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But an immediate denial came back.
“There’s no such thing.”
“Then is it some sort of religious...”
“I’m an atheist. I don’t believe in anything.”
“Then there’s no reason, but you still can’t date me? Even though you still feel for me and like me as a man?”
“...”
“Senior.”
“Yeah. But I like you. I can’t see any other woman besides you. That much is a clear fact.”
This time, he didn’t look away but looked at Ye-seo directly. He didn’t mess up his hair, close his eyes, or clench his jaw.
“Every time I see you, I get turned on. I want to see your naked body, and I want to touch you and hold you. I want to sleep with you.”
Shit.
But he did swear. It sounded like a curse directed at himself. Ye-seo’s lips parted at the sight of his rough demeanor, which she was seeing again.
More than that, however, his unfiltered confession of lust for her was more shocking. A strange heat suddenly gathered between her legs, and a dull, throbbing sensation stimulated her lower abdomen.
“Senior...”
At the same time, a clear anger filled her consciousness.
“I don’t know what you want from me.”
Perhaps because of the anger, she was now wide awake. It was as if she had never lost consciousness. But her vision was blurred.
“I really don’t know.”
“...”
“From now on, please ignore me completely. Don’t talk to me. Don’t come near me.”
A tear fell.
“Stop messing with me.”
“Min Ye-seo.”
Ye-seo shook her head as if to tell him to stop talking. If it was going to be the same repetitive conversation, she didn’t want to hear it. She didn’t want to hear another word.
“Senior, do you know what? You’re really...”
Ye-seo inhaled and then exhaled again.
“You’re trash.”
“...”
“You’re a bad person.”
Hic. A cry finally burst out. It had been a long time since she had cried in front of someone. It was the first time since her father’s funeral when she was a child that she had done so as an adult.
“This is the end. I’m going to get over you, completely.”
Even as tears streamed down her face, her voice was clear. The overwhelming sorrow and lingering feelings squeezed her chest, making it feel constricted.
“I swear on the rest of my deceased father. After this moment, I will never have any feelings for you again.”
“Ye-seo.”
“Please leave.”
She wiped her tears with the back of her hand and reached out to press the call button. She didn’t want to see him anymore. She didn’t even want to be in the same space with him. The nurse who was called knocked and then opened the door.
“Um, I want to be alone... No, I want to be discharged right now...”
“Min Ye-seo.”
Han Joo-hyuk stood up and turned his back to the nurse.
“It’s too late. I’ll go, so you stay until morning.”
“...”
“I’ll get the hell out. Right now.”
He turned around, said something to the nurse, and left the room immediately. Han Joo-hyuk’s presence had evaporated in the blink of an eye. Tears welled up again. She had thought that her crying would subside if he would just get out of her sight.
The thought that this was truly the end made a hot sensation well up inside her, and her chest felt heavy. Ye-seo calmed down for a moment before the nurse left, but as soon as the door closed, she burst into tears again.
They were tears marking the end of a short, intense first love.
________________________________________
The main house in Seongbuk-dong, which he had returned to after a long time, was quiet. Instead of the elders who went to bed early before midnight, the live-in butler, Kim, greeted him warmly.
He couldn’t even remember how he got home. The living room and study of his uncle, Han Yi-seok, was always stocked with the finest cigars. The moment he remembered that, his feet automatically headed to the second floor.
His head was spinning. He settled onto the sofa in the empty study and lit a cigar. Smoke escaped like a sigh.
When Sung-joon contacted him late, he was busy working on Park Yeon-ji’s online shopping mall server. The moment he checked the message, he bolted out of his seat and out of the house. He didn’t have time to wait for the elevator, so he ran down the stairs. The moment he walked out of the lobby, he saw a familiar face across the diagonal.
Min Ye-seo was crouched in front of the closed cafe’s awning. The moment he saw her, blood rushed to his head, and rage surged through him. If Park Sung-joon had been with him, he would have grabbed him by the collar and pinned him against the wall to scold him.
He didn’t think anymore and ran toward her. But Min Ye-seo’s body swayed and then collapsed before he could even reach her. Her face, which had been pale as if she was about to fall, was now ghostly white under the darkened sign.
How much time had passed? By the time he came to his senses, it was past 2 a.m. The cigars he had smoked, which had reached the end of their lifespan, were piled up on the table. He quickly tidied up the mess on the table and walked toward the window.
Beyond the railing of the study’s terrace, he could see the thick forest like a group of dark figures and the Namsan Tower, sharp as a toothpick. He hadn’t had any caffeine, but he wasn’t sleepy.
On the contrary, his mind was becoming clearer as time went on.
________________________________________
November was also drawing to a close. It was close to 10 p.m. when she and Chae-rin left the library side by side.
After parting ways with Chae-rin at the back gate, she was walking toward the bus stop when she saw a familiar sign at the corner of the street. It was the red sign of a spicy rice cake restaurant. The memory of sitting across from Han Joo-hyuk at a window seat was as vivid as if it had happened yesterday.
Those days are gone now, aren’t they? The times when I could talk to Senior without any inhibitions and lose track of time.
She had no idea how the last month had flown by, and the end of the semester was now just around the corner. She hadn’t had any contact with Han Joo-hyuk during that time. They had only brushed past each other in front of buildings, in the hallways, at the student cafeteria, and at the department office, but they had never met face-to-face. She considered it a blessing in disguise.
She didn’t try to be conscious of him, nor did she try hard to not be conscious of him. She didn’t intentionally laugh or talk loudly in an exaggerated way to pretend she was having fun. She just tried to empty her mind and do her best with her life, as if she had never known him in the first place.
That was why she could remain indifferent even when she sensed Han Joo-hyuk’s presence from a distance. At first, her heart would pound, and her chest would tighten with tension without fail.
But that was only for a moment. She would quickly regain her composure and try to think about other things. The piled-up assignments and exams, and the writing she was diligently doing whenever she had a spare moment. Then she would quickly regain her calm.
It’s okay. I just need to get through one more semester. Like all seniors, he’ll complete his remaining credits in the spring semester next year and probably won’t come to school much in the fall.
She wouldn’t even need to wait that long. During the winter break, when she wouldn’t see him even from a distance, her feelings would be completely sorted out. She would be able to handle it well without feeling anything anymore. She believed she could.
“...seo!”
Just before she reached the subway station, she heard a familiar panting voice behind her. It was Choi In-ha.
“Hey, Min Ye-seo! I called you a few times to walk together, but you didn’t hear me? What? You don’t even have earphones on.”
“Sorry, oppa. I was just thinking about something... You were at the library until now, too?”
“Yeah. Working on a team project. But are you worried about something? You looked so serious just from looking at your back.”
The two of them sat on a bench in front of the station entrance. The time was a little awkward to go into a cafe or somewhere, and the air that night was surprisingly peaceful.
“Oh... My tutoring session ends in mid-December. Mina is planning to study abroad, so I need to find a new tutoring job or another part-time job. Mina’s mother said she would ask around, but just in case.”
Ye-seo laughed awkwardly and used tutoring as an excuse. It wasn’t a lie, as that was also one of her worries.
“What about the cafe job? Are you not going to work at the cafe in front of the main gate this winter break?”
“It seems like they’re going to close for the winter and do some remodeling. I need to earn a lot during the winter break, so if all else fails, I’ll try to become an assistant instructor at an academy.”
“Oh... at my dad’s company?”
Choi In-ha’s father and his second brother’s office were in Jongno, so it wasn’t too far from her home. As he said, she was pretty good at office document creation.
“He’ll probably pay you more than the minimum wage, too. And of course, he’ll give you a separate allowance for meals. It won’t be as much as tutoring, but hey, when the old farts aren’t around, you can slack off a bit and read the books you like... Wouldn’t it be more comfortable?”
“That’s not right. I should work even harder precisely because they’re people I know.”
“Oh, right. I know you’re hardworking and diligent to the bone, I know. Anyway, my family would welcome you with open arms, so let’s just do it. Okay?”
“If that’s really okay, I’d be so grateful. I’m grateful, but...”
“If you’re grateful, you’re grateful, so why the trailing words? So let’s do that, and we’ll talk about the details after all the exams are over. The part-time job starts around the 15th anyway.”
“Okay. But if for some reason your dad says no, please tell me honestly. I’ll really be okay.”
It was when Ye-seo was about to put the bag she had set down on her shoulder and stand up. Choi In-ha stopped her, saying, “Wait a minute.”
“Was the last day of your final exams the 9th?”
“Oh, it’s the 8th. The 9th is the final assignment submission.”
“Really? Then let’s meet on the 10th. I’ll come to Itaewon.”
“The 10th? Um... Since it’s a Saturday, that’s fine. Okay.”
After deciding to set the specific place and time the day before, the two of them headed back to the subway station. Perhaps because she was less worried about finding a part-time job, Ye-seo’s steps were light. Even if she received a scholarship for tuition, the incidental expenses and pocket money were her responsibility until graduation.
I just hope Jung-woo graduates on time...
Her mother’s struggles were one thing, but she didn’t want to contribute to supporting Jung-woo as well. She wanted to live her own life after she graduated from school. She wanted to live according to her long-held plan, balancing her dreams and reality well.
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