EHTM - 74

The day Yanci arrived in Nanjing, the temperature was very low.

Fine rain had been falling since morning, and by evening, the rain grew heavier, with a bone-chilling cold in the wind.

Yanci’s original plan was to return to the country after the New Year, but after hearing about Cheng Wanyue’s relapse, he canceled his unfinished travel plans.

He remembered several years ago, the day he and Zhou Yu rushed from home to Nanjing. Cheng Wanyue said she wanted to eat roasted sweet potatoes. He remembered this on the way and found a small stall to buy one. It was freshly roasted and still hot to the touch. By the time he reached the hospital, it had cooled down a bit, so he asked a nurse to microwave it before taking it to the ward.

Qing Hang was off today. When Yanci knocked and entered, Qing Hang had just finished shaving Cheng Wanyue’s head and was tidying up.

Cheng Wanyue put on her hat. “Yanci, you’re here. Has the rain stopped?”

“No, there’s heavy rain tonight,” Yanci sat down on the chair to the left of the bed and took out the roasted sweet potato. “Want a bite?”

Cheng Wanyue’s eyes lit up. “Break off a small piece for me.”

She ate slowly, asking Yanci about all the places he had visited on his trip, as he hadn’t posted a single photo.

“You busy bee, you’ve been traveling for so long this time, aren’t you planning to rest for Chinese New Year?”

“Qing Hang also has to work, right?” The ward was heated, and only then did Yanci take off his coat. “Now that I’m in Nanjing, it’ll be easier to meet up later.”

Qing Hang asked, “Where are you staying tonight?”

Yanci said, “I booked a room at a hotel. I always stay at that one; I come to Nanjing often, so I’m familiar with everything.”

“Let’s have dinner at Second Uncle’s house tonight. I’ll call Auntie to add more dishes,” Cheng Wanyue liked everyone gathering lively together. “Qing Hang, I want to go home tonight. I don’t need an IV infusion tonight anyway.”

“Let’s ask the doctor in a bit.”

“Mm-hm, hurry up.”

Qing Hang went out first. Not long after, Yanci naturally walked out of the ward too. He waited in the corridor for a few minutes. When Qing Hang came out of the doctor’s office, he saw Yanci standing by the window and knew what he wanted to ask, avoiding Cheng Wanyue.

Cheng Wanyue’s condition was hard to say. No one could guarantee what would happen in the later stages.

“It must be hard on you,” Yanci had noticed Qing Hang’s emotional state when he was sweeping the broken hairs on the floor earlier. “If you need help, you can contact me anytime. We don’t need to say thank you to each other.”

Qing Hang didn’t stand on ceremony with him. “Mm, definitely.”

Yanci said, “Wanyue has her reasons for not letting us tell you. Don’t dwell on it or always regret past events. What you see now is what she once experienced. In difficult situations, no matter how you choose, you can’t have it all.”

Qing Hang looked at the gloomy sky outside, as if talking to himself, “That night on New Year’s Day, she suddenly asked me if I wanted to get married. If she hadn’t had a fever, I might have gone to buy an engagement ring immediately. That weekend, I secretly went to the mall without her knowing and looked at many rings. I found the style she liked, but I didn’t buy it. I wanted to wait a bit longer, save more money, and buy a better one.”

Yanci had no expectations or aspirations for marriage. He had been alone for so many years, and to this day, he hadn’t met anyone he wanted to marry.

Qing Hang’s voice grew softer. “Now I have an engagement ring, but she won’t agree.”

His right hand had been in his pocket all along; he was holding the ring.

Yanci comforted him. “We should be glad it was discovered early. Early detection, early treatment.”

Qing Hang forced a faint smile. “She doesn’t cry or make a fuss. After eating a barbecue meal, she accepted it very calmly. I’ve seen so much life and death in the hospital, but I’m far less courageous than her.”

A few years ago, during the period when Cheng Wanyue’s condition worsened, she wanted to give up treatment and was scolded to tears many times by Cheng Yanqing. Although Yanci didn’t visit her often, he kept in frequent contact.

Yanci also smiled. “She cried, she made a fuss, and she even got beaten! She cried so much that all the nurses in the ward knew about it, and they always teased her later.”

Qing Hang lowered his head. “Recently, I keep dreaming about that phone call from my first winter in Beijing.”

“What phone call?”

“Wanyue’s call. She called Cheng Yanqing, and I happened to be nearby. She said she was sick and asked me to visit her. I thought she was lying to me again, and I didn’t say a word to her, even holding a grudge against her for eight years.”

Yanci had heard about this from Cheng Yanqing. “These eight years, it’s really a pity for you two. Wanyue used to bully you, but she wouldn’t allow others to bully you. Classmates scolding you made her angrier than if they scolded her. She even wrote eight self-criticisms in her first semester of high school because of you.”

But in reality, Qing Hang had written all those self-criticisms for Cheng Wanyue.

At first, he was unwilling, just as he refused to help her with homework. Later, she wore him down with persuasion, half-coercion, half-threat, and he finally started.

Once there was a first time, there would be a second.

The teacher asked her to read her self-criticism during the class meeting. She only remembered to ask him for it just before going on stage, gently pulling his sleeve under the desk. After reading it, she stuffed it back into his textbook.

Yanci continued, “Wanyue’s feelings for me weren’t really ‘liking.’ We grew up together, and she mistook my tattoo for being about her, which is why she tested me. What she truly likes, she’ll get no matter what; there’s no such thing as giving up halfway.”

Qing Hang curved his lips into a light smile, much more relaxed than before. “All those years I was jealous of you, it was all for nothing.”

Yanci feigned injustice. “Last time in Beijing, you two argued so fiercely because of me. I wanted to explain to you, but I was afraid you’d misunderstand even more, so I could only be the scapegoat.”

Qing Hang said, “I’ll have a few drinks with you another day.”

“No problem, I’m ready whenever you are,” Yanci patted his shoulder. “Wanyue must be bored by herself. Let’s go in.”

Qing Hang and Yanci returned to the ward one after the other. Cheng Wanyue saw Qing Hang nod and immediately called Cheng Yuzhou with a smile. She had really wanted to go home yesterday, but the doctor disagreed, so she had to stay at the hospital.

With the gloomy and rainy weather, road conditions were poor, so Cheng Yuzhou would take more time to drive over.

Yanci looked at Cheng Wanyue’s happy expression and thought she seemed to be in good spirits. However, she only ate a few bites before vomiting and also had a nosebleed. Her complexion was also somewhat pale.

He recalled New Year’s Eve, when Cheng Wanyue called him to wish him a happy new year. Listening to her lively laughter in a foreign country, he had the illusion of being transported back in time.

Cheng Wanyue was so vibrant then.

Yanci had been drinking and left late. Qing Hang carried Cheng Wanyue back to her room. She couldn’t sleep and wasn’t comfortable lying down, so Qing Hang held her on the sofa. She nestled weakly in his arms, playing with Meiqiu using a cat wand.

The jingle of the bell was crisp.

Cheng Wanyue heard her phone vibrate with a message notification, thinking Qing Hang might be called back to the hospital. “Who is it? Is it something from the hospital?”

“It’s Yanci. He’s at the hotel. He told you to sleep peacefully,” Qing Hang replied to the message and moved his phone further away.

He held Cheng Wanyue’s face with one hand, making her lift her head slightly, and checked again, making sure there was no more nosebleed. He then breathed a sigh of relief. If the bleeding hadn’t stopped, she would have had to return to the hospital, even if she didn’t want to.

“Is your stomach still uncomfortable? I’ll cook you some noodles.”

“I don’t feel like eating now. I’ll eat more for breakfast tomorrow. Qing Hang, has Meiqiu lost weight?” Cheng Wanyue touched the cat’s belly.

Qing Hang said, “You’re not home; it’s picky about food.”

Upon hearing this, Cheng Wanyue began to seriously lecture Meiqiu. It was fine if she had a poor appetite, but her cat absolutely had to eat its fill.

A moment later, Zhou Yu knocked on the door, found an excuse, and took Meiqiu out. The doctor had said it was not suitable for Cheng Wanyue to be around cats and dogs right now.

Cheng Yanqing and the others were coming to Nanjing tomorrow. Cheng Wanyue chatted with him off and on for nearly an hour, feeling much better.

“Qing Hang, why do you have white hair?” She suddenly sat up from the sofa, anxiously hugging Qing Hang’s head. “Do you remember Dr. Liu, the male doctor who always spoke in dialect? He said he was like that at 35.”

Qing Hang hadn’t looked closely in a mirror recently. “Is there a lot?”

Cheng Wanyue’s fingers ran through his short hair. “Only one strand.”

“Pull it out.”

“You can’t pull it. Pull one, and ten will grow.”

Qing Hang chuckled. “Who told you that?”

“Grandma! She cherished her hair so much. She used to feel terrible if she lost a few strands while combing it,” Cheng Wanyue hid the white hair, gently patting it with her hand. This gesture seemed more like she was comforting Qing Hang.

She knew he was anxious.

Everyone was anxious; they just weren’t saying it out loud, acting as usual in front of her.

“The academic conference you were invited to is coming up soon. Are you ready? Will there be a live stream?” She changed the topic quickly. “How can I see you?”

This time was different from when Qing Hang gave a report at their alma mater; Cheng Wanyue couldn’t attend in person.

Qing Hang lowered his head and kissed her. “Let me think about it.”

________________________________________

The two Cheng brothers didn’t split households and always spent Chinese New Year together.

Huo Zhi stayed home with her parents and would come to Nanjing on the fourth day of the New Year.

Just as Cheng Wanyue had predicted, Qing Hang had to work the night shift on New Year’s Eve. There weren’t many patients in the ward; those who could go home had been picked up days ago. For those who couldn’t, watching the Spring Festival Gala in the ward was their way of celebrating the New Year.

Cheng Yanqing saw Cheng Wanyue looking for a lunchbox in the kitchen and knew what she was up to.

When they were making dumplings in the afternoon, she enthusiastically participated, and the two dumplings she made were easily identifiable on the plate.

Cheng Yanqing jingled the car keys. “Take your time. I’ll drive you.”

Cheng Wanyue told him to stay home. “No need. You stay and play mahjong with Second Uncle. I’ll go myself.”

She had prepared several portions, even bringing vinegar. Cheng Yanqing followed her out. “Second Uncle is still bragging. Today, I’m Cheng Meili’s driver. I’ll drop you off downstairs and come right back. I won’t go upstairs and get in the way. Call me after you’ve eaten.”

Cheng Wanyue could drive herself; she was just delivering food. “Why bother going back and forth when it’s so cold?”

“I want to,” Cheng Yanqing said after getting into the car, taking off his hat and putting it on her head.

She was already wearing a wool hat, and his baseball cap pressed it down, covering even her eyes.

Cheng Yanqing drove while listening to her answer the phone. It must have been a friend. He heard several sentences before he clearly caught the name: Chi Yue.

Chi Yue and Cheng Wanyue didn’t have much contact, but they weren’t completely out of touch either.

“How have you been lately?” Chi Yue’s surroundings were quiet. He was at the same spot where he and Cheng Wanyue had watched the night view that one time. “You haven’t updated Weibo or your moments since you went back to Nanjing.”

“Haven’t I updated? I posted photos.” Cheng Wanyue was referring to her photo with Qing Hang; her updates stopped on that day.

Before making this call, Chi Yue had thought a lot. No matter how Cheng Wanyue chose, it wouldn’t erase the traces she left in his life; those were real.

“Then I probably missed it, didn’t see it,” Chi Yue pretended to be nonchalant. “Happy New Year, Sailor Moon.”

Cheng Wanyue smiled. “Happy New Year.”

“Will you come to Beijing again in the future?”

“Not necessarily. Maybe not, but it’s hard to say.”

“I have a performance at the graduation party in June. If you come, I’ll save you a ticket.”

Before Cheng Wanyue could refuse, Chi Yue continued, “I hope you’re happy, and I hope you two are well. Friends are calling me to drink. Gotta go.”

Chi Yue hung up hurriedly. Cheng Yanqing turned to look at Cheng Wanyue, who was only concerned about whether the dumpling soup had spilled.

Cheng Yanqing joked, “The person who just called, was that why you and Qing Hang almost broke up before the New Year?”

Cheng Wanyue didn’t hide it from him. “Not entirely. We had a lot of problems between us back then, and I had a bad temper. We’d argue over a few words. Brother... can my illness still be cured?”

Cheng Yanqing blurted out without thinking, “Yes, absolutely yes.”

He started giving various examples, telling Cheng Wanyue about the current situations of patients he knew. He then talked about Zhou Yu’s baby, asking her to guess if it was a boy or a girl. They made a bet: the one who guessed wrong would be responsible for the baby’s first birthday banquet.

After arriving at the hospital, Cheng Yanqing stayed in the car to video call Huo Zhi, while Cheng Wanyue carried the lunchbox upstairs.

There were only two nurses at the nursing station. Cheng Wanyue gave them the dumplings she brought. It was their meal and rest time, saving them a trip to the cafeteria.

The office was empty too. Qing Hang sat in front of the computer, deeply focused on something.

Cheng Wanyue had already sat down beside him, but he still hadn’t noticed her.

She glanced at the screen. He was looking at her medical records, and there was a notebook beside the keyboard with many notes.

Qing Hang logged into his email, refreshing it several times.

Cheng Wanyue thought, he must be waiting for an email, but he hadn’t received it and couldn’t rush it.

His mouse clicking suddenly stopped, and only then did he notice her. He slowly turned his head to look, a faint smile replacing his tired expression.

“Cheng Meili brand takeout, home delivery service, please give a good review,” Cheng Wanyue opened the lunchbox. “Eat it while it’s hot; it’ll be wasted if it gets cold.”

She had some vinegar on her hands. Qing Hang took a tissue to wipe her hands. “Did you eat?”

“I’ll have some soup with you,” she said, but still ate two dumplings.

The last dumpling was not very well-shaped, but it looked well-filled and plump. Qing Hang offered it to Cheng Wanyue, but she shook her head, so he ate it himself. Only when he bit into it did he realize it contained a small kumquat.

Cheng Wanyue laughed non-stop, seeing him frown from the sourness. “Cheng Yanqing ate two plates and didn’t get one. You got it, you’ll have good luck next year.”

She picked up the soup bowl and clinked it against Qing Hang’s teacup. “Here’s to your successful trip abroad. Cheers.”

Qing Hang drank half a cup of tea. The taste of kumquat was still in his mouth, the sourness faded, leaving a hint of sweetness.

Cheng Wanyue couldn’t stay in the office for too long. Qing Hang packed the lunchbox and prepared to walk her downstairs. Instead of going directly to the parking lot, he took a detour to the small garden.

There was no one in the garden, and even the streetlights were fewer than usual.

Cheng Wanyue watched in surprise as Qing Hang pulled out a box of sparklers from behind him. Once lit, the flames flickered, brief but bright.

In the past, for her birthday, she never blew out candles or cut cakes with Cheng Yanqing. Qing Hang always arrived very late. Everyone else would have left, leaving just the two of them. He would light candles for her in the Cheng family’s courtyard, sing her happy birthday, and wait for her to make a wish. It was the same for Chinese New Year. Back then, fireworks could still be set off in the county. He would play with sparklers with her in the square, waiting until midnight. The night was illuminated by fireworks, and the sound of fireworks exploding filled the entire city. She would shout “Happy New Year” into his ear, and he would also say “Happy New Year,” but his voice wasn’t loud enough and was drowned out before she could hear it.

But at this moment, she could hear him.

“Cheng Wanyue, Happy New Year. I love you very much.”

This was the affection he couldn’t even express during his confession under the national flag.

Cheng Wanyue had asked Qing Hang more than once: “Qing Hang, do you like me?”

Whether in jest, or to tease him and see his ears turn red and him avert his gaze, she had asked many times. But he never directly answered, either ignoring her or pretending not to hear.

Qing Hang thought he had already said it.

“Qing Hang, do you like me?”

—Like you, very much.

Yes, every time he answered, but it was always silently in his heart.

Cheng Wanyue used to not understand how hard it was for Qing Hang to speak his feelings, like a surgeon surrendering a scalpel or a soldier laying down their weapon, unsure if the other person would take their hand or wield a sharp blade.