5 Hot takes

Written by Zoe Warnica, JoJo Hill, 04/14/2025

Has your life felt boring recently? Well, don’t fret, these are our 5 hot takes, guaranteed to SPICE UP your life! 

1. Going to bed so late you can’t function the next day: OVERRATED

Isn’t it nice when you get to school and you don’t need to pour yourself 6 shots of espresso cause you thought it was a good idea to go to bed at 2 on a school night? You spent 7 hours scrolling on tiktok when you got home, and decided to start working at 12, just to seem cool and quirky. Wouldn’t you love to be locked in during your most boring class for once? Try actually getting some sleep!

2. Talking in a park for 2 hours: UNDERRATED

Parks are fun, but what happens when you’ve gone on all the play structures and you’ve screamed all the songs stuck in your head (and accidentally woken up the man sleeping a couple meters away)? Well, this is the time where you can spill your deepest darkest secrets to the person next to you! (that is if you know them. Don’t do this to a stranger please.) The best conversations about your existence, future, and your worries all start after sundown on a swing set! Something about the smell of the old wood chips mixed with the decaying plastic evokes such an extreme sense of nostalgia, you just HAVE to have the conversation you’ll be thinking about well into your 30s! (we should make this clear again, please don’t have this conversation with a stranger. Then the only person you would be talking about this conversation with would be your therapist.) 

3. Headaches are worse than stomach aches

Have you ever heard someone say they think they have a tumor cause their stomach hurts? No. Now have you ever heard someone say they think they have a tumor because their head hurts? Yes. All the time. Stomach aches are a daily occurrence, especially if you’re lactose intolerant. Eventually you get used to the feeling and you know how to make it pass. Headaches on the other hand, are one of the most excruciating things you can experience. The pounding in every part of your head, the inability to lay in a certain position so the feeling will go away. The best you can do is take an Advil and hope the feeling goes away

4. The Minecraft movie: OVERRATED - but the experience: UNDERRATED.

Have you already watched the Minecraft movie? If you have, I’m sorry for you. If you haven’t, spare 2 hours of your time and don’t see it. That movie was by far the worst thing I have ever seen. I wouldn’t even call it a movie. I would call it a 4 year old’s fever dream after first discovering Minecraft exists. The movie is so bad you might even want to put your AirPods in, but refrain. Because after you sit through the disaster of a movie, your reward is hearing the entire theatre scream CHICKEN JOCKEYYYY, which, somehow, makes it almost worth it.

5. Lowkey…our parents were right. Our phones are the problem. 

Have YOU been feeling irritable, apathetic, and exhausted recently?? Well, it might be time to put down that phone! Recently I’ve discovered that spending more than one hour a day on Italian brain rot has TRULY been mind opening. Hours don’t just disappear anymore, I have time for all my hobbies, and I even have time to actually do all my work! Maybe tonight, instead of staying up scrolling five hours past your ‘supposed’ bedtime, you should actually read a book! I know you have that spare Diary of a Wimpy Kid from when you were 8 lying around somewhere. Don’t let it go to waste! Or you could not listen to a word I say and watch compilations of everyone saying how bad Kourtney Kardashian’s Crumbl cookie was. I understand either way.

Honourable mention: dog people are weirder than cat people.

Cat people have a reputation for being “crazy” and “freaks”. Some may go as far as saying “aloof”, but frankly this isn’t true. Cat people are civilized, they appreciate boundaries and not being barked at when someone rings your doorbell. Dog owners are the type of people to think it’s okay when 80 lbs of chub invades your personal space every single time you sit down. They willingly pick up poop with a plastic bag and call it bonding. If you live in a lively neighborhood with lots of dogs, go take a walk down the street. $20 says you’ll hear at LEAST 5 different people talking to, or about their dogs in a baby voice. If you own a dog I automatically assume you have no money to spend on yourself. You’ll spend hundreds of dollars on a chew toy your dog will destroy in 30 seconds, and buy them more. Do NOT get me started on the Instagram accounts. If I see one more “keeping it pawsitive” caption I’ll cry.