NILWM - 37

• “Hey, Ye-seo. Everything okay at the pharmacy? Are you not having a hard time?”

Her mother’s voice was quite soft, unlike her usual blunt tone. She seemed to be in a very good mood, enjoying some leisure time and getting some fresh air with her friends from her alumni association.

“Yes, Mom. Isn’t it cold there?”

• “If it’s cold at the hot springs, I can just get in the water. It’s good that everything’s okay. Make sure you lock up well later, and tell Soo-min that I’ll call her again in the evening. Wait a minute, instead of doing that, I should call our Jung-woo. I wonder if he caught a cold.”

Ye-seo put the receiver back in its place. The conversation had ended with Min Jung-woo, but she didn’t feel as sad as she used to.

Could it be because her mother had recently revealed her true feelings, hoping things would work out with Choi In-ha? After she started to think that her mother had some affection for her, too, she felt much lighter and more secure.

“It was Mom. She asked if everything was okay...”

“Did she arrive safely? Anyway, tell me about that senior already. Huh? I swear I won’t tell the pharmacist. Even if she finds out later, I promise it won’t be from me!”

“You’re right. I decided to date that senior. It’s been about two weeks, and... he said he’d contact me tomorrow morning. He’s still a college student, but he has his own work, so he’s super busy.”

“His own work? What’s that?”

“It’s something to do with computer security coding, but I’m a novice in that area, so I don’t know much about it. Anyway... that’s what happened, but I don’t really have anything else to say. It’s been almost a year since I met him, but we’ve only been on two dates so far...”

“Is he handsome? What about his family? Since he’s a senior in the same college, he must be smart... Ah, I’m so curious. But then again, if he were just anyone, would you have even decided to date him? Wouldn’t the sensible Min Ye-seo have made a good judgment on her own? Especially since he’s your first-ever boyfriend!”

Jo Soo-min was so excited that she was jumping up and down as if it were her own business. But at her next words, which came in a torrent, Ye-seo flinched, feeling guilty.

“As long as he’s not that scum who was leading you on before, it’s fine. Remember when we closed the pharmacy and had a beer at the convenience store in front, you told me about this senior who said he liked you but couldn’t date you for some reason, and then when you got close to another male senior, he got furious and jealous and asked if you could both just not date anyone? What a pain in the neck.”

“...”

“As long as he’s not someone like that, it’s fine. Oh, welcome!”

Soo-min’s chatter stopped only when a customer came in. Ye-seo also greeted the customer and tried to keep her expression neutral. She couldn’t possibly say that the pain in the neck was the owner of the fountain pen and the senior who was now her first boyfriend.

• “Unnie, what kind of psychology is this? I can tell he’s interested in me, but he says he can’t date me. But he doesn’t want me to get close to another senior, so he’s trying to get us both to stay single until we graduate... Isn’t that ridiculous?”

• “What? What kind of manipulative psycho is that? Don’t get involved with a guy like that. He’s a really bad guy! You don’t have a crush on him, do you? You don’t like him, do you?”

• “No, Unnie. I don’t have any feelings... I really don’t.”

It was a good thing she had lied about her feelings. If she had been honest, the perceptive Soo-min would have immediately realized that that senior was the manipulative psycho.

Especially if, as Soo-min said, she couldn’t hide it and showed everything when she liked something. She couldn’t even imagine what Soo-min’s face would look like if she knew that Ye-seo had rejected his confession three times.

But in the end, Han Joo-hyuk had reached out his hand to her. He had surrendered, saying he gave up and couldn’t hold on any longer.

So it’s okay. Even if we can’t spend Christmas Eve together... it’s because of work, so there’s nothing I can do.

They were now officially a couple. Han Joo-hyuk was now her lover. Just that fact alone made her heart swell with emotion.

Is this what it feels like to finally hold a brilliant light that she could never catch and make it her own?

________________________________________

She no longer wished for Christmas Eve. It was enough just to see him on the 25th. Although it wasn’t Christmas Eve, it was still Christmas. But the phone call she received on the morning of the 24th was devastating.

• “What should I do? It looks like we’ll have to meet next year.”

“What? Next year?”

• “The final deadline for the project has been pushed back to January 2nd. At this point, it doesn’t look like it’ll be finished before then.”

“...”

• “We can talk on the phone from time to time, but it’ll be difficult to meet.”

“Then it’ll be difficult on the 31st, too... since it’s until January 2nd.”

• “Yeah. It seems so...”

Even during the call, she could hear the sound of keyboards and the voices of people having an intense conversation with incomprehensible jargon in the background. It seemed like he was really busy. It was amazing that he still called her at the promised time even in the midst of all this chaos.

“Then what if I go to your office for a little while... No matter how busy you are, you have to eat, Senior, so how about we have a meal together for about 30 minutes somewhere near there?”

• “What should I do? The person in charge is coming for a mid-check today, and tomorrow I have to do a full-day briefing. The company that hired us is a global company with its headquarters in the US, so we’ll probably have a long video conference to match their time zone.”

“Oh... okay. I understand. There’s nothing we can do.”

Her voice kept trying to sink to the floor. Ye-seo forced a smile and tried to make her voice sound bright.

Don’t whine. He already told you that work would often come first. And that he hoped you wouldn’t feel sad.

• “I’ll be able to take a breather from January 3rd, so just wait until then.”

“Okay, I will. For now, work is important, so just focus on that... We’ll see each other after January 3rd.”

• “Thank you for understanding.”

He let out a short sigh of relief.

• “Other women would have gotten angry and complained. Getting emotional and being a pain in the neck even though it’s because of work... that kind of emotional drain was one of the reasons I avoided relationships. But Ye-seo, you’re different.”

“...”

• “We can still talk on the phone sometimes like this, so contact me if anything happens. Got it?”

“Yes, I will.”

• “Ah, I have to go. Sorry.”

“Yes, Senior. Even if you’re busy, make sure to eat...”

The call was cut off. Ye-seo weakly put her phone down on the kitchen table. Her gaze went to the calendar on the wall. A sigh escaped her on its own.

If not Christmas, at least it would have been nice to see him on the last day of the year, the 31st.

But she didn’t have a choice. And neither did he. What could she say when it was because of work? As he had said, she didn’t want to be a pain in the neck by putting her emotions before reason. She didn’t want to be a girlfriend who got angry and complained. She really didn’t.

Still, she couldn’t help but feel upset. And she couldn’t help but want to see him. She felt like her chest was getting tight and she was about to cry, as if she had been abandoned in the world alone.

It would have been a Christmas and a New Year’s Eve that she would have spent alone anyway, even without him. She did have plans to meet Chae-rin, Mi-joo, and Sae-eun at the end of the year, but that wasn’t today, tomorrow, or on New Year’s Eve.

“Stop. Stop it, Min Ye-seo. Let’s just use this time to write your novel to your heart’s content. Senior is also working his butt off.”

Ye-seo rubbed her eyes, which were constantly on the verge of tearing up, and got up from the table. What’s so special about Christmas? She would pull herself together, write diligently, watch dramas and variety shows she hadn’t had time for, watch a Christmas special movie, and oh, she would also buy a slice of Christmas cake from the bakery at the shopping center and eat it for dessert. She could do that.

If she did that, two days would fly by. The longing to see her senior in person, talk to him, and feel his warmth for even a moment would subside.

________________________________________

There were no more phone calls until three days before New Year’s Eve. Perhaps he was getting even more hectic as the final deadline of January 2nd approached, as his text messages were also becoming fewer and farther between.

At least her maternal grandmother was here, so the emptiness was a little less. Her grandmother, Yoon Mi-sil, who had a cheerful personality, was scheduled to stay until early January and then go back to her home in the countryside.

“Grandma, I’m home.”

“Mom, we’re home.”

“Oh, welcome home! You both worked hard! Should I make you some midnight snack? I made some mugwort rice cakes.”

Her grandmother happily greeted her daughter and granddaughter, who had just returned home from the pharmacy. It seemed that she had also been busy all day, cleaning, doing housework, and making various side dishes. On one side, there was a styrofoam box and some string, as if she was planning to send a package somewhere.

“Mom. What’s all this? Are you sending it to Jung-woo, by any chance?”

“Of course. He’s working hard alone in a foreign country, so shouldn’t his grandma do something like this for him? I also made some fermented flatfish and fermented pollock, and squid pickles. Can I send them on a plane? Our Jung-woo loves those. Look, I also worked my butt off making shredded dried squid and stir-fried anchovies. With both gochujang and soy sauce seasoning.”

“Oh my, you made so much. These days, you can send anything as long as the packaging is good.”

Her mother’s face, as she looked at the various dishes, was bright. She seemed just happy that it was being sent to Jung-woo.

“I guess the world’s gotten better. Ye-seo, where are you going? Not eating the mugwort rice cakes?”

“I’m fine, Grandma, I ate a lot for dinner. I’ll go wash up.”

It was a familiar scene. Whenever her grandmother came up from the countryside, it was her joy and pleasure to roll up her sleeves and make a lot of side dishes for her favorite grandson, who was living away from home. That didn’t mean she was unpleasant toward her granddaughter. She often gave her spending money and always treated her with a smiling face.

But she didn’t know what her granddaughter’s favorite side dishes were. For example, Ye-seo didn’t eat mugwort rice cakes very well. She ate mugwort rice cakes and mugwort soup well, but for some reason, the unique texture of the mugwort rice cakes didn’t suit her palate.

However, she didn’t feel that her grandmother was being unfair or that she was being sad. It was probably because she had been telling herself not to have those feelings for a very long time.