FYM - 135

She had always been like this.

Even when she had so little herself, she would always give him whatever small comfort she could spare. Weak as she was, she still tried again and again to shield him, placing herself between him and harm.

“I know…”

His voice carried a faint trace of amusement, but his deep eyes were tinged with a quiet sadness.

“…You’ve always been protecting me.”

To outsiders, being imprisoned in the Censorate Prison seemed a harsh punishment. In truth, it was her way of shielding him, quelling the court’s wrath against him and removing him from the whirlpool of controversy at the height of public outrage.

—But how did that compare to the protection he had given her?

She understood everything. That day in court, when he knelt before the officials and requested punishment, he was absolving her of blame. From then on, the suspicions and schemes of the regional commanders wouldn’t fall on her. Only he would bear the consequences of pacifying the southern border, shouldering the stigma of overstepping authority. He hadn’t even consulted her beforehand. With that single public act of kneeling, he had cornered her—if she didn’t punish him, it would nullify all his efforts and leave them both trapped in a dead end.

“But no matter what I do, it always feels wrong…”

Her knees gave out slightly, and the biting cold of the prison made her tremble uncontrollably.

“Third Brother… I…”

“I really did my best…”

His fingertips twitched, and his face turned paler than it had been during the flogging. There was an endless string of coincidences, and even her confusion about constantly making mistakes mirrored his own. The pale moonlight seemed to carry the chill of frost. Pulling her into his arms, he tried to warm her with the last bit of heat left in his body. They had reached the end of their road, and by now, they both knew they had nothing left but each other.

“I know…”

She heard the heavy beating of his heart against his chest, each thud like the sound of flesh tearing apart.

“…I know it all.”

She cried until her heart shattered, wanting to pull him close but remembering the crisscrossed wounds on his back. His snow-white garment seemed to threaten to take him away from her. Lifting her head, she clung tightly to his shoulders, their entwined breaths growing unbearably hot in that moment.

Shamelessly defying propriety, she kissed him, her bitter tears leaving deep imprints in both their hearts. His hand tightened around her waist, and the next moment, she felt the same sharp pain as that night when she had been drunk. She thought she feared pain, but in truth, who knew better than heaven that she loved him madly? That pain was what reminded her she was alive—and that he, too, was just as helpless, caught like a caged beast fighting for survival.

The torrent of collapsing desire spilled like a reversed galaxy, and the pristine jade-like snow was finally dragged into the mire of the mortal world. He rolled over, pinning her down with an overwhelming intensity that enveloped her completely. She lay amidst the decaying straw, gazing up at his silhouette against the dim light, half-lit, half-shadowed, as if lost in a dream. The damp ground exuded a foul, moldy smell, but when he leaned down to kiss her, she caught the faint scent of blood.

Her body grew even more aroused. When he undid the ties of her cloak, even her toes trembled with pleasure. Her slender waist arched uncontrollably upward—every one of her senses existed solely for him. He had lost all reason, his wounds reopening repeatedly, yet he still clung to her desperately, indulging in their intimacy. The subtle fragrance beneath her flowing sleeves intoxicated him. Perhaps years ago, he should have claimed her without hesitation, regardless of the consequences.

“Third Brother—”

“…Third Brother—”

She called out to him again, oblivious to how such broken gasps might invite danger upon herself. He had already torn open her robe, revealing skin whiter and more radiant than the moonlight that night. A base possessiveness surged within him, and he remembered the marks he had left on her neck that night, and even…

She felt his breathing change, the veins on his arm pressing against her cheek becoming taut, the scent of blood growing stronger. Her body had gone limp, utterly undone. But in the next moment, he pulled away, hastily covering her with her cloak, his gaze evasive and disheveled. Beneath his sweat-drenched white garment, his chest still heaved violently.

“Go back…”

He couldn’t bring himself to look into her eyes anymore.

“…Go quickly.”

She didn’t realize he was protecting her, only feeling the same mix of love and resentment she’d felt toward his restraint back in Qiantang—perhaps now it was only hatred, burning hatred, loathing to the core.

Or perhaps—

“…Do you regret it?”

With great effort, she propped herself up. Her wrinkled cloak had already been discarded on the floor.

“You… Do you think I…”

She couldn’t bring herself to voice the assumption, for she was far more sensitive about her remarriage. No matter what, she had once exchanged vows with another man and stood before the heavens and earth as his wife. In everyone’s eyes, she belonged to that man.

“But I never… with the late emperor…”

The explanation was equally difficult to utter. She was merely a young girl forced into becoming the “Empress Dowager” through layers of deception and coercion. It took him a moment to understand her meaning, and the piercing pain followed him like a shadow. His deep affection for her had always left him powerless.

“It’s not…”

He pulled her back into his arms once more, his tone gentle and cautious.

“Shuyan… This place is dirty.”

She didn’t know what he meant—whether it was the decrepit, moldy prison or the illicitness of their relationship that couldn’t see the light of day. But he was clean; he had never owed anyone in this world. And she was clean too, pure enough to bare her heart for the world to scrutinize endlessly.

She kissed him again, her strength surging through her entire body. She even pushed him down onto the cold, straw-covered ground. The muffled groan of pain from the man made her heart quiver—he hurt, and so did she, a hundredfold, a thousandfold more than him. Yet at the same time, she felt an unprecedented sense of liberation. In that moment, she suddenly understood why he had choked her that night, as if trying to take her life.

“I’m not afraid of anything…”

Finally, she could look down at him from above, but the tears streaming down her face still betrayed an indescribable vulnerability.

“Third Brother…”

“…Don’t make me leave.”

Clang—

The taut strings of their hearts snapped abruptly. It seemed that no matter how dire their circumstances, the tangled web of fate binding them together could not be severed. Her celestial deity had once vanished into the horizon aboard a cloud chariot, only to return later, bringing with him the mirage-like promise of distant spring mountains.

They embraced and kissed desperately, as if preparing to face execution together. The blade of destiny hovered dangerously close to their flesh. From that moment on, the austere prison mercilessly confined them—no one cared anymore. They both knew they could die for the person before them right now. If the icy, snowy fate had ever shown them a fleeting moment of mercy, it was allowing them to inadvertently pass through each other’s inevitable endings.

He pinned her beneath him once more, his bloodied body beneath the white garment strong and full of power. The fiery passion scorched her throat dry, and her sweaty palms grew even wetter when he grasped her ankles. He wanted everything from her, and as he was about to claim her completely, his voice trembled with extreme restraint. No one had ever seen him lose control like that—only she had, and ultimately, she became his cause and effect.

“Yingying…”

He called her that for the first time, casting aside the layers of propriety he had carefully upheld. He wanted the bright-eyed girl beneath the flowering trees by the lake to return to him. If no one else in this world would truly love her, he would cradle her gently in his hands, treasuring her like the most precious jewel.

“…I love you.”

The surge of emotions burned fiercely, and flashes of blinding white light began to flicker before her eyes. Her long nails unintentionally left new wounds on his back, while his heavy breathing sent waves of heat crashing against her ear.

She fell helplessly into the tide of desire, each rise and fall hitting her with an intensity she couldn’t withstand. She felt pain, but atop the pain was a deadly pleasure. Never before had she been so certain that she belonged to him, and never before had she been so sure that he would stay by her side forever.

…So be it.

Even though we are both exhausted, and ahead lies a path blocked by snow and muddy terrain.

Even though we both know everything is wrong, and the whole world will condemn this unspeakable secret with endless slander.

Even though I know I don’t deserve you, and the impending calamity shouldn’t involve the innocent. This desolate hell was meant to trap only me at its bottom.

…But you’ve already come.

And I still love you with the same reckless, self-deluding devotion as I always have.