AUM - 32

Taeryeong brushed off Kangjoon’s hand and stepped back. The nape of her neck where his fingertips had touched felt hot as if burned.

“You… do you remember what happened last night?”

Instead of answering, her husband simply stared at Taeryeong. But she wasn’t a fool; she could tell. He remembered last night. A dizzying sensation, like her hair standing on end, made Taeryeong close her eyes. Even though it was a transgression she had committed expecting both possibilities – that her husband wouldn’t remember and that he would.

“Is it that surprising?”

Her husband’s soft, low voice knocked on Taeryeong’s eyelids. Slowly opening her eyes, she met a gaze as still as a night sea.

“We’re husband and wife.”

Just looking into those eyes made her heart sting. Her whole body remembered how fiercely those pupils had burned last night. Just recalling it made her head heat up, leaving her slightly dazed.

“Aren’t we close enough for that?”

At his following low question, Taeryeong was momentarily speechless. But thanks to her husband’s patient wait even through that silence, her reason slowly returned. There was something she needed to confirm first.

“How much do you remember?”

“Everything.”

At her husband’s curt reply, her brain and heart clattered as if broken. She was okay with him remembering that night. She had prepared herself and braced for it. But the dawn, her last whisper, her name… that couldn’t be.

“Even when I left at dawn… were you awake?”

Though her heart might tremble, her voice flowed out calmly. Without taking his eyes off Taeryeong, her husband languidly brushed the hair that had fallen onto her forehead.

“If I had been awake…”

That hand slowly approached again and touched Taeryeong’s lips.

“Do you think I would have just let Taeryeong-ssi go?”

Nervously, she licked her lower lip, tracing it with her tongue. As if tracing the memory of last night. As if reheating that burning flame of last night.

“It was so good.”

His obliquely lowered gaze was low and hot. Looking deeply into Taeryeong’s eyes with that gaze, he continued in a low voice.

“Or was it only good for me?”

Her husband only remembered that night. The transgression of their first night when they had allowed each other in. She had melted her emotions, but he had only melted his desires that night. He didn’t know about the dawn when she had woken up alone, capturing his sleeping face in her eyes and in her heart. If he had remembered enough to know later that his wife had changed. If she had become that significant to him. Then wouldn’t that be enough? Once she reached that conclusion, Taeryeong became surprisingly calm. And brazen.

“You asked me how much you should pretend not to know, right?”

I don’t know if your consideration is genuine or the start of another act. I love you, but I don’t trust you. Just like you don’t love or trust me. That’s the kind of relationship we’ve always had.

“Pretend not to know everything. As if nothing happened.”

So, don’t trust me either.

“I don’t think I can do that.”

But her husband refused.

“……Why?”

At his wife’s resentful question, Kangjoon let out a soft sigh. There were so many things he wanted to say to his wife. The things he had done wrong until now, the things they would do together in the future, the things he wanted to do for her. He had even held onto hope, expectations, and felt a little giddy. But at her request to pretend not to know, he felt like he had fallen off a dizzying cliff. So, Kangjoon suddenly asked,

“Can I hold you?”

He felt like he would go crazy if he didn’t hold the wife who seemed so close yet so out of reach.

“What… did you just say?”

“I asked if I could hold you.”

He wanted to kiss her slightly parted red lips endlessly. Just like they had shared kisses until they fell asleep on their first night.

“Why are you holding me?”

“Do I need a reason to hold my own wife?”

Though his lips were asking, Kangjoon’s arms were already wrapped around his wife’s slender waist. The touch, the scent he had missed all day. Kangjoon finally felt like he could breathe.

“I’ll pretend not to know in front of other people. As if nothing happened, I’ll even act.”

If that’s what you want, Joo Se-hee, I’ll gladly become your foolish Ondal.

“But let’s remember between ourselves.”

Because that’s how our relationship will change.

“Kangjoon-ssi.”

Just hearing his wife call his name made his heart ache. It must be love. How could he possibly let you go like this?

“That’s the condition for me pretending not to know.”

Taeryeong quietly sighed in her husband’s arms. She didn’t even know herself. Was it a sigh of worry about having her weakness exposed? Or a sigh of relief that she had become someone her husband wouldn’t forget? But one thing was certain. His firm embrace, his strong heartbeat, his sensual scent, his low breath. She had missed all of this all day. She also knew that the memory of her husband would remain with her like poison.

“Then shall we now…”

Just then, her husband met her eyes seriously.

“From a married couple worse than strangers,”

The love in his once scornful eyes flickered,

“We’ve become an inseparable married couple.”

His cold voice had become endlessly tender. Taeryeong felt a sudden fear.

“I… I can’t tell Kangjoon-ssi anything.”

Her husband knew she wasn’t the real Yoo Taeryeong. Yet, he was trying to entangle her completely. Without asking anything, quietly embracing her. So, she had to confirm. She had faith that he was a man who would keep his promise even with a knife to his throat.

“But can you really pretend not to know? Even when other people are around, in front of family and friends, even when I’m not there?”

Until I leave you, can you pretend not to know me?

“If you bribe me every day, I’ll do whatever Taeryeong-ssi wants.”

“A bribe?”

Her husband rested his chin on the top of Taeryeong’s head as she looked up.

“A skinship bribe.”

A faint smile spread through his low voice.

“What kind of…”

“Don’t worry. I promise I’ll never do anything Taeryeong-ssi dislikes.”

Whatever it may be. The moment her husband whispered in her ear, the intercom rang.

________________________________________

Yeon-sook kept chattering incessantly as she put the groceries she had brought into the refrigerator.

“Were you surprised that we came so suddenly? But it wouldn’t be polite to just leave when we heard you two were home.”

She also mentioned that she had intended to leave them at the security office on the first floor but had come up when she heard someone was home.

“You came at a good time. I wanted to see you too, Mother, but I’ve been so busy with work that I couldn’t contact you.”

She could have made time if she wanted to. But she hadn’t because of Yeon-sook, who was always so warm to her. It made her envious and greedy. At Taeryeong’s reply, Yeon-sook, who had been organizing things, came over and grabbed her hand.

“Do you know how worried your father was yesterday when he said you looked so thin and tired? How could I just stand by? I had to bring some food and herbal medicine. A mother-in-law’s love for her daughter-in-law, you know?”

Taeryeong couldn’t help but laugh at Yeon-sook’s excited expression as she approached. Just as Kangjoon had said, it was obvious that Yeon-sook wasn’t used to housework. The food was crammed haphazardly into the refrigerator, which wasn’t even closed properly.

“I just threw things in, so tell the housekeeper to organize it tomorrow. Can Mom chat with you for a bit before leaving?”

Led by Yeon-sook’s hand, the two sat side by side in the living room. Through the terrace, they could see Chairman Seo and her husband standing side by side, looking down at the night view. Chairman Seo, still dignified and with a straight back, looked like a young man if not for his white hair. Taeryeong’s gaze was strangely fixed on Chairman Seo’s back. It was like seeing her husband in the distant future. It was another moment when she had to acknowledge that the men in the Seo family had superior genes.

“Taeryeong, why have you lost so much weight?”

Turning her gaze from the terrace, she saw Yeon-sook’s worried face.

“Are you skipping meals because you’re busy with work? Or are you worried about something? No matter how much you like your work, you have to take care of your health too. Don’t you know that Koreans believe in the power of rice?”

“I’ve been eating well, but I guess I’ve lost some weight.”

“If you’re okay with it, should Mom pack you lunch every day? The Jeonju댁’s cooking skills are amazing. You have no idea how well she makes your favorite braised short ribs.”

“You don’t need to go to all that trouble. Once the new business project is finished, I’ll have more time, so I’ll take better care of myself then.”

“Oh, you! It’s something I enjoy doing, why would it be a bother?”

Looking at Yeon-sook, a thought suddenly crossed her mind. If her own mother were alive, would she have been like this? Or would she have cursed her for being born? Her grandmother, who had always worked just to feed her granddaughter. Her calloused hands that habitually patted her hunched back. The stifled groans she would make whenever she pretended to be asleep. The words “I’m always okay” that she would say like a habit. Taeryeong remembered everything. They were embedded in her heart like nails. That’s why she had always been the same way with her grandmother. Always pretending to be okay, strong, and calm. But because of Yeon-sook, she wondered about maternal love for the first time. She had thought she didn’t need to know about maternal love. But perhaps she was a little curious, maybe she missed it.

“Your mother is a very warm and kind person. Kangjoon-ssi must be a warm and kind man too, since he resembles his mother.”

It was a strange mother and son. Her husband stimulated her heart, and his mother stimulated her tear ducts. The mother and son were shaking Taeryeong side by side. Telling her she could be greedy, that she could make this place her own.

“Our Kangjoon is a warm and kind man?”

At Yeon-sook’s expression of utter disbelief, Taeryeong lowered her eyes and wore a faint smile.

“Taeryeong, that scratch on your neck... don’t tell me our son did that?”

Only then did Taeryeong realize that she had been rubbing the back of her neck with her hand due to fatigue. Because of that, her scarf had slipped down a little, and Yeon-sook had seen it. Before Taeryeong could even answer, Yeon-sook stood up abruptly.

“I gave birth to a beast, not a human being!”

She strode quickly to the kitchen, rummaged through the cabinets, and grabbed a ladle in her hand.

“He grew up seeing how much his mother suffered, and he’s doing the same to his wife? Taeryeong, trust Mom! I’ll take this opportunity to correct that boy’s habits properly!”

She looked ready to go and beat her son with the ladle. Whether that ladle would actually hurt her husband was questionable, but first, Taeryeong stopped Yeon-sook.

“Mother, I’m okay.”

“Men are dense, they won’t know unless you tell them directly! A wife isn’t a piece of meat! Why is he so eager to bite at you like that!”

At Yeon-sook’s stubborn gaze, Taeryeong had only one thought. She had to stop Yeon-sook somehow.

“I did the same to Kangjoon-ssi, so it’s okay!”

“......What?”

She hadn’t confirmed it yet, but Taeryeong thought she had also left marks on her husband’s back. With her fingernails, not her teeth.

“Oh my, Taeryeong, you’re more... than I thought.”

Unable to finish her sentence, Yeon-sook’s face turned red. That wasn’t what she had meant to say. Feeling unnecessarily embarrassed, Taeryeong’s face also flushed.

________________________________________

Yeon-sook and Chairman Seo, who had suddenly barged in, disappeared like the receding tide. The conversation with Yeon-sook had been enjoyable, but she couldn’t help but feel drained. Having lost the desire to take a half-bath, Taeryeong headed to the second-floor bathroom. Taking a warm shower made the fatigue she had been holding back wash over her like a wave. She somehow managed to dry her hair and even put on makeup. But thinking about her husband being on the first floor made her not want to go down.

“I want to sleep alone tonight.”

Without thinking about anything, without paying attention to anything. She had just leaned on the vanity for a moment and must have dozed off. Opening her eyes at the feeling of being carefully lifted, her vision was dark and blurry. Focusing her eyes a little more, the blurry silhouette became clear. Her husband was carrying Taeryeong down the stairs. The skin touching her cheek was firm yet soft and warm. She also liked the strong sound of his heartbeat pounding in her eardrums.

“......Kangjoon-ssi?”

As she whispered his name, her husband lowered his gaze.

“Did you forget? We decided to sleep in the same bed no matter what.”

Using her hazy drowsiness as an excuse, Taeryeong nestled quietly in her husband’s arms. But something felt strange. Reaching the first-floor bedroom, her husband lay down on the bed while still holding Taeryeong. Why didn’t he lay her down on her side? Still in his arms, Taeryeong gestured with her eyes to the right side of the bed.

“My spot is over there.”

Then her husband, who had turned his body slightly, propped his head up with his hand and looked at Taeryeong.

“Do you really not know why I’m doing this?”

In the dim darkness, she could feel him quietly looking down at her.

“We’ve been sleeping like this all along.”

Taeryeong slowly blinked, trying to gauge the meaning of his words.

“What do you mean...”

“I’m really going crazy.”

Keuk, a low, resonant bass brushed past her ear. He lowered his face.

“Your spot before sleep is over there.”

At the close proximity, their noses almost touching, Taeryeong’s heart began to race. His staring black pupils sparkled even in the darkness.

“Your spot after sleep was always in my arms.”