MY - 35

Jiang Xi was in a slump for a year.

Later, many people called her frigid and reclusive, yet they never saw the profound despondency of her year of decline.

She didn’t want the sun to shine on her, the wind to blow, and she actively avoided crowds.

She lost interest in everything.

The curtains were drawn day and night. The wastebasket was piled high with crumpled pieces of paper, a few scattered on the floor, not a single one a complete drawing.

She could no longer paint anything.

Like a withered weed, nothing more could be squeezed out of her.

She desperately tried to paint something, to prove that she deserved to pick up a paintbrush again.

But she couldn’t paint anything.

Anxiety, pain, struggle, and finally, despair.

She completely fell into darkness; her remaining decades became utterly lifeless.

She found it hard to even utter a word to anyone, and she stopped taking sleeping pills, letting herself lie awake until dawn.

It was such a terrifying thing—losing hope in life, feeling no fear, no confusion, just a deepening depression day by day.

Finally, it dragged her underwater, drowning her mouth and nose, suffocating, until she was still.

That day, Jiang Chi burst open the bathroom door and found Jiang Xi like that.

She wore a sleeveless white dress, her long hair floating and spreading in the water. Her eyes were peacefully closed, without any pain.

That day, Jiang Chi desperately saved Jiang Xi.

Actually, Jiang Xi hadn’t planned it that morning. She had simply gone in to take a bath and suddenly, she just did it.

________________________________________

When she woke up, the Xia family and Jiang Chi kept an even closer eye on her. They never treated her as an anomaly, never said that getting this illness was her own overthinking, unlike other parents who didn’t understand their children.

They quietly accompanied her, learning relevant knowledge about this condition.

Jiang Xi, however, made no further attempts, but continued living each day without much enthusiasm, just like before.

Later, to Xia Xinyan’s and Jiang Chi’s surprise, Jiang Xi seemed to start attempting to socialize.

Her name was still like a rat crossing the street online; everyone was hostile towards her, with only a few scattered voices of goodwill remaining.

Later, as time passed, those few supportive voices disappeared. Everyone has their own lives; the internet is virtual, and no one will remember forever, unless there’s resonance or a connection.

Among those kind voices, one shared a slight similarity with Jiang Xi.

That person also suffered from an illness in their heart. Jiang Xi didn’t know if they were a girl or a boy, only that the person would send her messages every day.

Habit is terrifying. Later, Jiang Xi would go online every day to check the messages.

She didn’t look at anything else, only this person’s messages, but she never replied.

The person seemed to be sending messages into a black hole; there was never any response, yet they never missed a day.

Good morning, good night, or that their illness had improved a lot and was slowly getting better now.

Jiang Xi responded to this netizen for the first time when she returned from the brink of death.

She replied for the first time: Are you better?

The person seemed to be busy and not online in time, only appearing in the evening. They said it was gradually improving, and they had a very good day today.

It was rare for someone outside to be willing to talk to her, or perhaps it was because they were strangers.

Jiang Xi, for the first time, cried for help to the outside world. She said she wanted to live.

This seemed easy, but in fact, it was very difficult for Jiang Xi at the time. Despair and depression were like a ghostly hand, ready to drag her into the abyss at any moment.

But she wanted to try once.

She didn’t ask to be able to paint again, only to be able to go out, to see a ray of sunshine.

Even if the reason she wanted to struggle at the time was absurd.

That day, sinking to the bottom of the water, in the last moment of losing consciousness, she somewhat wanted to see one person, even though she didn’t care for him when they met again years later.

But at that time, she really did get through it thanks to Lu Nandu.

Like a drowning person finally grasping a small piece of driftwood, no matter if this driftwood was decaying or covered in moss, she only wanted to climb onto it.

Later, after waking up and seeing Xia Xinyan and Jiang Chi, Jiang Xi’s desire only grew stronger.

So she finally found someone to talk to.

That netizen told her a lot that day, not those empty, powerless formal words of encouragement, but instead told her their own story from beginning to end.

The journey was long, with frequent stumbles, and thousands of times of getting back up. Eventually, one time she would be able to stand a little longer.

She wanted Jiang Xi to know that someone was like her, not alone on this path.

________________________________________

Later, Jiang Xi and this netizen’s communication method became letters. She didn’t like the internet; she wrote letters to that person, using old-fashioned communication.

Xia Xinyan would always help her deliver the letters to the mailbox.

The person’s reply time was very slow. Later, Jiang Xi learned that the other party was blind.

Jiang Xi asked, “Then how do you read my letters?” The other party said they had people at the hospital read the letters to them, and their replies were also dictated to others, so the handwriting wasn’t their own.

She asked why they were in the hospital, and they said they were treating their eyes, perhaps with a chance of recovery.

From late summer to late winter, two seasons, Jiang Xi emerged from a long period of darkness.

Like a rebirth, or perhaps just a year of sleep, she gradually lived like a normal person again.

To Xia Xinyan and Jiang Chi, though Jiang Xi’s temperament had changed a lot — she wasn’t as cheerful as before, and was indifferent to the malice from the outside world, sometimes too much like a person without emotions — they were content.

Jiang Xi was truly too strong.

Even though she hadn’t been able to pick up her paintbrush again, being able to come this far was already strong enough.

She allowed black to gradually have color again. Even if it wasn’t vibrant, even a single color is still light.

Later, Jiang Xi entered the entertainment industry. Besides her face, which allowed her to make a living, the most important reason was that she was slowly exposing herself to the things she used to reject.

She was afraid of light, afraid of crowds.

So she slowly began to accept them.

At first, Xia Xinyan didn’t understand why Jiang Xi wanted to enter this complex and self-serving industry, but she never opposed Jiang Xi. Later, she realized that Jiang Xi had truly improved many deep-seated old habits through this profession.

Although she still doesn’t like to open the curtains during the day and generally avoids crowds, it’s not something she can’t accept.

And her pen pal stopped contacting her shortly after she recovered.

Both of them emerged around the same time. The other person told her that her future life would be bright and fortunate, and that she should leave that dark period in the past, not letting it hinder her new life.

He gave her his blessings and told her he had been discharged from the hospital, and his mother was taking him elsewhere, which was a subtle way of telling her not to write back.

They supported each other through that most difficult period. The other person didn’t want to remember that memory, and Jiang Xi didn’t force it, returning his blessings.

Jiang Xi still didn’t know if the other person was a boy or a girl.

However, sometimes she would still think of it, wanting to ask him if he was doing well now.

________________________________________

When Lu Nandu opened his eyes, Jiang Xi was already gone.

Still a bit hazy from just waking up, his face had a sleep crease. The moment he didn’t see her, he fully woke up, wanting to go look for her.

Only when he straightened up did he hear the sound of running water from the bathroom.

The light was on inside, and there was a soft, steady sound of water spraying onto the tiles from the showerhead.

Through the frosted glass, the silhouette inside was indistinct, unclear.

Blurry, tempting.

Lu Nandu lightly cleared his throat and looked away.

________________________________________

Knowing she was inside, he belatedly breathed a sigh of relief, his gaze falling on the pillow where Jiang Xi had slept.

The pillow was slightly indented, with a long strand of hair clinging to it.

Lu Nandu chuckled. Even just a small trace of her on his belongings made him happy.

He buried his face in the quilt Jiang Xi had used; it carried her faint, pleasant scent.

Jiang Xi always had a very pleasant scent about her, clean and captivating.

Suddenly, a voice came: “What are you doing?”

Lu Nandu froze, then lifted his head from the quilt, his short hair slightly disheveled from rolling around.

Jiang Xi had already come out of the bathroom, leaning against the doorframe, watching him.

Lu Nandu: “Nothing, I was sleepy, so I lay down for a bit.”

Jiang Xi wasn’t unaware of his character.

When they were together before, besides hugging and kissing her, Lu Nandu also liked to bury his face in the crook of her neck and smell her scent.

He used to openly admit it when he did something. When Jiang Xi asked, his answers were always openly flirtatious. Now, however, he was cautious.

Jiang Xi didn’t expose him, simply thanking him: “I used your bathroom, thank you.”

The sleep marks on Lu Nandu’s face hadn’t completely faded. He seemed displeased by her politeness: “Don’t thank me.”

Jiang Xi said nothing, moved away from the door, her long hair slightly damp from washing.

She walked towards the bed, then sat down on its edge: “Go take a shower.”

Lu Nandu paused, looking at her in confusion: “Huh?”

Jiang Xi dispelled his mind full of dirty thoughts, reaching behind him to pat a spot on his back.

Lu Nandu winced, hissed, and frowned: “Pain.”

He clearly forgot about his injuries.

Jiang Xi: “You can still feel pain?”

Then she added: “Go take a shower. I’ll take a look after you’re done.”

Lu Nandu, who was reaching to touch his wound, lifted his eyelids to look at her, his double eyelids forming a deep crease.

He chuckled, his tone somewhat teasing: “Really?”

Jiang Xi felt that Lu Nandu was truly taking an inch for every mile; as long as she gave him a slight bit of kindness, his usual frivolous nature would resurface.

She met his gaze for a few seconds, then raised her hand to pick up the phone Lu Nandu had placed on the bedside table, no longer looking at him.

“Ten minutes.”

If ten minutes passed, she wouldn’t help anymore.

After saying that, she realized Lu Nandu hadn’t moved.

Feeling his gaze still glued to her face, Jiang Xi lifted her eyes from the screen.

Lu Nandu, sitting on the floor, looking up at her slightly, met her gaze.

Seeing her look over, he chuckled: “Five minutes is enough for me.”

Jiang Xi looked down after he finished speaking: “Then come out early.”

“No way,” he said, “I’ll spend the remaining five minutes looking at you.”

Jiang Xi’s finger, scrolling the screen, paused. After a brief silence of a few seconds, she resumed scrolling, stating coolly: “Time reduced by five minutes.”

Lu Nandu instantly regretted telling Jiang Xi the truth.

He was a bit reluctant. He propped himself up from the floor with his hand and entered the bathroom.

Out of the corner of her eye, she saw his silhouette disappear into the bedroom. Jiang Xi’s lips curved slightly.

________________________________________

Boys don’t take as long to shower as girls; just washing short hair takes half the time.

Lu Nandu finished his shower in less than five minutes but didn’t come out until ten minutes later.

Lu Nandu still couldn’t quite figure out what Jiang Xi wanted. When they lived together before, he spent plenty of time bare-chested.

But now he didn’t dare. He was properly dressed in a black T-shirt and casual pants.

He carelessly wiped his hair with a towel in one hand, then tossed the towel onto the nearby sofa. He eagerly walked up to Jiang Xi: “Done showering.”

Jiang Xi looked up from the screen, asking for his opinion: “Do you mind if I treat it on your bed?”

She glanced at the sofa, asking calmly, “Or on the sofa?”

How could Lu Nandu possibly mind Jiang Xi sitting on his bed? He wished Jiang Xi would sit on his bed longer.

He immediately sat down next to her: “Right here.”

Lu Nandu turned his back to Jiang Xi. She spoke: “Lift your shirt.”

Lu Nandu was very obedient. He propped up his short T-shirt with one arm, pulling it mostly off over his head, the fabric casually piled behind his neck.

The man had shed his youthful naivete; his waist was narrow yet powerful, much more mature than before.

Jiang Xi glanced at him, saying nothing.

Lu Nandu’s back had a red mark from where the painting had hit him. His shirt was reddish in that area. Some time had passed, and the red was mixed with a hint of purple-blue.

How much force did that person use?

After a brief silence of a few seconds, Jiang Xi asked, “Do you have an ice pack at home?”

Sure enough, Lu Nandu nodded: “Yes, do you need it?”

Jiang Xi hummed.

“Okay, I’ll go get it.” Lu Nandu got off the bed and went to the kitchen for an ice pack.

When he returned, he handed the ice pack to Jiang Xi, then sat cross-legged beside her, his other long leg propped on the floor, stretching lazily.

Jiang Xi held the ice pack and applied it to the bruises on his back.

A wave of coldness spread across his back. Neither of them spoke for a while.

________________________________________

After a while, Lu Nandu suddenly spoke: “Did you ever think about clarifying things?”

Jiang Xi’s hand paused, then resumed naturally, pressing the ice pack down.

She didn’t answer his question, but instead said, “No one would believe it.”

It wasn’t that she hadn’t thought about clarifying. She probably wanted to be innocent more than anyone. She had tried hard back then but couldn’t find any evidence to prove her innocence.

And after going through so much, she had come to terms with it quite a bit.

People who don’t believe you simply won’t believe you. No matter what you say, they won’t believe you. For those people, believing rumors is far too easy compared to believing clarifications.

After speaking, seemingly not wanting to discuss the topic further, Jiang Xi put away the ice pack: “That’s enough.”

She turned to get the first-aid kit from the bedside table, taking out some medicine for skin injuries.

Lu Nandu let her apply the medicine.

Jiang Xi dipped a cotton swab in the medicine and applied it to his wound. Finally, her fingertips accidentally brushed against Lu Nandu’s back.

The man’s skin was hot and taut.

Jiang Xi’s face showed no expression as she continued to apply the medicine.

Lu Nandu, however, noticed her hand was very cold. Jiang Xi’s hands and feet were always cold, and she had just been holding an ice pack.

He said nothing, quietly allowing Jiang Xi to treat his wound.

After applying the medicine to the wound, Jiang Xi twisted the cap back onto the ointment: “That’s it.”

She turned to put the first-aid kit away, placing the items inside. She felt that the medicine in the box seemed to be less than what she had seen last time.

Lu Nandu turned his head and saw her staring blankly at the first-aid kit. He asked, “What’s wrong?”

Jiang Xi came back to herself and closed the box lid: “Nothing.”

Then she casually asked, “Did you take the anti-inflammatory medicine the doctor prescribed last time?”

After Jiang Xi had sent him home last time, she had left a note before leaving, reminding him to take the medicine.

Lu Nandu, of course, would listen to what she said. He didn’t need his assistant to remind him; he took his medicine on time after every meal.

He nodded: “Yes, I did.”

Jiang Xi put the first-aid kit back on the cabinet.

As soon as her hand was withdrawn, it was immediately caught by Lu Nandu.

Jiang Xi’s fingers were slender, fair, and cold. Lu Nandu said, “Why are your hands so cold?”

Jiang Xi wanted to pull back: “I just held an ice pack; they’ll be fine in a moment.”

However, Lu Nandu didn’t listen. He wrapped her fingers around his face, grinning cheekily: “Then I’ll warm you up.”

Jiang Xi looked at him indifferently, calling his name: “Lu Nandu.”

This person really did get carried away with a little sweetness.

Lu Nandu looked at her expression and said, “My face is so warm, don’t be angry.”