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Ye-seo’s peaceful mood abruptly soured when they sat across from each other at a nearby rooftop cafe after their long-awaited meal.
She had ordered a Somersby Apple Cider, wanting to try a unique drink, and hadn’t known it was a fruit wine. As a result, when she finished the bottle, her face was flushed red.
Ultimately, that was the culprit. It was the alcohol content of the apple-flavored sparkling cider that made her impulsively reveal her true feelings. No, before that, it was Han Ju-hyeok’s provocation.
“Ye-seo, are you okay? Your face is really red, just like last time.”
“Oh, this... turns out it was beer. That’s why.”
“It was red even before you started drinking it,” he added casually, as if it were nothing. “As shyly as if we were on a date.”
His half-folded eyes seemed to be teasing her. Suddenly, a surge of anger rose within her. And so, she blurted it out. Her voice sounded unfamiliar, like someone else’s, amidst the gentle jazz melody.
“Can’t I... think of it as a date?”
Where did such courage come from? Ye-seo ignored the heat spreading to her earlobes and widened her eyes, repeating,
“I can think of it as a date, even if I’m alone. What’s so special about a date anyway? A man and a woman meet, eat, drink tea, even alcohol... Spending time alone together, that’s a date.”
Hiccup, her throat twitched. Han Ju-hyeok was looking at her with a slightly surprised expression. Ye-seo steadfastly held his gaze, not looking away for even a second. She thought she must be crazy, but she couldn’t avoid his eyes. Her cheeks felt so hot they might explode.
“Well, isn’t that a bit... no? The word ‘date’ only applies when two people see each other romantically.”
Han Ju-hyeok put his glass down and spoke calmly. Though he was also drinking beer, there wasn’t a hint of intoxication about him.
“We’re seniors and juniors; we don’t see each other romantically.”
“Is there a rule for that? Anyway, before seniors and juniors, we’re a man and a woman.”
Hic, another hiccup escaped. Her uvula trembled as if it would pop out any moment, yet her words came out without getting tangled.
I’m crazy, Min Ye-seo. What nonsense am I spouting right now...?
“Ye-seo. You.”
Just as she was about to mumble that it was a joke, Han Ju-hyeok opened his mouth.
“Do you... like me?”
His tone was calm, without inflection.
“Not as a senior, but as you said, as a man and a woman.”
At that moment, the lighting in the rooftop interior dimmed, briefly obscuring Han Ju-hyeok’s eyes. When his gaze reappeared seconds later, it was like a dark cave.
“Yes.”
Ye-seo replied without hesitation.
“Yes, I like you, Senior.”
Had she truly decided to get drunk? Suddenly, a hot sensation surged within her. Her heart felt constricted by something uncontrollably welling up.
“I like Senior. Not as a senior... I just like Senior, himself.”
The heat had now transferred to the corners of her eyes. Ye-seo bit her lip tightly. If she opened her mouth again, she felt like tears would gush out.
Han Ju-hyeok said nothing. His lips, as calm as a painting, were loosely closed. Beyond his broad shoulders, a purple moon was visible.
The moonlight reflected off the side of the building, scattering light everywhere. In various tables some distance away, cheerful laughter continuously erupted, finding something amusing.
The surroundings overflowed with the unique romance of a vibrant summer night. The stifling heat was lost in the air conditioning, and even in the heart of the stark city, the chirping of insects could be heard somewhere. Perhaps it was the sound of cicadas.
Even in her slightly tipsy state, Ye-seo reflected on the situation she had just experienced. Was it just the atmosphere? Was she swept up in this ambiance and inadvertently...?
“No.”
Her inner thoughts blurted out. And ridiculously, she was even answering herself without the other person asking.
“It wasn’t something I said impulsively, swept up in the mood. I meant it.”
“Why?”
He asked calmly. His eyes, devoid of emotion like his voice, directly pierced Ye-seo’s heart. Would an interrogator’s gaze be like that, sharply digging into the essence of the matter, feigning indifference?
“Just because.”
“...”
“Is there ever a reason that can be explained when a person comes to like another person? My heart just... went there.”
“Just like that, suddenly?”
“It wasn’t without reason. It might sound strange, but back then... the day I first ate with Senior at the pancake house to return the pen.”
“...”
“I think I felt it for the first time... that day.”
Ye-seo paused briefly. The confession had popped out unexpectedly, but she didn’t have the courage to pour out every detail.
Because her mother always gave all the chicken drumsticks to Jeong-woo, but he gave them all to her, and told her kindly to eat a lot? Because she felt warmth and consideration from him that even her own mother hadn’t shown? Because he reminded her of her father, who had been a doting dad until he passed away long ago?
It felt like too foolish a reason to say aloud. She felt like a glutton obsessed with food. But it wasn’t about the food; it was about the underlying sentiment. That’s why she couldn’t let go of a thread of hope.
There was no logical reason. The thought that it might be genuine was stronger than the assumption that it was just empty courtesy, empty words. Perhaps Senior also has special feelings for me. Maybe he was looking at her differently, more than just a junior.
But the moment Han Ju-hyeok opened his mouth, that hope was beautifully dashed.
“I’m sorry.”
Ye-seo blinked. The blush that had completely colored her cheeks had subsided by half.
“I’ve never thought of you as anything more than a good junior.”
Ye-seo blinked. Her ears felt muffled, as if she were underwater. Her intoxication had long since dissipated. Her head was clear enough that she could no longer blame alcohol, and the heat that had seemed to pool throughout her body had been carried away by the air conditioning.
“I’m sorry.”
Only after the apology was repeated did Ye-seo open her lips.
“No, it’s me who should be...”
A strange yet somehow familiar jazz melody flowed into her ears, bringing her back to reality.
“I’m sorry. I just... blurted it out unilaterally. I’m really... sorry for making things awkward.”
She fumbled in her bag for her phone, checked the time, and then abruptly stood up. Her face, which had been burning red, was now pale. Han Ju-hyeok also stood up, following suit.
“Ye-seo.”
“It’s okay. It’s getting late... I think I should go now. My mom gets mad if I’m too late.”
It was a lie. Her mother had never once called her out of concern, even when she came home late without saying anything. Every time she came home past midnight from the library during exam periods, her mother was always asleep. If it had been Jeong-woo, she probably would have called countless times and stayed up all night waiting.
“I’ll take you home.”
“It’s okay. I can walk, and there are plenty of buses.”
“Let’s take a taxi together. We’re going in the same direction anyway, so I’ll drop you off first on my way...”
“I’ll just go.”
Ye-seo looked up at him firmly.
“I want to go alone.”
“...”
“Thank you for the coffee. I’ll get going now.”
Fortunately, Han Ju-hyeok didn’t try to stop her further. Ye-seo gave a brief nod, turned, and descended the stairs. Luckily, a bus arrived right as she stood at the stop, so she didn’t have to wait.
Even sitting in the back of the bus, she had no thoughts. She just stared blankly at the familiar alleys, shops, and houses, and her own reflection in the window, until she reached her stop.
She walked to her apartment and took the elevator but ultimately didn’t enter her home. Instead, she stood at the emergency exit stairwell at the end of the hallway and gazed out the window. Tears burst forth right after the thought of loneliness suddenly overwhelmed her.
It was the first night she had ever confessed her feelings. And she was beautifully rejected. It felt even more unreal because she hadn’t expected it at all. She hadn’t known she would have to bear it all alone, unable to confide in anyone.
She had never intended to lean on her mother, who only cared about Jeong-woo. She didn’t even dare to contact close friends like Chae-rin or Sae-eun.
Ye-seo finally entered her home after letting her sweat and tears cool for a while on the midsummer night. The darkened house was desolate, and no one was there to greet her.
________________________________________
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Ju-hyeok checked his phone immediately when he heard the text alert. To his text asking if she got home safely, Min Ye-seo replied close to midnight.
[Sorry for the late reply, Senior. I got home safely.]
His fingers moved busily.
[Can we talk for a moment?]
The reply came much later.
[Senior, I’m really okay. It wasn’t a serious feeling, you know.]
Texts came one after another, accompanied by an awkward smiling emoji.
[There are many people who like and admire Senior. I felt the same way.]
A lie.
A bitter smile formed on Ju-hyeok’s lips. He couldn’t distinguish whether he wished it were a lie, or if she truly felt that way.
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