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Written by Brooklyn Schwartz, 04/14/2025
Dear person reading this, I don't know what I'm talking about. Keep that in mind.
Why are there 7 days in a week? It's so random. We should have a number of days so that we don't have to get a new calendar every year because it's divisible by 365! Like um, 5. Five is good. Yeah.
Ever notice how we use emojis and capitalization in texting? Like finding the right emoji to convey exactly what you are trying to say, in the right way is a skill, that most of us have??? It's almost like we're more expressive when texting than texting.
Why is drawing and art so hard? Like I know what I'm drawing so why can't I do it? So weird.
What is a sandwich? Like this debate went on forever and there really is no answer because it's just what we decided was a sandwich as a society. There's no definition. It's like vegetables! There's no scientific definition for a vegetable. And therefore they don't exist. Look it up! Any vegetable you could name actually falls into a different category.
Bugs. eugh. Like if I find one in my bathroom I will be running away. Even if it's like an ant. It's not that I'm scared of them hurting me, it's that I'm scared of the feeling of them like, crawling on me and stuff. I dont think I'm gonna die, I'm not crazy. And on that note, I'm never going to australia.
Story time: One time I was hanging out with my friends and one of them asked the group what our lowest point was. I answered with a story about the time I went somewhere with four stories of basement. That's not what she meant.
I was looking up fun facts for the end of this article and apparently Australia is wider than the moon???? Like what? For the record, I don't know how big Australia or the moon is, but that seems wrong.
I dip my french fries in my milkshakes… Is that really that weird??? My friends think it's disgusting but it's actually so good. Someone back me up here.
What if laptops were smoother? Like a piano. Who decided this is how laptops should be made? It's dumb. I think we should redesign laptops so it's smooth.
Half of these articles are just shower thoughts but like, why are they called shower thoughts? I'm not writing this article while showering. Then the laptop would break! What if we resigned laptops to not break in water. Also, is thinking about showering a shower thought? It has to be right?
Why don't cars fly yet? Why did we decide that we are going to start with cars on wheels? Also, why wheels? Every single vehicle ever has wheels. Be creative, people!
Why is movie theatre popcorn so expensive? Lik i get that they want to make money but like at a grocery store I can get popcorn for like 5 dollars but at the theatre it's 30?????? Huh?
Why do people say something is on fire??? No! Fire is on the thing. That's not how it works. Hmph.
If I went to the grocery store and bought 300 watermelons and 650 bananas, that would be weird. But if I were in a second grade math problem, it's totally fine to buy hundreds of pineapples. Because that makes sense.
How come finally is pronounced “final-e” and finale is pronounced “fi-nally”? Like what? How does that make sense?
Every sport falls into at least one of four categories; “hit the thing”, “get the thing in the other thing”, “go that way while doing the thing”, and “choreography (I couldn't find a way to incorporate the word ‘thing’)”. Every. Single. One. I dare you to find a sport that doesn't match at least one of those descriptions.
Story time: at my old school we didn't have a cafeteria. We just ate in our classrooms. But when I first went there we ate in the gym. Which my mom did not like because they didn't clean the floor first. So she complained and now I get to say I didn't socialize with people outside my class as a child. No one did…
What's the difference between a muffin and a cupcake??? Like it's not icing, I can have a cupcake without icing and it's still a cupcake and if I put icing on a muffin it's still a muffin. So what's the difference?! – I looked it up, it's the amount of sugar and egg – Well that's dumb.
It's impossible to hum while holding your nose and a group of owls is called a parliament.
Brooklyn
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