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Written by Brookyln Schwartz 28/01/2026.
Dear whoever is reading this; Jade is gone, you can relax now.
In my very first Brooklyn rant I mentioned how we should only have one weather bc in Canada it gets both too cold and too hot. This change still hasn't happened and since I'm objectively right about everything, we need to get on this, people!!!! It is not that hard to change all of science just because some girl with a computer said so!
I was talking to my friend the other day about Brooklyn rants and she started talking about how funny she thinks it is. This genuinely caught me off guard. Like what do you mean other people think this funny?!?!?!?!?! I write these because I think I'm funny. I am one person and therefore at least one person found me funny. Which was good enough for me because like half the population is so unfunny that 0 people think they are funny and therefore I'm more funny and that was good enough for me.
Whenever I imagine other people reading these articles I just assume no one knows what I'm talking about because this stuff should be entirely incomprehensible to everyone but me. I laugh at my own jokes and the guy at starbucks sitting next to me looks at me weird! because yes, it is weird! WHY DO YOU THINK THIS IS FUNNY???????????? CAN SOMEONE PLEASE EXPLAIN
This got me wondering how many people actually read these. One of these days I'm gonna do a survey of our entire school to see who actually wastes their time on this. (jk this is actually the most productive thing you could ever be doing ever)
I think I've mentioned this on here before but I keep a running list of all the stupid things I say and a few days ago I went to add smth to the list only to realize I had already added a different thing that day and I had no memory of adding it. It read “I play by my own rules. Because I don't know what the rules are.” I have no idea what this means.
Side note: I ended up adding a third quote that day i think i was either really tired or just decided to be intentionally comedically stupid idk.
I was talking to jade (yes, that Jade) about article topics and she suggested an idea (i dont even remember what it was i wasnt rly listening tbh) but she ended it with “so that you can do like a legitimate article for once. Huh? Are you suggesting that I'm capable of intelligent thought and that I should ALSO share those thoughts? How am I supposed to make serious articles funny? This is like my whole thing.
So I'm writing this article on Monday PA day and if you remember, it was really snowy that day. So snowy in fact that my sister (who goes to public school) had a snow day today. And we would've had a snow day too if it wasn't already a PA day! I know this because our school cancelled the in person application event. WHAT A WASTE!
In case anyone was wondering how i write these articles (why are you wondering that that's weird). I sit down, stare at a wall or smth, and write down all the random stuff that comes to my head. That's it. Really not that hard.
Huh, I wrote a lot about brooklyn rants inside my brooklyn rants. Weird.
Bananas are radioactive and Australia is wider than the moon.
Brooklyn
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