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Physical intimacy most easily evokes the heaviest parts of memories.
Past beauty, surging emotions, all the heart-fluttering moments when they were together, and the bitterness after their breakup, all played through Zhao Xi’s mind.
A tear, from the corner of her eye to the corner of her mouth, then to the tip of Zhao Mingchuan’s tongue.
He let go of her, softly coaxing, “Xiao Xi, Xiao Xi, Xiao Xi.”
Zhao Xi no longer hid, her tears flowing silently.
“Let’s try again, will you trust me one more time?” Zhao Mingchuan promised, calmly and slowly: “What you want, I’ll try my best to give you. Just try it. If it doesn’t work out, I’ll leave, and I won’t pester you, okay?”
Zhao Xi clearly wavered for a moment, but it was just for a second.
She then resolutely shook her head. “Zhao Mingchuan, let’s not waste each other’s time.”
“Change is a very painful thing. You have your social circle, your own way of life. There’s really no need to deliberately change for anyone. The things I used to care about, I now view lightly. You’re good, I’m not bad. Perhaps, in a different way, we’ll both have better lives. Let’s just leave it at that, let’s just leave it at that.”
Zhao Xi turned her head, looking straight ahead.
She was calm, indifferent, and had let go. Her face showed weariness, truly having no more lingering thoughts.
________________________________________
A moment of silence.
Zhao Mingchuan’s face was ashen. He fumbled for his cigarette pack, but couldn’t get a cigarette out on the first try. He put more force into it, and five or six cigarettes tumbled out together.
“Damn it!” he cursed under his breath, slamming the cigarette pack against the windshield.
Zhao Mingchuan twisted his head, asking word by word, “Give me a chance, okay?”
The plea in his words was evident, a softness Zhao Xi had never seen.
“Failing an exam gives you a chance for a retake. Why, when it comes to me, is it a dead end?”
When Zhao Xi looked at him again, she was very calm: “Because I have no feelings for you anymore.”
One sentence completely cut off Zhao Mingchuan’s retreat.
He was stunned, his gaze as deep as a swirling ocean trench. The suppression of days instantly overturned. He grabbed Zhao Xi’s hand, pulling it violently towards him, and angrily said, “No feelings? If you had no feelings, why did you let me get in the car? If you had no feelings, was that desperate look you had when I crashed just now fake? If you had no feelings, why are you still here debating all this with me? Zhao Xi, if you dare to admit that it’s a ‘yes,’ I’ll submit to you.”
Zhao Mingchuan’s sharp, stern tone was too intimidating. Zhao Xi had rehearsed her response several times, but it couldn’t stand against his fierce gaze. The word hesitated in her throat multiple times. Finally, she gathered her courage and uttered one word of resistance—
“Yes.”
Zhao Mingchuan was utterly heartbroken.
He nodded, then nodded again. “Alright, good, you’ve got guts.”
Then he pushed open the car door and left without looking back.
Zhao Xi subconsciously called out, “Your car is broken, how will you get back?”
“If you don’t want me, then don’t care about me anymore!” Zhao Mingchuan kicked a stone by the roadside, as if in a fit of pique. “Even if I die, it’s none of your business!”
This ending completely severed any possibility between the two of them.
________________________________________
Zhao Xi arrived home in the middle of the night, feeling utterly drained, collapsing onto the sofa and wanting to do nothing.
Yu Qinchi’s call lit up her screen three times before she answered, “Mom.”
Madam Yu expressed dissatisfaction: “Why did you answer so late?”
“I was in the shower.”
Hearing her voice, Yu Qinchi asked with concern, “Xi Xi, are you not feeling well? Why do you sound so weak?”
“I’m fine, it’s been dry these past two days.” Zhao Xi forced herself to sound cheerful and asked, “Mom, is something wrong?”
“Yilin called your father and me tonight.”
Zhao Xi was startled.
“He’s truly a sensible child, reminding us to take care of ourselves, especially with the dry weather. He even sent us some lotus seeds; I’ll go get them from the locker tomorrow morning.” Madam Yu praised him repeatedly, “Yilin is very thoughtful. Such boys are rare these days.”
Zhao Xi’s heart sank heavily again.
“Xiao Xi, your father and I are good judges of character. You should consider him carefully, cherish him, and take him seriously. Do you understand?”
The call came unexpectedly, and its content was abrupt. She and Ke Yilin had just broken up that night, so why would he call her parents?
A vague sense of unease rose in Zhao Xi’s heart, and then her phone rang again.
It was Ke Yilin.
He greeted her straightforwardly: “Xiao Xi, is it convenient for you to come down?”
Zhao Xi was slightly bewildered.
He said, “I’m downstairs at your place.”
Zhao Xi walked to the window, pulled back the curtains, and saw Ke Yilin standing under the streetlight, one hand in his pocket, holding his phone and looking up.
“I see you,” he said calmly. “Come down.”
Zhao Xi went down in her slippers, only realizing it when she saw him, and she gave an embarrassed smile.
Ke Yilin was a generous person. He said, “It’s fine, we’re friends, no need to be so particular. Besides, your slippers look pretty good.”
“I got them for twenty yuan.”
After a few noncommittal exchanges, silence fell between them again.
“Xiao Xi,” Ke Yilin said, his voice now very firm. “I’ve thought about it for a long time, and I still like you. This liking has nothing to do with your past. You are you, and I am me. Our relationship’s development shouldn’t be affected by outsiders. Zhao Xi, I formally express my feelings for you—are you willing to accept me?”
The man’s words were straightforward, without any pretense, and very sincere.
It had to be said, this confession didn’t pressure Zhao Xi. His comfortable approach easily won her favor.
Ke Yilin took a deep breath, then suddenly smiled, saying easily, “Don’t feel pressured. We’ve known each other for so long; you should know my feelings. Xiao Xi, I can’t say I’ll do better than anyone else, but I’ll definitely try my best to give you a good life. What you see is what I am.”
It was that last sentence that almost hit Zhao Xi’s sore spot.
The reason for her breakup with Zhao Mingchuan, their past, was precisely his inconsistency.
“Give yourself a chance, Xiao Xi. Try it. Maybe I can bring you a whole new experience.”
Ke Yilin’s composure was flawless. He had figured it out; he knew how to choose the priorities in life.
“My mother was sick a while ago.”
Zhao Xi looked up. “What happened to Auntie?”
“An old heart problem. She was hospitalized for a week and discharged yesterday. She kept mentioning you, Xiao Xi. I have an impertinent request: could you possibly go keep my mother company?”
Ke Yilin’s mother was kind and gentle, and she also liked Zhao Xi very much. They had shared a few home-cooked meals together, and their casual interactions had made them quite familiar.
Zhao Xi nodded, “Of course.”
The most commendable thing about Ke Yilin was that he wasn’t pushy; he knew when to stop.
“Get some rest early.” He was gentlemanly and polite, reaching out to stroke Zhao Xi’s hair. He smiled gently: “And please consider me, goodnight.”
Then, without making the girl feel awkward, he voluntarily turned and left first.
Zhao Xi returned home. That night, she truly couldn’t sleep.
________________________________________
The next day, Ke Yilin arrived on time to pick her up from work. Seeing her, his eyes lit up: “Your makeup is pretty today.”
Zhao Xi hadn’t slept last night, so her complexion was poor, and she had applied more foundation than usual. His comment made it sound as if she had deliberately dressed up. But explaining further would be superfluous, so she just smiled and changed the subject: “I brought some fresh fruit for Auntie.”
“As long as you go, it’s more effective than anything else,” Ke Yilin said, turning the steering wheel, looking refreshed.
The Ke family lived in a high-end complex near the Third Ring Road. Their large, duplex apartment was decorated in a Japanese pastoral style by Ke’s mother, exuding a gentle charm everywhere.
As they reached the door, they heard a lively chatter from inside.
Zhao Xi’s steps faltered. “You have guests?”
Ke Yilin said, “They all came to see my mother, a few relatives.”
“Then it might not be convenient, perhaps I should come another day?”
“What’s inconvenient about it?” Ke Yilin gently tugged her arm. “Xiao Xi, I like you.”
With that, his palm moved down his arm, firmly gripping her hand. Then he pushed open the door, giving her no chance to refuse, “Mom and Dad, we’re home.”
We.
Mom and Dad.
Ordinary terms of address, when combined in this specific context, became an unspoken declaration.
There were seven or eight guests in the room, and the atmosphere was lively and pleasant. Hearing the commotion, they all turned their heads. Zhao Mingchuan, sitting beside Ke’s father, was laughing heartily, his eyes crinkling, his forehead broad. Having just arrived from the company, he hadn’t had time to change out of his three-piece suit and waistcoat. Sitting there, he was a striking focal point.
His movements were three beats slower than everyone else’s. He looked up, and his gaze locked directly with Zhao Xi’s.
The smile on his lips froze, then the curve gradually tightened, finally forming a grim line.
It was at this exact moment that Zhao Xi’s previously struggling and resistant movements calmed, allowing Ke Yilin to hold her hand.
Ke’s mother was the happiest. Despite her recently recovered health, she stood up with a radiant smile: “Xiao Xi.”
Relatives nearby whispered: “Yilin’s girlfriend?”
“Yes, I’ve seen pictures on his phone.”
“Oh, so today’s the official meeting with the parents?”
Zhao Mingchuan’s face was like frost, his eyes burning as if to scorch holes through Zhao Xi.
“Hello, Auntie. Are you feeling better?” Zhao Xi was polite, not overly enthusiastic.
“You’re thoughtful, I’m much better. Xiao Xi, please have a seat.”
Ke Yilin kept holding her hand, smiling as he greeted everyone present: “Third Aunt, Aunt Zou, Aunt.”
“Yes, good.” Everyone smiled, watching and waiting.
Zhao Xi was embarrassed but maintained her composure; she couldn’t show weakness in front of a certain person.
“Brother,” Ke Yilin said openly, approaching Zhao Mingchuan.
“Those few pots of orchids you’re raising are good,” Zhao Mingchuan said calmly, his emotions inscrutable. “The flowers are well-nurtured, and the person is well-nurtured too.”
“You’re too kind. If cousin likes them, I’ll send you a pot.”
“Would you be willing to give away something I like?” Zhao Mingchuan raised an eyebrow, speaking sarcastically, with an underlying meaning.
Ke Yilin didn’t speak, he just gripped Zhao Xi’s hand tighter.
This gesture was more lethal than a verbal retort.
Zhao Mingchuan’s face visibly darkened.
Ke Yilin smiled, “You go on, I’ll take Xiao Xi to get some fruit.”
This dinner, seemingly lively and harmonious, saw the three of them sitting opposite each other. On the surface, they appeared calm, but in their hearts, the storm had long been raging, an arrow already on the string.
Ke Yilin had now also learned to preemptively strike, being overtly attentive and considerate towards Zhao Xi, every action displaying the intimacy of an exclusive boyfriend.
Zhao Mingchuan sat with his legs crossed, his chopsticks untouched, watching coldly.
His gaze was so aggressive that in a few more seconds, everyone would notice something was amiss. Zhao Xi couldn’t bear it any longer and whispered to Ke Yilin, “I need to use the restroom.”
Ke Yilin was talking to his aunt and didn’t hear clearly for a moment, leaning his ear closer. “Hmm? What?”
Zhao Xi repeated, “I need to use the restroom.”
This action made the two look like they were whispering intimately.
Ke Yilin: “To your right, straight ahead.”
Zhao Xi nodded, smiled, and stood up.
This smile, in Zhao Mingchuan’s eyes, became an unforgivable ignition point. Smiling, smiling at another man! His face was calm, but in his heart, he had already bitten down two deep rows of teeth marks.
Zhao Xi had only walked a few steps when she heard a loud commotion from behind—
Bang! Thud!
A spoon hit a soup bowl, splashing Zhao Mingchuan all over.
He did it on purpose.
Everyone panicked: “Ah, are you okay, Mingchuan?”
“Quick, get some tissues.”
“Did you get burned?”
All she heard was concern, as if he were the center of the world, but that one person didn’t say a word.
Zhao Xi ignored it, not daring to look back.
Not until the figure disappeared around the corner did Zhao Mingchuan crumple the tissue in his hand, casually dropping it on the table. Then he stood up and said to Ke’s father, “Uncle, I’m going to wash my hands.”
Then he quietly left his seat.
________________________________________
Zhao Xi entered the restroom, just about to close the door.
“Bang!” a heavy force. A man’s palm pressed firmly against the door panel.
Zhao Mingchuan forcefully squeezed in, covering Zhao Xi’s mouth, and with his other hand, closed and locked the door.
Zhao Xi was terrified but dared not cry out. She could only glare at him resentfully.
Her feet weren’t idle; she kicked him, hard!
Zhao Mingchuan pinched her chin, suppressing his pain, his voice squeezed from his throat, “Why? Why? Why!”
“What’s so good about that brat? Huh? You’d choose him over me, why don’t you want me?!”
Zhao Mingchuan was truly enraged. Just thinking about the scene of them holding hands made his heart ache terribly and filled him with panic.
He forcefully kissed Zhao Xi, wrapping his arms around her waist and pressing her against him, muttering aggressively, “Has he touched you like this? Huh? If he dares to touch you, I’ll kill him!”
The more he spoke, the more disorganized his words became, and his actions grew rough and utterly devoid of gentleness.
In the small restroom, the two fought to the death, determined not to yield.
Zhao Xi pushed him away with all her might, gritting her teeth: “Bastard!”
She raised her hand in the air, full of strength, about to slap his face.
But at that very moment, Zhao Xi saw Zhao Mingchuan’s eyes—
The man’s eyes were bloodshot, subtly gleaming with tears.
Zhao Xi froze.
That slap stopped dead in mid-air, ultimately she couldn’t bring herself to deliver it.
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