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So, a rope walked into a bar. The bartender says, “Get out of here. We don’t serve ropes.” Undeterred, the rope went outside, unwound some of his strands and tide himself into a knot. He then went back into the bar. The bar tender said, “Hey, weren’t you just in here. Aren’t you the rope that I told to leave? The rope said, “No, I’m a frayed knot.”

Want to hear a potassium joke? K

What is the difference between a cat and a comma? One has claws at the end of his paws, and the other is a pause at the end of a clause.

So, there was a snail that purchased a new car. He immediately painted a giant “S” on each door. When asked why he did so, he said, “When I drive down the street in my new car, I want people to say, ’look at that S-car go.’”

A devoted golfer always played with his buddies on a certain day of the week. On this regular golf day, as he was playing his usual round of golf with his friends, they could see a funeral cortege drive by on the adjacent highway. The golfer took off his hat, put it over his heart and was silent for one whole minute. His buddies were amazed as his reverence and asked, “Do you do this every time a funeral cortege goes by?” He answered, “We would have been married 25 years today.”

Why to seagulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over the bay, they’d by bagels.

Why did the blind man fall in the well? Well he couldn’t see that well!

Did you hear that oxygen and potassium are dating? OMG!

How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.

Whis blue and smell like red paint? Blue paint.

Why can’t a woman ask her brother for help? Because he can’t be a brother and assist her too.

Someone stole my mood ring, I am not sure how I feel about that.

How do you follow Will Smith in the snow? You follow the fresh prints.

Why did the man with one hand cross the road? To get to the secondhand store.

I don’t know much about Switzerland but its flag is a big plus.

Did you hear about the two antennas that got married? The wedding was bad, but the reception was great.

There were two men with dogs outside a bar. One man had a German Shepherd; the other, a Chihuahua. They both wanted a drink, but they knew that the bar did not allow dogs. The man with the German Shepherd said, “No problem. Just do as I do.” So, they both went entered the bar. The bartender said, “Hey, we don’t allow dogs in here.” The man with the German Shepherd said, “This is my seeing eye dog. I need him.” The bar tender let him in. The second man with the Chihuahua went in and said, “This is my seeing eye dog. I need him.” The bartender was incredulous and said, “A Chihuahua as a seeing eye dog?” The man said, “What, they gave me a Chihuahua?”