the evening routine of a procrastinator

The evening routine of a procrastinating-detail-oriented teenage girl.

Step 1. 

Scroll on Instagram at 2 am until a little animation of a frog tells you “You can do it!”. At this point you thank the frog and do it. It is putting on a blister band-aid on the really messed up heel that suffered the brisk walk in your fashionable, completely uncomfortable black books as you were late to school. Except you were not late in the end were you? No, in fact you were five minutes early to class and spent those five minutes analyzing your messed up heel, haphazardly slapping on a Frozen band-aid, and dreading the walk back home. End of story time.

Step 2. 

Time to get ready for bed. The greatly dreaded task that you blame your poor sleep schedule on because Universe forbid you get ready for bed like a proper, hygienic person that takes so much energy and so much time. Though it only takes seven minutes and in that time you listen to Conan Gray because it is December 3rd and you are a fine young woman of culture. The time it takes is additionally shortened as you had showered before and spent ten minutes afterwards toning, moisturizing, and masking your face, all the while glaring at your reflection. So all of that has been accomplished for the night. How wonderful. Now, a quick wash of the hands, removal of contacts, curse at winter-chapped lips, brush of the teeth, wash of the hands again (essential), swipe of chapstick – Universe allow your lips to be summertime luscious once again – and application of not enough hand cream* leaving your hands slightly dry but smelling nice. All in that order, every single night. Well, maybe lip cursing does not happen every night if you are lucky. Are you really lucky though?

Step 3. 

Think to yourself, “Wow, I am so funny and interesting so I am going to write a little piece for The Stand and amuse everyone by embarrassing myself thoroughly by sharing my little evening routine with 63% of all the people I know”. And then do that, because as that little Instagram frog once said, “You can do it!”.

Step 4. 

Well now. Here you are at the computer with a Google Doc open. Font Times New Roman, size 12, 1.5 spacing as it always, always is. (You reward yourself by making it all double spaced when required at the end of assessments.)

Step 5. 

Try to go to sleep, convincing yourself that you will wake up early to do work. Try NOT to stress about all the things you have to do OR have great big epiphanies about stories and poems you will not write or maybe you will write in your handy, ✨quirky✨ little notebook, only for a few days to pass when you look at it again, barely able to decipher your own handwriting and completely forgetting your intentions behind what you wrote. And then it will sit there. Lost in all your other incomprehensible notes and doodles and ramblings. 

Goodnight. 

“Sweet dreams” has been creepy to you ever since that grade 7 field trip. No, you will not expand and yes, you still say it to people. They just are unaware that you say it sarcastically and instead think that you are so nice and thoughtful which they voice out loud when you wish it upon them. Nice and thoughtful indeed.

Goodnight – actually this time. Sweet dreams :)

* It is incredibly important to note that if any study should come out saying that this hand cream is an ender-of-life sort of substance, you are super done for. No cap and all that jazz.