TSDT - 54

“Say you want me. Hurry.”

He abandoned his pride, urging her directly with a broken voice. When they were at odds, even if he was in pain, his eyes only reddened. But when she softened her attitude, his defenses collapsed. When one is cared for, grievances grow like a virus. More affection is the only cure.

“Erase the memory from just now, otherwise I’m uncomfortable.”

Jiang Ying couldn’t speak, only hugged him tightly.

“Hurry, say it...”

Meng Jingshu urged her rapidly, and the hand wrapped around her shoulder anxiously shook her, just like a child begging an adult for a toy.

Jiang Ying suddenly lowered her head, escaping his embrace, and looked up at him.

He immediately turned his head away.

She cupped his face with both hands, forcefully turning it back.

He was a little embarrassed but couldn’t bear to remove her hands, so he just lowered his head and stared at the ground, not looking at her.

Meng Jingshu was stronger than her. His emotional breakdown, though uncontrollable, only lasted a few minutes and quickly subsided. But the traces remained; his eyes and cheeks were still moist.

Jiang Ying wiped them with her finger, her heart as soft as marshmallow.

Her fingertips brushed over the dark circles under his eyes. She asked, “Didn’t you sleep?”

“Couldn’t find you, couldn’t sleep.” He still kept his gaze down, avoiding hers. His normally sharp and handsome features looked unusually docile at this moment.

Jiang Ying sighed.

She must have been crazy to repeatedly try to torment him.

She stood on her tiptoes to kiss his lips, pausing for a few seconds after contact, neither too light nor too heavy, neither too deep nor too shallow.

Meng Jingshu instinctively closed his eyes, then opened them as she pulled away.

Finally, he looked at her, but his words were a little discouraged: “You’re brushing me off again. It was the same last time... What I want to hear, you never say.”

Jiang Ying realized that he was referring to the night they had a big fight at his house before he left for his business trip. He urgently sought a sense of security, asking her: “I love you, what about you?”

She kissed him, but didn’t tell him.

This had also become a thorn in his heart. Between them, going back and forth, who hurt whom, who owed whom, it was already impossible to count.

She was indeed not innocent either.

But she still had the courage to change.

She wanted fairness for herself, but forgot that he did too. Regarding everything about them, he had the right to know and to explain himself.

Jiang Ying gazed at him for a moment, then whispered, “Have you ever said anything about wanting to get married to another woman?”

Meng Jingshu stared at her, his brows tightly furrowed: “You’re still asking such questions? Did Fu Xuan come to you and say that? And then you believed her and decided to break up with me?”

“I hate that you once liked someone else so much.”

“I didn’t!”

Jiang Ying lowered her eyelids: “But you took her home to meet your grandmother not long after you started dating.”

“That was... Grandpa passed away suddenly, and Grandma’s mental state was very bad. I wanted to make her happy, that’s why.”

He still frowned, disgusted by his past actions. Jiang Ying was right; looking back now, his mindset was entirely different, and he realized how absurd he had been.

Jiang Ying hugged his waist tightly, looking up to ask, “Then, did she ever see you cry?”

“...”

Meng Jingshu was silent, covering her eyes with his palm.

Jiang Ying couldn’t see, but her lips curled up. She laughed, shaking him, and pressed, “Did she?”

He was utterly helpless: “...How could that be?”

“What about others? Have others seen you cry?”

He took a deep breath and said, “Yes, quite a few.”

“...” Jiang Ying stopped smiling, pulled his hand away, and glared at him, “Who? Who are they? The one from Class 11 in high school? Or the history major from freshman year? Anyone else?”

“Let me think...” He pretended to ponder, watching her get angrier and angrier, like a pufferfish.

He said slowly, “There’s... my grandpa, grandma, great-aunt, second uncle, second aunt... hmm, second aunt is questionable, I don’t remember if she saw me. And Aunt Zhai, the auntie at home who came for a barbecue in senior year, you might have seen her? Oh, and my brother, when I fought him as a kid and couldn’t beat him, I’d pretend to cry and tell on him to grandpa and grandma, and then he’d get punished. Right, and my youngest uncle, I think that’s all...”

Jiang Ying listened, her heart blooming, then continued, “What about your kindergarten teacher?”

“Probably not. I’m not like you, so prone to crying.”

“Hmph.”

He kissed her lips and called her: “Jiang Ying.”

His voice suddenly dropped, making her heart inexplicably race.

“Hmm?”

“I’ve never thought about marrying anyone else, or even about getting married at all,” he said steadily. “And when I said I want to marry you, it wasn’t because I wanted to get married. I just want you.”

I just want you.

“So, take that back quickly.”

—I don’t want you anymore.

Just thinking about it felt terrifying.

Under his burning gaze, Jiang Ying trembled. She bit her lip, barely managing to calm herself a little.

She whispered softly, promising him and praying to God,

“From now on, you are mine.”

Meng Jingshu’s eyes instantly reddened again. He held Jiang Ying firmly, their bodies completely pressed together, yet he still felt it wasn’t enough. He buried his face in her hair, letting his sense of smell be permeated by her scent, feeling her heartbeat against his chest.

Jiang Ying hugged his back tightly. She smiled faintly, but her voice trembled slightly: “Don’t cry anymore, little one. I’ll take you home.”

His voice was even more shaky than hers, even softer,

“I love you, mommy. Don’t leave me, please.”

He received her promise, the token being this spell carved into her heart.

Let it be this way.

There would never be anyone else again.

________________________________________

That night, they embraced each other, talking aimlessly about many things. Though they had been exhausted from days of turmoil, their spirits were surprisingly tireless, like two middle schoolers finally on vacation after a big exam, determined to exhaust their energy through play. Being loved and loving exhilarated them immensely.

Meng Jingshu asked her where she had gone these past few days.

Jiang Ying said she went to the beach to sunbathe, “Coconut water is really delicious.”

He asked, “Did you really run into that person named Deng?”

“...Yes.”

“What did you say?”

“Just said hello.”

“Hmph.”

Jiang Ying was suspicious: “You really don’t know? You didn’t have someone follow me?”

Meng Jingshu paused: “I was about to, but then you came back.”

She was surprised: “Then how did you know I was back? You came so fast, it completely messed up my plan.”

“There’s a fire hydrant outside your door.”

“? So?”

“I put a surveillance camera there.”

“………………………………………………………”

“And outside your office, too.”

Jiang Ying was speechless, only able to give him a thumbs up.

Meng Jingshu smiled, took her hand, and kissed it to his lips.

He said, “Do you remember, last time I told you, when I went back to Nanqing, I asked someone to investigate something.”

“Huh?” She vaguely remembered something like that, as if the conversation was interrupted before it was finished? At that time, he suddenly asked her to join a friend’s marriage proposal ceremony, making her very nervous, so she didn’t hear clearly.

“What was it?”

“About Fu Xuan.”

Jiang Ying’s eyelids twitched: “About Fu Xuan, you mean...”

Meng Jingshu glanced at her, saying blandly, “It’s about her cheating on me. I got the surveillance footage.”

Jiang Ying’s feelings were complicated: “Weren’t you indifferent about it? Why did you suddenly go investigate that?”

He said strangely, “Weren’t you upset? Afraid people would say I betrayed you first, that our relationship wasn’t proper,” he grumbled unhappily, “You wouldn’t even let me hold your hand outside.”

Jiang Ying stared at him for a while, then suddenly chuckled: “No wonder they say men are from Mars and women are from Venus.”

He paused: “It’s not because of that? Then why?”

“Nothing, let’s get back to the surveillance.”

Meng Jingshu rolled over, pressing down on her. “You tell me why first.”

Jiang Ying was about to be squashed and pushed him hard: “Get off me first.”

He insisted: “You speak first.”

Jiang Ying said exasperatedly: “Who wants to hold hands and go shopping with a FWB?!”

Meng Jingshu silently rolled off, then pinched her face with his hand, saying with a dark expression: “You’re quite good at unilaterally defining our relationship, as if I have no good qualities in your heart. I genuinely like you, and that’s how you see me. When something happens, you get angry by yourself, run off without a word, want to break up, and then block me again... I’ve never been so angry in my life.”

Jiang Ying pounced and hugged his neck, showering his lips and jaw with messy kisses, making smacking sounds while brainwashing him: “Don’t be angry, don’t be angry, you’re not angry. Meng Jingshu has a super good temper, Meng Jingshu won’t get angry at Jiang Ying...”

Meng Jingshu was amused by her, but still pretended to be annoyed: “Give me your phone!”

“Okay, CEO Meng.”

This time, Meng Jingshu personally unblocked himself from her blacklist and meticulously checked her Moments permissions, finally satisfied. He then took his own phone and registered Jiang Ying’s fingerprint. In return, Jiang Ying registered his as well.

She laughed and said, “My ideal relationship used to be two people trusting each other, having their own independent space, and completely respecting each other’s privacy. I thought something like looking at each other’s phones would never happen to me.”

“I used to think that too.” Meng Jingshu thought for a moment, then said, “I guess it just means that an absolutely ideal state doesn’t exist. We chose each other; that’s the only certainty, irrelevant to all previous assumptions.”

“I don’t want us to have any reservations. Do you hate me for being this way?” he asked her.

Passionate and stubborn, yet also magnanimous and calm.

The person who always shone in her eyes was indeed the only certainty.

She said, “I will never hate you, Meng Jingshu. I will never hate you until I die.”

He glanced at her, said nothing, and got out of bed to find something.

Jiang Ying watched him take his jacket, rummage in his pocket, and then climb back into bed a moment later. Then she felt a chill on her finger; the link diamond ring that she had angrily taken off and left at his place was back on her hand.

Just as she was about to feel ashamed of her willfulness, she heard him sigh.

“...What’s wrong?”

“Want to get married.”

“...”

“When you’re happy, you say all sorts of nice things. When you’re unhappy, don’t you just make trouble however you want? If we’re married, at least you can’t run away, and I can feel a little more at ease.”

“No!” Jiang Ying was firm. “You’re just being impulsive right now. Who gets married so quickly?”

“Quickly? We’ve known each other for a long time.”

“Knowing someone is different from being together, and besides...” Jiang Ying glared at him, saying coolly, “You didn’t even like me before; I was just throwing myself at you.”

Meng Jingshu fell silent.

He was actually quite confused about his past attitude towards her.

He pulled her closer, arguing earnestly: “But you didn’t like me that much either, did you? You made a bet with your dorm mates that you’d get me, and the wager was ten chicken legs. I heard it all.”

“?!?!?!?!?!?!”

Thinking back, that did indeed happen. It was probably a long, long time ago, one evening...

At that time, Meng Jingshu was reading a public self-criticism under the national flag. His unyielding demeanor and extraordinary charm made him famous overnight, and people sending him love letters almost broke down their classroom door.

At that time, Jiang Ying didn’t seem to take it too seriously. One afternoon after school, she was drawing a blackboard newspaper with her dorm mates in the classroom, and somehow the topic came up. They said something about how it would be a shame to let such a good catch go to an outsider, so why not have a girl from their own class put in some effort and win over this handsome young man? At that time, she seemed to have said to her friends, “Why don’t you guys go for it?”

They said, “He seems a bit fierce. You’re the vice class monitor, and the disciplinary committee member. You’re not afraid of him. If he doesn’t obey, you can just mark him late.”

“Okay, I’ll go for it. If I succeed, you guys buy me ten roasted chicken legs, one a day, presented with both hands.”

________________________________________

He knew about her bragging to her dorm mates?

She was stunned: “But there was no one else in the classroom...”

“I left my wrist guard in the classroom and wanted to go back for it. Who knew I’d hear someone say I was only worth ten chicken legs. Are chicken legs really that good, huh?”

“...Haven’t you had them? They’re really delicious. I’ll take you to get some next time.”

“Don’t change the subject,” Meng Jingshu rarely had such an upper hand, so he wouldn’t let her off: “You said you wanted to apply to the same university as me, and you took the opportunity to hug me and take advantage of me. But then when the results came out, I didn’t see you come ask me. You must have gone crazy playing during the summer vacation, you didn’t say a word to me.”

At this point, Jiang Ying became righteous again: “It was clearly your fault! I asked you if you wanted to go to the same university as me, what did you say? ‘Whatever’! That’s so dismissive, isn’t that just a polite refusal? Why would I look for you then?!” She said proudly, “I decided to give up on you right then!”

“‘Whatever’ means refusal? When did I ever refuse you? When did you look for me and I didn’t go?”

“You were just afraid I’d mark you late!”

Meng Jingshu was so irritated by her that his teeth ached. He gripped her waist and rubbed his stubble against her neck. He hadn’t shaved in days, and it was rough. Jiang Ying instantly tried to spring away, but he held her down. She writhed and giggled. She’d slip away a bit, and he’d pull her back, wrapping his long limbs around her, the two of them a tangled mess.

They were each other’s Pandora’s Box, opened, pouring out countless memories, youthful recklessness, years like songs, and enduring strength.

Jiang Ying no longer needed to doubt or test.

She already knew that he had never been indifferent.

Tired from their roughhousing, they still held each other.

“Marry me, Jiang Ying. I’m so happy with you,” Meng Jingshu said unexpectedly.

Jiang Ying had almost developed antibodies to this: “But when we’re together, there are also many unhappy times.”

“Nothing is only about happiness. You can’t refuse everything because there might be unhappiness.” He haggled like he was buying groceries, “I will definitely be good to you, but I can’t promise to only make you happy. However, you have an extra perk.”

“What is it?”

“If you’re good to me, I like you. If you’re not good to me, I still like you. And I will always be good to you.”

“You’re lying. You like it when I act up like just now?”

“When we argued just now, it was really hard. But after we argued, I felt like I liked you even more.”

They had done the most intimate and unrestrained things, but his constant “I like you, I like you, I like you”... such a simple phrase made her face burn.

She asked, “Why?”

“Because...” He tried to explain his thoughts, “Because we’ve experienced another thing together, and perhaps because it was difficult, it feels even more profound. Whether it’s happiness or sadness, these things will bind us closer and closer.”

He had lived a life of arrogant indifference, disdaining conversation.

From birth to death, every person is an independent individual, seeking their own path, and there’s no need or possibility to truly be understood.

But Jiang Ying was different; they were inseparable. All his desires were tied to her. Expressing and opening himself up to her gradually became an instinct.

He began to feel that life had weight, that he was no longer alone. Thinking of all the years they had spent together, with his involvement in most of her memories, he felt incredibly soothed, an indescribable comfort.

She suddenly kissed his eyes and said, “Do you know, I don’t regret at all that we didn’t get together sooner. Because you weren’t that good back then, so you didn’t deserve me.”

“What about now?”

“You already have me.”

Love needs timing, and a bit of stubborn devotion. There are no couples made in heaven from the start, only two people who, regardless of sweetness or bitterness, joy or hurt, are unwilling to let go, and still have a chance to work on getting closer to each other.

It is all the shared time that makes them unique to each other.

They had endless things to say, the long night never ceasing, until later they didn’t even know what they were talking about.

In a daze, Jiang Ying remembered what day it was.

“Meng Jingshu, we didn’t video call Grandma...”

“Hmm, it’s okay,” he rubbed the back of her neck reassuringly.

“What did you tell her? That we argued?”

“How could I? I said I was working overtime and wouldn’t be celebrating my birthday.”

“I’m sorry...” she murmured softly, touching his hand. “On your birthday, I gave you so many tears.”

He smiled, kissed her forehead, and said, “They’re precious too, no one else can give them.”

“But your last wish didn’t come true.”

Last time he said he hoped she wouldn’t get angry with him over groundless accusations, and that wish was completely ruined by her.

Jiang Ying shifted the blame: “You shouldn’t have said it out loud; that’s why it didn’t come true.”

He said, “That was just something I said to tease you. I made another wish in my heart.”

“What was it?”

“Can’t say.”

“Hmph.”

“Jiang Ying, give me another gift.”

“What do you want?”

“The key to your new lock.”

“You can get it yourself, and you’re still asking.”

“I want you to give it to me.”

“Hmph.”

That night—

Jiang Ying used his lighter to light the candle wick, then turned off the lights. The room instantly filled with only the faint, warm candlelight. She pulled him closer.

As people moved, the light and shadows flickered.

“Hurry and make a wish, no time left!”

Meng Jingshu looked deeply at her.

He faced the humble little cake, and as he closed his eyes, a sense of piety arose in his heart.

“I wish...” he whispered, “that Jiang Ying won’t get angry with me over groundless accusations anymore.”

She glared at him indignantly when she heard that.

Then he paused, thinking: I wish that for every birthday hereafter, she will be by my side.

He was blessed, wasn’t he?