#5: Diary

After work, the thought of returning to the Shi family home filled Shen Yihuan with such悶 (stifled annoyance) that she lingered in the studio for over ten minutes before finally grabbing her bag and car keys and heading out.

When her mother first married Shi Zhenming, the Shi family was just above comfortable middle-class. Now, their business had grown steadily, and their residence had moved from an ordinary residential complex to the city center, and then to a villa in the affluent suburbs.

Normally, Shen Yihuan wouldn’t return home except for Chinese New Year. The further her car drove in that direction, the more stifled she felt.

When she was young, before her family’s misfortunes, her parents neglected her, fostering her spoiled and willful temper. Later, when her mother remarried into the Shi family, living under someone else’s roof, the most frequent phrase her mother told her was, “You have to be good, don’t argue with your sister, and get along well with everyone.”

It wasn’t easy to suppress her sharp edges, to learn to be good and sensible.

But she got used to it.

It was nothing more than smiling, being polite, speaking sweetly, and suppressing her anger.

In both work and family, she deeply realized the importance of these principles, as they could save a lot of unnecessary trouble.

The car quickly pulled into the courtyard. Shen Yihuan took two deep breaths and stepped out.

“Miss Shen is back,” the housekeeper said cheerfully.

“Mm,” Shen Yihuan smiled at him, changed her shoes, and entered the house.

“You’re finally back. I was just about to call you,” her mother complained, urging her to quickly wash her hands and get ready for dinner.

The spacious house was brightly lit. Shi Jin sat cross-legged on the sofa, one long leg resting on the coffee table, painting her nails. She hadn’t given Shen Yihuan a direct look since she entered.

Red nail polish, tacky.

“Where’s Uncle?” Shen Yihuan ignored her and went to the kitchen to wash her hands.

“He’s in his study. I just called him, he’ll be out soon.”

As soon as her mother’s voice fell, Shi Zhenping came down the stairs, smiling kindly. “Yihuan, you’re here. Are you busy with work?”

“It’s alright,” she smiled back.

Shen Yihuan had become sensitive after those unfortunate events. Shi Zhenping used to be genuinely kind to her, but as the Shi family’s wealth grew, she could feel the vigilance and defensiveness from everyone in the Shi household, from Shi Zhenping to the servants, fearing that she and her mother would seize their property.

At the dinner table, she said little, bowing her head and picking at her rice, barely even reaching for dishes with her chopsticks.

“Yihuan has a poor appetite today?” Shi Zhenping put a piece of fatty meat into her bowl.

Shen Yihuan lowered her eyes. It was fatty meat; she only ate lean meat.

She calmly picked out the fatty meat and put it on her plate, then heard Shi Jin’s impatient “tsk” from beside her.

“A little, the weather’s too hot,” she said.

This wasn’t made up; she really had no appetite, wondering if she had heatstroke.

After dinner, she said goodbye and went into her own bedroom. She had lived there before she started working. She also stayed there for two days during Chinese New Year last year and had left a camera there.

Shen Yihuan had many cameras, and that one wasn’t for work, so she hadn’t returned to retrieve it.

The bedroom was very clean, not a speck of dust, but also utterly devoid of warmth. She rummaged through the closet but still couldn’t find the camera.

“Where’s my camera?” she asked after coming out.

Her mother’s expression was a bit awkward; she instinctively glanced at Shi Jin across from her.

And Shi Jin raised an eyebrow, leisurely scrutinizing Shen Yihuan. “Your mom borrowed it to play with. It’s in my car. But I’ll need it for a while longer.”

Shen Yihuan felt the annoyance she had finally suppressed slowly, bit by bit, engulfing her again.

That camera wasn’t the most expensive or best one she had ever bought, but it had been with her the longest. She loved fiddling with cameras when she was a student, and that camera had accompanied her through her most uninhibited times.

Now it had been taken from her.

Shi Jin added, “Or just give it to me. Anyway, my dad bought it for you, so it’s mine.”

Shi Zhenping frowned and chastised, “Shi Jin!”

Shen Yihuan met her gaze calmly, saying, “That was bought for me by my dad.”

It was Shen Fu, not Shi Zhenping.

This time, it was her mother’s reprimand, “Shen Yihuan!”

She remained silent, finally ending a very unpleasant dinner. She drove back to her own apartment.

________________________________________

This day had been truly awful. In the morning, she encountered the inexplicable Zhang Tongqi. At noon, she found out her ex-boyfriend had unfriended her. And in the evening, she had to argue with her so-called sister.

Parking her car in the garage, she wandered across the street to the convenience store to buy some alcohol.

The sky began to rain, but the temperature didn’t drop at all; it only turned the heat into sticky rain threads, drenching her.

Shen Yihuan’s hair was damp, and her eyes were moist, as if reflecting the world. Her cropped jeans revealed unusually slender ankles, outlining an even more striking figure.

An angel’s face, a devil’s body.

After entering the convenience store, she specifically checked that the scanning machine was working this time. Then, she pulled a few cans of beer from the fridge, and a pack of milk candy.

Next to the convenience store was a KTV that wasn’t very reputable, and there were always some hooligans and delinquents around. She had already noticed several ill-intentioned stares falling on her.

Shen Yihuan had thought about moving, but this place was close to her studio, and finding a new apartment was troublesome, so she kept postponing it.

After paying, she put her purchases into a shopping bag. As soon as she stepped out, a man accosted her.

Shen Yihuan remained silent, gave him a cold look, and turned away to leave.

But some people are like glue, sticking to you. The man’s hand reached out directly, trying to grab the girl’s waist.

________________________________________

Lu Zhou’s current leave was for half a month. Today, a university classmate got married, and since he happened to be in town, he was invited to the dinner.

He wasn’t used to crowded places, so after dinner, he gave his wedding gift and discreetly slipped out early.

He lit a cigarette, the glow of the tip flickering in the damp air.

Pale blue smoke veiled his brows and eyes. His profile in the smoke and the cool moonlight was hazy with an unapproachable detachment and coldness.

The firelight illuminated his light brown pupils.

“Hey, Captain Lu!” A former university classmate stumbled out from the dark. “Everyone’s drinking, why are you hiding here alone?”

“You guys drink. I won’t join the fun,” he said with a faint smile.

Lu Zhou extinguished the cigarette, turned around, and his gaze precisely caught sight of someone, startling him for a moment.

His university classmate was already half-drunk and, having been momentarily distracted, found that the person beside him had vanished.

________________________________________

Shen Yihuan frowned, glaring at the persistent man in front of her, clenching her fist as if contemplating the best angle to take him down.

When she was younger, getting into fights was common for her; she wasn’t afraid of such situations at all.

“!!”

A sudden force from behind yanked hard on the man’s collar. The drunken man couldn’t stand steadily, falling sprawling. He was then lifted by his collar and slammed against the lamppost with a thud, making the lamppost sway twice.

The dim yellow lamplight fell in fine beams, even illuminating the rain threads clearly, scattering across the boundless, quiet darkness.

Shen Yihuan was almost dumbfounded the moment she saw Lu Zhou’s face, her eyes unconsciously wide.

Lu Zhou didn’t stop until the man was howling in pain from the beating.

Anger blazed in his usually calm to indifferent eyes, the contours of his features becoming sharper in the dimness. His forearms were taut with muscle, making one think of a leopard launching an attack.

His eyes were pitch black, a depth that made people fearful.

Shen Yihuan reacted, rushing forward to grab his arm.

It was hard as iron; she couldn’t pull him away, so she spoke.

“Lu Zhou.”

He was still holding the man by the collar, his fist still in mid-air, but he stopped at those two words.

Shen Yihuan’s fingertips gently caressed his wrist, as if to soothe him. “Stop hitting him, Lu Zhou.”

Lu Zhou’s breathing hadn’t calmed yet. The immense anger and fear had him in a state of hyper-arousal.

Shen Yihuan kicked the man. “Get lost!”

She wasn’t sure what a out-of-control Lu Zhou might do, nor was she sure if she still had the ability to soothe him.

“Why are you here?”

After a moment of silence, Shen Yihuan was the first to break it.

Lu Zhou didn’t answer, staring stubbornly at her. “I’ll take you back.”

There was no subject in his sentence.

“My place is just across the street,” she said softly.

“I’ll take you,” he insisted.

After saying that, he lifted his leg and walked forward. Shen Yihuan stood rooted for two seconds, then had no choice but to follow.

The journey was silent until they reached her apartment building.

Shen Yihuan: “I’m here.”

Before she could react, she was pulled into the dark stairwell. Her wrist was squeezed painfully, and Lu Zhou’s cigarette smell enveloped her completely.

“Where did he touch you just now?”

His voice was deep, sending shivers down one’s spine, magnetic and hoarse.

As if he was desperately trying to control his surging emotions.

They were incredibly close. Shen Yihuan didn’t dare to look at him. After a pause, she replied, “...My waist.”

The hand on her waist suddenly tightened.

Shen Yihuan frowned. “Let go! Lu Zhou! You’re hurting me!”

The man pressing against her was completely unmoved. Shen Yihuan almost felt her waist would break the next second. His hot breath sprayed all over her.

She furrowed her brows, the day’s suppressed irritation burning and releasing. “Get lost! Don’t touch me! Let go of me!”

Only Shen Yihuan could make Lu Zhou lose control, provoking his paranoia and stubbornness.

And only Lu Zhou could easily make Shen Yihuan become the pampered and arrogant Shen Yihuan of the past.

His aura suddenly turned cold.

“Shen Yihuan,” he almost gritted his teeth, “I let you go three years ago. Why are you still coming to provoke me?”

Shen Yihuan didn’t know how she had provoked him, only that if she didn’t break free, her waist would be bruised.

She freed a hand and swung it at Lu Zhou’s face, but it was caught, her wrist held tight, and she couldn’t break free.

The injustice of being unfriended by Lu Zhou at noon welled up, and she glared fiercely at him. “Then what’s all this about now? Who the hell wants to be tied to you! Go find your current girlfriend! Get lost!”

She blurted out words recklessly, in a panic, but was restrained.

“I’ll get lost,” Lu Zhou said.

But his actions were completely contradictory.

He suddenly leaned down and bit Shen Yihuan’s neck.

His canine teeth pressed heavily into her delicate skin, without any restraint.

His breathing was rapid.

He didn’t know if he was desperately trying to suppress his loss of control, or indulging his obsession.

________________________________________

Shen Yihuan looked at herself in the mirror. The skin on her neck was broken, a deep red, tinged with blood.

She was actually not unfamiliar with this side of Lu Zhou.

Lu Zhou was very good to her, almost always compliant, fulfilling all her mischief and demands, but this was on the condition that she was “good.”

Lu Zhou’s possessiveness over her was too strong; his desire for her was almost pathological.

After their first time, Shen Yihuan didn’t dare to leave the house for days. It was also summer, and she absolutely couldn’t wear short sleeves or tank tops, due to the dense hickeys and purple bruises.

Shen Yihuan felt like she had become a small zombie about to turn.

She both hated Lu Zhou’s restraint and confinement of her, and craved Lu Zhou’s 100% love for her.

After three years apart, she almost wavered, and today this whole mess happened.

Shen Yihuan angrily threw the hot towel onto the sink.

Waver? My ass!

Lu Zhou was a total scumbag!

He even bit me until I bled!

________________________________________

Lu Zhou returned home and turned on the lights.

The faint milky scent of the girl still lingered in his nostrils, exactly like it was in high school, haunting his dreams, making his temples throb with pain.

He came out after showering.

He pulled open a drawer. It was completely empty, except for a thick notebook.

Wrapped in leather, polished smooth, it was clear it had been meticulously cared for by its owner.

This was a diary. Lu Zhou had kept it for five years—the five years he and Shen Yihuan were together, from his second year of high school to his third year of university.

He hadn’t originally had the habit of keeping a diary. He only started this one because writing couple’s diaries was popular in school, and Shen Yihuan insisted he write one, saying they both should, and after a few years, they could exchange them.

The girl had no perseverance in anything she did; after only half a month, she was too lazy to record anything more.

Only Lu Zhou’s diary was kept, without missing a single day, for a full five years.

He held his pen and wrote today’s date.

Then he wrote three words.

— Shen Yihuan.

His handwriting was flowing, beautiful and strong, with accomplished strokes.

The window was slightly ajar. The evening breeze blew through, rustling the pages to the first one.

The first line read:

You must not regret this. I will not let you escape.