EHTM - 78

Cheng Wanyue had recorded a video in the summer. That farewell video was on Qing Hang’s phone. He knew her Weibo password. The account, which hadn’t been updated for a year, had slowly been forgotten.

She filmed sunrises and sunsets, speedwells blooming in the grass, puddles on rainy days, swaying tree shadows on the ground, and freshly baked sweet potatoes, but she herself did not appear in the video.

The first two minutes were her rambling thoughts; the actual farewell segment was only a few seconds long.

Those without the patience to watch until the end wouldn’t even know she was gone without reading the comments; they would just assume it was a daily log.

Li Yu and Zhou Heng came to Nanjing together. Qing Hang only had time to see them in the evening. They didn’t disturb Cheng’s family. After dinner, they just wandered around.

Cheng Wanyue had photographed pigeons. Someone in the comments posted a photo from the same spot. Zhou Heng wanted to see it, and Li Yu went along.

The weather was bad, so few people came to feed the pigeons.

A boy was sitting on the steps. A pigeon pooped on his hat, but he didn’t react. Li Yu only realized he was a somewhat famous band member named Chi Yue when she saw fans recognizing him and asking for autographs.

Zhou Heng could recite Cheng Wanyue’s farewell message with his eyes closed, feeling very upset.

“Qing Hang’s parents and grandfather all died of illness. At that time, he was helpless. Wanyue’s old illness relapsed, and he was still helpless. He saved many people, but he couldn’t save the person he loved most. Organ donation usually involves only a simple farewell ceremony. I thought Qing Hang wouldn’t stay in Nanjing, but he can still work as usual.”

Li Yu, wearing the brooch Cheng Wanyue had given her, looked up at the gloomy sky.

“There’s a saying, ‘The doctor is gone, the patient remains ill.’”

The two looked at each other in silence until evening, when they met with Qing Hang.

At the dinner table, Zhou Heng and Li Yu deliberately avoided topics related to Cheng Wanyue, but Qing Hang brought her up from time to time.

Qing Hang drank a lot of alcohol. “When we were in school, I tutored her. At first, she thought I disliked her, so she deliberately acted against me, wanting to see me get angry.”

Li Yu was curious. “You liked her so obviously, how could she misunderstand and think you disliked her?”

Qing Hang said, “Because I often avoided her. She had many tricks, and if I didn’t avoid her, I’d just suffer in silence.”

One was a fervent flame, the other an aloof block of ice. Either the former was extinguished, or the latter was melted.

“Life is cruel. God isn’t pitying you or making amends to you. Instead, He’s punishing you on her behalf, punishing you for every hesitation, cowardice, and retreat. So He made you reunite, allowing you to create indelible memories in the city where you lived alone and the city you longed for in your youth. There were quarrels, but also sweetness, like two vines tightly intertwined, inseparable and impossible to cut ties with. Then, He made you experience the same illness she once endured, causing you pain, self-reproach, regret, and teaching you to cherish. Finally, He broke your heart, making you wish you could trade everything for her health, but still leaving you helpless.”

Zhou Heng felt these words were too harsh. “Sister Li, Qing Hang is already very sad...”

“He’s heard enough comforting words. I want him to be sober, not a soulless walking corpse,” Li Yu looked at the earring on Qing Hang’s clothes, which Cheng Wanyue used to wear. “Qing Hang, move forward.”

But Qing Hang had already collapsed onto the table.

Zhou Heng was startled and quickly got up to check. It turned out he had simply passed out from drunkenness.

Qing Hang slept for a long time. Cheng Yanqing called him before going to cancel the household registration, but he didn’t answer. Meiqiu was sitting on his chest. When he woke up, he was covered in sweat. The room wasn’t big, and he walked around a few times.

There were four pots of green plants on the windowsill, all bought by Cheng Wanyue. Qing Hang went to water them, only to find their roots were rotten. He saw them every day when he came home but didn’t know that the plants had died long ago.

It was like a hole in a pocket; even though the things inside were leaking out daily, he could still feel them.

The things had leaked out, but the pocket remained.

Seeds planted would bloom, spring would follow winter, night would give way to dawn, the sun would set and rise again, heavy rain would always stop, old trees would sprout new buds, and withered wood would find new life, but longing has no end.

Fortunately, work got busier and busier, so Qing Hang didn’t have much personal time. He would sleep after work and go to work after waking up.

On holidays, Cheng Yuzhou would invite Qing Hang to dinner at the Cheng family home. One day, he said that Crescent Moon could say “Auntie” now. Listening to Little Crescent Moon’s soft voice, Qing Hang suddenly realized that a year had already passed.

He thought, Cheng Wanyue must be very proud; she always won their bets.

“Doctor Brother, what are you listening to?” the little girl sitting nearby asked curiously.

She was the patient in bed 48. She used to often go to play with Cheng Wanyue. Her hair hadn’t grown back since it was shaved off. She wore a hat, the brim covering her eyes.

Qing Hang put the phone to her ear.

She heard the baby’s voice. “Dudu? Is that a name?”

Cheng Wanyue also used to like sitting on this long bench to sunbathe, with crabapple flowers nearby.

Qing Hang said, “It’s ‘Auntie.’ She’s still too young, so her pronunciation isn’t standard. This is the first word she learned.”

“The baby is so cute. I really want to go to school. If I don’t go to school soon, my friends might forget me. They’re all in fifth grade, but I’m still in third grade.”

“When you start school, you’ll have many new friends.”

“Really? But I still miss my deskmate. I wonder if he’s doing well. Mom always cries secretly lately, crying during the day and at night. She also says she’s sorry to me, but I’m the one who should be sorry to her. I’ve spent so much money, making her work so hard. Doctor Brother, can I not have treatment anymore?”

Qing Hang had no answer.

Medical books wouldn’t say whether the patient or their family suffered more when someone was ill, nor would they say whether the moment a patient left was a release or reluctance.

The little girl was too thin; when the wind blew, her clothes clung to her, revealing her protruding bones. “Doctor Brother, do you miss Sister Yueyue? The hat Sister Yueyue gave me, I can wear it until I’m twenty, if I can live to twenty...”

A leaf fell on her hat. Qing Hang gently reached up and removed it. “Thinking of her when the moon is full is enough for me. Normally, I need to work hard and live well.”

“Sister Yueyue said you’re very good at playing ping-pong.”

“I’m out of practice these past few years. When I was a kid, I didn’t have much to play with. I learned from a neighbor for a few days. Playing ping-pong didn’t cost much money; a pair of rackets could last a long time, and if the ball deflated, you could soak it in hot water to plump it up again.”

Last week, the Youth League Committee organized various competitions. Qing Hang was originally just pulled along by a colleague to make up the numbers, but he ended up winning first prize.

________________________________________

Every morning is brand new.

Li Yu saw Qing Hang again four years later. This time, Qing Hang was invited by her to give a lecture at their alma mater. She made a phone call, and he agreed.

Li Yu went to the airport to pick him up. He seemed unchanged: a pair of glasses, a pen, a laptop. Besides these, he also brought a gift.

When she got married, although Qing Hang didn’t attend the wedding, he had wished her well in advance.

That day, Qing Hang only went to one place: the apartment he used to rent.

Zhou Heng, after his advanced studies abroad, felt that working nearby was most convenient. He found the landlord and, after the previous tenant moved out, rented the place again, living there for several years.

Hearing a knock at the door, Zhou Heng went to open it while playing a game.

Qing Hang was outside, carrying a few bottles of wine and even some groceries.

Zhou Heng hadn’t looked for a roommate, so the other room had always been empty. After dinner, he asked Qing Hang to stay for the night, but Qing Hang still chose to stay at a hotel.

The auditorium was still the same. A very small number of students who had heard Qing Hang’s lecture years ago were still at the university. During the Q&A session after the lecture, a bold female student asked him why his girlfriend hadn’t come.

Before the lecture began, Li Yu saw Qing Hang send a message to Cheng Wanyue’s WeChat account: “I’m about to go on stage.”

On that night many years ago, students walked out of the auditorium, chatting and laughing with Cheng Wanyue all the way, even recommending that she and Qing Hang come to the school to take wedding photos.

Li Yu was about to signal to the student that the question was inappropriate to answer when Qing Hang’s voice clearly echoed through the entire auditorium via the microphone.

“She’s here.”

________________________________________

Qing Hang did not renew his contract with the hospital after it expired. Before returning to Baicheng, he planned a trip abroad.

The older Little Crescent Moon got, the more she resembled Zhou Yu.

The Samoyed Qing Hang had given her also grew up. She couldn’t carry it anymore and could only carry Meiqiu and Nuomi. “Meiqiu’s fur is so white, why is he called Meiqiu (Coal Ball)?”

“Like your nickname, your aunt gave it to him,” Zhou Yu called her daughter over to say goodbye to Qing Hang. “Give your uncle a hug. You won’t see him for a long time.”

Crescent Moon scurried and pounced into Qing Hang’s arms. “Goodbye, Uncle. Remember to call me. You have to come for New Year’s Eve dinner, you can’t not come. We’ll pinky swear, liars are puppies.”

Qing Hang smiled and hooked her chubby finger. “I promise.”

Cheng Yuzhou knew that Qing Hang had contacted the county hospital in Baicheng. After watching the fireworks display, he went back. “Here are the keys to the house. It’s been empty, so you’d be helping us by staying there.”

Qing Hang had gone back once last year and found the old landlord, buying the small courtyard he and his grandfather used to rent.

“I have a place to stay,” Qing Hang accepted the keys. “It’s close, just a few minutes’ walk. I’ll check on it regularly.”

Cheng Yuzhou drove him to the airport. “Be safe, and keep in touch.”

Qing Hang stayed in Changgang for a week. The trip went smoothly, though he felt some regret that he was the only one who saw the fireworks display they had promised to watch together that summer with Cheng Wanyue.

After returning to Baicheng, Crescent Moon sent Qing Hang voice messages almost every day using Cheng Yuzhou’s WeChat, talking about her friends at school, about Meiqiu and Nuomi fighting, and about the dog stepping on her foot.

If Qing Hang was at work and didn’t reply promptly, she would get angry, but she was also easily appeased.

The director’s home was in the same direction as Qing Hang’s courtyard, so they often left work together. Everyone said Qing Hang was wasting his talent in such a small place, and the director felt uneasy. While Qing Hang was on the phone with Crescent Moon, he brought up introducing him to someone for dating.

This wasn’t the first time.

In the eyes of the older generation, Qing Hang should have been married by his age.

From last summer to this spring, from colleagues in various departments to the director, it was the sixth time.

A cat suddenly darted out from the intersection. It didn’t look like a pet—pretty but also quite scruffy. Qing Hang unconsciously followed it to the vicinity of a school.

No matter how much the county town was redeveloped, the old town’s roads had little room for major changes.

The school’s broadcast system could be faintly heard, quickly drowned out by the noisy laughter. Small stalls lined the roadside. Students had little time to eat, so these snack stalls were more convenient than restaurants. Students streamed out of the school gates in waves, making the narrow road very crowded.

Qing Hang struggled to find the cat. Rainwater dripped from the eaves onto his glasses, blurring his vision.

The sun hadn’t set yet, and the steps at the school gate reflected the light. In a trance, Qing Hang seemed to see himself and Cheng Wanyue in the crowd.

“Qing Hang, are you stupid? Do you only have studying in your head? Someone curses you, and you don’t even know how to curse back?”

“Qing Hang, that day I protected you, and they gave me nicknames, calling me ‘Little Dog Cheng’ and ‘Little Chicken Cheng,’ but I wasn’t angry at all.”

“Qing Hang, do you like me?”

“Qing Hang, you can only like me.”

Who lost the moon?

He lost the moon.

(End of main text)