NILWM - 32

The soft tongue slowly sucked on hers, which it had intertwined with. Ye-seo’s hands, which had been resting on his broad, solid shoulders, were now wrapped around his neck. Her mind had gone blank, and she couldn’t think of anything. Was this what it felt like to have your thought circuits shut down, as if your head was filled with feathers?

But she didn’t dislike it. She didn’t dislike the overwhelming feeling of a foreign object in her mouth, nor the sticky sensation of another person’s saliva intertwining with her own. It wasn’t unpleasant at all. On the contrary, she was becoming dizzied with pleasure.

Ah, so this is why everyone kisses...

She finally understood the descriptions she had seen in various movies, dramas, and literary works. So this was why everyone kissed. When they were so in love with their partner that they didn’t know what to do, they would press their lips together, intertwine their tongues, and confirm their affection by sharing that ecstatic feeling.

How much time had passed? Only when her breathing became a little short and her shoulders began to heave did Han Joo-hyuk release her tongue. Ye-seo caught her breath between her lips and gazed at his eyes.

They were full of love and affection. The man in front of her was so captivating that Ye-seo unknowingly raised her hands to cup his cheeks. Her fingers naturally traced his cheekbones and cheeks, and then moved down to the corners of his lips.

“...Ye-seo.”

But it seemed that he saw himself that way in her eyes. Han Joo-hyuk smiled faintly and whispered, barely audible.

“I’m going crazy. Seriously.”

Even his low curse sounded sweet. His voice cracked between his short breaths.

“Why are you so pretty?”

“...”

“One more time.”

Before she could answer, his lips came closer again. His warm tongue overlapped hers once more, and his thick body odor permeated her entire body. Ye-seo raised her arms again and hugged him tightly. Not to be outdone, Han Joo-hyuk also put one arm around her slender waist and pulled her even closer to him.

While his other hand firmly supported the back of her neck, Ye-seo freely enjoyed the pleasure his lips and tongue were creating. Throughout the deep kiss, all the blood in her body rushed to her head, making her feel dizzy. Smooch, smooch, the inside of the car was filled with only the intimate sounds of flesh and tongues rubbing against each other.

“Ah, wait, hold on...!”

Ye-seo, who had been lost in a daze, was startled and hastily pulled her lips away. It was because her waist felt empty, and she suddenly felt a cold finger digging into the inside of her sweater. The hand around her neck was so strong that she couldn’t pull her head back any further.

“Senior, you just...”

He pulled his hand, which had been tracing the bare skin inside her sweater, back out. Then he caught his breath and licked his lips with his wet tongue. Come to think of it, he was completely wet. His eyes, which were as moist as a bottomless lake, were dark, and his upper and lower lips were glistening with saliva that she couldn’t tell whose it was.

“Sorry.”

“...”

“...Do you not like it?”

His voice was calm, but his breathing was rough. To that question, filled with suppressed heat, Ye-seo unknowingly shook her head. But the answer that came out was a little different.

“Later... not now... I mean... I just ate so much for dinner that my stomach is... My stomach is sticking out...”

Pfft. He burst out laughing. Han Joo-hyuk cupped her waist with both hands and bent his head down. His shoulders and head were shaking slightly. Ye-seo frowned at his attempt to suppress his loud laughter.

“Senior.”

“Ah, I’m sorry. You’re just so cute...”

He gritted his teeth and looked up to meet her gaze. His eyes, which had been dark with desire, now looked like a lake sparkling under the bright sunlight again.

“I didn’t feel like your stomach was sticking out at all... Okay. I’ll touch you later. I hope you’ll allow me.”

And he added in a playful tone.

“You can touch me whenever you want without permission. My body. Anywhere from head to toe.”

“Senior, you shouldn’t say things like that...”

Ye-seo’s cheeks flushed. It was suddenly too hot in the car. Han Joo-hyuk moved a little away from her and straightened her messy hair and clothes.

Even after that, he didn’t start the engine and just held her hand tightly. It seemed that just holding her hand with his fingers intertwined and looking at her made him very happy and pleased.

“I’ll be satisfied with just a kiss for today, and I’ll wait until you’re ready for anything more.”

“...”

“Was that... your first kiss?”

Ye-seo nodded. And, as if she had suddenly found some courage, she hastily added.

“I’ve never had any physical contact, or... anything more than that.”

She felt like she was going crazy. Han Joo-hyuk hadn’t had a single drop of wine because he was driving, but she, who had been gulping it down alone, was sure that this was a side effect.

“So from start to finish... everything will be a first with you, Senior.”

How else could she have uttered such words herself? Ye-seo barely suppressed the urge to bite her tongue and frowned again as if she was about to cry. She thought Han Joo-hyuk would laugh again. But contrary to her expectation, he didn’t laugh.

“Thank you.”

He looked so serious that this time she almost burst out laughing.

“Every single syllable of what you just said is precious and special... and I’m so happy.”

“S... Senior, do you have any e-experience?”

Again, her tongue moved on its own. But she was curious. Isn’t it natural to be curious about someone you like?

“It’s okay. Even if you have experience. You’re three years older than me. At 24, it’s natural that you would...”

Ye-seo’s words trailed off. The curiosity that had so boldly prompted the question suddenly vanished, and jealousy surged up. Idiot. Why are you getting jealous of the past? It was before you even met me.

“The first time was when I was 16. I was attending a Harvard Secondary Summer School in the summer, and I was staying at a classmate’s house as a homestay student...”

“Then... it was with an American girl?”

“No.”

He hesitated for a moment and then finally confessed.

“Her mother.”

“What?!”

“She was divorced from her husband, so it wasn’t an affair, but it just happened. It was a wild birthday party... and it just happened in the heat of the moment. I went on a trip to the West before flying back the next day, so I never saw her face again.”

“H-how old was she? The friend’s mother.”

“I don’t know for sure, but I think she was in her early thirties? I was never anything with her daughter in the first place.”

“...”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t need to tell you in such detail.”

Perhaps he had interpreted her silence as a negative sign, so he ran a hand through his hair and clicked his tongue. Ye-seo shook her head and said it was okay. But her voice, which asked the next question, was somehow stiff.

“Then after that?”

Of course, there must have been others. From 16 to 24 was not a short period of time. It was impossible for a man with a healthy body and active hormones to have no more experience after that.

“How many times have you... oh.”

Ye-seo, who was about to ask how many times he had dated, closed her mouth. She remembered his confession that he didn’t want to date anyone and was struggling even though he had feelings for her. So she changed her question again.

“Senior. I won’t ask about your past anymore. What does it matter how many times it was? It’s all in the past before you met me, anyway.”

A smile appeared in Han Joo-hyuk’s eyes again. She couldn’t tell if he was relieved that she had said that, or if he just found her cute no matter what she said.

“But, can you tell me now... why you avoided relationships so much?”

He had said that he just hated the emotional drain and didn’t want to be swayed by other people’s emotions. But she wanted to know if that was really all, or if there was another reason.

“It’s because a part of my inner self seems to be broken. So I’m not good at empathizing with other people’s emotions. I’m getting by with school life, but that’s probably only possible because I’ve always kept a certain distance from everyone.”

He paused for a moment and then added.

“I’m also getting counseling from a relative who is a psychiatrist. It’s been about three years now.”

“What? Counseling...”

“After my teens and entering college, I kept remembering... the memory of my parents’ death when I was a child...”

Ah. Ye-seo was so tense that she unknowingly clasped her hands together and waited for his next words. But he didn’t say any more and turned his body to face the driver’s seat.

“Let’s stop here for today. I’m sorry.”

“Senior.”

Ye-seo placed her hand on his right arm.

“I asked, but I hope you don’t feel forced to tell me anything. Anything at all.”

She was being sincere. She was surprised that he was getting counseling. Even in this day and age when psychiatric counseling has become common, she couldn’t believe that Han Joo-hyuk, who always seemed to have his life calmly under control, was receiving counseling.

It must mean that the trauma was severe. It seemed like there was some story behind his parents’ death, but she wanted to hear it when he felt like telling her himself.

“Tell me when you want to, Senior. Whenever you’re ready.”

He gazed at her for a moment and then replied.

“I will.”

Han Joo-hyuk gently kissed her forehead. And just as he was leaning over to fasten her seatbelt again, his hand, which was about to pull the belt, caressed the inside of her right wrist. A faint scar was barely visible in the soft darkness.

“What’s wrong, Senior?”

“That time...”

Han Joo-hyuk began to say something but then stopped.

“Nothing. I just thought it must have hurt a lot.”

“It’s okay. It was a long time ago, so I don’t remember it very well...”

A new look came into Han Joo-hyuk’s eyes. He looked at her as if he wanted to say something more and then fastened her seatbelt.

A silence filled the car as it started and drove down the main road until they arrived at the apartment entrance. Neither of them said a word.

It wasn’t an awkward or heavy silence. The atmosphere was still one of excitement, anticipation, and warmth. They didn’t even need music. They only met each other’s gaze as if by an unspoken promise whenever the car stopped at a traffic light. And they smiled at each other. They didn’t need words.

The night they became a couple was warm and peaceful despite the freezing cold.