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Written by Mr. Borys Manikowski and Mr. Jackson Young, 04/21/2025
The greatest thinkers of our time, Mr. Borys Alexander Manikowski and Mr. Jackson Young.
“I'm pretty sure there's a lot more to life than being really, really, ridiculously good looking. I’m just not sure what it could possibly be.” - Borys Alexander Manikowski to Jackson “Wordsmith” Young while pondering the meaning of life.
Disclaimer: Before reading, please understand this is a work of satire. Borys and Jackson didn’t want it to get published, yet after careful revision and editing, the editors of the stand decided to publish it anyway.
Prologue:
In the spirit of revivals in Easter, Jackson and Borys thought of reviving something that rivals the influence of the Preslee and Brennan breakuh (see Maddie, Soleil and Lyla’s article), that being A Minecraft Movie. This movie was a staple and the backbone of a renaissance of culture that sparked a light of hope in the darkness. It had so many notable lines of dialogue, that Borys and Jackson actually started unpicking the layers of literary genius performed by a soon to be Oscar winner Thomas Jacob Black (Kung-Fu Panda) who played Steve. This casting blunder will be covered thoroughly later. If I were to describe the minecraft movie in one word I wouldn’t. They say a picture is worth a thousand words, well the Minecraft Movie was worth more. It isn’t often that the literary critics, and authorities of the literary world Borys and Jackson praise a movie, or anything for that matter, but this time is different. We truly believe that this was nothing short of perfection, rivaling the cultural significance of McDonald’s and their never ending stream of joy and happiness. Nevertheless, being feminists Borys and Jackson appreciated how Jack Black was portrayed within the movie, taking on the archetype of a strong independent woman, adding an interesting feminist lense through which the movie can be interpreted.
Chapter 1: The Good
The Minecraft Movie was somewhat of a masterpiece. A work of art. Tears went down the eyes of Borys and Jackson as they were watching the story presented by the Minecraft movie unfold. They were truly moved, and changed. The sheer brilliance and artistry of the script for the movie, put Shakespeare to shame. In fact, it is with a broken heart, and tears in their eyes, that Borys and Jackson have stated the movie does rival their genius, both with the humour, and poetry of it all. The script took 28 writers to craft, which is evident in its complexity. From the depths of the nether, to the highs of the mountains, the movie brought out the best in their viewers. Fear to relief, despondency to content, nostalgia to freedom. “Chicken Jockey” said Steve, and he was right. Indeed, “Chicken Jockey”. The mention of “the garbage man” 's economic position had so much emotional anguish that Max French had to leave the cinema because he was crying too loud.
Chapter 2: The bad
Despite everything said, this was generally the worst film we’ve ever put our poor eyes on. The acting was mind numbing with it feeling like a lobotomy with every word said. Furthermore, people brushed past the fact that Steve was played by Jack Black. This is the most confusing decision in the history of mankind. Up there with the decision to keep Lyla and Maddie as stand editors when Borys and Jackson spearheaded the equivalent of an industrial revolution in the stand, turning the tides of teachers like Mr Daoudi. Jack Black looked like a polished meathead in the film lacking any emotional depth to the character. However the funniest scene of the film is when Jack Black was living the dream, breaking Aquaman’s personal space bubble and riding him through the sky. No, this wasn't a premium request from fans, this was something that the directors thought was a good thing to show children in front of their parents. This of course is something Borys and Jackson agree with since learning about sex is a key thing at such a pinical age so that children could grow up to be as big of studs as the mighty Borys and Jackson.
Chapter 3: The Ugly
What ruined the movie for the incredible duo was the blatant consumerist and capitalist approach the producers chose for the movie. Being raging communists, and supporters of the socialist movement Borys and Jackson saw through the facade of the colorful marketing, and dreamlike nature of the movie to see the evil hiding within. Capitalism, the very thing our hero Karl Marx warned us against. Everyone knows watching movies at the cinema without buying any food or drinks is bad etiquette, something not even degenerates would do, so naturally the duo went to buy popcorn and drinks. The two items cost them a total of $19, an exuberant price, for a necessity. This truly underlines the issues with modern day consumerism where even movies targeted at kids are nothing more than cash grabs for the rich, while being a tool to keep the poor poor. This disgusted the duo beyond belief, yet once they actually started watching the movie, they were carried away in a cloud of bliss, and completely forgot about the current abysmal socio-economic state of the world, and were completely engrossed by the power of friendship and the Minecraft Movie. Thus, after analysing the aspects of the quintessence of the topic, Borys and Jackson have come to the fundamental conclusion that even though the movie had negatives, it was still the best thing they have ever watched. Besides, just like without light you can’t see and without darkness you are blinded, it is impossible to make a coin that has only one side. That is to say, the Minecraft Movie, like everything, had its negative sides, but at the same time, the positives were monumental enough to completely and utterly make Borys and Jackson forget about the bad and the ugly, making this the best movie to have ever been produced ever. Borys and Jackson can’t wait for part two.
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