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Written by Jojo Hill and Zoe Warnica 05/21/25.
¾ Jorts & Capris:
These two trends share similarities, as in they both seem to be missing a key part… PLEASE put your shins away. These pants will make you look vaguely like someone’s uncle who still says “swag” unironically. They look like someone forgot to sew past your knee. These are the forgettable middle children of fashion, not knowing where they belong. Even in your closet, do you put them away with shorts or jeans?? The answer → they belong in Alcatraz (because that's reopening now…). Anyways, you heard it from us first. Please, if you have to wonder whether something is fashionable, if they are any type of ¾ cut, they are not.
Speaking of Capris... Capri and Piper
Hot take: Piper should’ve chosen Yas
How did Capri fumble THAT badly? Bro CHEATED on the girl he was begging for… And when Piper started to move on he had the AUDACITY to say “i’m 100% sure she’s gonna take me back, because look at me” ur joking. look at you?? The only thing we’re looking at is a guy with the same emotional maturity level as my dog. #yiper
Popsicles are better than ice cream:
Picture this. You’re outside with the sun beaming down on you, and all you dream about is a cold snack as a refresher. You go to the nearest ice cream shop, and as soon as you reach to devour the delicacy, it's all over your arm. Now you have to deal with the mess that you just made. Isn’t it such a hassle to deal with? Personally, I would rather spend two dollars on a popsicle that will refresh you just as fast, and are way more watery when they melt. The mess created with popsicles are INCOMPARABLE to ice cream monstrosity. Popsicles also offer a great non-dairy alternative to ice cream (your lactose intolerant friends will thank you later!)
Go outside for your own sake.
Doing nothing in the summer is so valid:
wdym “why are you in bed all day”?? we just spent the past 10 months fighting for our lives in the ib and ur judging us for wanting to bed rot? It's literally called summer BREAK. stop breathing down my neck about reviewing for the fall, and let me sleep. So what if I'm in bed at 4am watching a show I can't stand? (get it) (cause it’s the stand) so what if i want to take a 3 hour nap after getting 14 hours of sleep? i’m healing after months of stress balding, biting my nails off cause of my next econ test, and crying over not being able to get an extension, instead of actually doing the work. So until the day in september i need to wake up at 5 to catch the bus to Timberlane, nothing matters.
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