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When Cheng Mu was 13 years old, in the winter, the first half of her first year of junior high school ended.
In the final exam that year, she performed exceptionally well and got first place in her class.
On the day the report card was issued, the homeroom teacher stood on the podium and said with some regret that she was only 1 point away from entering the top ten in her grade, and encouraged her to keep up the good work.
Actually, Cheng Mu was already very happy to get first place in her class.
At home, getting first place was usually her brother Cheng Huai’s specialty. This was her first time getting first place in her class, and it wasn’t that she had to get first place, but experiencing something she had never experienced before was always a happy thing.
Moreover, she liked the atmosphere at home where they would celebrate “happy events” lavishly.
The last time there was a “happy event” at home was when her mother Yu Qian received a bonus. Although the money came from her father’s company account, it wasn’t an unexpected windfall no matter how you looked at it.
Their family still went to a hot spring town and soaked for a week.
After returning home, Cheng Mu deliberately placed her report card on the coffee table in the living room, waiting for her family to discover it.
The little girl, who had just started junior high school, was full of happy thoughts. She pretended to be calm and squatted on the yoga mat where Yu Qian often did yoga, playing with “11”.
“11” was already old, not as lively as when it was young, and had lost two teeth.
It lay on the yoga mat, lazily hooking a small bell on Cheng Mu’s phone chain with its paw.
With her back to the living room, Cheng Mu didn’t put her full attention on “11”.
She heard the study door open, heard her father and brother talking as they walked out of the study, and also heard the faint sound of leather collapsing when they sat on the leather sofa.
Then the electric kettle started heating, gurgling, and the aroma of black tea filled the air.
They must have seen it, right?
Cheng Mu couldn’t help but wonder.
But after several minutes, even “11” had grown tired of her bell, and Cheng Mu still didn’t hear Cheng Xiaonan and Cheng Huai discussing anything related to her grades.
Yu Qian had been in the attic and hadn’t come down. The door to the attic was open, and she could vaguely hear her talking on the phone with Peter, discussing fashion shows and such.
Because Cheng Mu was distracted, “11” also stopped pretending to play with her bell, spread its belly, closed its eyes, and began its afternoon nap.
Cheng Mu couldn’t hold back anymore and turned around, just in time to see her brother, Cheng Huai, place his black tea cup on her report card, and, seemingly unaware, continue to discuss work with Cheng Xiaonan.
It was Cheng Xiaonan who noticed Cheng Mu’s expression and asked, “Why are you looking at us like that? Is there something you want to say?”
Cheng Mu was about to pout and complain when Yu Qian appeared at the attic door, holding a confetti cannon. Cheng Xiaonan and Cheng Huai also magically pulled out confetti cannons from under the cushions and pulled them open.
With a “bang,” before Cheng Mu could react, Cheng Xiaonan and Cheng Huai lifted her up: “Congratulations to our little princess, for getting first place for the first time in her life!”
Even though Cheng Mu was usually a lady, she couldn’t help but scream: “You knew all along! I thought you didn’t see it!”
Actually, Cheng Mu’s homeroom teacher had already given the report card to Yu Qian. Coincidentally, Cheng Xiaonan and Cheng Huai were home, and the three of them decided to give Cheng Mu a little surprise.
The restaurant for dinner was chosen by Cheng Huai. The dessert included Cheng Mu’s favorite small honey cheesecake, and he also picked out a scarf for his sister.
Although Cheng Mu teased him, calling it “death Barbie pink,” after teasing, Cheng Mu still sweetly said, “Thank you, brother!”
While eating dessert, Cheng Huai asked his sister what she wanted to do after dinner.
Cheng Mu thought of a new movie that had been hotly discussed in her classmates’ group chat and said, “I want to watch a movie. How about we go see a movie?”
“Today, our princess’s word is law, since our princess got first place.”
Cheng Xiaonan said this, but still turned his head and softly asked Yu Qian, “Do you want to watch a movie?”
“Dad! I heard you! You just said it was my call today!”
“It’s your call in front of your brother, but I have to listen to your mom, don’t I? What if your mom makes me kneel on durian tonight?”
Cheng Xiaonan continued to ask, “Do you want to watch it?”
Yu Qian smiled helplessly: “Yes, I want to watch it.”
“Alright then, I’ve booked the tickets.”
Cheng Mu leaned on the table and whispered to Cheng Huai, “Brother, look at Dad, why is he always showing off his affection? It’s like he’s never seen a wife before.”
Cheng Huai chuckled and helped Cheng Mu lift a strand of hair that was almost touching the cake: “You should be used to it by now.”
“True.”
Cheng Xiaonan’s dangerous voice rang out: “Cheng Huai, Cheng Mu, I heard that.”
Cheng Mu was completely immersed in the excitement of getting first place in her class and didn’t notice anyone else’s “little actions.”
Cheng Xiaonan squinted slightly when booking the tickets, then handed his phone screen to Yu Qian beside him.
The movie was about school bullying. Movies with this theme weren’t uncommon, but this time, the director and actors were talented, and the plot was well-thought-out. It had been well-received since its release a week ago.
Cheng Xiaonan worried that watching such a movie might bring back unpleasant memories for Yu Qian, so he asked with his eyes: How about we watch something else?
Yu Qian placed her hand on Cheng Xiaonan’s wrist and gently shook her head: No, it’s fine. It’s rare for Mu Mu to want to watch it.
Cheng Huai, sitting nearby, was also reading the movie synopsis. Seeing the theme, he frowned imperceptibly.
Then he said, “Mu Mu, this comedy that’s also out seems pretty good. Do you want to watch a comedy instead?”
“No, brother, I don’t want to watch a comedy. This movie has very high ratings, trust me, all my classmates say it’s really good. If you want to watch a comedy, we can watch two in a row.”
Cheng Huai wanted to say something else, but Cheng Xiaonan interrupted: “The movie tickets are booked. You two sit in front, and your mom and I will sit in the back, separately.”
“Why separately?”
“Afraid your mom will cry and get emotional later, and be embarrassed to cry in front of you youngsters.”
Cheng Xiaonan said jokingly, “If we sit in the back, your mom can shamelessly burrow into my arms.”
Cheng Mu pouted.
She thought, Mom wouldn’t do that. Last time they watched a horror movie together, it was clearly Dad who was scared and closed his eyes, while Mom’s expression didn’t change.
Cheng Xiaonan pointed his phone at Cheng Mu: “What are you saying about me in your head? I just bought you movie tickets.”
“Hehehe, Dad’s the best.”
It was just after New Year’s Day, and the Imperial City, which hadn’t seen snow, had a dry cold.
Cheng Mu tucked her chin into her thick scarf, pulling her brother Cheng Huai, and ran all the way from the ticket machine. Before she could even speak, two tickets were taken by Cheng Xiaonan, and then a large bucket of popcorn was stuffed into Cheng Mu’s arms: “You and your brother go in first, your mom and I will look at some souvenirs and then go in.”
“Who’s the child here?!” Cheng Mu happily laughed and complained about her parents.
It was winter break, and the movie theater was bustling with people.
Cheng Mu sucked a large gulp of vanilla soda through her straw, then turned her head and looked back in the dim light. Her gaze pierced through the layers of people, and she could see Cheng Xiaonan holding Yu Qian’s coat, lifting the armrest between him and Yu Qian, and leaning in to whisper something to Yu Qian.
Cheng Mu turned her head and said to Cheng Huai, “Brother, look, Mom and Dad are whispering again.”
When she said this, Cheng Mu was a little proud.
Among children her age, she rarely saw parents interact so warmly. It was already good if they weren’t arguing fiercely over daily trivialities.
She felt very, very happy to be born into such a loving family.
More than once, Cheng Mu would wake up in the morning and see her father and mother laughing about something in the kitchen. That love, brightly enveloped by the morning sun, made Cheng Mu feel at ease.
After Cheng Mu said that, Cheng Huai did indeed look back.
Perhaps it was the dim light, but Cheng Mu always felt that her brother’s eyes held a hint of worry in that fleeting moment he looked back.
And before the movie started, Cheng Huai was clearly distracted.
He was holding his phone, seemingly sending messages to someone.
Cheng Mu pretended not to notice, secretly speculating:
Cheng Huai must have a girl he likes.
After all, just in the past December, on Christmas Eve, she had personally witnessed Cheng Huai putting a Christmas apple in his backpack and taking it out.
There was a rule in her family that on Christmas Eve, everyone would receive a beautifully wrapped Christmas apple—
Inside the beautiful wrapping was a large, red Fuji apple, and when opened, one could smell the sweet fragrance of the fruit. At the bottom of the wrapping paper, there was also a small, golden peanut, shining brightly.
Cheng Xiaonan said this meant “peace and safety for life.”
But Cheng Mu had secretly observed that the reddest and largest one was always the one her mother received.
Dad, this partial guy!
Just before the movie started, the lights in the cinema suddenly went out.
Cheng Mu saw Cheng Huai finally lower his eyelids and look at his phone, then turn off the screen and put his phone back in his pocket.
The movie was so touching that Cheng Mu couldn’t help but shed tears several times throughout.
Even after the movie ended, she hadn’t quite emerged from the storyline.
Living in a happy family environment, Cheng Mu, acting spoiled, clung to her dad and mom, discussing the plot.
Finally, Cheng Huai suddenly grabbed Cheng Mu’s collar and pulled her away a bit: “Dad, Mom, I’ll take Mu Mu downstairs to the supermarket to buy something to drink, I’m thirsty. We’ll be right back, do you need anything?”
Cheng Xiaonan said no, they would wait in the car.
Cheng Mu was very surprised: “You drank that big glass of soda just now, and you’re still thirsty?”
“Mm, maybe it was too hot.”
Cheng Mu was immersed in the movie and didn’t notice anything unusual.
It wasn’t until she got home that night and accidentally picked up her brother Cheng Huai’s phone instead of her own, turning on the screen, that she discovered something.
Cheng Huai’s phone was the same model as hers, looked identical when the case was removed, and even had the same password: 1111.
There were no secrets in their family; her parents’ phones didn’t even have passwords.
After instinctively entering the password, Cheng Mu saw her brother’s chat with their dad on the screen, timestamped two minutes before the movie started—
[Dad, can Mom watch this movie? Will she be upset? Or you two go first, I’ll accompany Mu Mu.]
[It’s fine, I’m with your mom. Watch it.]
Why couldn’t Mom watch that movie?
Cheng Mu felt a doubt in her heart. Just as she was about to think about it carefully, Cheng Huai’s voice suddenly came from behind her: “Wrong phone? This is mine... Hmm? What are you doing?”
Cheng Mu grabbed Cheng Huai, pulled him into her room, and closed the door: “Brother, are you hiding something from me?”
Cheng Huai initially didn’t want to say anything, but he also didn’t want his sister to feel that their family had secrets from her.
Later, he leaned against the door, sat on the floor, and recounted the malicious rumors about their mother that he had found online when he was a child.
Cheng Huai skipped over the more extreme words, but Cheng Mu still clenched her fists in anger.
She waved her slender arms in the air: “How can they say that about Mom!!”
Later, Cheng Mu ran out of the room and rushed straight to the master bedroom. Cheng Huai heard his dad, Cheng Xiaonan, teasing her with a smile: “Little girl, why didn’t you even knock?”
“Mom, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have let you watch that movie.” Cheng Mu’s voice was full of self-reproach.
That night, the family of four sat in the living room and talked about those past events for the first time.
Yu Qian was no longer the girl who, at 21, parked her sports car behind Cheng Xiaonan’s school, feeling sullen. When asked by the children how she viewed those who blindly engaged in violence against others, she smiled, with a gentle light in her eyes.
She said, “I still like to listen to the voices of young people. They are innocent and straightforward, sharp but also full of passion. It would just be better if they could broaden their horizons a little and resolve things a bit more politely.”
Cheng Mu and Cheng Huai saw that as Yu Qian spoke, Cheng Xiaonan always held her hand.
His thumb gently rubbed the back of Yu Qian’s hand, lightly brushing against her pale blue veins, as if comforting her.
Thirteen-year-old Cheng Mu was still at an age where she dared to love and hate. She didn’t understand forgiveness, only feeling that those who had hurt her mother should face some retribution.
Later, when her father said that those people were already married with children, and some were even doing well, Cheng Mu felt like she was about to explode with anger.
“Why do they get to have happy lives?”
The conversation that day should have been very serious, but their family always seemed to have a way of turning seriousness into warmth.
A pot of warm milk soothed everyone. Cheng Mu heard her dad say that her mom’s mouth, stained with milk, looked like “11.”
Her dad’s tone was doting.
It was simply doting.
Cheng Mu swallowed the milk in her mouth and suddenly felt a sense of relief.
Fortunately, those who did bad things might not have received the corresponding punishment.
But Mom wasn’t defeated by those bad people either.
Mom had Dad, her brother, her, and “11.”
And many other family members who loved them.
Later, Cheng Mu recalled that winter, perhaps it was in that winter that she suddenly grew up.
That New Year was particularly memorable, not because of happiness and liveliness; they were happy and lively every year.
In the first month of that year, they lost Old Cheng and “11.”
The day Old Cheng’s funeral arrangements were completed, the family of four returned home. That night, Cheng Mu dreamt of her grandpa and woke up crying from her sleep.
She couldn’t sleep, so she got up and went out, wanting to see “11”‘s cat bed and toys, but as she walked out of the bedroom, she saw that her brother was already outside.
Cheng Huai sat by the cat bed, bathed in the cold moonlight from outside the window. His fingers gently stroked “11”‘s food bowl.
They had made it themselves during a trip to a pottery village one year, crooked and wobbly, with “11”‘s likeness drawn on it in white.
At that time, she had drawn one of its whiskers crookedly, and her brother had even laughed at her.
“Brother.”
Cheng Huai turned his head and smiled gently at Cheng Mu: “You didn’t sleep either?”
“I did, but I dreamt of Grandpa and woke up again.”
Cheng Mu sat next to Cheng Huai, picked up the cat food bowl, and, holding back tears, said, “I saw Dad cry today.”
“Mm, I saw it too.”
Actually, Cheng Xiaonan remained calm throughout the whole process.
For so many days, from “11”‘s failed treatment and death to Old Cheng’s sudden passing, arranging the funeral, and receiving condolences from relatives and friends, Cheng Xiaonan handled everything impeccably.
It was only today, after Old Cheng was laid to rest in the cemetery, that he arranged the cars, sent off every relative and friend, and finally turned around to see Yu Qian standing behind him, less than 2 meters away.
As soon as he turned, Yu Qian walked over and hugged him.
Only then did Cheng Xiaonan drop his facade, resting his chin on Yu Qian’s shoulder, and said hoarsely and tiredly, “He must be happy to finally go see my mom.”
Yu Qian gently patted his back, supporting his weight with her slender high heels, and said, “Dad will be.”
It was also then that Cheng Mu and Cheng Huai clearly saw Cheng Xiaonan’s eyes redden, and then he lowered his head, and something glistening fell into the lawn at the entrance of the cemetery.
Cheng Mu and Cheng Huai stood in silence under the moonlight.
After an unknown amount of time, someone draped a thin fleece blanket over them. They looked back and found that Cheng Xiaonan and Yu Qian had also come to the living room at some point.
“Dad, Mom.”
Cheng Huai asked, “Why aren’t you two asleep yet?”
“Can’t sleep.”
Cheng Xiaonan and Yu Qian also sat down, and the family of four gathered together.
No matter the age, losing a loved one is always hard to let go of. Cheng Xiaonan said that perhaps Old Cheng had waited long enough over the years and couldn’t wait to go find his wife.
Later, Cheng Mu asked what if there was no heaven, would they be separated and never see each other again.
Cheng Xiaonan’s expression softened, and he patted his daughter’s head—
“Grandpa just exists in this world in a different form. He turned into ashes and is placed in the cemetery next to Grandma’s ashes. Thousands of years later, with the passage of time, that cemetery might no longer exist, but they will turn into soil or dust.”
The night was silent, with unmelted ice and snow outside the window.
In this sad silence, he said with certainty, “They will definitely meet.”
That was the winter in Cheng Mu’s memory when she was 13 years old.
There was loss, and there was warmth.
They sat by the window, softly humming Old Cheng’s favorite old songs to the night, singing those ancient, decadent tunes, and singing about the people they missed.
Later, the ice and snow melted, and they lived as before.
There were many Lego puzzles in the attic upstairs. “11” and Old Cheng would always be in their memories, so vivid, so lovely.
One time, Cheng Mu went to the attic and accidentally saw her mother’s notebook, which she had forgotten to put away.
After hearing about her mother’s experiences when she was 13, she always knew her mother had a leather-bound notebook embroidered with Oenothera biennis patterns.
She heard that the light purple flowers were embroidered by her father himself, and because he pricked his hand, he extorted several meals from her mother.
This was what Uncle Shen said. The original words were probably, “Those few days, your dad was like a rogue, coming to the photography base entrance every day after work, blocking the door and asking your mom, ‘My hand still hurts today, Ms. Yu, are you treating me to dinner?’“
Cheng Mu knew that this leather notebook was for her mother’s “healing.”
It was said that writing down the emotional hurdles in one’s heart was like finding an outlet through words, which would make one feel better.
She didn’t intend to pry into her mother’s inner thoughts, but a sudden gust of wind came through the attic window that wasn’t properly closed, and the notebook fell to the ground, the wind rustling through the pages.
Cheng Mu bent down to pick it up and uncontrollably glanced at a few lines. There was a short passage—
“That day, the hotel had a power outage. You knocked on my door, sweating, and handed me a bunch of glow sticks and a small glowing bottle.
The hallway was pitch black. You held them like a corner of the Milky Way.
If I had been honest enough then, able to face my own heart, I should have hugged you and told you I loved you.”
The words Yu Qian wrote on this page were neatly formed, each character sitting within the grid lines.
Below it, however, was a line of wild, flamboyant handwriting, like an emperor approving a memorial, writing “Read.”
This was clearly Cheng Xiaonan’s handwriting.
But “Read” was later crossed out, and he wrote another sentence: I love you too, very much.
Later, Cheng Mu brought this up at dinner, and Cheng Xiaonan shook his head, rewriting history: “I originally just wanted to write ‘Read,’ but your mom insisted I write something romantic, so I had to write something mushy.”
The result of saying this was that after dinner, while Cheng Mu, Cheng Huai, and Yu Qian sat in the living room laughing heartily at a variety show, Cheng Xiaonan was alone in the kitchen miserably washing pots and dishes.
He was even yelled at: “Remember to cut a fruit platter when you’re done.”
When the fruit platter was brought out, before Cheng Huai and Cheng Mu could pick up their fruit forks, Cheng Xiaonan had already speared a watermelon ball and handed it to Yu Qian: “This one I dug from the heart of the watermelon, it should be the sweetest.”
It was also thanks to these warm family moments that Cheng Mu quickly recovered from the blow when she broke up at the age of 24.
She remembered that after her breakup, she was depressed, and Cheng Xiaonan and Yu Qian took her on a trip.
They never asked about the reason for her breakup, only telling her by the golden-pink sunset-lit beach, “There will be better ones.”
“Will it be a love like yours?”
In Cheng Mu’s eyes, her parents were a match made in heaven.
“Of course.”
Cheng Mu married at 27, marrying for love.
They held a lawn wedding.
At the wedding, she personally saw her father, Mr. Cheng Xiaonan, dressed in a white suit, steal a large bouquet of fiery red poppies from a vase used for decoration on the table.
No wonder her dad strongly recommended poppies when arranging the wedding!
Cheng Xiaonan was nearly sixty, but still stood tall and straight, dashing and elegant.
Every year, he and Yu Qian would go abroad and stay for a few months in the house Yu Qian once lived in. They found a teacher and learned photography together.
Last year, a series of works co-photographed by Yu Qian and Cheng Xiaonan even won a small award.
Not far away, Yu Qian walked over. Cheng Xiaonan hid the fiery red poppies behind his back.
Yu Qian was still beautiful, in a cool apricot-colored dress, with no excess fat around her waist. She found Cheng Xiaonan: “I just saw a white cat in the grass, very much like ‘11,’ so cute.”
“You’re cuter,” Cheng Xiaonan said.
Yu Qian glanced at him, too lazy to speak.
She wasn’t cute even when she was young. At this age, what was there to be cute about?
But Cheng Xiaonan held out the large bouquet of flowers he had hidden behind his back. He smiled, the wrinkles at the corners of his eyes distinct, but his gaze was as bright as a youth’s.
He recited William Butler Yeats’ “When You Are Old” once more.
Yu Qian took the flowers, sniffed them lightly, and then set a trap for Cheng Xiaonan: “What, now you love the wrinkles on my aging face? Do I have a lot of wrinkles?”
Cheng Xiaonan smiled, leaned in and kissed Yu Qian: “How could that be? Your face is even more tender than that imperial tofu we just ate. I just wanted to say—”
Another lively tune began to play at the wedding. He paused, afraid Yu Qian wouldn’t hear him, and leaned closer to finish: “I love you, more than I did when I was 18.”
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