What I learned:  This week as I looked at another chapter of What Happy People Know By Dan Baker, Ph.D and Cameron Stauth I see how much gratitude can help overcome fear.  What he points out is that courage is a tool for happiness.  But how do you overcome that fear - you have to have something you love even more to think about to overcome it.  And Dr. Baker says the purest form of love is appreciation.  

“Happiness isn’t the art of building a trouble free life.  It is the art of responding well when trouble strikes.” (85) 

Dr. Baker reminds us that when we have tragedy strike, he experiencing the death of his son, my family experiencing the death of a siste/sister-in-law, we need to have the courage to go on and to love them when they are gone and appreciate them.  That can help you move on. 

“I tell people to look for the good in life, not the best.  The best doesn’t always happen.  But good, in one form or another, always does. “ (102)

Then he gives this great definition of optimism “It is knowing the more painful the event, the more profound the lesson.” (89)

Then he reminds us how important forgiveness is to help ourselves heal. “Forgiveness doesn’t alter what has happened.  The memory remains; the hurt is unchanged.  But forgiveness grants us new eyes, through grace and love, that see the hurt in a different way.” (106)

He also reminds us that negative thoughts can hurt the body and that we can overcome them by doing an appreciation audit.  Taking some time each day to think of things that you are grateful for and leaning into that feeling you get because of those generated thoughts.  

So he then share how giving is the purest form of appreciation as it is appreciation in action

“Because altruism is the truest form of appreciation, it empowers you to love people even when they don’t love you.  When I was young,  I once complained to my mom that the woman I was head over heels in love with didn’t feel as strongly about me.  I’ve always remembered what she said.  She told me that no two people ever love each other the same – and that whoever loves the most is the lucky one.” (109) 

“In the final analysis, you can’t really feel someone else loving you.  That love is their experience, not yours.  You can only feel it when you love them.  That feeling is yours.  It’s the best feeling in the world and it’s the one feeling that can always defeat fear and make you happy.  

A lot of the times while I drive, especially lately while the leaves have been changing I have been seeing all of the beautiful colors of the leaves and what a wonder this season is.  And yet at the same time while I am driving, especially along the freeway I notice - dead animals that have been hit by cars - they are just spotted throughout my drive.  Both the beauty and also this reality of danger and fear that are there together.  Just like we can learn to lean into joy when there are times when things are really great - when we begin to be overcome by fear - we can then turn to appreciation.  Start naming things that you love and are grateful for.  It is all there too.  We can acknowledge it but we don’t need to be overcome by it. 

"For God hath not given us the spirit of fear, but of power, and love and or a sound mind." 

2 Timothy 1:7