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It turns out that life can truly become so disoriented,
Simply because of the absence of one person—
Just that one person.
—Zhang Lurang
Upon hearing her words, Zhang Lurang’s pupils contracted, his expression one of utter helplessness.
This was the first time he had seen Su Zaizai like this.
He didn’t know where to begin or what to do.
Zhang Lurang carefully held her wrist and gently pulled her hand away from her face.
Her red-rimmed eyes were revealed, filled with fear and collapse.
His heart tightened.
“How could I possibly be unwilling?” Zhang Lurang’s Adam’s apple bobbed as he spoke in a low, strained voice. “It’s my fault. I’ll… I’ll do better in the future.”
Su Zaizai didn’t let him finish. She took her bag from his hands.
Her head instinctively lowered as she wiped her eyes, interrupting him.
“You should go back.”
Zhang Lurang still held onto her hand, stubbornly finishing his sentence: “I’ll change in the future.”
Su Zaizai suppressed her emotions, her voice thick with nasal congestion: “I never asked you to change. It’s just my own mindset that’s off. Go back. You still have work tomorrow.”
The next moment, she gently pried his hand open and softly said, “I want to go back alone today.”
Zhang Lurang’s palm felt empty. Instinctively, he reached out into the air, grasping at nothing.
Su Zaizai glanced toward the road and flagged down a taxi.
She took a couple of steps toward it but quickly turned her head to look at him.
Su Zaizai’s expression had returned to calmness, though her eyes still carried traces of redness.
She seemed somewhat disappointed, her lips trembling slightly.
The words that came out were icy cold, making him falter momentarily.
“Zhang Lurang, I don’t like things that are forced.”
________________________________________
After saying that, Su Zaizai got into the car.
Zhang Lurang remained silent, memorizing the license plate number of the taxi.
He watched as the car started moving forward, its red taillights growing dimmer and farther away.
Coming back to his senses, Zhang Lurang walked back to the parking lot to retrieve his car.
He sat in the driver’s seat, lost in thought, the fear in his heart intensifying.
Soon after, Zhang Lurang started the car and drove toward Z University.
Unable to drive into the campus, he found a spot nearby to park.
He got out of the car and ran toward the girls’ dormitory, calling Su Zaizai as he went.
She answered quickly but didn’t speak.
Zhang Lurang panted, his eyes stinging from either the wind or something else, feeling sore and painful.
Gradually, his steps slowed, and he softly asked, “Are you almost back to the dorm?”
Su Zaizai hummed softly, replying indifferently, “Almost.”
A brief silence followed.
Zhang Lurang heard laughter from several female voices on her end, along with the sound of footsteps climbing stairs.
All that remained in the call were their faint breaths.
Suddenly, Zhang Lurang spoke up, saying, “I’m at Z University.”
The other end remained quiet, completely unlike her usual lively and bright self.
The atmosphere grew heavy.
Zhang Lurang resumed walking, each step deliberate.
His voice trembled, fragile and on the verge of breaking apart.
“Su Zaizai, anything except breaking up—you can think about anything else.”
Yell at me, hit me, treat me badly.
Anything is fine.
A thin layer of mist formed over Su Zaizai’s already dried-up eyes.
Quietly, she entered the dormitory and turned on the light.
Her roommates were all interning elsewhere and hadn’t returned, leaving the small room empty.
Su Zaizai walked to the balcony and leaned on the railing, looking down.
At once, she spotted Zhang Lurang standing below. He seemed to sense something and looked up.
Su Zaizai parted her lips and spoke.
Her gaze remained fixed on Zhang Lurang below. The distance was too far to make out his expression.
“I never thought of breaking up.”
She extended her hand, reaching out as if to touch his face from afar.
Then, with seriousness, she said, “You know I can’t live without you, right?”
Zhang Lurang’s heart eased slightly, but before he could respond—
Su Zaizai suddenly chuckled bitterly, calmly asking, “But what about you?”
After saying that, she paused briefly, hurriedly added a few words, then hung up.
“Go back. You’ve been staying up late lately. Rest well.”
________________________________________
In the days that followed—
It happened to coincide with the busiest period at the company. Zhang Lurang was required to work overtime until ten or eleven at night.
It was too late, and he feared waking Su Zaizai, so he could only contact her through text messages.
Su Zaizai usually replied around noon the next day.
When he called during his free time, all he heard was her extremely quiet breathing.
It was as if they had entered a frozen period.
The WeChat chat window, once filled with Su Zaizai’s words, now contained only a few sparse sentences from Zhang Lurang.
Her emotions seemed to have piled up for a long time, lingering without dispersing.
Zhang Lurang walked into the office pantry, holding the phone as he poured coffee grounds into a cup, his head bowed.
He didn’t know what had happened to Su Zaizai that day, but she spoke more than usual.
“So many of my friends, after meeting you, think I’m incredibly lucky.”
“It’s not just them—so do I.”
“How good you are… You never talk to other girls, giving me so much security.”
Her breathing paused, and soon she asked, “Am I being too greedy?”
In the past, she had only hoped that he wouldn’t dislike her.
But now?
It seemed like she was no longer satisfied with anything.
The more she received, the more anxious she became.
“Why shouldn’t you be?” Zhang Lurang stopped what he was doing, his voice low and hoarse. “Who said you can’t be greedy?”
Su Zaizai sniffled softly, carefully considering his words. “I guess no one did.”
Zhang Lurang’s expression turned absent as he pressed the button on the water dispenser methodically.
He watched the hot water pour into the cup, rising into a cloud of steam.
“You think you’re lucky, but have you ever thought about it this way?”
“After luck came to you, the very next second, it came to me too.”
________________________________________
Silence fell on the other end.
Zhang Lurang pressed his lips together, his mouth gradually stiffening as he brought up the topic he’d been discussing for days.
“I’ll come see you after work today.”
“Aren’t you working overtime?” she murmured softly.
Zhang Lurang ran his fingers through his hair in irritation: “Not anymore.”
Su Zaizai thought for a moment, then replied earnestly: “Let’s talk when you’re free. I might have to work late tonight too.”
His lips twitched as he called her bluff: “You don’t want to see me.”
“…”
Zhang Lurang repeated himself, his tone tinged with hurt: “Do you not want to see me?”
“Lately…”
Before Su Zaizai could finish, a man’s voice interrupted from the other end: “Hey! Su Zaizai, we’re going out to eat. Should we bring you something back?”
A very familiar voice.
On his end, Zhang Lurang listened as she spoke to the person over there.
He compared the man’s voice to the figures in his mind.
Finally, he identified who it was.
Xie Linan.
Zhang Lurang’s grip tightened around the cup handle.
Soon, Su Zaizai’s distant voice returned to his ear.
“I’m going to grab lunch first. I’ll call you later.”
Zhang Lurang’s face betrayed no emotion as he softly hummed in acknowledgment.
________________________________________
In the afternoon, Zhang Lurang outright refused his supervisor’s request for overtime.
As soon as the clock hit quitting time, he left the company, drove to the building where Su Zaizai worked, and checked the time on his phone.
It was already 6:30—had she left yet?
Just as Zhang Lurang was about to call her, he glanced up and saw her walking out of the main entrance.
He was about to get out of the car and call her when he noticed Xie Linan trailing behind her.
Zhang Lurang’s gaze froze, and he immediately got out of the car.
The two were walking and chatting casually, completely unaware of his arrival.
Zhang Lurang walked over and softly called, “Zaizai.”
Su Zaizai instinctively turned toward the sound, and upon seeing him, her reaction was muted.
She turned to bid farewell to Xie Linan and then walked directly toward Zhang Lurang.
Before she took a few steps, Zhang Lurang was already in front of her, pulling her toward the car.
His grip was unusually tight, as if suppressing some emotion.
Su Zaizai licked her lips and whispered, “Why are you here so early?”
Zhang Lurang opened the passenger door without responding.
Su Zaizai hesitated, glanced at him, and quickly got in.
A loud “thud” echoed as the door closed beside her.
Su Zaizai lowered her eyes, focusing on fastening her seatbelt.
The door on the driver’s side opened, letting in a gust of wind.
Without looking at him, she turned her head to look out the window: “I’ve already eaten at the office. If you’ve eaten too, just take me back to the dormitory…”
Before she could finish, another loud slam of the door interrupted her.
Her jaw was suddenly seized, turning her face toward him.
A forceful kiss followed, accompanied by biting.
Su Zaizai’s eyes widened in shock, and instinctively, she parted her lips, allowing him to deepen the kiss.
She had never been treated so roughly by him before and reflexively tried to push him away.
Zhang Lurang pinned her down with one hand, intensifying the kiss.
Soon, he stopped.
His dark, ink-like eyes stared at her intently as he gently touched the corner of her eye with his slightly cool fingertips.
“Zaizai,” he murmured.
Su Zaizai’s expression was dazed, unable to process this side of him.
The next moment, Zhang Lurang suddenly smiled faintly and whispered, “We’ll get married after graduation.”
Su Zaizai turned her face away, wanting to say something.
Zhang Lurang gripped her hand tightly, his tone firm.
“I’ll go see your parents tomorrow.”
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