What I learned this week:  This week we get to see the steps that we can take to go from a heart at war to a heart at peace.  I cover chapters 22 - 24 in this episode, which takes us to the end of this book. 

Then instead of going in order, going to level 2 -  Yusuf goes almost to the top of the pyramid.  He mentions that if we start with correction and the people we are wanting to correct, especialy are children, don't really know or understand then we need to make sure to teach.  An example they give, is if Avi had yelled at Lou the first day and told him to get out of the box.  And then sent him to his room to then think about getting out the box, he would have not known what he meant.  So before correction,  level 5 is teach and communicate.  Which is what Yusuf and Avi have been doing with the group of parents the whole time.  Teaching them so that they know what it even means to get out of the box.  

Then Yusuf goes to the level 4 - Listen and learn.  We need to make sure that we are listening and learning from the people in our lives because that can effect.

“On the subject of learning, Avi jumped in, “another important function of the learning level of the pyramid is that it keeps reminding us that we might be mistaken in our views and opinions. …  The learning level of the pyramid keeps inviting us toward humility.  It reminds us that the person or group we wish would change may not be the only one who needs to change.  It continually invited us to hone our views and opinions.” (298-99)

Then Level 3 is build the relationships - “Perhaps what you need to do is figure out how to build your relationship with your child.  Put his problems aside for a moment.  What does he like to do? Could you spend time doing it with him? What actions could to take to help build the relationship?” [Yusuf] (302-3)

Then Level 2 of the pyramid is Build Relationships with others who have influence - 

“The pyramid reminds parents of the same things – that they must build relationships with those who have influence with their children, beginning with their spouse. Or former spouse for that matter.” (304)

Yusuf also suggests to make sure to get to know your kids friends.  He mentioned that there was a friend of his sons he didn't like so he started getting to know him better.  After a while his son ended up not being as close and Yusuf said the he was then actually sad to not see him as much.  Try to understand why your children might like some of the friends that you don't like. 

Chapter 23 – Lessons

There are 3 lessons that we can learn from the pyramid

Lesson 1 – Most of the time and effort should be spent at the lower levels of the pyramid. 

“When we actively live in these lower levels of the pyramid, we normally discover that we need to spend less time on correction than we have in the past.  We also discover that when we need to impose correction, it is more likely to have an impact than it did in the past because our correction will grow out of an ongoing effort and context.  It will no longer seem capricious or arbitrary but will feel connected to our deeper efforts to help things go right.” (309)

Lesson 2 : The solution to a problem at one level of the pyramid is always below that level of the pyramid. (309)

For example – “If I find I have trouble building relationships despite my efforts to do so, this second lesson suggests that a solution, if there is to be one, will not be found simply by spending more time with others.  I might have a problem at the lowest level of the pyramid – in my way of being.” (311)

Lesson 3 :  Ultimately, my effectiveness at each level of the pyramid depends on the deepest level of pyramid – my way of being.

“Once we get our heart right, however, outward strategies matter a lot. The virtue of the pyramid is that it reminds us of the essential foundation – change ourselves – while also revealing a behavioral strategy for inviting change in others.  It reminds us to get out of the box ourselves at the same time that it tells us how to invite others to get out as well.” (313)

Chapter 24 – Peace of Mount Moriah

The final chapter is the story of how the name of camp Moriah came to be.  

“Mount Moriah is the hill in Jerusalem that is graced by the Muslim shrine known as the Dome of the Rock.  This real estate is no doubt the most religiously revered in the world.  It is valued by Muslims as one of their holiest sites, remembered by Jews and Christians alike as the site of the Holy Temple in ancient times, and looked by some as the site at which another temple will one day be built.  The eyes and hearts of the world are focused on Mount Moriah.”

“Because of this, that revered piece of land is an outward symbol both of our conflicts and our possibilities.”

So this Mount became the symbol for Camp Moriah - We need to end the conflicts within ourselves before we begin to have influence over other people.

“May you have the honesty and courage to do what our homes, our workplaces, and our communities most need: to see all as people – even and perhaps especially, when others are giving you reason not to.” (322)