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Gu Jingqi was extremely worried!
She adored her stunning sister-in-law and loved eating the pastries from Yi Tower. She couldn’t let her brother make such a foolish mistake, losing such an excellent wife for no reason!
Thus, Gu Jingqi began earnestly inquiring about Shen Xiling’s recent observations of her eldest brother’s behavior, volunteering to take on the responsibility of advising him.
Shen Xiling, of course, knew that her young sister-in-law had misunderstood. However, it wasn’t convenient to explain the subtleties between her and Gu Juhan—they weren’t distant because of any rift but simply because she didn’t know how to interact with him. Gu Juhan likely sensed her awkwardness and thus avoided prolonged solitude with her.
Indeed, she wasn’t sure how to handle such matters. Her past relationships had always been simple. Even when complications arose, like those involving Qi Yin’s third son, he had stepped in to shield her. Therefore, she lacked experience in dealing with entanglements on her own.
She was too inexperienced.
However, Shen Xiling wasn’t overly pessimistic. She believed she had misunderstood. After all, she felt there wasn’t a deep connection between her and Gu Juhan. Moreover, he had known about her relationship with Qi Yin from the start, so it was unlikely he harbored feelings for her. Even if he momentarily entertained some affection, surely it would dissipate quickly.
General Gu was an upright gentleman and wouldn’t make her uncomfortable.
With this thought, Shen Xiling relaxed quite a bit. She smiled at her young sister-in-law, dismissing her concerns as overthinking. Then, she began discussing what to eat after returning from the Jade Buddha Temple. The little girl’s thoughts quickly shifted, no longer probing into the complexities between her brother and sister-in-law.
Today, Zhe Mo Mountain was bustling.
The weather was sunny and warm, perfect for spring outings. Nobles gathered at the foot of the mountain, awaiting the imperial procession to ascend together for blessings. Ordinary pilgrims couldn’t approach today; only a few renowned lay Buddhists managed to secure spots.
Abbot Huijue of Zhe Mo Mountain led his disciples to welcome the Wei Emperor. The elderly abbot, with white hair and a benevolent appearance, was favored by the royal family for chanting prayers during the crown prince’s birth. Many noble families often invited him to their homes or attended his ceremonies fervently.
While waiting for the emperor, the nobles engaged the abbot in conversation. By the time the Yan Duke’s carriage arrived, Abbot Huijue was already surrounded. However, the Gu family received respectful treatment from the monks upon disembarking, especially Shen Xiling, who was invited to speak with the abbot.
This wasn’t favoritism. Lady Gu was devout and had contributed significantly to the temple’s renovations, earning considerable merit. It was natural for the abbot to be acquainted with her.
Though invited, Shen Xiling declined, seeing the crowd surrounding the abbot. She politely refused the young monk’s invitation and alighted with Gu Jingqi.
The Yan Duke’s household was among the most prestigious, always drawing attention wherever they went. Gu Juhan was immediately surrounded by colleagues upon dismounting, while Shen Xiling was encircled by noblewomen. They were soon separated.
Almost all high-ranking families in Shangjing knew about Shen Xiling’s recent illness. Thus, each lady greeted her with inquiries about her health—even Lady Pingjing, usually not on good terms with her, couldn’t resist. Half-politely and half-sarcastically, she remarked, “I heard you were ill recently, quite severely. Is your health better now? You look much thinner; you must take good care of yourself.”
Though expressing concern, her eyes held a challenging glint, implying Shen Xiling’s frailty meant she wouldn’t enjoy longevity.
Lady Zhong, Lady Pingjing’s confidante, quickly intervened, warmly smiling at Shen Xiling and humbly saying, “With the Duke’s love, you must be joyful and worry-free. But I feel responsible; perhaps my tea party caused you to catch a chill. It’s my fault.”
Shen Xiling exchanged polite words with her, then Lady Zhong added, “Regarding the hairpin, I entrusted Yuan to return it to you, but it seems it wasn’t the right one. Please give me a few more days to find the original.”
Shen Xiling wasn’t close to these ladies and found their insincerity exhausting. Her mind was preoccupied with someone else—fearing he wouldn’t come, and unsure what to say if they met.
They were old acquaintances separated for five years… seemingly closer than anyone yet possibly more distant.
Her emotions were complex—eager to see him yet inexplicably tense.
She was so nervous that… her hands trembled slightly.
She lacked the energy to engage further with the ladies, offering only brief responses. Yet, the other noblewomen persisted, crowding her incessantly.
Fortunately, Qin Shi arrived, sparing her from much socializing. Soon, Gu Juhan also approached, noticing her trembling.
He couldn’t tell if she was nervous about seeing him or truly unwell. Concerned, he moved closer, asking, “Xiling?”
Shen Xiling tried to control her trembling but couldn’t. She didn’t understand why she was so unusually anxious, even experiencing palpitations—a new sensation compared to previous attempts to meet him.
She was perplexed.
Seeing her pale face, Gu Juhan frowned deeply. Surrounded by people, they couldn’t converse freely. He extended his arm protectively around her, guiding her away from the crowd without touching her.
Witnessing the Yan Duke’s evident affection, the onlookers envied them silently, ceasing to bother Shen Xiling further. They discreetly made way for the couple to retreat to a quieter spot.
Gu Juhan guided Shen Xiling to a secluded area, releasing his protective stance. He asked, “Are you feeling unwell again?”
Shen Xiling shook her head but unconsciously clutched her chest, feeling her heart race.
Pale-faced, she looked at Gu Juhan, asking, “…Will he come today?”
Gu Juhan was startled, realizing her current state was for someone else.
He sighed, relieved her health seemed fine, paused, and replied, “Yes, he will definitely come today.”
Shen Xiling frowned, “Really?”
“Things don’t fail three times,” Gu Juhan smiled at her. “You’ve sought him thrice already. This is the fourth time; it won’t be in vain.”
Though vague, this reassurance strangely convinced Shen Xiling. Having done her part, she chose to believe in fate.
She smiled at Gu Juhan, nodding. Just then, she heard a commotion, seeing distant banners and imperial attendants—the emperor’s arrival.
As the chief military official, Gu Juhan had to greet the emperor. He quickly checked on Shen Xiling before striding towards the imperial procession. Shen Xiling composed herself amidst the crowd, striving to calm her unusual feelings, then hurried back.
Qin Shi and Gu Jingqi noticed her pallor upon her return, assuming she was ill again. Along with Lian Zi and Wan Zhu, they surrounded her, asking if she felt unwell.
She ignored their questions, focusing intently on the approaching imperial procession. Following closely behind were carriages bearing the Liang insignia.
Despite the noise, she faintly heard… the sound of copper bells.
Ding Ling.
Ding Ling.
Ding Ling.
…Identical to ten years ago.
Her trembling intensified.
Those around her panicked, unsure what to do. Meanwhile, the imperial procession arrived, leaving no room for action. They knelt and hailed the emperor amidst fluttering banners. Dressed in bright yellow, the Wei Emperor descended, accompanied by Empress Dowager Zou, the crown prince, and the princess from Jiangzuo.
No.
No.
None of them.
They weren’t who she sought.
She rose with the others, swaying, yet still searched desperately. Finally, amidst the dense crowd, she spotted figures of Liang officials.
She strained her eyes…
…and finally saw him.
Qi Yin.
A distant figure, easily missed, yet unmistakable to her. Like during their courtroom confrontation, amidst countless officials, she saw only him.
She had always seen only him.
Most present hadn’t seen the renowned Liang envoy. Ladies like Pingjing and Zhong had eagerly awaited him since the polo match, finally fulfilling their wish. Unfortunately, they were too far to see clearly, quietly complaining.
But Shen Xiling didn’t complain. Even though he didn’t look her way, the blurry side profile sufficed to calm her tremors.
She was content.
Only then did she realize she never aspired for completeness with him, not even proximity now. Merely glimpsing him from afar through the crowd satisfied her, like resolving a five-year-old mystery or concluding a simple story. She vaguely felt this was the final outcome.
Miraculously, her trembling ceased.
At that moment, she recalled a Buddhist scripture her father taught her long ago: “In a snap of the fingers, sixty moments pass; in a moment, nine hundred births and deaths occur.”
She finally understood. In that fleeting instant of spotting him across the crowd, layers of past memories surged toward her, clearer and more real than dreams. Countless moments of birth and death occurred continuously.
Confusing yet enlightening.
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