Chapter 76: Tenderness

Luan Nian drove aimlessly through the streets.

Autumn in Beijing was perhaps the most beautiful time of the year. Fallen leaves carpeted the streets, a lonely bench stood at the bus stop, and an elderly man sat by the roadside sketching, capturing these scenes in his painting. In his artwork, there was no trace of filth or ugliness—only a polished veneer of peace and beauty.

He parked the car by the side of the street, found a chair to sit on, and watched the endless flow of people passing by. The trembling Shang Zhitao and the scrutinized Shang Zhitao alternated in his mind, eventually merging into the image of Shang Zhitao fighting alone.

The Shang Zhitao who never sought his help and adhered strictly to their initial agreement of being together.

A new version of her—or perhaps she had always been this way, and he had simply never noticed.

Luan Nian had never felt so shocked and terrified as he did today. His heart was slashed open by that recording, blood gushing out. His heart hurt so much—he didn’t know how to deal with it.

He wanted to say something to Shang Zhitao, or maybe say nothing at all, just hold her for a moment. So he called her, but no one answered.

After much thought, Luan Nian dialed Sun Yu’s number. After a long while, the call was answered. He said, “Hello, this is Luan Nian. Is Shang Zhitao there?”

“Shang Zhitao is sleeping; she’s exhausted.” Sun Yu glanced at the sleeping Shang Zhitao and softly said, “I’ll let her know you called when she wakes up.”

“No need. Thank you.” Luan Nian hung up.

He sat by the roadside for a long time, his phone ringing incessantly, but he ignored it.

Finally, Shang Zhitao called back. She softly asked, “Sun Yu said you called me?”

“Yes.”

“Where are you?”

“At your doorstep.”

Luan Nian heard the sound of Shang Zhitao’s door opening, followed by her footsteps on the stairs—thump, thump, thump, quick and hurried. Unable to bear it any longer, he told her, “Slow down, I’m not in a rush.”

“Oh.” Shang Zhitao acknowledged but didn’t slow her pace. Each step echoed in Luan Nian’s heart.

“Hi.” Shang Zhitao stood a few meters away from him, her feelings of grievance and fear flooding back. She looked away, unwilling to cry in front of him. Shang Zhitao thought, I need to be stronger.

“I want to see the moon,” Shang Zhitao said to him. “Can I bring Luke with us to watch the moon on the mountain?” She loved such nights, where the bright moonlight illuminated everything clearly and transparently.

“Sure.”

The two of them and the dog headed up the mountain. Luan Nian remained silent throughout the drive, unsure of what to say. The car stopped in front of the bar. As Luan Nian pulled the handbrake, Shang Zhitao placed her hand over his and softly said, “Luan Nian, can you talk to me for a bit?”

“What should I say?”

“Anything. Just talk.” Shang Zhitao was filled with anxiety. She hadn’t realized how painful it would be to be the center of attention. Even though Sun Yuanzhu and Sun Yu were with her, she still went out wanting to see Luan Nian. She knew that her love for Luan Nian was irreplaceable by anyone else. During her hardest moments, she only wanted to be by his side, even if being with him might make her feel worse.

“I don’t do casual conversations. I only know that I’ve asked you countless times whether Dony harassed you, and you said no.” Luan Nian turned off the headlights, plunging the surroundings into darkness. Only the stars and clouds above could hear their conversation. “So you’ve never trusted me, right?” Luan Nian looked at Shang Zhitao. “Or perhaps you have enough people around you whom you trust and rely on, so you didn’t need my help, not even to tell me the truth?”

“I didn’t think I needed to tell you.”

“So why did you tell others?”

“Because they’re friends.”

“And I’m just your fuck buddy?” Luan Nian got out of the car. Shang Zhitao and Luke followed behind him. After taking a few steps, Luan Nian turned back. “I thought we’d slept together for years, which should make us closer than friends.”

“Don’t be so harsh.” Shang Zhitao’s eyes reddened slightly. She wanted Luan Nian to embrace her but couldn’t bring herself to ask. “I’m feeling down. I came home with friends, thinking I’d sleep peacefully, but I only managed a short nap. I wanted to see you, to talk to you because I thought it might make me feel better. So please don’t be so harsh.” Shang Zhitao pressed her lips tightly together. She felt tears welling up but held them back. She didn’t want to cry in front of Luan Nian; she feared he would say, “Weren’t you playing hero? Then why are you crying now?”

Luan Nian saw the shimmer in Shang Zhitao’s eyes under the moonlight, like they were brimming with tears. He felt like a terrible person. She had such a rough day, and all he wanted to ask was why she didn’t tell him. But his original intention in coming to her was to embrace her.

“Still scared?” Luan Nian gently asked.

Shang Zhitao’s lips quivered, her mouth downturned like a child about to cry.

“Come here.” Luan Nian called her.

She took two steps toward him, and Luan Nian reached out, pulling her into his arms and hugging her tightly.

It seemed like they had never hugged outside of making love. Luan Nian’s embrace was broad and warm. He placed his hand behind Shang Zhitao’s head, letting her face rest against his chest.

Shang Zhitao’s fearful and uneasy heart finally settled. She clung tightly to Luan Nian’s waist, afraid he would let go soon, and said, “Can I stay in your arms a little longer?”

“Mm.” Luan Nian tightened his arms, and Shang Zhitao reverted to being the obedient girl, quietly nestled in his arms. Neither of them spoke. Luan Nian felt his heart heal a little, and Shang Zhitao felt that today wasn’t so bad after all.

At least, as the day was drawing to a close, Luan Nian embraced her.

“Why did you hit him?”

“Because he bullied you.”

“But you often bully me.”

“It’s different.” Luan Nian tightened his arms again. “But I was really angry today. I was mad that you didn’t tell me anything, treating me like some shady middleman.”

“Shang Zhitao, are you going to make me fight for you every year?”

“Twice a year would be fine too.” Shang Zhitao tilted her head up to look at him. “You look incredibly sexy when you fight.”

Her bangs brushed against his chin, tickling him slightly. Luan Nian lowered his head, rubbing his chin against her neck.

Shang Zhitao giggled, tilting her head to dodge him. “It tickles.”

Luan Nian wouldn’t let her escape. He cupped her face and rubbed his chin against hers. The thin stubble on his face scratched her delicate skin, causing both pain and itchiness. She playfully punched him, lightly hitting his chest. “I give up! I give up!”

Luan Nian’s heart, which had been weighed down by anguish all day, felt a little better. He held her again. Luke, having waited for a long time, thought they were going inside to eat meat since Luan Nian often brought it to the bar during Shang Zhitao’s business trips. At the bar, Luan Nian prepared canned pet food and dried meat for Luke, which were Luke’s favorites. But seeing these two standing there embracing without any intention of entering, Luke felt a bit anxious. He bit onto Shang Zhitao’s pants and tugged towards the bar. “Whine~”

Shang Zhitao looked at him suspiciously. “What’s wrong with you?”

Luan Nian naturally knew what was wrong with Luke but pretended not to notice. Shang Zhitao didn’t let Luke eat too much meat, saying it wasn’t good for dogs. She either limited him to two eggs a day or a piece of dried meat. Luan Nian disapproved, and when she wasn’t around, he gave Luke plenty of meat to eat.

Luke let go of her pant leg, ran a few steps towards the bar, then, seeing her still standing still, ran back and barked, “Bark~ Whine~” turning his neck towards the bar, almost ready to speak.

Luan Nian laughed at Luke’s silly antics and teased him, “Like master, like dog.” With a long stride, he walked off.

Today’s event at the bar had just finished, and it was already empty except for the duty manager. Seeing Luan Nian come in, the manager greeted him, “How come you’re here?”

Luan Nian glanced at Shang Zhitao. “Bringing Luke’s owner for a drink.”

The manager smiled at Shang Zhitao. “Hello.”

Luke was already familiar with the manager, standing there barking at the duty manager, “Where’s the meat?”

Of course, the manager understood Luke’s meaning and waved at him, “Coming.”

Shang Zhitao tilted her head, puzzled. “Does he often come here? What gives him the right to come here often? I don’t even come here regularly.”

“Mind your own business.”

Luan Nian glanced at her. “Hungry?”

“Starving!” Shang Zhitao hadn’t eaten much all day and was truly famished.

“Wait a moment.”

Luan Nian went to the kitchen. His bar, even the kitchen, was spotless. Steaks, lamb chops, and pasta were neatly arranged in the pantry—all top-quality ingredients.

He took out pasta and steak to prepare a simple Western meal.

Shang Zhitao sat on a high stool examining the bar, wondering how much money this place must lose. Before her thoughts settled, several cars arrived outside, and men and women got out, entering the bar.

As if by magic, two waiters emerged from a hidden side door. The waiters Luan Nian hired were all handsome, standing there elegantly as they greeted the incoming guests: “Please take any seat.”

“By the window.” A few people sat by the window, one of them asking the waiter, “Can we turn off the lights to stargaze later?”

The waiter replied, “Sure.”

They could turn off the lights to stargaze?

Luan Nian brought two plates of simple meals over, placing one in front of Shang Zhitao. The group of men and women turned their heads to look at them.

Luan Nian smiled at them, handed Shang Zhitao a knife and fork, and sat beside her to eat together.

Shang Zhitao heard a woman say, “Should we tell Teacher Gong?”

“Maybe not.”

“But isn’t the boss Teacher Gong’s romantic interest?”

“That person might not necessarily be the boss, right? And even if he is, that doesn’t mean she’s his girlfriend, does it?”

Shang Zhitao took a bite of pasta, a bit of sauce clinging to the corner of her mouth. Luan Nian pointed to his own mouth, then to Shang Zhitao’s.

Shang Zhitao looked at him wide-eyed, confused about Luan Nian’s meaning.

Luan Nian pointed again, and Shang Zhitao mimicked pointing to her lips. Luan Nian nodded.

Would it be inappropriate to kiss openly? Luan Nian must be in some kind of trouble. Combining what those people just said, it dawned on her. Luan Nian must have gotten himself involved with another girl and couldn’t get out of it now.

So she decided to sacrifice herself.

Leaning forward, she lightly touched her lips to the corner of his mouth and earnestly asked, “Is this enough?”

Luan Nian was dumbfounded by Shang Zhitao’s innocence and grabbed a napkin to vigorously wipe the sauce off her lips. Realizing she had done something silly again, Shang Zhitao blushed and sat back down, muttering, “Then why didn’t you just say so?”

“Have you ever seen a man ask a woman to wipe her mouth in public?”

“Oh.” Shang Zhitao blushed, but Luan Nian’s lips curved into a smile.

The bartender was mixing drinks, and Shang Zhitao leaned on the counter watching. She thought mixing drinks looked so cool, and the cocktails probably tasted great, so she asked Luan Nian, “Can you make me one after you finish serving the customers?”

“No.”

Luan Nian cleared the plates and instructed the waiter to place a small candle in front of the group. Surrounding the candle were their cocktails. The bar turned off the lights, leaving only the area near the window dimly lit while the rest was dark.

In the darkness, Shang Zhitao tugged on Luan Nian’s hand and whispered a request, “I want a cocktail to drink while stargazing.”

“No.”

“Just one glass.”

“Alright.”

Luan Nian didn’t have much of a stance on it. He walked into the bar to mix a drink for Shang Zhitao, lighting a small lamp. Inside the bar, he mixed the drink, while outside, Shang Zhitao watched him. After a while, Luan Nian brought out a glass containing a heart carved from ice cubes.

“What’s this drink called?” Shang Zhitao asked him.

“The Brave Heart,” Luan Nian said.