering this beautiful dream and said: “Yes, an illusion. A false assumption that this is love.”

“You liking me seems so sudden. You saying you’d chase me also seemed sudden.”

“So, you likely haven’t figured out how you feel about me,” Lin Zhexia voiced her suspicion. “Maybe because we were apart for a while, you mistakenly thought that your reluctance to separate from me is love.”

She wanted to say, love isn’t like this.

The feeling of loving someone is precious.

Like how she loved him.

He might have misunderstood.

Lin Zhexia blinked, not knowing why tears welled up. She paused: “You… Should you reconsider our relationship? I’m not joking. I’m serious.”

“Anyway… While no one knows we’re together yet…”

By this point, her voice trembled uncontrollably.

Chi Yao cut her off.

His cold voice called her: “Lin Zhexia, turn around.”

Lin Zhexia quickly wiped her eyes and slowly turned around, still avoiding his gaze.

Chi Yao reached out, his fingertips gripping her chin. He wanted to apply force but ultimately controlled himself, tilting her head up to look at him: “Why would you think this way?”

Lin Zhexia met his deep, unfathomable eyes.

Chi Yao’s slightly upturned corners added an unintentional air of arrogance and provocation to his usual gaze, but now they were suppressed, making it hard to discern his emotions.

“Isn’t it normal for me to think this way?”

She sensed Chi Yao was angry and mustered the courage to say, “Because we were always good friends.”

“Because… We’ve known each other for too long, and we’ve spent too much time together.”

“And because,” she struggled to voice the remaining reason, “… You’ve kissed other girls, and in high school, you liked someone else.”

Chi Yao almost laughed in anger.

He tightened his grip, leaned down closer to her, their noses nearly touching, breaths intertwining: “Just because I’m not a rookie when it comes to kissing girls, does that mean I kissed someone else?”

“Have you never considered that the first person I kissed was you?”

“The person I liked in high school was also you.”