Fake Dating AU

Creator: multiple

Description:

Ok so a little ??? but i was thimnking abt how outwardly, Corvo's never been married and has no kids (until it’s outed he’s em’s dad of course) ...

right so this isn't going to make much sense but ill say a bunch of things But to most people, he just seems like a very eligible bachelor, especially after jess’ death And with the obvious sway he holds over the new Empress, he's someone you might definitely want And also he’s corvo attano and dunwall’s resident fittie so like. yeah .

But it’s not just a case of being like “ok ill date you” it’s a case of actually moving on AFTER SEEING YOUR PREVIOUS SECRET WIFE BRUTALLY MURDERED and stuff and but yeah he isn't GONNA move on at all

Hes getting set up on dates? no people are just trying to court him probably. ok it's uh people are like "well why wouldn't he be ok w dating people ): he rejects every single person that ever even so much as THINKS of trying to make a move on him"

emily maybe catches on to it a few years down the line and maybe says something about her being okay with him finding someone new (she thinks the reason he's rejecting everyone is purely bc of her, like corvo not wanting to take time from emily or have a new gf that em doesn't like or something)

He starts fake dating callista to through them off his back?

How'd that go with Geoff. Why wouldn’t geoff like it? He'd wonder why would Corvo date his niece and not himself. Also Geoff "sure I'll follow you into your Disney villain lair :)" Curnow is 100% gonna draw fifty wrong conclusions before someone explains him

there’s rumors going around that corvo’s taken but people argue over which curnow it is. geoff thinking he’s mad about them “dating” because he’s protective of callista when he’s actually just jealous

he gets to corvo's office super out of breath and has to take a minute to just lean against a wall while he gets his breath back.

ok but if corvo picks him up and bridal carries him to the infirmary geoff will genuinely swoon. callista just sees this like "what the FUCK happened"

geoffs thinking “oh i’ll let him bring me cuz he’ll carry me” and corvo slings him over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes because he has no game

corvo “oblivious” attano took 10 years to realize the empress of the isles wanted to kiss him it won’t be any different this time.

i like that 10 years figure you have there because that means it took jess and corvo literally having a child for him to realise she liked him. corvo “i thought she just needed an heir” attano. In his defense his brain only works during a fight

WAIT THE FACT THAT HE DIDNT NOTICE WAS HE WAS FAR TOO LOVESTRUCK ON HER TO PUT IT TOGETHER

wait wait on that earlier vein of callista fake-dating corvo and geoff being mad, what if you had both curnows having huge crushes on corvo and lowkey fighting for him meanwhile he's completely oblivious. "wow the curnows are such nice people (:"

they discover it when they find that they both really like to watch corvo's training sessions. geoff has to now fight the urge to tell corvo that his niece is beautiful because she's Competition now

on the plus side they can at least discuss the fact corvo is hot with someone who Understands XD they each try to go to emily and see what corvo likes. bribery.

geoff spent 2 entire months at sea with corvo and more time with him in the city watch but geoff doesn't know much more than 1. corvo's name is corvo attano and 2. corvo is serkonan. “wow he’s so mysterious” meanwhile there’s elevator music playing in corvo’s head.

he's actually oblivious because he has such bad self esteem that he thinks NO-ONE that isn't jessamine would ever hit on him.

tbh it's probably more "I love my daughter i am so proud of my daughter i am so lucky to have such an amazing daughter emily is the best i love her more than i can put into words" (all of course while having the MEANEST expression bc he has resting bitch face). he doesn't even NEED the mask to scare the shite out of people his resting bitch glare is enough to make people soil their panties

Archives:

callista: uncle i'm not actually dating him

callista: uncle?

geoff: [doing the maths lady gif meme]

geoff: so he's single

callista: yeah

geoff: ok i'll be right back honey

Calista: Actually im not dating him

Geoff wearing a silly hat: Hmmm

geoff who just spent last night crying his eyes out because his niece is dating his crush finding out they aren’t actually together: 8|

"geoff are you having an asthma attack"

"no... i'm... fine"

geoff, still out of breath: corvo... do... you... want...

corvo: are you sure you're not having an asthma attack

geoff: pretty... sure... but... i... came... here... to... ask...

corvo: yeah no i don't believe you, i'm going to get sokolov

geoff: NO WAIT CORVO ARE YOU COURTING MY NIECE (collapses)

geoff, who's now just lying on the floor: corvo i wanted to... ask you... if you wanted... to go to dinner with me...

corvo: the only place we're going right now is the infirmary i think you're dying

“geoff youre about to pass out”

“yea... from... hah.... your handsome... face... hah”

emily: is your uncle dead?

callista, watching corvo carry a passed out geoff: well if the way he looks at your dad is any indication, i'll bet he's not far from it right now

"corvo we did the devil's tango and have a child"

"yeah but i thought that was in a platonic way"

"how the fuck can that be platonic"

corvo: SHE NEEDED AN HEIR WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME

corvo: do you... like like me or are we just friends

jess, turning to face corvo in bed: corvo we're (secretly) married

Corvo: I can calculate which move this man is going to make before he can and move to counter it

Also Corvo: Wait the empress likes me?

geoff: I thought you were in love with the empress and I wouldn’t want to put you in a position where i’d be pushing you to forget about her i just don’t want to overstep-

corvo sleepdarts him because bro take a breath

callista: corvo, emily's-- UNCLE GEOFF?? IS-- THAT'S A SLEEP DART YOU SLEEP DARTED MY UNCLE

corvo: it's not my fault!

callista: YOUR CROSSBOW IS OUT AND STILL LOADED!

corvo: he tried to ask me out! i panicked okay!

geoff: you can’t date corvo! He’s almost my age!

callista: and?? you’re not that old!

geoff: he’s basically twice your age!

callista: he is not twice my age!

callista: anyway! his daughter likes me more than you!

geoff: since when does corvo have a daughter?!?

callista:

geoff and callista, simultaneously muttering: corvo is so hot

geoff and callista: WHAT DID YOU SAY?

geoff and callista: NO, WHAT DID YOU SAY?

geoff and callista: YOU FIRST!

callista: what does corvo like?

geoff: as if i'd tell you

callista:

geoff: also i don't know anything about him, i'm not going to lie he's so mysterious

callista: okay i'm going to bribe emily with sweets

geoff: WAIT NO I'M COMING TOO

Geoff and Calista sighing: He looks so serious I wonder what he’s think about

Corvo internally: I wonder whats for lunch

corvo’s face: >:|

corvo’s brain: is emily okay god i miss jessamine fuck what if daud comes and kills me oh there’s emily wait is she sad today did I leave my sword in my other coat-