IMH - 45

Facing Yu Qian’s gaze, Cheng Xiaonan was quite open about it: “At my age, if you were truly lying in my arms and I didn’t have any reaction, I’d probably need to go to the hospital to get checked out. I’d likely be impotent.”

In the darkness, Yu Qian gave him a meaningful look.

She moved slightly, shifting into a more comfortable position in Cheng Xiaonan’s arms.

As she was about to fall asleep, she heard Cheng Xiaonan’s voice, slightly unsteady, say, “If you stop moving around so much, it might calm down faster.”

Yu Qian “mm”-ed, then truly didn’t move again, nor did she close her eyes.

They lay facing each other on the bed, her cool eyes filled with moonlight, silently meeting Cheng Xiaonan’s gaze.

After a while, she suddenly smiled.

Like a provocation, silently asking him, Didn’t you say if I didn’t move, you’d calm down?

Cheng Xiaonan turned his face away: “Don’t look at me like that; I can’t calm down.”

She couldn’t move, and she couldn’t look at him.

Yu Qian retorted, “Can I breathe then?”

Finally, Cheng Xiaonan got up, went to the kitchen refrigerator for a bottle of ice-cold mineral water, drank it to calm down for a few minutes, then returned to the bedroom.

Yu Qian was still awake, lying quietly on the bed.

The reason for not doing anything was simple.

They would have many nights in the future to entwine themselves in passion, but Cheng Xiaonan wasn’t sure how many more nights Yu Qian would be willing to open up to him and truly talk about the past burdens in her heart.

Yu Qian wasn’t someone who was willing to talk about herself.

So, Cheng Xiaonan cherished this night especially.

More than physical pleasure, he hoped Yu Qian would always be happy.

“Still not tired?”

Receiving Yu Qian’s affirmative reply, Cheng Xiaonan mischievously reached out with the hand that had held the ice water bottle and probed into her embrace.

Yu Qian recoiled from the cold: “Cheng Xiaonan, how old are you?”

He leaned in, whispering intimately to her:

“Not young anymore, just the age to react to an older sister.”

________________________________________

This night was filled with warmth, even their kisses were light and brief. More often, they held each other and chatted. Cheng Xiaonan said that he also had nightmares sometimes.

In the period immediately after his mother’s death, he often dreamt of the night she passed away. The bedroom was filled with heavy darkness, and he walked in holding a gift box, imagining her surprise when she woke up the next day and saw the gift by her bedside.

He hadn’t realized she had already left the world.

“Actually, I’m afraid of the dark too, just too embarrassed to say it.”

He was truly afraid, because he dreamt of it so often. Sometimes in dark environments, he would feel as if he was deeply entangled in the dream. The next second, he would trip over his mother’s phone charging cable, knocking the phone down, and then realize she no longer had body temperature or breath...

Cheng Xiaonan furrowed his brows and asked Yu Qian, “When your mom passed away, you had insomnia, were you afraid of dreaming of her?”

Yu Qian thought, Perhaps.

When she dreamt of Qu Liwen, she was always fierce. Only once, she dreamt of Qu Liwen sitting by her bed, sewing a button back onto her coat, a scene of warmth reminiscent of “a loving mother’s thread in her hand.”

She said, “I’m not sure if this actually happened, but I really did have that coat when I was little.”

After a while, Yu Qian suddenly said, “I won’t die before you.”

She said it like a curse, but Cheng Xiaonan understood the meaning behind it: she was afraid that if she died, Cheng Xiaonan would miss her.

They had both experienced the pain of missing a deceased loved one.

Actually, when Yu Qian was in a relationship, she really doted on her boyfriend, but her way of doting, talking about death, felt a bit inauspicious.

Cheng Xiaonan’s brows unfurrowed, and he chuckled softly in the darkness, even the mattress vibrated with him.

“What are you laughing at?”

“Nothing, nothing. I’m happy. This is a happy laugh.”

Cheng Xiaonan laughed for a while, then said, “Let’s not talk about dying yet. Can you help me solve my other nightmare?”

In the first few years Yu Qian was abroad, Cheng Xiaonan was still in school.

He hated self-study classes, especially noisy ones without a teacher present.

Many nights, he dreamt of such self-study classes, and then woke up in a cold sweat.

Because in his dream, it recreated the spring when Yu Qian went abroad—

He was sitting in the self-study classroom. His classmates were incredibly lazy; few were actually studying. In the back rows, several boys were huddled together, noisily playing poker. Some girls were screaming, having seen some male celebrity in a magazine.

Cheng Xiaonan was in this environment when he received Yu Qian’s call, telling him she was going to Germany to study at Stanford.

The grievance from that time found an outlet tonight. He heavily rubbed his forehead. “What were you thinking? You couldn’t even tell a convincing lie? Stanford in Germany? Did you open a branch campus for Stanford in Germany?”

Heaven knows he almost died of anger when he realized Stanford wasn’t in Germany.

Yu Qian couldn’t say anything to coax him. Cheng Xiaonan, like a playful leopard, stared intently at her.

So she raised her hand and, as if stroking a pet, gently patted Cheng Xiaonan’s head as a gesture of comfort.

Cheng Xiaonan grew bolder and slapped her hand away. “A man’s head shouldn’t be touched casually.”

“Why?”

“It concerns a man’s dignity. I’m an adult, not a boy anymore, so you can’t just touch it freely.”

Yu Qian’s voice was already tinged with sleepiness, so Cheng Xiaonan also lowered his voice, “From now on, if you go to Stanford in Germany, I’ll go with you too. Sleep now, goodnight.”

“Goodnight.”

A few seconds later, Cheng Xiaonan murmured to Yu Qian, “Next spring, I’ll take you to see the Orychophragmus violaceus.”

________________________________________

The next morning, Cheng Xiaonan and Yu Qian began preparing to move.

At breakfast, his phone vibrated frequently, and Cheng Xiaonan picked it up from time to time to reply, not knowing who he was texting.

There was no need for Yu Qian to ask. Cheng Xiaonan put his phone face down on the table and proactively confessed, “Old Cheng contacted me, asking if you’d be willing to come to our house for a meal and meet him. The community we’re going to live in is quite close to my old home, just across the street. If you’re willing, I’ll tell him yes.”

Yu Qian nodded in agreement, and casually asked, “Today?”

“He wishes!”

Cheng Xiaonan poked a piece of melon with his fork. “I’ve been waiting in line for over seven years, and the first meal after moving in is with him? No way.”

A few minutes later, Cheng Xiaonan said, “How about I cook for you tonight at home? Show off my skills.”

Yu Qian was skeptical of Cheng Xiaonan’s “skills,” but merely nodded.

Go ahead and show off. If it doesn’t work out, we can always order takeout, right?

________________________________________

Cheng Xiaonan insisted on being hands-on with the move. Yu Qian had a lot of things, enough to fill four suitcases.

Cheng Xiaonan wouldn’t let her lift a finger. He took off his down jacket, stuffed it into Yu Qian’s arms, and told her to wait in the car.

His white car was conspicuously parked right at the main entrance of the hotel. The hotel lobby and outdoor staff watched as Cheng Xiaonan, wearing a beige casual shirt with sleeves rolled up to his forearms, made two trips, personally carrying Yu Qian’s suitcases to the car.

A valet offered to help, but he refused, saying his girlfriend’s belongings were precious and he dared not entrust them to others.

Shen Shen and Ji Ran also came over, offering to help, but Cheng Xiaonan likewise declined their assistance.

Now, the two of them were idly sitting in the car, watching Cheng Xiaonan make hard labor look like a fashion show.

Ji Ran asked Shen Shen, “Brother Nan seems quite happy today, doesn’t he?”

Shen Shen had just had his bank card, hidden in his dirty socks, confiscated by Ji Ran yesterday. At this moment, he was slumped over the steering wheel, looking dejected.

He looked at his Brother Nan’s triumphant expression and said, “How could he not be happy? A while ago, when he saw Yu Qian talking to someone of the opposite sex, he even complained that there were too many men here, saying I ran a ‘duck house.’ Today, he’s avenged himself. How could he not declare his sovereignty and show off properly?”

After all, yesterday, even before moving, he had already put on a display of affection in the meeting room.

________________________________________

The move was over in less than an hour. Shen Shen and Ji Ran had nothing to do, so they drove home, saying they’d come over to their new place to celebrate sometime soon.

The car was parked in the underground garage. Upon entering, Cheng Xiaonan took out a new pair of women’s slippers from the shoe rack, unwrapped them, and placed them at Yu Qian’s feet.

He stepped aside and gestured with a “please,” presenting the living room to Yu Qian: “Are you satisfied?”

Cheng Xiaonan’s house had a simple decor style and was spacious, but he had placed many green plants inside, making it feel vibrant.

“Oh, it’s blooming? Auntie takes good care of it.”

Cheng Xiaonan shuffled in his slippers, carried the palm-sized flowerpot with one hand, and walked over to Yu Qian. He placed the flowerpot on a shelf by the entrance. “When I’m not here, the auntie comes regularly to clean, and she also takes care of the flowers. This flower is really fitting. It knew you were coming and even bloomed.”

Cheng Xiaonan’s eyes curved into a smile as he flicked a petal: “This is welcoming you, our mistress.”

With his movement, the thin, large white petals trembled gently.

Yu Qian bent down to look. It was her first time observing a flower so closely and seriously.

It was beautiful, the petals like a fluffy skirt, a cluster of stamens adorned with pollen, full of life.

She asked him what the flower was called.

Cheng Xiaonan then leaned in from behind, wrapped his arm around her waist, and said, “It’s a 虞美人 (Yú Měirén - Shirley Poppy, literally ‘Beauty Yu’).”

Bright light streamed into the room from the floor-to-ceiling windows. They kissed at the entrance of their new home.

________________________________________

Cheng Xiaonan helped Yu Qian unpack and arrange everything from her suitcases. They had a simple meal at a restaurant outside the community, and in the afternoon, they went grocery shopping, buying a lot of ingredients.

Cheng Xiaonan pushed the shopping cart with one hand, sliding his phone with the other to watch a video. After a while, he stopped, put his phone away, and said to Yu Qian, “I learned how to pan-fry steak. It doesn’t seem difficult. I’ll pan-fry steak for you tonight, okay? Do you want pasta too?”

It seemed that newly cohabiting couples often made steak and pasta.

After his college classmates got married, when they shared meal photos, Cheng Xiaonan always saw them posting pictures of steak and spaghetti on WeChat Moments, with a heart shape squeezed onto the spaghetti with ketchup.

Before, when he scrolled through Moments, Cheng Xiaonan always thought that kind of thing was too tacky.

But today, he just wanted to be the most ordinary couple with Yu Qian.

If his drawing skills weren’t so limited, he’d even want to draw a wedding photo on the spaghetti.

Cheng Xiaonan bought a gray cooking apron and had Yu Qian tie it for him. Before entering the kitchen, he told Yu Qian, “You just watch TV or play on your phone in the living room. I’ll call you when the food’s ready.”

“Can you do it?”

“Nothing I can’t do. Leave it to me.”

There were no particularly strange sounds from the kitchen. After about an hour, Cheng Xiaonan really did make two pretty good-looking steaks and pasta dishes.

He carried the plates to the table, pulled off his apron, tossed it aside, and pulled out a chair for Yu Qian, “Please sit.”

He urged Yu Qian to taste the steak, his eyes sparkling with anticipation.

When Yu Qian said, “It tastes good,” Cheng Xiaonan beamed proudly, “Alright, if you like it, that’s all that matters. I’ll make it for you every day from now on.”

Yu Qian wanted to say that she could also cook simple meals herself and Cheng Xiaonan didn’t need to be in the kitchen every day.

But her gaze fell on Cheng Xiaonan’s forearm and suddenly froze.

Cheng Xiaonan had fair skin, so any marks were particularly obvious.

He was still wearing the same shirt from earlier in the day, its sleeves rolled up several times to his elbows. On his right forearm was a bright red, arc-shaped wound with many blisters.

Yu Qian knew the feeling of a burn. When she used to cook for herself abroad, a single drop of oil splashed up, and the blister on the back of her hand hurt excruciatingly.

Cheng Xiaonan’s arm was much worse than hers was then.

But he hadn’t made a sound the entire time, standing beside her, even tasting a piece of steak with her cutlery.

He leaned against the dining table and nodded, praising himself, “Tsk, this taste, truly worthy of me.”

“Cheng Xiaonan.”

“Hmm? Is the steak I made so heavenly you want to praise me? Come on, I’m waiting...”

Before Cheng Xiaonan could finish, Yu Qian stood up and suddenly hugged him.

________________________________________

Actually, since last night, he had noticed that Yu Qian was convincing herself to slowly change.

The old her wouldn’t have expressed love through gestures like patting his head or hugging.

“I just cooked you one decent meal, and you’re already so moved you’re throwing yourself into my arms?” Cheng Xiaonan’s brows relaxed, and he teased her with a smile.

Yu Qian said nothing, so Cheng Xiaonan continued to joke and tease her, “This timing of yours is a bit off. Let’s eat first, eat first. Later, later, shall we have something a little more exciting?”

He said it, but Yu Qian didn’t show any signs of getting angry. He was wondering why when Yu Qian suddenly asked, “Do we have any burn cream at home?”

Cheng Xiaonan then glanced at his arm and said, somewhat indifferently, “Minor injury, no need to bother with it. I’ve already rinsed it with cold water; it’s fine.”

“Does it hurt?”

“A little, maybe, but I don’t really feel anything.”

Cheng Xiaonan looked at Yu Qian’s eyes, which held a hint of worry, and smiled, “Don’t worry. Just think of it as me performing acrobatics while making you steak, alright?”

“Acrobatics isn’t like that.”

Breaking rocks on chests, swallowing swords, breathing fire—those don’t hurt themselves.

Who’s like him.

He had never imagined Yu Qian would be so worried about him. Cheng Xiaonan seized the opportunity to play pitiful, frowning slightly and resting his forehead on Yu Qian’s shoulder, his voice becoming pitiful, “It actually hurts a bit when I move it. Oh no, my arm is useless.”

Yu Qian wanted to say they should go downstairs to buy burn cream, but Cheng Xiaonan looked up at that moment, his chin still resting on her shoulder.

His warm breath spread across her collarbone as he lowered his voice, coaxing her tenderly, “I can’t move my arm properly. Will you help me put it on tonight?”