OS - 54

It was still light rain in the morning, but by the time they left the cafeteria, it had turned into sleet.

Cheng Yuzhou hadn’t slept all night and had booked a room in a nearby hotel, but he came straight to the school after landing and hadn’t gone to the hotel to rest.

The umbrella Chen Huan left for them broke as soon as it was opened by the wind. Cheng Yuzhou simply discarded the umbrella, zipped Zhou Yu’s jacket all the way up, took off his hat and put it on her head, then grabbed her hand and ran out before she could react.

The biting wind, like a knife scraping across her face, was both painful and cold, yet it slowly brought her dormant heart back to life.

Someone watched them run in the rain, their gaze like they were watching fools, but Zhou Yu didn’t care at all. The long-suppressed gloom in her heart soaked up oxygen, as if it was about to ignite, and her throat felt parched.

They ran all the way to the school gate. Zhou Yu crouched down weakly, gasping for breath.

Cheng Yuzhou was only breathing slightly heavier. He stood in the wind to block it, took the hat off Zhou Yu’s head. The snap closure was tight and left a small mark on her forehead. Cheng Yuzhou tucked her messy loose hair behind her ears, his thumb gently rubbing the red mark.

The gatekeeper uncle was smoking nearby. He asked Cheng Yuzhou why he had shaved his head.

Cheng Yuzhou put on his baseball cap and said with a smile, “My girlfriend wants to break up with me, I was heartbroken and was going to become a monk, but then I regretted it after shaving my head.”

The uncle laughed heartily, and Cheng Yuzhou laughed too.

Zhou Yu was still panting, her heart pounding fast. Listening to Cheng Yuzhou and the gatekeeper uncle chat about this and that, she couldn’t help but smile too.

The taxi arrived. The uncle offered a cigarette, which Cheng Yuzhou took. Before getting into the car, he left his lighter with the uncle. He didn’t light the cigarette, just held it in his hand.

Zhou Yu remembered he didn’t used to smoke.

Back then, Yan Ci and Cheng Yanqing were often called to the head teacher’s office for smoking, but Cheng Yuzhou never touched cigarettes; he always had a very pleasant scent about him.

When did he start smoking?

He said on the phone that he had lost ten pounds in half a year, and he wasn’t exaggerating at all. The contours of his facial features were more pronounced, especially his profile; the jawline beneath his baseball cap was clear and sharp.

“My flight is tonight. See me off, please,” Cheng Yuzhou let Zhou Yu get in first, then got in himself and closed the car door, “You can’t say no even if you don’t want to.”

His flight was past 8 PM, so he still had half a day.

Neither of their clothes were soaked too badly, but they were damp from the rain. The hotel room was warm; even wearing just a sweater felt a bit hot.

“Do you want to sleep for a bit?”

“I can’t sleep in strange beds, not without someone familiar next to me,” Cheng Yuzhou was actually very tired.

Zhou Yu used a hairdryer to dry his hat. When she turned around, he was still looking at her.

After a while, she walked over, took off her shoes, and lay on the bed. The light was dim. They lay on their sides, facing each other, with only each other in their sight. They didn’t speak for a long time.

Cheng Yuzhou’s hand caressed her cheek, “What do you want to tell me?”

“A lot, but I don’t know how to say it,” Zhou Yu wanted to say so much, but it seemed she couldn’t express the feeling of seeing him outside the school library with her meager vocabulary.

“Thank you for coming to see me. That day I sent you to the station, I thought... I thought it would be the last time. Afterwards, I regretted it deeply, regretted not saying goodbye properly, regretted not telling you in person: I wouldn’t be going to Nanjing. I tried to make it work, but in the end, I messed everything up. My family wasn’t doing well, and neither was yours, so I only dared to say it over the phone. These past six months have been both long and short. Seeing you this morning made me realize how narrow-minded I’ve been, unable to do anything right, only capable of escaping, even cutting off contact with Wanyue and Cheng Yanqing because I was afraid of seeing news of you.”

She wanted to cut her losses in time, but it backfired, and she lost even more.

Cheng Yuzhou said, “Zhou Yu, I genuinely like you.”

Zhou Yu paused for a moment. The pain of her fingernails digging into her skin brought her back to reality. “Life isn’t just about love, and your life has just begun. You’ll meet someone more suitable in the future...”

Cheng Yuzhou said, “But I like you.”

“I make you suffer so much, just consider it...” She looked out the window, “Just consider me a snowflake, you’ll forget me soon.”

“I’m saying I like you, Zhou Yu, I like you.”

Zhou Yu kept reiterating her own shortcomings, while Cheng Yuzhou tirelessly repeated his affection.

“Every snowflake is different. Also, I didn’t come as a friend; I just wanted to see you,” Cheng Yuzhou tightened his grip on the dampness in his palm. When she tried to pull away, he still couldn’t resist holding her, “Your mother passed away, and I couldn’t be by your side. I blame myself for that too.”

Zhou Yu recalled that the last time she saw Liang Tian, she mentioned Liu Fen’s passing and subtly expressed that she didn’t want Cheng Yuzhou to know. “Auntie promised me she wouldn’t tell you.”

“You made her son so sad, of course she wouldn’t listen to you,” he said, then paused for a few seconds, “Of course, it might be different after we’re married. By then, she’ll definitely be on your side.”

Who knew how much time had passed, so long that he fell asleep.

Still in the embracing position, a sour ache spread from her heart. Zhou Yu closed her eyes and whispered, “Grandma can’t leave Baicheng. She only has me. Before, I really wanted to leave that small county, but that’s my home. Cheng Yuzhou, you go do what you want to do.”

Outside the window, the sleet turned into light snow, and the sky gradually darkened. Zhou Yu lay awake in his arms for as long as Cheng Yuzhou slept, half of her body numb.

She remembered the first snow last year, when he played the guitar for her under the streetlights.

________________________________________

Before checking out, Cheng Yuzhou took a shower. While he was still in the bathroom, Zhou Yu saw his phone screen light up with a message from Cheng Yanqing. She didn’t read the content.

Cheng Yanqing, in Beijing, texted Cheng Yuzhou during dinner, asking how Cheng Wanyue was doing these past two days, and also mentioned that he had seen Qing Hang.

Qing Hang’s grandfather’s illness was incurable; medication and injections could only alleviate the physical pain. He had passed away in his rented room last week. Qing Hang had sent his grandfather’s body for cremation. Cheng Yanqing had just run into him, and he was about to go to the landlord to check out of his room.

Cheng Yuzhou didn’t reply to the message, so Cheng Yanqing put his phone aside for a moment. Just as he was about to speak, his phone rang.

It was Cheng Wanyue calling.

Cheng Yanqing didn’t avoid Qing Hang. He talked to Cheng Wanyue while eating. She couldn’t eat many things, and the more she listened, the more she craved food. So he told her he was eating boiled eggs, which had no taste.

He handed the phone to Qing Hang, “Wanyue’s call, do you want to say a few words to her?”

Without waiting for Qing Hang to refuse, Cheng Yanqing put the phone on speaker. Cheng Wanyue’s clear voice came through, “Long time no see, Qing Hang.”

She sounded as if nothing had happened, she must have long forgotten.

Qing Hang didn’t speak. She didn’t mind and asked with a smile, “I’m sick, aren’t you and Cheng Yanqing coming to see me?”

She was still the same, repeating the same old trick she had long grown tired of, not even bothering to use an easier excuse to deceive him.

[Qing Hang, I have a fever, I feel so bad.]

There were no cars in the village, so he walked to the county town overnight. It turned out she didn’t have a fever at all, but because she had gone to play with a boy and hadn’t done her homework, she thought he was home and wanted to trick him into helping her with her assignments. Knowing he was back in the village on errands and not in the county, she went to find someone else. In the morning, when he opened the door, she still had a bewildered expression, asking why he was knocking so early.

[Qing Hang, my stomach hurts, there’s no one home, I’m dying of pain.] He didn’t even swallow the food in his mouth before running to buy medicine, his clothes soaked with sweat. When he arrived at the Cheng family’s house, she was lying on the sofa eating popsicles.

[Qing Hang, I have a headache, come to my house quickly.]

He had just finished cleaning up the rubbish in his grandfather’s yard and was covered in an unpleasant smell. When he ran to the Cheng family’s house, a boy who liked her opened the door. The living room was lively, and she was dressed beautifully, the prettiest among everyone. She proudly and triumphantly raised her chin, telling the person she had made a bet with: See, I told you he’d come.

There were many, many similar incidents. He knew she was lying to him, but he still went every time.

“No.”

Qing Hang’s expression was indifferent. He pushed the still-active call on the phone back to Cheng Yanqing, paid the bill, and left the restaurant.